Death by Critique - 6 Tips on How To Avoid It

Recently I talked about the risk of overediting your manuscript. In other words, making it SO technically perfect that it was about as lively as boiled broccoli. Some of you agreed with me; others argued that you can always make a manuscript "more perfect", that you should never stop trying to make it better.

As a perfectionist myself, I understand where those people are coming from. In all aspects of life, I feel like I can always do better, that I should never stop trying to improve. And improvement IS good. We can't get complacent. We should always be learning. BUT, I do believe that with a manuscript it's a bit of a bell curve when it comes to editing it.

You start with your funky rough draft. You rework, rewrite, polish. You work with your crit partners. The dot on the graph moves up--you're making it better! But I do believe you hit a point, a peak, where you've gotten it as good as it's going to be (before a professional editor takes a look at it.) If you keep pushing it after that point, you're reworking it so hard that you are draining the fire and magic from the words. You're taking out what makes that book special and different from other books (and oftentimes inserting your critique partner's vision of your manuscript instead of your own). You're murdering the vision your muse had in the first place. And the story is going to be pasteurized by the time it hits an agent's or editor's desk.

Don't believe me? Dear Author had a post this week talking about what she learned from this year's RWA from talking to editors. One of the points on her list spoke to this issue:

Editors think that authors self censor too much (and that critique partners may be doing more harm than good). I heard more than one editor say that the manuscripts that they like best are ones where they can see the raw voice of the author. Many times, submissions come in that are polished so much that they are too smooth to be interesting. Write with raw passion, authors. This is an industry built on emotion and the manuscripts have to show this.

Re-read that statement again. Editors are looking for the raw talent in your voice, in the way you tell a story--not if you had one too many adverbs on the page.

Now that's not to say you shouldn't study craft and grammar and use things correctly, but that isn't what you should be obsessing about. Polish your manuscript but you don't have to follow EVERY RULE ever created for writers. And your critique partners are there to help you, but what they say IS NOT LAW. Even if they are a more established author than you are. This is YOUR BOOK.

Six Tips to Help Watch Out for Death by Critique

But first, a disclaimer...

If this is your first book, get good critique partners and listen with open ears to everything they say (even if you don't incorporate it all) and read books on craft. On your first go around, many times more experienced crit partners are going to have advice you really need to hear. This goes back to my rule: Don't query that first book until you've had someone not related to you or sleeping with you to critique it.

If this is not your first rodeo...

1. Write your rough draft without input from others.

Stephen King said in On Writing--write the first draft with the door shut. Then after you're done, open the doors and windows and let others in. I have found this to be true for me. If I get feedback while I'm drafting, it freezes me up and confuses my muse. Critique and creativity do not make good bed partners for me. Now, I know some will disagree with this and prefer to have chapter by chapter input as they are writing. If that works for you, that's fine. (Julie Cross sends chapters to her editor as she writes and that works great for her.) But make sure it's really working for you. Have you finished a manuscript yet? Or are you just constantly re-working as you go because you're getting outside input?

2. Get critiqued on big picture.

Line edits (super detailed edits) are notorious for sucking out voice. Your word choice, the style of your sentences, structure of your prose is YOUR voice and your style. This is why finding the right editor for this is so important once you're publishing. You have to find someone who "gets" your voice and style. When others who don't get it (or those who are focused on following every rule) start tinkering with it, it muddles that at best, murders it at worse. So ask you crit partners for feedback on the big stuff: plot holes, flow, logic, characterization, emotional arc, plot arc, etc. Those are the things that are hard to see in your own work because you're so close to it. And save the line edits for a pro who gets you. My publisher has "style sheets" made for each author so that editors know what our style quirks are. Mine says things like: sometimes uses short incomplete sentences. That's part of my style, and though it's grammatically incorrect, it's kept.

3. Check your gut.

This is your story and these are your characters. You know them better than anyone. So if your crit partner gives you a suggestion, step back and make sure it resonates with you. I don't care if they are a NYT Bestselling author--if the change doesn't feel right in your gut, don't do it! That goes for when you have an editor, too. You don't have to make every change if you don't feel good about it. Have the confidence to know that you can tell the difference between advice that makes your book better and advice that doesn't. This confidence only comes with time, unfortunately. However, if more than one person bring up an issue, it may be something to look hard at even if your gut is fighting you.

4. Re-evaluate your critique partnerships regularly.

Crit partners are wonderful. I don't think I would've gotten to this point if I hadn't joined my first crit group. I learned so much. But that doesn't mean that group or that person is going to be right for you forever and ever, amen. We outgrow each other. We go in different directions. Or maybe THEY'VE become too close to your writing as well and now can't see the things they need to see to help you. If you feel like you're getting crits back and the advice is no longer helping you or it's draining your voice (even though the advice is good-intentioned), then stop wasting their time and yours. Doesn't mean you have to stop being friends, but maybe you don't need to be beta readers for each other anymore.

5. Know enough about craft and grammar so that you don't distract from your story.

Yes, I'm advocating not shooting for perfection and for playing with style. BUT you also need to have a good handle on craft and grammar. If your handle on the rules and conventions is so low as to pull the reader out of the story, you're not going to get anywhere no matter how good your story may be. You need to know the rules in order to make deliberate style choices if and when you decide to break some of those rules.

6. Edit until you love the story, not until it's perfect.

Outside of crit partner relationships, edit your story until you can read through it and love it. Don't edit it until you can't find ANYTHING to change or fix because there will always be something you can find to fix. And that's when you start cutting too deep. It's like people who want a little plastic surgery. They just want to fix that bump in their nose. But then they get that done and realize--ooh, now that makes my chin look too big. So they fix that. Then their cheek bones don't look angular enough. And so it goes until they don't resemble the person they used to be.

Don't do this to your manuscript. The things we love the most often have imperfections--and sometimes that's the very reason we love them. Make sure your manuscript is the one that the editor can feel the raw passion bleeding from. Do that, and you're golden.

So what do you think? Does this idea send you into a perfectionist panic? Does it give you a sigh of relief? Have you ever sensed your manuscript was getting more and more anemic as you edited it? Have you ever had to leave a crit partner relationship because it just wasn't working or helping anymore?

The Ten Stages of Revision Emotions

So this year I've been diligently working on the draft of the second book in my series, MELT INTO YOU. This one is tentatively scheduled to release sometime next summer, but the manuscript is due to my editor at the end of this month.

Well, I finished the draft a couple of weeks ago and sent it to Sara to get her feedback and to make sure I hadn't suffered from the dreaded second book syndrome. *shudders* Luckily, Sara liked the book and only had a few changes she suggested.

A few. But one was a biggie. She suggested I cut the murder mystery subplot and replace it with something different. Not a huge change in word count, but a very significant change with regards to the story's plot. Hence began my journey through the Stages of Revision Emotions.

The Ten Stages of Revision Emotions

Stage 1: Shock (You want me to change what?) or a "Dammit, that makes sense"

Okay, so in the list of revisions, there is usually one, maybe two, shockers. Your favorite scene needs to be cut or something you thought was vital gets the ax. But most of the time with Sara, her suggestions resonate with me in that "Damn, why didn't I see that?" way. Or she picks out things that were niggling at me but that I couldn't quite put my finger on. That's the gift of having someone with an editorial eye. They can see things you can't because you're too close to it.

Stage 2: Blind Confidence - "I can totally fix this."

This is when you get excited. Things don't look so hard or too bad. You just need to change A B and C and you're golden. La dee da, I'm the kickass writer girl.

Stage 3: The "Oh, Crap"

You actually sit down to make those seemingly innocuous changes and WHAM! you've just blasted your manuscript to swiss cheese. Plot holes are bleeding on your pages, threads with loose ends are flapping in the breeze, your characters have been flattened to road kill.

Stage 4: Sticking Your Fingers in Your Ears and Humming

You've hit the denial phase. This can't be done. If I make this change, I'll have to rewrite the whole book from scratch. My agent/editor must be crazy to think I could change this. It's impossible. I'm just going to leave it the way it is and turn it in. I am the writer, so I get the ultimate call on revisions anyway, right?

Stage 5: Despair

This book is a giant pile of stinking baby dung. I will never be able to fix it. I'm going to fade into oblivion and never be published again. How did I think this was a good story?

Stage 6: The Muse Taps Your Shoulder

"Who the hell are you? Oh yeah, I remember you, creative genius. Where the f*#% have you been you stingy, rat bastard?"

Stage 7: The Idea - *cue angels singing*

You're lying there in bed, taking a shower, talking yourself out of eating the entire cake because you're a talentless hack. And then it hits. The Idea. The way that will fix your book and achieve what your agent/editor wanted from this revision. You suddenly see the seemingly obvious fix and realize how dead on that revision advice was.

Stage 8: Mania

This is where you realize you have two weeks to make this brilliant change and you have oh, ten, twenty, thirty thousand words or whatever to write. You eat, sleep, and breathe your manuscript. The ideas flow and you're excited about this story again. Thrilled to see it turn into something way better than what you originally had. It's a high. People may want to put you in a white jacket.

Stage 9: Peace

You finish that bad boy and turn it in. Then you eat that whole cake anyway, but this time, it's because you've earned it. :)

Stage 10: Ah, hell.

You get another set of revisions back and the process starts all over again. :)

These stages also apply to getting feedback from crit partners and beta readers. The key, for me, is recognizing that I will get there. That when it seems I just am not good enough to fix it, an idea will come. But it won't necessarily happen day one after I get my revision notes. My mind needs time to process and stew before tackling things.

So how about you? Have you been through any of these stages? Any other stages you would add?

Take A Chance On Me...It's For Charity, People

Alright, today I am up on the auction block over at Crits for Water. I'm offering a 2500 word crit for a manuscript and also a random winner will get a query critique. The genres that qualify are listed as romance and YA since that is where I feel my critting skills are the strongest, BUT I'm open to critting any genre (and have critted across genres for others before) so don't let that stop you.

The charity that benefits from this provides clean water to those who need it. Twenty dollars gives one person clean water for a year, so it's a great cause.

So go bid! I promise to give you a thorough, feel-like-you've-been-to-the-doctor-for-a-physical critique. (If you want examples of how I crit, click here).

I have this abject fear that no one is going to bid on me and I'll end up raising like three bucks for this great charity, lol, so please...if you're in need of a critique and you've liked what I've had to say these two years on the blog, then go check it out. (See? I'm not even above begging. Well, I do write BDSM romance, so I guess it's apropos.)

So if you'd like to alleviate me of my paranoia, GO HERE AND PUT IN A BID.  :)

*Auction ends at midnight EST!

If you're not going to be able to do that, then check out my interview over at Not An Editor where I talk about critiquing, how to hone your critting skills, and what you should always do when you get a crit.

And even if you're not bidding, I'd appreciate any retweets you guys want to bestow on me. :)  *gives you the puss n boots face*

You've Got Rhythm, But Does Your Story?

As I wade through my editing for MELT INTO YOU, I'm discovering that one of the big things I pay attention to when doing my read through is cadence, or the rhythm of the words. I think it was Margie Lawson's workshop where I first heard this term used in relation to writing.

We all know about voice and style, but cadence is more the way the words sound in your head as your read them. It's the flow and the music of the prose. It's why I may use a one-word incomplete sentence somewhere instead of something longer. Part of that is my style, but a lot of it has to do with making sure the rhythm works.

And one of the best ways to see if your story has good cadence or rhythm is to read it aloud. A lot of times when we read our own work in our head, our brain naturally skims. Hell, we've written it, we know what's there and what's coming. But this can hurt you because you may be missing places where a reader with fresh eyes may stumble on a sentence. Even in our heads we need places in prose to "take a breath" while we're reading.

Maybe your crit partners point this out, but most likely it's such a subtle thing that many will intuitively feel the little stumble but not really get hit over the head enough to mark it down and bring it to your attention.

So I literally sit in my office and read passages of my book out loud. Pretend you're the narrator doing the audiobook. Does it flow? Does the scene sound how you want it too--pretty, ethereal, hard and fast-paced, sensual, etc?

Not every scene is going to have the same cadence, nor do you want it to. If they're in the middle of the car chase, the words better not read like poetry. So know what your intention is and then see if the rhythm of the words fits what you were going for.

So here are my opening lines of my prologue in my draft. (And yes, I know, a prologue! *gasp* But well, it's there. I like it. Sara or my editor may cut it, which is fine, but for now, this is how the book opens.)

Most of the time temptation climbs onto your lap and straddles you, demands you deal with it immediately. Give in or deprive yourself. Choose your adventure.

Jace’s general stance: deprivation was overrated.

But he’d never faced this kind of temptation. The kind that seeped into your skin so slowly you didn’t even notice until you were soaked with it, saturated. To the point that every thought, every breath seemed to be laced with the desire for that thing you shouldn’t have.  

            And right now that thing was nibbling flecks of purple polish off her fingernails.

So okay, see where you'd take the breaths (hint: breaths happen at commas and periods)? And we're in a dude's head so the thoughts start off short and to the point, but then he gets wrapped up with how much this is getting to him. If you read it aloud hopefully it flows. It did when I went through it.

But do you see where I'm going with the cadence thing? Do you think about this when you're going through your work? Do you read it aloud either to yourself or to a writer's group?


Also, because I forgot to announce on Friday with all  of Blogger's problems, the winner of Elana Johnson's Possession (ARC) is MayDay_Aura! (I'll be emailing the winner.) Thanks for all of you who commented and entered! :)

Oh no! Melodrama! -- Avoiding the Reader Eye Roll

Photo by Joe Green

There are a lot of fine lines in writing: creating a sense of place v. bogging down reader with description, creating a new spin on an old idea v. being derivative, creating characters with depth v. backstory overload, etc. Another one that I've had trouble defining the line between is drama and melodrama.

Our stories are supposed to have conflict and drama. What's the point otherwise? However, when that story inches into melodrama we risk losing our reader. Instead of connecting with the characters and feeling part of the story, our readers start rolling their eyes. So how can we tell the difference?

This is especially difficult to determine if we're writing a teen story. I'm not going to stereotype, but looking back at myself as a teen, I was quite melodramatic. My high school was my whole world and every event and emotion was amplified. When my crush didn't like me, it was cause for tears and incessant listening of depressing and sappy music. When a good friend gave me the silent treatment for a week, I thought we would never be able to overcome such a terrible turn of events. So how do we make sure our characters and plot are authentic and believable and interesting without sending it into the realm the soap opera?

First my quick definition...

Melodrama is when emotions, plot, or actions are too over the top. My litmus test is if a scene that is intended to be emotional/heartfelt/painful would tempt readers to groan, roll their eyes, or laugh, then I've crossed over the line.

I'll use Twilight as an example since most of you have probably read it or seen the movie. In the scene at the hospital in the first movie, Edward tells Bella she needs to stay away from him for her own safety. Bella sits up, panicked, stuttering "No, you can't leave me! We can't be apart." The line in and of itself is fine, but this scene made me giggle in the theatre. Also, in the book New Moon, Bella's reaction to Edward leaving is um, intense, to say the least. Months of depression and becoming an adrenaline junkie seem a tad melodramatic to me. (Disclaimer: I have admitted to enjoying Twilight, so please no hate comments from devoted fans.)

So what can we do to avoid crossing this line?

• Beware the exclamation point! It's rarely needed and is usually a beacon of melodrama!

 

 

• Watch words like screamed, shouted, sobbed, cried, etc. Use them sparingly.

• Put yourself inside your characters. If A, B, or C happened to you, how would you react? Of course, your character hasn't a different backstory than you, but this will give you a start to find an authentic reaction. I mean, really, how many of us are actually swooning or drooling when we see a hot guy?

• Don't have your characters act contrived just to fit a plot need. They're actions must be based on realistic/logical motivations that you've developed in the story. i.e. If a character is mild-mannered throughout, but you need an emotional scene so all of a sudden she flies off the handle with no logical motivation to do so or previous behavior to back it up.

• No TSTL (too stupid to live) characters. i.e. running up that stairs when a serial killer breaks into the house, heroine believing something the bad guy tells her when she KNOWS he's the bad guy. Your readers won't buy it.

• Avoid stereotyped characters--the wise old man/woman, the evil ex-wife/other woman, the naive virgin, the bitchy popular girl, the hooker with the heart of gold, the perfect/infallible male love interest. If you use any of these, you need to make sure there is a twist on it. For example, in PC Cast's Marked series, Aphrodite starts as the stereotypical blonde mean girl, but develops into something much different as the series goes on.

• Watch out for huge coincidences. Yes, when writing, we're playing God, but that doesn't mean we can twist fate to create unbelievable coincidences. Your reader will give a big "yeah right" or "my, isn't that convenient?"

• This is related to the coincidence thing, but be careful of creating conflict after conflict after conflict to where there is no way to believe that all that would happen to one person. The best example I can think of is the first seasons of 24. Jack's daughter's Kim couldn't keep herself out of trouble. How many times can one girl get herself kidnapped or put in mortal danger? It became a joke in our house--how will Kim try to get herself killed this week?

 

And if in doubt, picture a scene through the eyes of a Saturday Night Live writer. How much rewriting would you have to do on that scene to recreate it for comedy/satire on the show? If the answer is "not much", you may have jumped into the melodrama hot tub.

So am I the only one who struggles with this line? How do you determine if you've gone too far? And what are some of your favorite melodramatic books/movies/tv shows?

*repost from 2009

 

 

**Today's Theme Song**

"Selling the Drama" - Live

(player below--go ahead, take a listen)

Wordiness:The Post in Which I Discuss Reduction of the Aforementioned

I'm a wordy girl. In school, the teachers used to tell us the minimum amount of pages required for a paper. While others were trying to figure out what font would fill the maximum amount of space (Courier New, btw), I would be trying to get my paper under fifteen pages. So I know I have to watch this tendency when I'm writing.

The terrific resources on the RWA site helped me out again. Here are some things to help cut the fluff out of your manuscript.

1. Eliminate and remove redundancy.

Fluffy: She sobbed and tears fell from her eyes as she watched him walk away.

Sleek: Tears fell from her eyes as he walked away.

2. Delete intensifiers that don't intensify.

F: Generally, Mary kept her very deepest emotions hidden.

S: Mary kept her deepest emotions hidden.

(or even better: Mary hid her deepest emotions.)

3. Remove important sounding phrases that don't add to a sentence.

F: All things considered, she was thankful for the outcome.

S: She was thankful for the outcome.

4. Avoid starting sentences with expletives.

No, this doesn't mean curse words. An expletive according to Webster is : "a syllable, word, or phrase inserted to fill a vacancy without adding to the sense." That should tell us all we need to know. (it was, there are, etc)

F: It was his gaze that made her heart beat faster.

S: His gaze made her heart beat faster.

(Or better: His gaze made her heart pound.)

 

5. Use active instead of passive voice whenever you can.

F: The dishes were washed after dinner by my mother.

S: After dinner, my mother washed the dishes.

6. Reduce clauses to phrases, and reduce phrases to single words.

F: In the very near future, she would have to make a decision.

S: Soon, she would have to decide.

 

7. Remove adjective clauses where you can.

 

F: The girl who lived next door wore a dress that had pink stripes.

S: The girl next door wore a pink striped dress.

 

8. Turn prepositional phrases into one-word modifiers.

F: The captain of the football team always dated the prettiest of the cheerleaders.

S: The football team captain always dated the prettiest cheerleader.

 

9. Cut extraneous words or phrases.

F: We conducted an investigation regarding the murder.

S: We investigated the murder.

 

10. Remove cliches and euphemisms.

F: He had a sneaking suspicion his protests had fallen on deaf ears.

S: He suspected they had ignored his protests.

 

11. Weed out the "to be".

F: Sue found the children to be exhausting.

S: Sue found the children exhausting.

 

12. Avoid stating the obvious.

F: He sat down and realized it was already 6am in the morning.

S: He sat and realized it was already 6am.

 

*This a personal favorite of mine. I naturally write "stood up"--like where else can you stand but up? Grr. I do it all the time.

13. Delete meaningless adverbs.

F: She yelled at him loudly, then ran away quickly.

S: She yelled at him and ran.

 

The source that I pulled this from also has fantastic lists of

Redundant Phrases like

absolutely essential = essential

future plans = plans

Wordy Phrases

A lot of = many

Come to an end = end

And Cliches

sad but true (great Metallica song, but a cliche nonetheless)

give a damn

*This is a repost from October 2009

So are any of you wordy like me? Which of these do you find cropping up in your manuscript the most?

 

**Today's Theme Song**

"More Than Words" - Extreme

(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)

That Sneaky Backstory

Today, I have the privilege of having fellow romance writer Justine Dell with us. If you're not following Justine, go check her out.  She has a fantabulous blog right over here full on insightful and helpful posts. :)

Now, she's going to give us the dirt when it comes to backstory...

First I would like to say thank you to Roni for allowing me the opportunity to do a guest blog while she is away!

Now, let’s talk about dreaded backstory!

My Great and Powerful Beta of Oz gave me the following book for my birthday this past August:

 

If you don’t have this book—get it. It has helped me leaps and bounds in the short month I’ve had it.

In Chapter 23, Donald Maas discusses low tension: burdensome backstory. I know what you’re all thinking, “There’s no backstory in the beginning of my wip. I know this rule.”

I beg to differ. Politely of course ;-) I thought I had this rule down pat, too. I was wrong.

In the first chapter of your book do you have any setup? Are you bringing any “players” to the stage? Do you establish a setting? Set up a situation? I’ll bet the answer is yes.

Take the first part of my first ever finished wip: Broken Ties That Bind. The first scene introduces the heroine, her husband, and showcases the turmoil in their marriage—right before the heroine meets the hero.

Now, I thought this information was important because I wanted to show the heroine is a state of conflict before I dumped her on top of the hero (who adds another conflict to her marriage).

I was wrong. Here’s the exercise Donald tells us to do in order to fix this problem:

1. In the first fifty pages of your novel, find any scene that establishes the setting, brings the players to the stage, sets up a situation, or that is otherwise backstory.
2. Put brackets around the material, or highlight it in your electronic file.
3. Cut and paste this material into chapter fifteen. Yes, chapter fifteen.

He adds this as a follow up:

“Now, look at chapter fifteen. Does the backstory belong there? If not, can it be cut outright? If that is not possible, where is the best place for it to reside after the midpoint of your novel?”

Then he tells us this:

“Authors bog down their beginnings with setup. Why is that? While writing, the opening chapters, the novelist is getting to know his characters. Who are they? How did they get to be that way? The fact is, the author need to know these things, but the reader does not. The reader needs a story to begin.”

So, you know what I did? I did it! And while scary, it worked. Now my novel actually reads differently.

Instead of the reader knowing my heroine is married and in trouble, they wonder why she brushes of the advances of a guy whom she is obviously attracted to. She’s nervous for reasons the readers want to find out about.  It isn’t until later you discover she’s married and then it’s like “whoa” for the reader.

Try it. I’ll bet you’ll end up with something amazing. And remember why Donald wants us to do this:

“If you must include the backstory, place it so that is answers a long-standing question, illuminating some side of a character rather than just setting it up.”

You’ll get your own “whoa” moment. I promise. ;-)

~JD 

So have you caught backstory sneaking into your early chapters? What's your biggest challenge when it comes to backstory?

**Today's Theme Song**

"The Story" - 30 Seconds to Mars

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

Self-Editing Tips

This weekend I went to my monthly RWA meeting and had the privilege of hearing author Judi McCoy talk about self-editing.  (Check out her Dogwalker Mystery series here.)  Some of the tips we've already talked about on here, but the two that stood out for me were the following:

1.  Print out your manuscript to edit because you will miss things trying to edit on the computer

2.  Read your manuscript out loud or, even better, have a friend read it out loud to you.

I've done the first one at times, but honestly do most of my editing on the computer because I'm cheap (want to save ink and paper).  But perhaps, I need to take this advice. I definitely do find things in printed copies that I passed over time and time again on the electronic file.

The second one I've never done.  Occasionally, if I'm struggling with a paragraph or scene, I'll read some of it aloud. But I've never read the whole manuscript that way.  I could see how that would be extremely helpful because sometimes things just don't roll off the tongue and you can't catch it until you read it aloud.  Also, this is a great way to check the flow and naturalness of your dialogue.

So I think I'll try both of these when I finish my current WIP and see if it's helpful.

Now, a few quick things.  If you missed the Bad Boy Blogfest yesterday, you can check out my entry from Wanderlust here.  I'd love your opinion.  That page also as the link back to Tina Lynn's site to find all the entries for the fest.  They were super fun to read, so check them out.  :)

Also, the Beta Club queue has shortened to a month wait.  The next opening is July 27th.  So if you were considering sending something in, now would be a great time.  For details, you can click on the Free Critiques button at the top of this page.  :)

Alright, so what are some of your self-editing tips?  Do you print out your manuscript or edit it all on the computer?  Do you read it out loud?

**Today's Theme Song**

"Seek and Destroy" - Metallica

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

The Beta Club: The Calling (Paranormal Romance) - Come Critique!

It's Beta Club Day!  On today's agenda, one of my favorite genres, paranormal romance.  So, I hope you'll take the time to take a look and let the author know what you think.

For newbies:  If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments.  All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive.  And if anyone has an itch to be critiqued, the rules for submitting to the Beta Club are under the "Free Critiques" heading at the top of the page.

Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments.  My detailed critique is below. 

Author: Mishi (check out her site here)
Title: The Calling
Genre: Paranormal Romance

Excerpt:
 
 

Maire ran to the man who lay face down in a heaping mess before her, his head mass of blood and hair. “What do I do?” she gasped, kneeling down beside him. Then it hit her, “Cell phone!  Iris, can you help him while we wait for an ambulance?” She asked, fingers fumbling in her purse for the tiny phone.

“Don’t worry about calling for help; it’s not needed,” the angel assured her, placing a finger on the vampire’s head. Instantly, the wounds began to close.

“Are you kidding me? Look at him!” The blood terrified her, “There’s no way he could survive that kind of a beating. You know how much damage a demon can do when they possess people.” Glancing again at his head, “Not that I’ve ever seen one up close and personal like that. There’s no way this guy will survive without some medical attention.”

“Should I try to move him, he can’t possibly be able to breathe like this.” She inched closer as Iris watched. “I will not to panic if his face is worse,” she whispered, reaching out to him. “I hope I don’t do more harm than good by doing this.”

“Oh thank God, he’s fine on this side!” She sighed. Reaching for a tissue, she muttered, “He’s a little pale and cold to the touch, but this is much better.”  She reached for his jugular, trying to find his pulse, “His heart is beating too slow, should I perform CPR?’

Touya felt warm trembling fingers on his neck. The air was thick with the scent of human fear and flowers-irises-of all things. He felt energy beaming down on him; soft and pure as it pulsed against his skin-nothing like the energy of the demon he had been fighting. With fangs out, Touya sprang to a sitting position, and found himself staring into a young woman’s panic filled eyes.

“Iris, it’s another demon!” She cried and scrambled backwards.

Trying to get to his feet, Touya growled angrily, “Do not insult me, I’m no more a demon than you are!”

He looked around himself for the power that he felt, Where are they? Are they in the building waiting to gun me down? It doesn’t matter, I need blood and I need it now!  He looked back to the man lying out of sight near the dumpsters. If I have to feed, it’s going to be on someone tainted by evil, and not this innocent woman. But she gets to watch for that demon crack.

Even in his weakened state, Touya moved faster than human eyes could follow, and with a sharp jerking motion, he had Mr. Baseball Cap in his grasp. The man moaned with the shock of being on his feet. “Stop complaining,” Touya grumbled, “I just took enough to get the demon out of you. You can complain when I’m done, because this will not be pleasant. Next time you’ll think twice before asking a demon to possess you.”

Rising to her feet, Maire walked over to him as he cradled the stranger in his arms.

“Oh God, you’re drinking his blood!” She gasped, her hands flying up to cover her mouth.

Touya stopped to look at her, “It’s how I heal. Sorry that it displeases,” he said, with an edge of sarcasm before returning to his business.

“Darn it, Iris! Why didn’t you tell me he was a vampire?” She looked behind her, her voice holding heavy with anger.

The angel was leaning against a wall with her arms crossed over her chest. Her tone dry, she asked, “Would you have believed it?” 

“Considering that I talk to you on a constant basis, I think I could handle the information. What the hell do you think?”

“Oh calm down, sweetie, I was only playing it out the way I was told. I don’t write the dialog, I just deliver the lines.”

He bit his thumb and placed a drop of blood on the wound showing on the man’s neck. After seeing the marks vanish, and releasing the hold over the man’s mind, Touya let him fall to the ground. I need to get out of this alley and find someone else; this guy’s given me all he can. He looked down at his shirt, which was ruined, Home and shower…I won’t find anyone if I look like a mob hit!

He wiped his mouth, turning to the young woman, he glided towards her. “You didn’t see what happened here. You will go home and sleep…”

“Whoa, hold the Jedi Mind Tricks, I don’t think you can make me forget this,” her hands out in front of her as she backed away from him.

Stunned, Touya looked her over. “Your mind is too strong for you to be crazy. Maybe I was wrong about that.” He reached out with his mind and found silence. Flustered he asked, “Who the hell do you keep talking too?

            Maire felt that old familiar panic creep into her voice,“Iris.” It was more of a plea than an answer, but Iris was more than happy to keep herself hidden from the vampire.

“Iris?” He spun his hand, gesturing her to continue.

Turning to face the angel, she cried out, “Come on, Iris, stop playing around!”

Iris shrugged, “I can’t help it, I’ve not been told to reveal myself.”

Marie threw up her hands and yelled, “Great, just great. Thanks God, thanks for making me look like a total nut again!”

“Well, at least you know you’re crazy.” He said with a harsh chuckle, picking up his sword. Moving towards his coat, “I would’ve liked to take some of the shock from your mind, but oh well…it’s not like anyone will believe you.”

She whirled to face him, “I’m not crazy. I was sent here to find you. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do now, but I’ve got instructions to stick around.  The salvation of your soul depends on it.”

“The what…?!”

Below is my detailed critique.  Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.


Alright, so what do you think?  Are you hooked?  What did the author do well?  What things could  be improved?  Agree or disagree with my crit?


Thanks ahead of time to all of you who comment and thanks to the author for volunteering!

**Today's Theme Song (Author's Choice)**

"In a Darkened Room" - Skid Row

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

Do You Write Quickly Enough to Maintain a Career?

Writers obsess about many things--we're a neurotic bunch.  But one of the things we seem to get all twitchy about is daily word count.  Hang around on Twitter or hop around the blogs and you'll see people posting their numbers.  I am not immune.

As you can see in my sidebar, I signed up for the 1000 word a day challenge at the beginning of the year.  Tina's also running a 500/day challenge, and hers is interactive--she beats you with a flogger or sends swarms of angry bees after you if you don't meet your goal.  (But you'll have a novel done in six months. You can sign up here.)

As for my word count meter--some days I meet the goal, some days I surpass it, and other days I fall woefully short.  But should I beat myself up over it?

Well, yes and no.

Why, yes?

Because the more I hear successful published authors speak at conferences and in interviews, the more I learn how productive an author is expected to be once you're under contract.  I was listening to an interview with Lauren Dane the other day and she said she generally takes 4-6 weeks to write a full length novel (90-100k words).  Then she edits, sends to betas, and revises.  Total time from start to sending it in to her publisher--two months on average.

Wow, right?  I mean, that's impressive to me.  Now this doesn't mean she doesn't have to do more revisions and go through the editing process with the publisher, but still.  And this doesn't seem to be that odd.  Most of the authors I hear speak seem to have similar timelines.

They say that once you're under contract and have a multi-book deal, you have to learn to write to deadline, which means writing quickly.  Of course, I know we'd all love to have that problem.  But it is something to think about.  And you can't use the excuse of--oh, but writing is their full-time job, so they have all this time to write.  The truth is, it can take many successful books to generate enough income to drop your day job.  That means you may not have the luxury of full-time writing for a while even if you do get a deal on that first book.  So, learning how to write quickly is an important skill.

Why, no?

On the other hand, we are new writers trying to break in, so editing in two weeks is NOT a viable option for us.  Our stories have to be as perfect as possible before sending them out, so we need to take our time polishing.  It goes back to the adage--write fast, edit slow.

Also, I think we sometimes get so focused on the publishing aspect that we forget about the benefits of not having a deal yet.  We are not on a deadline, so we can go at the pace we want.  Also, we're not tied to contracts so we have the ability to jump around and test out different genres and styles with our writing.  So remember to enjoy those little things as you go through the process.

Now, since I answered the questions both ways, what am I personally trying to do in my own writing?  I'm trying to train myself to write more quickly (because I have an obnoxious internal editor that slows me down), and I'm also relishing the freedom of testing out different subgenres of romance.

So, what's your process?  How long does it take you to bang out a first draft?  How long to edit?  Do you genre jump?  Do you hold yourself accountable to a daily/weekly word count goal?


**Also, don't forget, we're still taking entries for the open spot in our crit group.  You can find out details here.**

**Today's Theme Song**

"This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race" - Fall Out Boy

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

Friends Don't Let Friends Overwrite

A few weeks ago Miss Snark's First Victim had agent Nathan Bransford participate in one of her Secret Agent contests.  If you're not familiar with the site, I suggest you go check it out.  For those contests, she has people submit a snippet of their opening (250 words I believe), then she posts them for everyone to comment on, including a secret agent.  Then after everything has been commented on, the agent is revealed and he or she picks a winner--often requesting pages.

So anyway, as I was reading through Mr. Bransford's comments, I saw a recurring theme in his feedback.   On almost every other post it seemed, he was pointing out overwriting.  In some of those instances, I could see it, in others I would have never picked up on it had he not pointed it out.  So, it was really helpful to read through the posts.  Then, of course, I became paranoid--am I overwriting?

Even though I'm wordy in a lot of things (including these posts), I tend to have the opposite problem and underwrite in my stories.  I struggle sometimes with painting the scene or describing details because I want to jump right into the action or dialogue, forgetting that I need to let the reader know enough to ground them in the scene.  But when I looked through my chapters, I still had moments where I got a little heavy handed on the wordage and needed to dial back.

So how do you spot overwriting?

• Too many adjectives and adverbs.

We already know adverbs are our nemesis, but dumping in tons of adjectives is a problem as well.  Do not put in three adjectives when one will do just fine.

• Using fancy words when a simple one will do.

A lot of us can fall into this trap because most of us are vocabulary nerds.  We enjoyed studying for the SAT because learning new and interesting words is awesome.  That's why it's so hard to just use said when we could use pontificated.  However, those words are distracting and pull your reader out of the story.  If the simple word works, go with that one.

• Describing things as if you were a set designer

Long passages describing every detail of the room, setting, or what a person looks like/is wearing, etc. drive me nuts.  I skim these.  Tell me the pertinent details to give my imagination the building blocks to create the picture, then leave me to it.  If you show me the ratty couch with holes in it, I'm good.  I don't also need to know the pattern on the throw pillows.

• Simile and metaphor overload

A well-placed simile or metaphor can be a beautiful thing.  A whole butt load of them littered all over the page, not so much.  Let a brilliant metaphor or simile stand out on its own by not cluttering the sentences around it with more of the same.  I recently read a book that overused similes so much that I actually stopped reading it--it was completely distracting.

• Redundancy

This can happen within a sentence (ex. the young four-year old) or can be repeating information you've already told us (telling us the hero's eyes are blue every time you mention his eyes or describing the same house every time the heroine goes there.)

• Navel-gazing characters

Introspection is good, we want to know what's going on with the character.  But passages and passages of navel-gazing will slow down your pace and earn eye rolls.   Sprinkle the introspection in with action.

• Trying too hard

The easiest way to find overwriting is to look for those places where you thought you sounded "like a writer." Think of American Idol when Simon Cowell tells the contestant the performance was indulgent.  Those are the performances where the person chose a song and gave a performance that they thought made them look "like a singer" instead of singing something that fit their voice and style. 

Resources: Big Mistake 3: Overwriting and Five Fiction Mistakes That Spell Rejection

Alright, hope that helps.  Most editor articles I've read say that almost every manuscript can be cut by 10%, so get to trimming!  :)

So are you guilty of overwriting?  Do you ever have those moments where you think you've just written something very "writerly"?  Which of these drives you crazy when you find them in books?

*Today's Theme Song**

"Truly Madly Deeply" - Savage Garden

(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)

Sifting Through Opposing Feedback

Photo by engineroomblog (click pic for link)

First, thanks so much for all of your nice comments and congratulations yesterday.  You guys are the bestest!

Now, because I had the opportunity to review the judges' comments and revise my submission before sending it along to the editor, I spent the entire afternoon yesterday obsessing over two paragraphs.  Last night, I finally hit the point of mostly happy with it and went ahead and sent it in.  If I looked at it any longer, I know I would have ended up changing too much.  The entry got me to the finals, so I'm trying to go with the ain't-broke-don't-fix-it (well, don't fix it too much) mentality--a philosophy that is hard for me to embrace at times. So I have officially let it go and am giving it over to the Fates at this point.

But as I was going through the judges' comments and emailing back and forth with my crit group to get their input, my head started to swim.  It's amazing how subjective this whole writing thing is.  One reader will point out how much they love something, then another one will say I totally blew that part.  

When I threw out options to my crit partners, each had different opinions of which version I should go with (and gave completely valid rationales behind why there opinion was such.)  I'd read one of their suggestions, and be like, yes that makes so much sense.  But then I'd read another's opposing opinion and her reasoning, and be like, damn, that makes total sense too.  Gah!  

So it makes me wonder, how do you know which advice to take and which to toss? Ultimately, I went with what had the best "feel" to me when I read it out loud, but believe me, I agonized over every freaking word.

So how about you?   When you get opposing opinions that all make sense, how do you determine your course?  

 

**Today's Theme Song**

"Brain Stew" - Green Day

(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)

Overediting: Sucking the Life Right Out of Your Story

I had the pleasure of attending my local RWA chapter meeting last Saturday and hearing author Catherine Spangler talk about "Writing Right".  She gave a great overview of the most common writing mistakes she sees when judging contests and critiquing.  We've talked about many of them here, but one that stuck out for me was the mistake of overediting.

She said sometimes she sees work where the writing is technically good, clean, and flows, but there is no life in the work.  Writing is ultimately a passion driven practice.  That's what we're doing when we're drafting; we're letting our creative juices and excitement about the story spill onto the pages.  This is the essence of a our writing.

And oftentimes, when we put our editor hat on and go back through our work, we become story vampires--sucking the lifeblood from our words.  We polish and cut and rearrange, we nix the adverbs and dangling participles, we make sure no dialogue is buried.  These things are all well and good and you want to edit and rewrite and polish.  But you also don't want to do so much that you leave your story pale and gasping for air.

For instance, in my YA, if I had cut every adverb, my MC's voice would have changed.  She was the type of girl who would use words like totally and completely and seriously.  If I had nixed those, I think it would have taken something from who her character was.

Think of it like chicken soup.  Your grandmother's always tastes better than Campbell's (well unless you're grandma can't cook).  Campbell's is technically perfect-every ingredient precisely measured, the cooking exactly timed, taste tester approved, but it's sterile.  Your grandmother, on the other hand, after years of practicing her craft, can throw in a bit of this or that and always make it taste great.  Why?  Because she put her heart and her own spin on it.  This is what needs to be in our stories.

So make sure you edit and cut and revise--those things are absolutely necessary.  But take care not to drain the life out of your book.  Keep the heart of your story in tact.  (BTW, the delish picture above is to remind you guys that The Vampire Diaries starts up again tonight on the CW--yay).

So how about you?  Have you ever been a story vampire and overedited?  Have you critted work that seemed like it was written well but lacked that spark?

**Today's Theme Song**

"Drain You" - Nirvana

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

Know When to Hold 'Em, Know When to Fold 'Em

I've been staring into space for way too many hours this week and not writing.  Why?  Because I've gotten to around the 20k mark in my WIP and am just not happy.  I know where the plot is going, know what's supposed to happen.  There are some scenes I really enjoy.  However, I'm not liking what the plot is doing to my characters.  I like my characters, love them actually.  But this story is turning them whiny and weak, which has made the chemistry between them lackluster.  And I don't want to write weak characters.  Damaged?  Yes.  But strong nonetheless.

So I've spent the week trying to figure out how I can adjust the plot to make the characters come to life the way I want them too, but haven't found a solution.  I've read and reread what I have and it's not becoming any clearer.  So I figured I had three options:

Standby--stop writing for a few days, just let the words simmer, relax my mind, try to come up with solutions

This didn't work, so I went to phase two.

Turn Off--I gave myself two days completely off from dealing with it.  I read, I caught up on my critting, worked on reading through the contest entries I'm judging for the Golden Heart.

But when I came back and read through my chapters, I still hadn't come up with any solution.  So now I'm going to the most extreme of all phases, the control+alt+delete of writing.

Restart--I've decided to scrap the words (well save them in a file) and start fresh with the same characters but a completely new plot.  So page one, chapter one, here I come again.  *sigh*

I hate to do it, but I'd rather scrap 20k words I don't like, then keep writing and end up with 60k I loathe.  And since all great life wisdom is buried in old country songs, I'm going to take Kenny Rogers advice:  You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run.

So has this ever happened to you?  How far have you gotten in a WIP before you decided you had to scrap and reboot?  

**Daily reminder: The Win a Crit contest is still open, here's the link for those of you that still want to enter.  You only have until tomorrow to do so!**


 
 
 
 

**Today's Theme Song**

"The Gambler" - Kenny Rogers

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

Contest!!!! And The Techie Post About Critting

Photo credit: Inky Girl

Before I get to today's post, I want to announce a new contest.  In honor of my focus on critting this week, I am offering a critique giveway!

Two winners will receive either a detailed critique of their first ten pages OR a query critique from me (winner's choice).  These crits will be private and not published on this site.  Now, I don't claim to be a professional editor, but I am a very detailed critter and give honest feedback, which I hope will be very helpful to whoever wins.

Alright, so here are the rules...

• You must leave a comment on TODAY's post
• You must be a follower (If you are not currently, you can join now.)
• If you are already a follower, you get one extra entry (+1)
• If you tweet about the contest (just hit the retweet button at the bottom of the post) or post it on your blog, you get an extra entry (+1)
• No non-fiction (except memoir) or poetry please.
• Comments will be cut off at midnight (central time) Friday night Jan. 15.
• Winner will be announced on Monday's blog!

Good luck to everyone!  I look forward to reading the winners' work!

Now for today's post...

I do not pretend to be technically savvy.  I occasionally have a moment where I feel I've conquered some html thing that I thought I wouldn't figure out (like my fancy label section in the sidebar).  However, I thought it may be helpful to review how my critique group uses Microsoft Word to crit.  I know many of you probably already use these features, but for those of you who don't, I hope this proves useful.

In Microsoft Word (2007 version is what I'm using), there are these handy dandy review features.  So when you open your document, click on the tab at the top that says "Review".

This will bring up the options to "Track Changes".  Select this option.  It will now track any changes you make to the document in a different color.

Now when you make changes in the document, it will look like this (click on picture for bigger view):

Now for those things that you can't just correct inline, you have the comments feature.  To the left of the Track Changes button is a button labeled New Comment (see first picture above).  Make sure your cursor is at the point in the document where you want to make a comment.  Then press the New Comment icon.  A little bubble will appear out to the side where you can type your comment.  You can also highlight whole words, sentences, or passages, then hit comment and it will attach the comment to whatever you highlighted.

And remember this feature is great for pat on the back comments as well as critical ones.

So these are the basic features I use.  In addition to the review features, I also use the normal highlight capability to denote echoes.  I don't bother making a comment each time I see a repeated word, I just highlight each one to bring it to the person's attention.  An automatic comment will also appear in the sidebar since you are tracking changes. To highlight the word, just highlight the word with your cursor, then a little box will pop up, select the yellow (or whichever color you choose) option. (Click on pic to see bigger)

A few other time savers are coming up with abbreviations your crit buddies all know to put in the comment section:

SDT = Show don't tell

HD = Hidden dialogue (or buried dialogue)

awk = awkward

??? = What in the heck are you trying to say here?

And smiley faces and LOL's always work well too.

Alright, I'm sure that was as clear as mud.  I definitely don't need to quit fiction for technical writing.  :)  If any of you have questions about any of the above, feel free to ask them in the comments and I'll try to not confuse you further.

Now, for the purposes of the contest, please leave in your comment the number of entries you qualify for (if you're tweeting it, posting it, a follower, etc.).  If you do not want to enter, but want to leave a comment, just let me know "no entry".  Thanks and good luck!

**Today's Theme Song**

"Get the Party Started" - Pink

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

Freewheeler or Rewinder? Editing while Drafting

I know there is the age old debate of plotting vs. pantsing, but I think there is another issue that goes hand in hand with that one.  Most of the advice you hear about that first draft is to just write and stuff a sock in the mouth of that internal editor so the creative muse can sing.  This method can work for plotters and pantsers alike.  Get the words on the page and worry about them later, right?  Hell, otherwise NaNo would be a true impossibility.

However, as I write my first draft of this new novel, I'm starting to realize that I'm not so good at full out freewheeling like I was in my first two novels.  I can freely write whatever scene I'm working on that day without worrying about every little thing.  But, I have a hard time the next day not going back over what I wrote the previous day and doing some tweaking and editing or all out cutting.  I also need time after I finish writing a scene to think through what I wrote and how I want to proceed in the next scene.  Because although I do some rough outlining before starting, I only know the major strokes of the story, so I'm not always sure what I want to happen next.

Therefore, it seems that with this book thus far I'm more of a rewinder than a freewheeler.  I'm not sure what the cause of this is.  Am I not as confident in my story?  Have I been studying craft so much that I'm second guessing myself?  Or is just that each book has it's own personality and the its own way of wanting to be written?  I honestly don't know.

What do you think?  Has this ever happened to you?  Are you able to freewheel or are you more of a rewinder?


 
 

**Today's Theme Song**

"Backslider" - The Toadies

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

What Makes a Good Crit Buddy?

I'm a lucky girl. I have kickass crit group, a great beta reader, and friends (bloggy and otherwise) who have generously read for me and offered feedback. And what is always interesting to me is how different people can see such different things. That's why it's important to make sure you have a wide variety of people critting you.

Types of critters:

Partner

--This person invests in you as much as you invest in them. You exchange equally and you offer the entire gamut of feedback: line edits, plotting, characterization, story, pacing, etc.

--This is the person that you also go to for advice on writing career things

--I think having one of these is vital, but not everyone can fulfill this role because it takes a lot of time investment

Mentor

--This person is further on the path in their writing career, maybe they've already been published. They can offer you guidance along the way.

Proofreader (Grammar Nazi)

--The detail-oriented English teacher type. She can spot a dangling modifier or misplaced comma from twenty yards away. She focuses on the trees, not the forest.

Cheerleader

--This reader sends your crit back with lots of smiley faces, lol's, and positive comments along with the negative things. They may not be as detailed as the proofreader, but they give you the confidence keep going. This is the person who will talk you off the ledge when you're ready to give up.

Whipcracker

--This person doesn't let you get away with anything. If you have deadline, she's poking you until you meet it. If you get lazy in your writing and try to sneak in a little telling, she will call your butt out.

Reader

--This person is not a writer but is a voracious reader. She is looking at the forest, not the trees. This is also invaluable because SHE (or he) is your customer. This is who you are ultimately writing for.

Looking at this list, I definitely have each of these in my beta reading ranks. As for my own style, I hope that I am a partner to my crit group and regular beta readers. If I'm just critting somebody as a one off--then I'm more of a tactful whipcracker and reader (<-this is fair warning for any of those who take me up on the offer at the bottom of the page.)

So, how do you know you've found the right crit buddy?

A good buddy...

Listens to your suggestion and even if they don't always take them, they give them serious consideration.

Makes an effort to understand your writing and where you are coming from.

Gives as much as she gets.

Is honest--even when she knows it might be hard for your to hear

Doesn't just point our problems, but offers suggestions

Appreciates constructive criticism

Takes the time to point out what she loves, not just what's wrong (that smiley face here and there can go a long way when you've received a rough crit)

And beware the toxic crit parter, this person...

Throws up the defenses the minute you say something negative or suggest changes

Has a million excuses as to why your suggestions don't work--you don't understand their genre, you're not "getting" their point, etc.

Rarely implements the changes you offer.

Tells you what's wrong in your manuscript but doesn't offer help on what they think would fix it.

Only wants accolades. When those don't come, they get angry, pouty, or generally difficult.

Doesn't put forth as much effort on your work as you do on theirs

Tears apart your work without tact or helpful suggestions and if you get hurt, tell you that you need a thicker skin.

--There is a huge difference between "this sucks, I'm totally lost" and "this chapter may need a little reworking to make the plot points clearer"

Source: The Care and Nurturing of Critique Relationship

If this toxic buddy is in your life, fire them. You don't need that in your life. Writing is hard enough--don't add to your stress. Find good critters and move on.

**Okay, so in a few days I may be looking for a few "readers" for the first fifty pages of my romance, Wanderlust. As I mentioned, I'm entering a few contests, and even though it's been through detailed critting already, I'd love overarching opinions on those contest type questions (i.e. Do you want to read more? Does the voice shine through? etc.)

You don't have to be a writer, just a reader (preferably of romance). But if you are a writer, I will offer something in return: either a detailed crit of your first chapter (up to 15pgs) or an overall opinion of your first 50pgs.

If anyone is interested, email me (click on the email button at the top right of the page). If I get more than three offers, I'll just pick three at random since I won't have time to crit more than that. (Warning: my story contains some four letter words, so if you're offended by that, please don't apply.)** REQUEST NOW CLOSED--Thanks to all those who offered to read for me! You guys rock. :)

Alright, so what kind of critter are you? Do you recognize any of these types in your circle? Have you ever had a toxic beta reader?

**Today's Theme Song**

"Lipstick and Bruises"-- Lit

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

He Said, She Said: Dialogue

Yesterday Stacey asked in the comments if I would do a post on dialogue. So Stacey, here's your request and dedication (said in the voice of Casey Kasem).

Dialogue is one of my favorite things to write and read. It's a great workhorse in your manuscript and can handle many tasks for you: advancing plot, building tension, revealing character, establishing motivation, and setting tone among other things. And with all these roles to play, make sure it is filling one on of them. Don't have lackluster chatter just to fill space--like anything else in your story, it must serve a purpose.

Okay, so once you have a purpose for your dialogue what dos and don'ts should you watch out for?

Red Flags

Using too much dialect.

--Regional dialects can add authenticity to your story, but too much becomes tiresome to read.

Being too formal. People don't talk in complete sentences all the time.

--"Are you ready to go to school today?" vs. "Ready for school?"

Trying to recreate dialogue too realistically.

--Yes we pause a lot and say um and uh in real life, but you don't need to put that in your writing, unless you are trying to show nervousness or something.

Addressing the person by name all the time.

--Think about how many times you actually say the other person's name when having a conversation--hardly ever. (I used to do this is my writing ALL the time.)

--"I don't know, Bob. Those pants make you look fat." "But Helen, they match my shirt."

Vague pronouns.

--If three women are talking, be careful of saying "she said" and not defining which she it is.

Having characters tell someone something they already know or would never actually discuss just so you can let the reader know.

--"As you know, you're boyfriend cheated on you."

--"You're never going to catch me. As soon as I kill you, I'm going to escape to my secret house in Seattle where no one will be able to find me."

Long drawn out speeches. You're not Shakespeare--drop the soliloquies and monologues.

--Telling in dialogue is STILL telling

Going nuts with non-said dialogue tags or adverbs modifying said.

--In many cases, we're told to use a stronger verb instead of the standard one for verbs such as walked, looked, stood, etc. However, this does not apply to "said". Said is considered invisible to the reader. The shouted/muttered/expressed/pontificated stand out to the reader and remind them that they are reading a story instead of experiencing it.

--This goes for tagging that said with adverbs as well--try to avoid it.

All characters sound alike

--Even without speaker attribution, you should be able to tell most of the time who is talking just by how and what they say.

--Your male lead and female lead should not sound identical. Men and women talk differently. Men, typically, use fewer words to get a point across.

Watch your punctuation.

--Avoid the exclamation point except in rare circumstances--it's melodramatic.

--Semi-colons and colons are not for speech.

--Em-dashes can be used to show a break in thought or an interuption.

--Ellipses can be used to indicate a pause or speech that trails off (use sparingly)

Direct thoughts should be italicized.

--This doesn't mean every thought the narrator has--but a direct thought. Usually you can distinguish them from narrative because they are in present tense vs. past.

--How had she had gotten herself into this position? God, what is wrong with me?

 

Don't bury your dialogue. I talked about this before, but here is a refresher for those of you who are new to the blog.

Dialogue should be in one of the following structures:

Dialogue(D)-->narrative(N)-->dialogue

"Hello," she said, smiling. "What's your name?"

N-->D

She smiled. "Hello, what's your name?"

D->N

"Hello? What's your name?" she asked.

Don't do what I used to do all over the place:

She grinned at the boy. "Hello, what's your name?" she asked.

--see how the dialogue is buried in the narrative? This slows down your pacing and gives the dialogue less impact. Think of dialogue as a book end--it never should be hidden amongst the books (narrative).

Make your dialogue rock:

Read it out loud or have someone read it to you. Does it sound natural?

Contractions are your friends.

When you can avoid attributions (said), do. Either take them out completely or use action beats.

--She hugged her mother. "I love you." (It is assumed that the person doing the action--the beat--in the sentence is the speaker.)

Ground your dialogue in action. Otherwise, you have talking heads.

--This doesn't have to be for every statement uttered, but people move while they are talking, they sip drinks, smile, adjust their skirt, play with their hair, etc.

--Imagine you are writing a screenplay, the actors would need stage direction to tell them what they should be doing during that dialogue.

source

So what about you? What are your biggest challenges with dialogue?

 

 

**Today's Theme Song**

"Talk to Me"-- Buckcherry

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

Wordiness: The Post in Which I Discuss Reduction of the Aforementioned

I'm a wordy girl. In school, the teachers used to tell us the minimum amount of pages required for a paper. While others were trying to figure out what font would fill the maximum amount of space (Courier New, btw), I would be trying to get my paper under fifteen pages. So I know I have to watch this tendency when I'm writing.

The terrific resources on the RWA site helped me out again. Here are some things to help cut the fluff out of your manuscript.

1. Eliminate and remove redundancy.

Fluffy: She sobbed and tears fell from her eyes as she watched him walk away.

Sleek: Tears fell from her eyes as he walked away.

2. Delete intensifiers that don't intensify.

F: Generally, Mary kept her very deepest emotions hidden.

S: Mary kept her deepest emotions hidden.

(or even better: Mary hid her deepest emotions.)

3. Remove important sounding phrases that don't add to a sentence.

F: All things considered, she was thankful for the outcome.

S: She was thankful for the outcome.

4. Avoid starting sentences with expletives.

No, this doesn't mean curse words. An expletive according to Webster is : "a syllable, word, or phrase inserted to fill a vacancy without adding to the sense." That should tell us all we need to know. (it was, there are, etc)

F: It was his eyes that made her heart beat faster.

S: His eyes made her heart beat faster.

(Or better: His eyes made her heart pound.)

 

5. Use active instead of passive voice whenever you can.

F: The dishes were washed after dinner by my mother.

S: After dinner, my mother washed the dishes.

6. Reduce clauses to phrases, and reduce phrases to single words.

F: In the very near future, she would have to make a decision.

S: Soon, she would have to decide.

 

7. Remove adjective clauses where you can.

 

F: The girl who lived next door wore a dress that had pink stripes.

S: The girl next door wore a pink striped dress.

 

8. Turn prepositional phrases into one-word modifiers.

F: The captain of the football team always dated the prettiest of the cheerleaders.

S: The football team captain always dated the prettiest cheerleader.

 

9. Cut extraneous words or phrases.

F: We conducted an investigation regarding the murder.

S: We investigated the murder.

 

10. Remove cliches and euphemisms.

F: He had a sneaking suspicion his protests were falling on deaf ears.

S: He suspected they were ignoring his protests.

 

11. Weed out the "to be".

F: Sue found the children to be exhausting.

S: Sue found the children exhausting.

 

12. Avoid stating the obvious.

F: He sat down and realized it was already 6am in the morning.

S: He sat and realized it was already 6am.

 

*This a personal favorite of mine. I naturally write "stood up"--like where else can you stand but up? Grr. I do it all the time.

13. Delete meaningless adverbs.

F: She yelled at him loudly, then ran away quickly.

S: She yelled at him and ran.

 

The source that I pulled this from also has fantastic lists of

Redundant Phrases like

absolutely essential = essential

future plans = plans

Wordy Phrases

A lot of = many

Come to an end = end

And Cliches

sad but true

give a damn

So are any of you wordy like me? Which of these do you find cropping up in your manuscript the most?

And in honor of the amazing U2 concert I attended last night, a song that has a single word title but says so much...

**Today's Theme Song**

"One" - U2

(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)

Perfectionism is Slow Death

Photo by Cindy See

This picture made me laugh because there is actually a guy down my street who sits in his grass and trims it with a hand tool and picks through it like he's a momma monkey plucking fleas off her young. And his lawn does look great, but honestly, it doesn't look all that different from my yard, which just gets cut the regular old way.

So this got me to thinking about perfectionism when writing. When do we know it's time to stop editing and revising? How can we tell when detail orientation has turned into obsessive perfectionism?

I have trouble finding this line. I'm a perfectionist by nature. Case in point: You do not want to know how much time I spent revamping the format of this blog over last few days. If something was a half inch too far to the right or whatever, it drove me crazy until I could figure out how to fix it. And these obsessive tendencies definitely bleed into my writing. Every time I read through my manuscript, I can find something to change. On good days, this may be a word that needs to be changed or punctuation that needs to be fixed. On bad days, this could be a whole plot thread I want to rewrite.

And of course, editing, revising and a detailed eye are vital for creating a great manuscript, but seeking perfection is a losing battle. It won't be perfect. Ever. So how do we know when we've reached this point...

So you tell me, how do you know when to stop? What's your litmus test for knowing the manuscript is ready to send out to the world?

Also, as a bonus today, some laughs for a gray Monday and helpful links:

• Smart Bitches, Trashy Books (who you should check out if you're not familiar--they're hilarious) held a contest for renaming this terrible romance book cover. Make sure you read the comments--I was rolling.

• Cracked.com did their own snarky synopsizing of the four Twilight books. This is a must read. Here's a taste:

Three hundred pages after "Oh, you like me too? No way, I thought you hated me!", the plot arrives late to the party, drunk, in a beat-up '53 Chevy pick-up truck. It drives away about fifty pages later and crashes into a tree, gets sent to the hospital, and is rarely heard from again throughout the course of the series.

• Kidlit.com (agent Mary Kole's website) is holding a query contest for YA/MG/picture books. If you win, she will crit the first thirty pages of of your manuscript. How awesome is that?

• Over at Miss Snark's First Victim, she's holding another Secret Agent contest. You post your first 250 words and a mystery agent comments (along with readers). Then the agent picks a winner and typically requests a partial. (She gets biggie agents to do this, so a great opportunity.) This month it's only open to Adult books (no YA) of any genre except SF/F or erotica. Contest opens at noon today.

Hope everyone has a great day!

**Today's Theme Song**

"Perfect" - Simple Plan

(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)

*title is quote by Hugh Prather*