Life Lessons From Poltergeist

I'm true believer that every good story,whether it be a book, a movie, or a TV show, has a lesson--some nugget of knowledge that can help us get through life better. So I figured I'd start occasionally picking out a story here on the blog and sharing the most important things I learned from it.

And in honor of Halloween approaching, I figured I'd pick one of the formative horror movies of my young years--Poltergeist.

Now pay attention. If you don't heed these life lessons, you could end up sucked into the television. I'm doing you a public service. 


1. Never leave your TV on a white noise/snow channel. This is where the evil lurks.


2. Never trust a clown or have one in your house. (see the movie IT for further confirmation on this lesson.)


3. If your orthodontist tells you to get braces, ask for those invisalign things instead. The metal kind can attack you.


4. No large oaks should be within ten feet of your house because, well, they eat children.

(We actually had one of these trees in our yard when I first saw this movie. It would tap against our windows at night. I think it ate a few neighbors.)


5. If chairs do THIS in your house...Move. The. F*ck. Out. Okay? Let's not negotiate on this one.


6. And for the love of God, DO NOT go into the light. 


Here's the trailer for the movie, which contains one more lesson--if you have to ask the neighbors if they've experienced any disturbances lately, you should have already left town and be staying at a Holiday Inn. 


See, now aren't you glad you read this? You may have been walking down the street today and stumbled into a people-eating oak tree. Your welcome.

So were you a fan of this movie? Did it scare the bejeezus out of you like it did me at the time? What's your favorite 80s horror movie? And did I miss any life lessons from this one?