5 Narrative Mistakes You Can Fix Now by Author Elise Rome

Hope everyone had a great weekend! It's Guest Monday and today I have historical author Elise Rome (the author formerly known as Ashley March for those who have been following this series), giving us part two of her Fix It Now series to help us get through revisions.

But first...

 

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BLOG TOUR ALERT: I'm over at AsianCocoa's Secret Garden giving you A Sneak Peek Inside The Ranch (the BDSM resort in CRASH INTO YOU) with photos!

 

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Okay, now take it away, Elise...

 

5 Narrative Mistakes You Can Fix Right Now

 

This is the continuation of the Fix It Now series where I focus on mistakes I’ve seen beginning/aspiring writers make in their manuscripts. You can find the first blog in the series here: 5 Dialogue Mistakes You Can Fix Right Now.


      1. Take advantage of contractions.

This is intended for both dialogue and narrative. If you’re reading through your work and the flow feels awkward or the dialogue stiff, trying using contractions to make the words flow more naturally. For historicals especially, I see a lot of manuscripts where writers seem to have a preference to do without contractions, perhaps because they believe it conveys a certain tone to say “do not” rather than “don’t.” While I’m not saying you have to use contractions wherever they can be substituted, I would urge you to use them when it helps with the rhythm of your manuscript. Your final readers will thank you.


2. Use sentence length to control pacing and rhythm.

Many of you have probably heard this before, but it’s important enough to have a reminder for when you go back to edit your manuscript. To help action scenes seem more urgent, avoid longer sentences with numerous clauses in favor of shorter, to the point sentences that keep the reader’s eyes moving on to the next sentence and the next, always asking: Then what happens? I personally find it more advantageous to use longer, complex sentences when writing sex scenes and scenes where I’m concentrating on trying to evoke deep emotion from the reader. Throughout most parts of your book, however, there should be a balance of short and long sentences to help with maintaining a good rhythm.


3. Cut out the anachronisms and clichés.

Anachronisms

This is specifically targeted to historical writers. We’re mostly very careful about researching appropriate settings, clothing, customs, etc for our novels, but it can be harder for us to remember to watch the use of modern language. I urge you to comb through your manuscript carefully, searching for any words or phrases that stick out. For example, did you know that the word “feisty” wasn’t used until 1896, and that the word “allergic” wasn’t used until 1911? Hint: my go-to resource for quick checks is www.etymonline.com.

 

Clichés

It doesn’t matter how cute the cliché is or that it actually fits the situation in your novel. Strive to be original; strive to write fresh. This goes for both phrases and plot tropes. Find a way to make your words and your story unique.


4. Avoid repetition.

I’m critiquing a manuscript right now where words such as “gentle”, “slow”, “quiet” and their derivatives are used over and over again to the point of exhaustion. There are programs out there that can tell you which words you use most frequently, but I really encourage you to find and edit these yourself. You need to be engaged in the manuscript when you edit, not just randomly selecting and deleting words to lower their count. Be very aware of how often you use the same word or its derivative in the same paragraph and on the same page or nearby pages. And if it’s a word that isn’t commonly used (say, “tumescent”, for example), it’s probably a good idea to make sure it’s not used more than once throughout the chapter (I have my doubts for repetitions in the rest of the manuscript, too).


5. Be consistent in POV.

Point of view is a topic that deserves its own series, to be honest, but one of the easiest mistakes to fix and one of the most common mistakes I see is when a character calls another character by different names in the first character’s POV. 

 

Example: If Tom knows Dr. Smith on a personal level, he’s probably not going to call him Dr. Smith; he’ll use his first name, Peter. For consistency’s sake, he’s definitely not going to think of him or call him both Dr. Smith and Peter, although he might call him Dr. Smith when speaking of him to someone else.

 

Another example, because POV consistency with names is especially important when dealing with characters in historical settings: Let’s say your heroine has just met the hero, Alfred Spencer, Earl of Fenning, otherwise known as Lord Fenning. Since she’s just met him, she’s not going to call him Alfred either in narrative or dialogue. There’s no reason to call him at all by Spencer. So she’ll either designate him in her narrative as the Earl of Fenning, Lord Fenning, or the earl. In dialogue, she would say either “Lord Fenning” or “my lord.” 

 

Once they start to know each other better but are still on proper terms in their relationship, she might still keep the dialogue the same, but she might internally think of him as Alfred if she begins to like him in a romantic way.

 

Because of the set social strictures, the way characters use names in historical settings is important, not only for accuracy but also to give the reader a clue to how each character thinks of the other. 

 

Note: There are exceptions. I recently read a manuscript where I suggested that the names of all the characters stay the same throughout the narrative of the manuscript because the author hops from head to head throughout scenes. I thought it would be more confusing to the reader for the aristocrat to be thought of as Lord X in one sentence by the heroine and Rupert in the next paragraph by his brother. 

 

Do you recognize any of these issues as things you need to work on? What other narrative mistakes have you read in manuscripts/books that drive you crazy?

 

 Elise Rome is a historical romance author who lives in Colorado with her adoring (or is that adorable?) husband, her two young daughters, and their dog. She’s currently busy working on two new series, one set in mid-Victorian England and the other in the 1920s, both set to debut this spring. www.eliserome.com 

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How Low Can You Go? The Important All Is Lost Moment by Sierra Godfrey

It's guest post Monday! Today the lovely and infinitely wise Sierra Godfrey leads us through that dark black part of our manuscript where we go all sadistic on our characters. Fun times!


Over to you, Sierra...

How Low Can You Go? The Important All Is Lost Moment
by Sierra Godfrey

In women’s fiction, one of the main story features is the transformative journey our main characters usually go through, which ultimately ends in self-realization and a life change by the end of the story. But getting to that resolution first requires our gals to go through some tough times and situations. And it’s our job to put them through the literary wringer.

 In plot structure, one of the hardest moments in a character’s transformative process is the All is Lost point—also called the Dark Moment, or the point about ¾ of the way through the story when after everything our girl has been through, she’s lost. She’s defeated, broken, and there’s nothing left. The All is Lost point comes after the midpoint, and is the point at which our girl will fall, and then ultimately gather herself up and head into the finale where she’ll (ideally) take back the day and win. (The All is Lost moment really applies for any genre of fiction--must apply, really--but in women's fic, it's especially important in our heroine's journey.)

In the movie Bridesmaids, the midpoint of the story comes when main character Annie snaps spectacularly at the bridal shower. She throws things, swears a lot, and makes a massive scene--all in public. Her behavior is the culmination of lots of tension, and she lets it all out. After Annie storms out of the shower, her car’s pesky broken taillight (the one she was told to fix repeatedly) causes an accident and she gets stranded (which is bad). Worse, she calls the only person she can think of, the smarmy guy she was dating/sleeping with, who greets her with possibly the most insulting greeting ever—“Hi F- Buddy!” Worse, he does this right in front of the nice Irish cop Annie’s been sort of dating. Oooh. Ouch.

Cop leaves Annie, and Annie has no choice but to go with smarmy F- Buddy guy. He continues to be obnoxious, and she gets out of his car and has to walk home. It’s the movie’s All is Lost point. Annie has lost her friends, her place in the bridal party (let alone maid of honor position), her car, her Irish cop, even her smarmy her F-Buddy. The next few scenes see Annie really take in the despair of this moment by lying on the couch in misery and watching TV.You need this All is Lost point in a story so your heroine can sink as low as she can go before she can rise again. It’s a natural story dip. Your job is to make this moment as low as possible. Take everything away from your character that you can—everything that matters.


Your All is Lost moment should:

• Feel like the heroine’s lowest emotional point in the whole story—she should die inside a little.
• Be a huge blow to every goal the heroine’s been trying to achieve.
• Happen after the character has resisted hard against every obstacle.
• Take away things from the heroine and leave her bereft.

In general, the lower you go, the better the high of the bounce back up will be, and the more satisfying the story’s conclusion.Let’s look at a few more All is Lost moments:

• In the movie Tangled, Rapunzel and Flynn finally come together and are sharing a loving moment out on a boat. But then Rapunzel’s evil mother tricks her, and takes Rapunzel back in (in a great display of maternal guilt tripping) and Rapunzel is heartbroken and bitter, and has lost her freedom and her love. Flynn is also captured by the mother’s henchmen and tied up in a boat so palace guards will capture him. For both Rapunzel and Flynn, all they’ve fought for has been lost.

• In Pride and Prejudice, the All is Lost point can be hard to pick out. It initially looks like the point after Elizabeth hears the news that her naughty sister Lydia ran off with the equally naughty Mr. Wickham, wreaking general disgrace and havoc on the Bennett family. Elizabeth thinks Lydia’s disgrace will cause Elizabeth to end her acquaintance with Mr. Darcy. But in fact the real All is Lost moment comes when Mr. Darcy’s stink-face aunt, Lady Catherine, visit Elizabeth and tells her to renounce Mr. Darcy and that he’s engaged to her own daughter, Anne. Elizabeth goes for a walk, unable to sleep. Of course, she meets Darcy on that walk, but that walk is your moment. (Austen clearly knew about modern plot structure way back in 1813!)

In the story I'm working on now, I just took away my girl's house, fiance, and job--and for good measure, I let her see that someone had been tricking her for most of the book. And I loved doing it.

What are some of the low All is Lost moments you've put your character through?

About Sierra:
Sierra has enjoyed crafting stories for as long as she can remember. She especially likes stories that feature women who grow from the choices they face—and get the guy at the end. She’s a member of RWA and lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband, two little boys, and two annoying cats. In her spare time she works as a freelance graphic designer and technical writer. To the untrained eye she can appear somewhat sassy, but at heart she loves a good story and is really quite sweet, especially when the lighting is right. Visit Sierra at her blog or on Twitter.

Love Scenes 101: Don't Be Corny or Porn-y

Photo by Boris SV

I'm the final stretch of another round of edits, so today I'm bringing you an (updated) post I did about a year ago on love scenes. Hope you enjoy!

So what exactly constitutes a love scene? Are they only important for those of us writing romance? Of course not. 

A love scene can involve any number of things. It could be that kiss that your readers have been rooting for since page three or it can be full out swinging from the chandeliers romp (I'll talk more about how to choose the level of heat on Friday). But regardless of the type you're writing, it can make or break a story. Nothing will make me put a book down faster than a cheesy or non-emotionally engaging love scene. 

So let's look at what can cause a lackluster scene and then what you can do to make it sparkle so that your readers remember that moment long after putting down the book. 

What can turn a hot moment cold?

You're squeamish

If you, the author, are not comfortable with the scene, your readers will be able to tell. Do not write an erotic romance if the thought of typing out four-letter words in a sex scene makes you cringe.

Shallow POV

The reader needs to feel like she is in the moment with the characters. So make sure you use Deep POV effectively and don't pull out of that.

Lack of character development

If your characters are flat, their love scene will be as well. We need to be invested in the characters.

You haven't established sufficient motivation for the scene.

Don't have them kiss/jump in bed/etc. just because it feels like a good time. Make sure we know why they are doing this now. That doesn't mean that things can't happen fast. Many romances have a love scene very early, but you have to establish the WHY and get us connected to the characters before that moment happens.

You haven't raised the stakes enough.

The risk of them getting together is nil and therefore uninteresting. What consequences could happen now that they are giving in to their love/desire for each other?

No change happens.

Love scenes should change the people involved--be that good or bad.

The scene lacks emotion.

All we have is description of the physical acts and not what's going on in their heads and hearts. This can turn a great sensual scene into gratuitous (and boring) porn. *yawn*

So what are some ways to make sure your love scene gets readers' hearts racing?

Make sure you've sufficiently built up tension.

This is beyond VITAL. Without tension build up, a love scene won't mean anything. See this post.

Write in emotions.

Tell us what's running through your character's mind. Often the emotions in this type of scene will be mixed, but let the reader know what's going on. THIS is the whole point of the love scene--how it affects the characters.

Love scenes should be tailor-made

You should not be able to cut and paste a love scene and drop into a different story. Only these two characters could have this exact scene.

Conflict should still be present.

If both love each other, have no obstacles, and jump in bed--snore. They have to be risking something. Otherwise, it's just two people doing it.

Use dialogue.

I love using dialogue in a love scene. Teasing words can be great for tension. Dirty talk (a personal favorite of my hero in Exposure Therapy) can be fun because often it's pushing the other character out of their comfort zone.

A sense of humor can come in handy

Love scenes don't have to be totally serious. Kissing or getting naked with someone can be awkward and a little humor and sarcasm can help ease nerves and bring the characters closer together. I find playful sarcasm sneaking into most of my love scenes. It's okay for them to laugh, too.

Write what you feel comfortable with and what is right for the characters.

Love scenes don't have to be fully described (although they can be). You can shut the door and fade to black. It can be a simple kiss. You have to be comfy with the amount you're letting your reader see. And make sure it's appropriate for your character. If you're character is a virgin, don't write a scene where she acts like a pro.

Don't fear the naughty. If your story calls for a little or a lot of dirty, and you feel comfortable writing that type of scene go for it.

If your hero is a notorious badass and playboy, he's probably going to be a little raunchier in bed. And raunchy doesn't have to mean it's porn. If you put in emotion and have built appropriate tension, even a threesome with all the four letter words used can be engaging and romantic. (Really, I promise.) And stop worrying about if your grandmother is going to read it. You're an adult, get over it. :p 

Remember the POV you're writing in.

If you are in the hero's point of view, remember that guys are going to think in a different way than the woman. He's probably not having flowery thoughts (maybe love thoughts, but not flowery). And he's hopefully not going to refer to his uh, friend, as his love sword in his head, lol. 

Speaking of love swords...

Don't use cheesy euphemisms and purple prose. You don't have to use the clinical or crude terms (although you can depending on what you're writing), but use ones that don't make your readers laugh or roll their eyes.

Make sure it's the right time.

Don't put in a love scene just cause you think you need one. Motivate it properly. And it MUST move the plot forward and change the people involved in some way. Every scene has to have that purpose.

Sources: Writing Erotic Romance and Fiction Factor. Another great source (for the 18 and up crowd) author Stacia Kane's Sex Writing Strumpet series of blogs.

And last bit of advice: if your heart isn't racing while you write the scene, you're doing something wrong. You should be anticipating that scene as much as you want your reader to. The first love scene I wrote for my romance, I was sweating by the end of it, lol.

So do you have any tips on writing these scenes? Do you find them difficult to write? (For me they are hard, but so much fun at the same time.) What's one of your favorite love scenes from a book/movie/tv show? Which author do you think writes the best sexual tension/love scenes?

Face Off Friday: Prologues

Photo by Martialartsnomad.com

2015 Update: I have to admit that I am guilty of loving a prologue. Since getting published, I've used them in a number of books. However, generally, I'm using them for reunion stories. Like Melt Into You, I show what happened between the hero and heroine when they were teens then jump forward in time to the present. I think it builds their characters quickly, and I can show the past in "real time" instead of dropping in chunks of past backstory later. My prologues are always real time, action-oriented scenes. They are always about the hero or heroine, not an outside character. And sometimes I won't even label them the prologue, I'll just call it chapter one and put a time stamp on it. My editor has never pushed back. I've learned over the years that if you can figure out how to do something well, most rules can be broken. ;) The important part is to make sure you're not using it as a cheat.  

Today, I'm resurrecting an old debate--the loved/dreaded/maligned prologue.  The rumor is that writers love them and agents/publishers hate them.  Some quotes from our favorite blogging agents:

99.9% of the time, the prologue is vague or doesn’t really give me a sense of the writing or the story that’s going to unfold. I skip them as a general rule. --Kristin Nelson, Pub Rants

It is 3-5 pages of introductory material that is written while the author is procrastinating from writing a more difficult section of the book. --Nathan Bransford's definition

Previously, I talked about the written and unwritten rules of writing I have discovered along the way.  The one that many of you had pain over was the fact that prologues are frowned upon.  So, I thought I would delve deeper into that topic today.

First, let's define a few types of "pre-chapters": 

Prologue is a preface to the story, setting up the story, giving background information and other miscellaneous information. --wiki

A preface is an introduction to a book written by the author of the book. A preface generally covers the story of how the book came into being, or how the idea for the book was developed; this is often followed by thanks and acknowledgments to people who were helpful to the author during the time of writing. --wiki

A foreword is a (usually short) piece of writing often found at the beginning of a book or other piece of literature, before the introduction, and written by someone other than the author of the book. --wiki

Okay, so what most of us are dealing with is the first one, as the preface and foreward are typically used for non-fiction works. (However, Twilight breaks this rule--what's new--and uses the term preface for its prologue.)

Prologues are seen in all genres, but are particularly popular in fantasy/sci-fi and thriller/suspense. In fantasy, the prologue often provides information to help the reader understand the strange world that they are about to enter. In suspense, a prologue can contain the killer's point of view or one of his first victims points of view to ratchet up the tension instantly.

So those seem valid reasons to use one, right? What's the problem?

The problem can lie in the fact that the prologue is almost always a big chunk of backstory. And backstory can be dangerous--it risks boring the reader and makes your pace drag. Prologues can also be a sneaky way to hide a slow-moving first chapter. The latter is how it's used in Twilight. We get a glimpse of the end action--an unnamed victim being stalked by a unknown predator--before we enter into chapter one where nothing much interesting happens for many pages.

However, prologues aren't always terrible. Hush, Hush had a prologue. The brief pages showed a scene that explained what happened to one of the characters to make him the way he was. In this novel, I didn't mind the prologue and its purpose was clear. Could the story have been sprinkled in later? Perhaps, but the prologue was a big shining billboard that said--"hey this is about angels!" and the scene had tension and action, not just flowery language about some random legend.

So when is it a good idea to include a prologue and when do you need to cut it?

Prologue vs. No Prologue

For love of the prologue:

• Fantasy/Sci-fi/Paranormal can be difficult to jump into without explaining a bit of the mythology/legend/world first.
• Some of the greats used prologues
• It can build tension early
• You have a helluva twist coming later that you need to foreshadow
• There is history that is vital to your story that must be introduced early

Nix the prologue because you are probably using it to cheat and do one of the following: 

• Set the mood/atmosphere because you failed to do so in the opening chapter
• Info dump because you can't figure out where to sprinkle in the backstory
• Create tension because your chapter one is slow and you can't bear to edit it again
• Not trusting that your reader is smart enough to understand the world you created
• Your story or fantasy world is overly complicated and you want to get the reader a school lesson on it first

Another thought:

 "Writers hope to create suspense and interest by writing a prologue about the person who turns out to be the villain but without identifying that person by name or gender. Sorry, but in my opinion, that's a cheap parlor trick and your reader knows it. You're better off doing the hard work of creating suspense and tension with your hero and heroine."--author Carolyn Jewel 

So what's your opinion? How do you feel about prologues in the stories your read? Do you have a prologue in any of your stories? Are you using it for the right reasons or are you worried it's a cheat? Do you think they should be used only as a last resort?