Photo by halighalie (click pic for link)Welcome back to my Spice It Up feature. This is a short blog series I'm doing in honor of the release of STILL INTO YOU, a story about a married couple trying to fall back in lust with each other after life has gotten in the way. :)

So far we've talked about Sexy Role-Playing and The Real Girl's Guide to Lingerie. Today I'm covering something a little more basic. Music.

There's a reason movies have music in the background of the sexy scenes. It adds a layer to things, inspires certain emotions or moods. Yet, in our own lives, we often forget that this can be added to our own sexy times with our partners. Yes, it takes extra thought and maybe a little planning, but nothing is sexier than partners making an effort to make something a little more special and less mundane.

Tips on Using Music in the Bedroom

Beware of the radio

One option is to just turn on the radio to a favorite station and hope for the best. But be warned, this can often derail more than enhance the situation. Nothing like having a sexy moment and a commercial for the local plumber comes on or a song that you hate. Women, more so than men, are easily distracted in the moment. So don't set yourself of your partner up for losing focus.

Each of you make a playlist on your own. Then maybe have a collaborative one.

What your idea of a sexy soundtrack is and his idea may be two different things. That's okay. Each come up with your own playlists and then take turns using them. And don't judge the other person's. You should each be free to pick what you want when it's your turn.

You don't have to focus only on the romantic love songs.

If romantic slow songs are what make you happy, that's fine, use them. But push yourself a bit and think of songs that are sexy in their own right without necessarily being the traditional love songs. Sex can be slow, romantic, intense, dirty, fun, kinky, whatever. There are all kinds of songs that can play to the mood you want to set. (I always think about this when writing. Even if I don't write it in, when I'm writing a love scene, there is usually a certain type of music playing in the background depending on the mood of the scene.)

Consider having a few afterglow songs too.

See, I told you this takes planning. So maybe you went the intense route and used heavy rock music for your sexy times. Afterwards, you're not going to still want that blaring, so have a mellow, we're in the afterglow playlist you can switch to and enjoy the moment with your partner.

Headphones can be fun.

This is moving into a little bit of sensory deprivation kind of thing, but wireless headphones or earbuds can be a fun thing to try. You can also add a blindfold and then the person can focus on nothing but their partner's touch and the sound of the music. The music via headphone can keep the person totally focused on the moment and what they're feeling. Fun times. :)

All right, those are just a few ideas, but hopefully it gets you started on thinking about what could work for you.

Oh, and another reminder...

My STILL INTO YOU contest is still open: Order STILL INTO YOU This Week and Win a Box of Awesome, a gift card, or a 20 page critique from me!

Question for y'all: What do you consider the sexiest song ever?

Mine is probably "Cry to Me" from Dirty Dancing but that's because I'm obsessed with that movie and it plays during my favorite scene. :)

18+ post

Photo by _rockinfree (Click Photo for link)It's time for another installment of my blog series focused on finding fun ways to spice up your relationship. This is all in honor of my new release (out next Tuesday, yay!) STILL INTO YOU about a married couple trying to rekindle the spark they lost.

And on today's agenda: role-playing.

Role-playing can be a great way to bring something fresh into the bedroom when you've been with someone a long time. It's a safe way to change things up, get that thrill of newness again. And beyond something sexy, it can be fun.

So everyone knows the possible role plays you can bring into the bedroom...

Nurse or doctor
Pirate and captive
Professor and student
Escort and client
Stripper and customer
Cop and criminal (I use this one in MELT INTO YOU if you want to see that one played out.)
Master and slave (may want to look into BDSM if this one really appeals to you)
Delivery guy/girl and customer
Stranger picking you up in a bar/one-night stand

Of course, you can come up with your own. If you want to play Star Wars roles, more power to you. It's whatever you and your partner find sexy (and fun!)

Then once you talk to your partner and decide you may want to try one of these, make sure you set some ground rules.

1. Laughing together is okay. Laughing AT your partner is not.

Role-playing requires some lowering of inhibitions, which also means making yourself more vulnerable. Acting in a role doesn't come naturally to most of us and can feel awkward at first because you're afraid of looking ridiculous or not doing it "right." Agree with your partner that you're not going to poke fun at each other and that it's a safe environment to relax in. Otherwise, if one partner is meant to feel silly or ashamed, this will never happen again.

2. Establish a safe word that stops the role play.

This is something used in BDSM play but it helpful for regular roleplays as well. If something is uncomfortable or you feel like things are going off course, you can say a word that signals each of you to break character. "Stop" or something simple can work, but if you're doing something where you may be play-acting "stop!" - cop and criminal for instance, then it gets confusing. So make sure the word is something that stands out.

3. Don't phone it in.

You don't have to go buy elaborate costumes (though you can) but make an effort to make it feel real. If you're supposed to be the escort, don't be dressed in sweat pants and a t-shirt.

4. Talk about boundaries

Make sure you know what is off-limits for your partner so that you don't cross some line they don't want you to.

5. Have fun.

If you're totally stressed out about being perfect or how your thighs look in the too tight skirt he asked you to wear, this will just be an exercise in misery. Your partner loves you, you love them. This is just a little fun. Treat it as such.

And if you want to see what a stranger pick-up could look like, here's an excerpt from STILL INTO YOU. Seth and Leila have been married eight years and have gone to The Ranch to try to find their way back to each other. Seth has told Leila she can have whoever she wants at The Ranch. She's been at the dance club when this scene starts...

STILL INTO YOU Excerpt

When she’d found out Seth was going to go do his own thing tonight, her belly had gone inside out. Not only because of the fact that he was willingly giving her the opportunity to cheat but that he might do the same. Maybe he’d set up this whole thing to satisfy his own eight-year itch.

After that revelation, she’d vowed to jump into this whole thing with both feet. If her husband could so easily turn his vows off and not care if some other guy touched his wife, then he’d earned the consequence. Apparently, she wasn’t even worth jealousy anymore.

But so far she hadn’t been inspired to use that get-out-of-jail-free card. All of the men she’d danced with had been handsome enough, but none had sparked that thing inside her that would push her to take the leap. She’d turned the offers down, and each of the men had handled it without protest or malice, which was another beautiful thing about this place—consent was like religion.

She took the last gulp of her drink and set it down on the bar.

“Still have one dance left in you?” a voice said, low and heavy against her ear.

Leila startled, nearly knocking over her glass. She whirled around to find a familiar face with an unfamiliar smirk staring down at her. “What?”

Seth planted a hand on the bar, half-caging her on her stool with his arm. Her gaze traced down him as she inhaled the scent of a cologne she’d never smelled on him before—a darker, more earthy scent than his usual. He’d changed into a pair of jeans and a snug gray T-shirt that molded over his hard, lean chest. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

She blinked, confused for a moment, then realized what he was doing. Oh. Her pulse ticked up a notch. “I’m Leila.”

His smile was downright wicked. Who the hell was this person? “Well, Leila, I’m Seth and I think you should dance with me.”

“Oh, and why is that?” she asked, leaning back against the bar and sending him a challenging look.

His other hand landed on the bar, officially trapping her in the scant space between his arms. He bent his head close to her ear. “Because there are at least three dudes in this place who are hoping you’ll go back to their room with them, and I want to show everyone who’s really going to be shoving that dress up your thighs tonight.”

A soft gasp passed her lips, the dirty talk a vast—but effective—departure from the Seth she was used to. She met his eyes and saw the promise backing up his words. A subtle warmth crept over her skin. “My, my, aren’t you confident.”

***

STILL INTO YOU can be pre-ordered on Kindle or Nook for only $2.99!

Alright, that's all I've got today. Thoughts on this feature? Do you want me to continue with this series over the next few weeks or do something different? And what are some role play scenarios I missed listing?

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