Wordiness:The Post in Which I Discuss Reduction of the Aforementioned

October 6, 2010 Roni Loren

I'm a wordy girl. In school, the teachers used to tell us the minimum amount of pages required for a paper. While others were trying to figure out what font would fill the maximum amount of space (Courier New, btw), I would be trying to get my paper under fifteen pages. So I know I have to watch this tendency when I'm writing.

The terrific resources on the RWA site helped me out again. Here are some things to help cut the fluff out of your manuscript.

1. Eliminate and remove redundancy.

Fluffy: She sobbed and tears fell from her eyes as she watched him walk away.

Sleek: Tears fell from her eyes as he walked away.

2. Delete intensifiers that don't intensify.

F: Generally, Mary kept her very deepest emotions hidden.

S: Mary kept her deepest emotions hidden.

(or even better: Mary hid her deepest emotions.)

3. Remove important sounding phrases that don't add to a sentence.

F: All things considered, she was thankful for the outcome.

S: She was thankful for the outcome.

4. Avoid starting sentences with expletives.

No, this doesn't mean curse words. An expletive according to Webster is : "a syllable, word, or phrase inserted to fill a vacancy without adding to the sense." That should tell us all we need to know. (it was, there are, etc)

F: It was his gaze that made her heart beat faster.

S: His gaze made her heart beat faster.

(Or better: His gaze made her heart pound.)

5. Use active instead of passive voice whenever you can.

F: The dishes were washed after dinner by my mother.

S: After dinner, my mother washed the dishes.

6. Reduce clauses to phrases, and reduce phrases to single words.

F: In the very near future, she would have to make a decision.

S: Soon, she would have to decide.

7. Remove adjective clauses where you can.

F: The girl who lived next door wore a dress that had pink stripes.

S: The girl next door wore a pink striped dress.

8. Turn prepositional phrases into one-word modifiers.

F: The captain of the football team always dated the prettiest of the cheerleaders.

S: The football team captain always dated the prettiest cheerleader.

9. Cut extraneous words or phrases.

F: We conducted an investigation regarding the murder.

S: We investigated the murder.

10. Remove cliches and euphemisms.

F: He had a sneaking suspicion his protests had fallen on deaf ears.

S: He suspected they had ignored his protests.

11. Weed out the "to be".

F: Sue found the children to be exhausting.

S: Sue found the children exhausting.

12. Avoid stating the obvious.

F: He sat down and realized it was already 6am in the morning.

S: He sat and realized it was already 6am.

*This a personal favorite of mine. I naturally write "stood up"--like where else can you stand but up? Grr. I do it all the time.

13. Delete meaningless adverbs.

F: She yelled at him loudly, then ran away quickly.

S: She yelled at him and ran.

The source that I pulled this from also has fantastic lists of

Redundant Phrases like

absolutely essential = essential

future plans = plans

Wordy Phrases

A lot of = many

Come to an end = end

And Cliches

sad but true (great Metallica song, but a cliche nonetheless)

give a damn

*This is a repost from October 2009

So are any of you wordy like me? Which of these do you find cropping up in your manuscript the most?

**Today's Theme Song**

"More Than Words" - Extreme

(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)

Friends Don't Let Friends Overwrite

March 10, 2010 Roni Loren

A few weeks ago Miss Snark's First Victim had agent Nathan Bransford participate in one of her Secret Agent contests. If you're not familiar with the site, I suggest you go check it out. For those contests, she has people submit a snippet of their opening (250 words I believe), then she posts them for everyone to comment on, including a secret agent. Then after everything has been commented on, the agent is revealed and he or she picks a winner--often requesting pages.

So anyway, as I was reading through Mr. Bransford's comments, I saw a recurring theme in his feedback. On almost every other post it seemed, he was pointing out overwriting. In some of those instances, I could see it, in others I would have never picked up on it had he not pointed it out. So, it was really helpful to read through the posts. Then, of course, I became paranoid--am I overwriting?

Even though I'm wordy in a lot of things (including these posts), I tend to have the opposite problem and underwrite in my stories. I struggle sometimes with painting the scene or describing details because I want to jump right into the action or dialogue, forgetting that I need to let the reader know enough to ground them in the scene. But when I looked through my chapters, I still had moments where I got a little heavy handed on the wordage and needed to dial back.

So how do you spot overwriting?

Too many adjectives and adverbs.

We already know adverbs are our nemesis, but dumping in tons of adjectives is a problem as well. Do not put in three adjectives when one will do just fine.

Using fancy words when a simple one will do.

A lot of us can fall into this trap because most of us are vocabulary nerds. We enjoyed studying for the SAT because learning new and interesting words is awesome. That's why it's so hard to just use said when we could use pontificated. However, those words are distracting and pull your reader out of the story. If the simple word works, go with that one.

Describing things as if you were a set designer

Long passages describing every detail of the room, setting, or what a person looks like/is wearing, etc. drive me nuts. I skim these. Tell me the pertinent details to give my imagination the building blocks to create the picture, then leave me to it. If you show me the ratty couch with holes in it, I'm good. I don't also need to know the pattern on the throw pillows.

Simile and metaphor overload

A well-placed simile or metaphor can be a beautiful thing. A whole butt load of them littered all over the page, not so much. Let a brilliant metaphor or simile stand out on its own by not cluttering the sentences around it with more of the same. I recently read a book that overused similes so much that I actually stopped reading it--it was completely distracting.

Redundancy

This can happen within a sentence (ex. the young four-year old) or can be repeating information you've already told us (telling us the hero's eyes are blue every time you mention his eyes or describing the same house every time the heroine goes there.)

Navel-gazing characters

Introspection is good, we want to know what's going on with the character. But passages and passages of navel-gazing will slow down your pace and earn eye rolls. Sprinkle the introspection in with action.

Trying too hard

The easiest way to find overwriting is to look for those places where you thought you sounded "like a writer." Think of American Idol when Simon Cowell tells the contestant the performance was indulgent. Those are the performances where the person chose a song and gave a performance that they thought made them look "like a singer" instead of singing something that fit their voice and style.

Resources: Big Mistake 3: Overwriting and Five Fiction Mistakes That Spell Rejection

Alright, hope that helps. Most editor articles I've read say that almost every manuscript can be cut by 10%, so get to trimming! :)

So are you guilty of overwriting? Do you ever have those moments where you think you've just written something very "writerly"? Which of these drives you crazy when you find them in books?

*Today's Theme Song**

"Truly Madly Deeply" - Savage Garden

(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)

Wordiness: The Post in Which I Discuss Reduction of the Aforementioned

October 13, 2009 Roni Loren