A Screw-With-Your-Head Read: All the Ugly and Wonderful Things by Bryn Greenwood

I was supposed to do a lot of things yesterday. House cleaning. Laundry. Run errands. Instead, I spent most of the day immersed in this book and only managed to go grocery shopping so we wouldn't starve this week. 

All the Ugly and Wonderful Things by Bryn Greenwood was one of my Book of the Month Club choices. It was actually a pick from last month (but you can choose old picks). I didn't get it the first time around because I wasn't sure I wanted to read the subject matter. But then I saw a number of people (whose reading tastes generally align with mine) recommending it, so this month I grabbed it.

I'm glad I did. This was one compelling read.

First, a warning. This is not an easy book to read. It doesn't hold back and is very dark. However, at its heart, there's also love. Love that will leave you with uncomfortable mixed feelings most likely. But isn't that the best part of a well-written book? It leaves you thinking. It leaves you questioning your own feelings about the story and the characters.

I won't go too deep into the plot, but I know most of you who are reading this are romance readers, so if you want to know if this is a happy ending or not, scroll to the bottom of the post to see under the spoiler heading. If you don't want to be spoiled. Avoid that. :)

I'm still processing my own feelings about this book, but I think my biggest takeaway is that we can't ever know what it's like to be in someone else's shoes. We make judgments. We know what's right unequivocally. Or we think we do. But is it always so cut and dried? I don't know. Hence the uncomfortable feelings.

It made me think about my days as a social worker. I did therapy with middle school aged children from very difficult backgrounds. Some had seen and been through so much, I could barely wrap my head around it. So reading about Wavy, I couldn't help but think, I met girls like her. Thirteen year olds who'd walk in my office with the eyes of a hardened adult. Ones who would often get involved with boys much older than them. They'd grown up too fast because they'd had no other choice. It was do that or not survive. Did they make bad choices? Often. Could I blame them? No. Would I have reported Wavy and Kellen to the police if she'd walked in my office? Absolutely. I did that very thing a number of times in that job. And I'd still do it every single time without pause if I were still doing that job.

So if I were in this book, I'd be one of the antagonists (like her aunt.) But the story made me root for Wavy and Kellen. So...yeah. It's a book that effs with your head. That's one reason I read dark books. I don't mind a book messing with my lines. Fiction gives a space for that. But I also know that's not for everyone. So, you've been warned. : )

But if you decide to pick it up, you're going to get one hell of a read. 

Here's the blurb:

A beautiful and provocative love story between two unlikely people and the hard-won relationship that elevates them above the Midwestern meth lab backdrop of their lives.

As the daughter of a drug dealer, Wavy knows not to trust people, not even her own parents. It's safer to keep her mouth shut and stay out of sight. Struggling to raise her little brother, Donal, eight-year-old Wavy is the only responsible adult around. Obsessed with the constellations, she finds peace in the starry night sky above the fields behind her house, until one night her star gazing causes an accident. After witnessing his motorcycle wreck, she forms an unusual friendship with one of her father's thugs, Kellen, a tattooed ex-con with a heart of gold.

By the time Wavy is a teenager, her relationship with Kellen is the only tender thing in a brutal world of addicts and debauchery. When tragedy rips Wavy's family apart, a well-meaning aunt steps in, and what is beautiful to Wavy looks ugly under the scrutiny of the outside world. A powerful novel you won’t soon forget, Bryn Greenwood's All the Ugly and Wonderful Things challenges all we know and believe about love.

Grab a copy or you can still get it through Book of the Month Club (sign up with my link and code REFER 50 and get 50% off a three month membership.) I have to say the hardback version is lovely. Gorgeous cover and that nice soft feel to the jacket. (Yes, I pet my books. Don't you? ;) )

Has anyone else read this? What books have you read that screwed with your head or made you question your feelings?

SPOILER! SPOILER! 

This book has a positive ending. You have to go through hell to get to it though. :)

Friday Reads: Sex, Lies, and Online Dating by Rachel Gibson

So remember how I was asking for help dealing with my epic TBR pile earlier in the week? Well, while I was culling some books, I plucked this one off my shelf and read the back. It sounded funny, and I was in the mood for that, so I figured I'd give it a try. I guarantee this book has been on my shelf for at least three years. A while back I bought two "grab bag" boxes of romances from the used book store, and this was one of those in the mix.

And see, this is EXACTLY why I have trouble getting rid of TBR books even when they've been languishing on my shelves for years. Because I KNOW that there are some gems on those shelves and I don't want to miss out on them. (Yes, I have major FOMO over books.) But anyway, Sex, Lies, and Online Dating by Rachel Gibson proved the point and will now make me even more paranoid about donating books I haven't read.

So, let's get to the book. First, the back cover summary, which has a bit more of a chick-litty feel than the actual book, so take that with a grain of salt:

Sex . . .

What is it about men anyway? Bad cars, bad jobs, even bad teeth—nothing convinces them that they can't snare a Size Two Babe with a D-cup chest. And after way too many internet dates with men named "luvstick" and "bigdaddy182," Lucy Rothschild should know.

Lies . . .

But sitting across from her now is "hardluvnman," and he seems different—sensitive, honest, and hot! He says he's a plumber, while Lucy claims she's a nurse! She's really a mystery writer, dating online while researching her next book. Hey, everyone lies a little, don't they?

And Online Dating . . .

But Quinn's really an undercover cop hunting down a serial killer, and he sees Lucy as his top suspect. And while he could really go for this smart, sexy woman with the killer bod—if that's the only thing "killer" about her—he knows he needs to wine and dine her and discover the truth. Hey, he realizes the dating scene can be deadly—but this is ridiculous!

Okay, so first, this is a series following four writer friends, each getting their own book. Obviously, I'm a writer, and I have a group of writer friends who I'm very close to. So this was ridiculously relatable. Almost freakishly so at points, lol. I actually texted my friend Dawn mid-read and was like--go get this book right now. 

But besides that, why did I love it? Well, this story is funny and sexy with a great voice (and I'm a junkie for a good voice.) Plus, after picking up a few books lately that I couldn't get into and worrying that it was me or my mood, this one instantly hooked me. Now, fair warning, some of the references are outdated since I think this was released in the mid-2000s. (Hero wears button fly jeans which made me snicker. And there are lots of references to high end brands, which makes me think of Sex in the City chick lit.) But it wasn't a distracting amount of dated stuff. Also, this has a suspense element to it, but it's very solidly contemporary romance. The focus is on the couple and their developing relationship.

I'm not going to go into a detailed plot synopsis because you can get the gist in the back cover summary, but the reason I'm recommending it is because it's hard to find books that pull off humor well, while still being romantic and sexy. This one does. I laughed aloud multiple times and still got the payoff of a great, sexy romance. If you're looking for a lot of angst and emotional backstory, this is not the one for you. But sometimes it's nice to read something light-hearted and fun with characters who could be your friends.

Now I'm going to have to track down the remaining books in the series and add MORE to my TBR pile. It's an endless cycle, people.

Grab this one for only $3.99 right now.  And have a great weekend!

On Productivity & Distraction: Deep Work by Cal Newport

I found Deep Work by Cal Newport on a list of recommended reads for productivity and then when I tweeted out the article, I had so many people say, "Yes! Read Deep Work." So I listened. And I'm glad I did.

Here's the back cover summary (from Amazon):

One of the most valuable skills in our economy is becoming increasingly rare. If you master this skill, you'll achieve extraordinary results.

Deep work is the ability to focus without distraction on a cognitively demanding task. It's a skill that allows you to quickly master complicated information and produce better results in less time. Deep work will make you better at what you do and provide the sense of true fulfillment that comes from craftsmanship. In short, deep work is like a super power in our increasingly competitive twenty-first century economy. And yet, most people have lost the ability to go deep-spending their days instead in a frantic blur of e-mail and social media, not even realizing there's a better way.

In DEEP WORK, author and professor Cal Newport flips the narrative on impact in a connected age. Instead of arguing distraction is bad, he instead celebrates the power of its opposite. Dividing this book into two parts, he first makes the case that in almost any profession, cultivating a deep work ethic will produce massive benefits. He then presents a rigorous training regimen, presented as a series of four "rules," for transforming your mind and habits to support this skill.

A mix of cultural criticism and actionable advice, DEEP WORK takes the reader on a journey through memorable stories-from Carl Jung building a stone tower in the woods to focus his mind, to a social media pioneer buying a round-trip business class ticket to Tokyo to write a book free from distraction in the air-and no-nonsense advice, such as the claim that most serious professionals should quit social media and that you should practice being bored. DEEP WORK is an indispensable guide to anyone seeking focused success in a distracted world.

I know I'm not alone in feeling constantly distracted. It's the nature of our world today. So this book appealed to me on a number of levels. My goal is always to write as much as I can. That's my "deep work". That's what bring me joy (and what allows me to support myself.) But in addition to the writing, I have all the other things pulling at my time: returning emails, all the business stuff, coordinating things, marketing/promotion, blogging, and staying active on social media. Not to mention, you know, being a mom and wife.

With all that, I feel a little like an addicted lab rat when I'm working. Every ding of an email, every time I hit a hard sentence or am not sure what to write next, I'm clicking over to something else. Checking twitter, checking facebook, checking instagram, clicking on an interesting link. It's like this...

up up up up in #dogs

Part of being on social media is my job and part is for my own enjoyment. I want to be connected to readers and my fellow writers. I want to know what's going on in the world. But I know I don't need to be CONSTANTLY connected. And this book explains that not only is it not helpful, it's damaging. Staying constantly in a "shallow" state of work and never letting yourself get deeply involved in your important work trains your brain to be like those dogs above. It makes us forgetful, less able to concentrate, less productive, and most importantly, less likely that we're going to achieve great things.

GIF in #smh

And I know this is true. I have those days where I'm in what people call "flow", where I'm totally focused on writing and the words start pouring out. When I stop, it's almost like coming out of a daze. Sometimes I don't even remember most of what I've written. That is the state I need to be in regularly. But I can't do that with the constant distraction. And that distraction is an addiction. I use the Hey Focus App to block social media for chunks of time when I'm trying to write. I have it on right now actually. Twenty-five minutes of being locked out. And even though I KNOW I'm locked out, I still find myself clicking that little Twitter icon in an idle moment out of pure habit. To which the Hey Focus app basically gives me the finger and shakes its head with a no and I want to kick myself.

So needless to say, I needed this book. And though some of his suggestions are a little extreme, I'm taking a lot from this and will be implementing what I learned. 

Here are some of my takeaways:

1. The deep work you do is what gives your job meaning. - What are people paying you for, why are you specially equipped/educated to do this job? That's what you should be spending most of your time on. What work do you do that couldn't easily be replicated by a recent college graduate from outside your field who had a month or two of training? For me, that's writing fiction. It's not answering emails or being clever on Twitter.

2. Deep focus can generally only be maintained for a certain amount of time - The author suggest that those just starting out, an hour a day of deep work might be all they can manage. But with practice, he said that people can do 3-4 hours of deep work in a day--which means that you're still going to have time to get the shallow stuff done.

3. It's okay to not be good at everything and to say no. - I think this is probably difficult for everyone to get a handle on, but even harder for women. We have been conditioned to be helpful, to say yes to things, to try to do it all. But this is something I've learned (out of necessity) over the years: I have to pick and choose. One of my mottos for this year is "If it's not a hell yes, it's a no." Because my instinct is to people please, but you can't please everyone and still get your stuff done. So I have no problem telling everyone right on my contact page that I'm slow to return email. I refuse to feel guilty that I can't volunteer to coordinate parties at school or something because A) you don't want me in charge of that. I will suck at it. and B) I'm working full time even though it's from home and I just don't have the time. I'm not good at those things. And that's okay.

4. Create a schedule and WRITE IT DOWN. - Set the plan for your day ahead of time or you'll get pulled in 100 different directions or get sucked up by the internet. - Paper planners, people. I've been preaching it all year, lol. And beyond planning out your week, he suggests writing down your list each morning. What you're going to do and specifically what time you're going to do it.

5. Schedule your deep work and remove the distractions - Use an app like Hey Focus. Go to a place with no internet. Shut your office door. Don't check your email until your done. Whatever it takes to only let yourself focus on the main thing you're trying to accomplish.

6. Idle time is important - He has a whole section on the benefits of being bored. Our subconscious mind works out answers to things when we're bored or doing something relaxing. For me, this is listening to music while I cook dinner after I'm done working. My mind is resting and all of sudden, I'll be hit with some problem fix or inspiration. This happens it the shower all the time too. Or right when I'm falling asleep. Writers all experience this, but it's just more proof that our mind needs to rest in order to figure things out sometimes.

7. Keep a scoreboard visible - Write down your goals and keep them in your face. For me, it will be a word count tracker. I can mark off boxes for every 500 words to get a visual representation of what I'm accomplishing.

8. Evaluate a tool not just for it's usefulness but also it's drawbacks. Weigh them out. - For instance, maybe that new fangled social media app looks cool. But are the benefits of it going to outweigh the time it takes from deep work? In other words, don't enter into things blindly.

There are so many more, but this post is already long enough, lol. Go buy the book! But I'll keep you updated on things as I try to implement these things and see how it impacts my productivity.

Has anyone else read this? Anyone relate to that dog GIF like I do? :)

Friday Reads: Dark Matter by Blake Crouch

So I'm not one who tends to read a "buzz" book when the buzz is still humming. This isn't on purpose or because I have any issues with everyone's-talking-about-it books. Oftentimes, I'll actually *buy* the books everyone is talking about when they're hot and then the books just get put in my endless, teetering TBR pile, which means I'm reading them late. 

BUT this time, I'm happy to say that I read the buzz book during the buzz. DARK MATTER by Blake Crouch seems to be everywhere, but it came to me through my Book of the Month Club membership. (For more info and a big discount on the Book of the Month Club, click here.) For the BOTM club, you get a choice of 5 curated books each month and usually something cute like this wine koozie. Choosing out of the five books was tough, but this one called to me for the hook-y premise. And turns out, I made an excellent choice! :)

So first, here's the back cover from Amazon:

“Are you happy with your life?” 

Those are the last words Jason Dessen hears before the masked abductor knocks him unconscious. 

Before he awakens to find himself strapped to a gurney, surrounded by strangers in hazmat suits. 

Before a man Jason’s never met smiles down at him and says, “Welcome back, my friend.”  

In this world he’s woken up to, Jason’s life is not the one he knows. His wife is not his wife. His son was never born. And Jason is not an ordinary college physics professor, but a celebrated genius who has achieved something remarkable. Something impossible.

Is it this world or the other that’s the dream? And even if the home he remembers is real, how can Jason possibly make it back to the family he loves? The answers lie in a journey more wondrous and horrifying than anything he could’ve imagined—one that will force him to confront the darkest parts of himself even as he battles a terrifying, seemingly unbeatable foe.

Dark Matter is a brilliantly plotted tale that is at once sweeping and intimate, mind-bendingly strange and profoundly human—a relentlessly surprising science-fiction thriller about choices, paths not taken, and how far we’ll go to claim the lives we dream of.

Got your attention yet?

So first, I'll say that, though I read it on occasion, I'm not a science fiction reader generally. Don't let that stop you if that's usually not your thing. This is a genre-blending kind of book that is science fiction, thriller, and horror rolled up into what is ultimately, a love story. Yes, a love story.

I won't go into the plot too much so as not to spoil anything, but I can say that there was a twist I feel like I should've seen coming and I totally didn't and I was all... 

shocked in #shocked

I love that. I love when a book pulls a "gotcha" on me. And that was another reason I'm glad I read this early. I probably would've been spoiled at some point.

This book was also a very quick read. There are many pages where each sentence is its own paragraph, creating that quick, staccato type rhythm where you're flipping pages faster than you realize. Very effective. And the black moment (where all seems lost) was truly a black moment. I couldn't help thinking, "How in THE HELL are they going to get out of this?" When an author can make me doubt that it's going to work out, they've done a good job. And don't worry, though this is definitely set up for a sequel, there is a satisfying conclusion. 

So two thumbs up! Now go get it! :)

thumbs up in #ThumbsUp

What are you reading right now? Has anyone else read this one yet?

What I'm Reading: The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women by Dr. Valerie Young

RWA always has fantastic speakers at the national conference, and I always leave inspired. This year was no exception. This past week I was lucky to hear authors Beverly Jenkins and Sherry Thomas give keynotes. Both women were amazing. But I had to miss the third keynote given by Dr. Valerie Young on "Imposter Syndrome" because I had another meeting. I'm usually a little skeptical about motivational speakers, so I didn't think much of missing it. Then, I started hearing from everyone how awesome and helpful it was. Cue me being sad I missed it.

However, lucky for me, Dr. Young has a book about Imposter Syndrome and the things she talked about. So though I'm sad that I didn't get to hear her speak, I was excited to order the book. I'm only halfway through, but already it's been worth the price. The basic premise is that a lot of successful women (and some men) suffer from "Imposter Syndrome" or always feeling like you're successful because you "got lucky" or were in the "right place at the right time" or that you "fooled everyone." In other words, for some reason, we feel like we're  frauds. That people are going to find us out. That we're not really that (insert adjective) as good/smart/capable etc. as people think we are. That resonated with me and I know it resonated with a lot of others. Writers tend to be a little neurotic anyway, lol, but I think this is more universal than that. We try to explain away success instead of owning it. This book is about fixing that kind of thinking. 

So even though I'm not done yet, I wanted to pass along the recommendation. If you think you might fall into this kind of thinking, it's worth a read: The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from the Imposter Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It.

About the book:

It’s only because they like me. I was in the right place at the right time. I just work harder than the others. I don’t deserve this. It’s just a matter of time before I am found out. Someone must have made a terrible mistake. 
 
If you are a working woman, chances are this inter­nal monologue sounds all too familiar. And you’re not alone. From the high-achieving Ph.D. candidate convinced she’s only been admitted to the program because of a clerical error to the senior executive who worries others will find out she’s in way over her head, a shocking number of accomplished women in all ca­reer paths and at every level feel as though they are faking it—impostors in their own lives and careers. 
 
While the impostor syndrome is not unique to women, women are more apt to agonize over tiny mistakes, see even constructive criticism as evi­dence of their shortcomings, and chalk up their accomplishments to luck rather than skill. They often unconsciously overcompensate with crippling perfec­tionism, overpreparation, maintaining a lower pro­file, withholding their talents and opinions, or never finishing important projects. When they do succeed, they think, Phew, I fooled ’em again. 
 
An internationally known speaker, Valerie Young has devoted her career to understanding women’s most deeply held beliefs about themselves and their success. In her decades of in-the-trenches research, she has uncovered the often surprising reasons why so many accomplished women experience this crushing self-doubt. 
 
In The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, Young gives these women the solution they have been seek­ing. Combining insightful analysis with effective ad­vice and anecdotes, she explains what the impostor syndrome is, why fraud fears are more common in women, and how you can recognize the way it mani­fests in your life. With her empowering, step-by-step plan, you will learn to take ownership of your success, overcome self-doubt, and banish the thought patterns that undermine your ability to feel—and act—as bright and capable as others already know you are.

Has anyone else read this or did you see Dr. Young speak? Anyone think "YES THAT'S ME!" when reading the book description?