It's time for another installment of my blog series focused on finding fun ways to spice up your relationship. This is all in honor of my new release (out next Tuesday, yay!) STILL INTO YOU about a married couple trying to rekindle the spark they lost.
And on today's agenda: role-playing.
Role-playing can be a great way to bring something fresh into the bedroom when you've been with someone a long time. It's a safe way to change things up, get that thrill of newness again. And beyond something sexy, it can be fun.
So everyone knows the possible role plays you can bring into the bedroom...
- Nurse or doctor
- Pirate and captive
- Professor and student
- Escort and client
- Stripper and customer
- Cop and criminal (I use this one in MELT INTO YOU if you want to see that one played out.)
- Master and slave (may want to look into BDSM if this one really appeals to you)
- Delivery guy/girl and customer
- Stranger picking you up in a bar/one-night stand
Of course, you can come up with your own. If you want to play Star Wars roles, more power to you. It's whatever you and your partner find sexy (and fun!)
Then once you talk to your partner and decide you may want to try one of these, make sure you set some ground rules.
1. Laughing together is okay. Laughing AT your partner is not.
Role-playing requires some lowering of inhibitions, which also means making yourself more vulnerable. Acting in a role doesn't come naturally to most of us and can feel awkward at first because you're afraid of looking ridiculous or not doing it "right." Agree with your partner that you're not going to poke fun at each other and that it's a safe environment to relax in. Otherwise, if one partner is meant to feel silly or ashamed, this will never happen again.
2. Establish a safe word that stops the role play.
This is something used in BDSM play but it helpful for regular roleplays as well. If something is uncomfortable or you feel like things are going off course, you can say a word that signals each of you to break character. "Stop" or something simple can work, but if you're doing something where you may be play-acting "stop!" - cop and criminal for instance, then it gets confusing. So make sure the word is something that stands out.
3. Don't phone it in.
You don't have to go buy elaborate costumes (though you can) but make an effort to make it feel real. If you're supposed to be the escort, don't be dressed in sweat pants and a t-shirt.
4. Talk about boundaries
Make sure you know what is off-limits for your partner so that you don't cross some line they don't want you to.
5. Have fun.
If you're totally stressed out about being perfect or how your thighs look in the too tight skirt he asked you to wear, this will just be an exercise in misery. Your partner loves you, you love them. This is just a little fun. Treat it as such.
And if you want to see what a stranger pick-up could look like, here's an excerpt from STILL INTO YOU. Seth and Leila have been married eight years and have gone to The Ranch to try to find their way back to each other. Seth has told Leila she can have whoever she wants at The Ranch. She's been at the dance club when this scene starts...
STILL INTO YOU Excerpt
All rights reserved. Copyright Roni Loren 2012.
When she’d found out Seth was going to go do his own thing tonight, her belly had gone inside out. Not only because of the fact that he was willingly giving her the opportunity to cheat but that he might do the same. Maybe he’d set up this whole thing to satisfy his own eight-year itch.
After that revelation, she’d vowed to jump into this whole thing with both feet. If her husband could so easily turn his vows off and not care if some other guy touched his wife, then he’d earned the consequence. Apparently, she wasn’t even worth jealousy anymore.
But so far she hadn’t been inspired to use that get-out-of-jail-free card. All of the men she’d danced with had been handsome enough, but none had sparked that thing inside her that would push her to take the leap. She’d turned the offers down, and each of the men had handled it without protest or malice, which was another beautiful thing about this place—consent was like religion.
She took the last gulp of her drink and set it down on the bar.
“Still have one dance left in you?” a voice said, low and heavy against her ear.
Leila startled, nearly knocking over her glass. She whirled around to find a familiar face with an unfamiliar smirk staring down at her. “What?”
Seth planted a hand on the bar, half-caging her on her stool with his arm. Her gaze traced down him as she inhaled the scent of a cologne she’d never smelled on him before—a darker, more earthy scent than his usual. He’d changed into a pair of jeans and a snug gray T-shirt that molded over his hard, lean chest. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”
She blinked, confused for a moment, then realized what he was doing. Oh. Her pulse ticked up a notch. “I’m Leila.”
His smile was downright wicked. Who the hell was this person? “Well, Leila, I’m Seth and I think you should dance with me.”
“Oh, and why is that?” she asked, leaning back against the bar and sending him a challenging look.
His other hand landed on the bar, officially trapping her in the scant space between his arms. He bent his head close to her ear. “Because there are at least three dudes in this place who are hoping you’ll go back to their room with them, and I want to show everyone who’s really going to be shoving that dress up your thighs tonight.”
A soft gasp passed her lips, the dirty talk a vast—but effective—departure from the Seth she was used to. She met his eyes and saw the promise backing up his words. A subtle warmth crept over her skin. “My, my, aren’t you confident.”