What-to-Read Decision Fatigue & Why I Love Reading Challenges

A few weeks ago, I launched the TBR Backlog Reading Challenge here on the blog and talked about how I was taking a break from my normal reading challenge, the Read Wide Challenge. I had a number of reasons for this (wanted to do something new, didn’t want to feel stress at the end of the year, etc.) but one of the other reasons was because I wanted to be less restricted in picking what to read.

Well, it sounded like a good idea at the time…

But last night as I sat down with my book journal to record something I’d read, I realized I missed my Read Wide Challenge. The TBR Backlog Challenge is going well (though it’s showing me how my tastes have changed over the years because I’m getting a good number of DNFs), but I felt myself getting overwhelmed by the thought of picking what I was going to read next. My TBR list is currently 832 books long. And even narrowing down to year of purchase (the metric for my TBR Backlog challenge), it was still a lot to choose from.

That’s when it hit me—why I was missing the Read Wide challenge. I missed the guidance it offered on what to read next. Not having that more focused lens was creating decision fatigue.

What’s decision fatigue?

“Coined by social psychologist Roy F. Baumeister, decision fatigue is the emotional and mental strain resulting from a burden of choices.” —Healthline

Too many choices = stress. Too few would also create stress, I imagine. For instance, I wouldn’t want a list of “these are the five books you must read next” because then I’d feel like it was homework and wouldn’t want to do it. But somewhere in the middle is the sweet spot. It’s why I prefer grocery shopping at a store like Sprouts instead of a big box grocery store. I only have three types of ketchup to pick from instead of twenty.

I realized that’s what my reading challenges do for me. They give me light guidance. “Oh look, I haven’t checked off the box for contemporary romance yet, maybe I should go look at what I have on my shelf in that category.” They allow flexibility but reduce decision fatigue.

Which means, I'm adding the Read Wide Challenge to my goals for 2021 (and keeping the TBR Backlog challenge as well.) :) I definitely am looking forward to less decision fatigue and hopefully some great reading!

So, if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed on what to read next (which can lead to reading nothing at all and turning to your phone or TV), consider giving yourself a smaller slate to pick from through a reading challenge. There are a ton out there. The ones I’ve created are here: The TBR Backlog Challenge and The Read Wide Challenge. Both are customizable.

And here are the pages I did in my journal last night for the Read Wide 2021 challenge. I changed up my categories this year to freshen it up. (Also, for those who nerd out about these things like I do, yes, I am allowing books to count for both the TBR Backlog Challenge and the Read Wide challenge.)

So have you ever felt decision fatigue over what to read next? Do you find reading challenges helpful? Which reading challenges are you doing this year?

Ever wanted to write a romance novel? Why not you? Why not now?

If you've ever thought about writing a romance novel but got intimidated by the process or if you've already written some stories but have stalled out or feel like there's something missing, I can help!

I’ve opened up enrollment for my Fearless Romance Writing: The Comprehensive Beginner Course! I haven’t offered this course in a year, and I’m not sure when I’ll have space in my writing schedule to offer it again, so if you’re interested, now’s the time. :)

Over 8 weeks (starting Sept. 19), we will go through how to write a romance novel from start to finish. Everything is online and you don’t have to be on video. (Introvert-friendly!) You can work through at your own pace, and if you can’t make the live calls, those will be recorded and posted. It’s very flexible.

Also, unlike other how-to-write courses, this one is romance-specific. If you've ever sat through a writing workshop or class where the instructor uses example after example of adventure movies with clear villains and "storming the castle" scenes to explain plot, you know the frustration of trying to apply that to your romance novel. This class will use romance examples to help clear that up. (And hey, who doesn't want to take a class where you have to watch Dirty Dancing for homework?! lol) 

This class has limited spots and will be closed once that number is reached. You can get an EARLY BIRD discount of $50 if you sign up by Sept. 12. (Use coupon code: EARLY50) *If you choose the 2 or 3 payment plan option, use EARLY50-2 or EARLY50-3 to get the discount to apply to the plan.

No one else is going to give you permission to be a writer. You have to be the one to say, “Hey, maybe I can write a book.” And then actually do it. Every writer, including me, has had that moment where we had to take the leap and believe that yeah, I can do this—even if I do it badly at first. Writing can be learned. So…come learn with me! :)

Here’s what we’ll cover, but make sure to go to this page to see the full curriculum.

On Craving Quiet (Or Where I've Been)

When I was growing up, quiet wasn’t a good word. At least when it was directed your way as a kid or teen. “Roni’s quiet.” That meant you were a little weird, a little different, that you had a problem you needed to work on. I didn’t disagree that it could be a difficult thing to be, especially when you’re younger. But I also knew it wasn’t something I could change no matter how much I wanted to transform into the bubbly social butterfly. Fundamentally, I was a quiet, in-my-head kind of kid. So it’s not shocking that I’ve grown into a quiet, in-my-head adult. The only thing that’s different now is that I have no interest in changing that aspect of myself. Being quiet is what let me observe people and the world when no one even realized I was paying attention. Being quiet is what helped me weave imaginary stories in my head. Being quiet gave me this job of being a writer.

However, even as a writer—a field full of introverts (though not all writers)—there are still many outward things required. Chatting with readers. Promoting books. Blog tours. Interviews. Podcasts. Facebook groups. And for me, now that I’m also teaching writing classes, teaching and being on video.

Even though I’m quiet, I can do those things. I can truly enjoy those things. But…they require a lot of what my friend and author/coach Becca Syme calls “energy pennies.” When it comes to introverts, we can drain our bank accounts quickly with all the things that aren’t “sitting in our office, being a hermit, and writing a book.”

Usually, I’m pretty good about balancing things. I know that I need quiet downtime in between the outward-facing stuff. But over the past few months, we added a big stressor to the mix. We put our house of 13 years on the market, searched for a new one, and then moved (the day after Christmas no less) to a rural-ish area an hour away—which means new school for kidlet, new doctors, new everything, etc.

I’m so happy we’ve landed where we have, but it took ALL the energy pennies to get here. And then I had a new book come out Dec. 31. So what little energy stores I had left went to that. Which has left me in total hermit mode.

I have a tendency to retreat when I’m stressed. Y’all have seen me do things like the monthlong social media ban. Pulling back and being quiet refuels my tank. It also gives me the vital brain space needed to create new stories. I planned to start a new book at the beginning of this month, but I’m just now getting to the point where inklings of ideas and words are coming back to me. I planned to teach my Love Scenes class at the beginning of February, but I will need to push that back. I had to get really quiet. Read. Binge TV. Cook. Watch a lot of sunsets. Spend time with my family. (Unpack approximately eleventy million boxes.) Teen Me would apologize for retreating into my cave. Adult Me knows it’s the only way for me to not burn out completely.

So yes, “Roni’s quiet.” But I’m still here. Working. And hopefully coming up with stories that you’ll want to read. :)

What do you do when you get overwhelmed?

Seeking Balance: The Friday-Only Social Media Plan

In the past few months, I’ve been blogging a lot about my relationship with social media and figuring out how to manage distractions. Really, it’s been a topic on my mind for years, and I’ve come at it in a number of different ways.

If you missed those posts, here’s a quick recap. In February, I did a month with no social media or what Cal Newport calls a digital declutter. I went into my reasons in that initial post. I completed the month successfully and recapped what the experience was like, what I learned, and what I was going to try to do going forward. I also did a post about how I’ve retrained my brain for Deep Work over a two and a half year time period by limiting distractions. Then most recently, I blogged about how, after all this work to corral my own distractions, I didn’t want to be a distraction for you, so I wrote about what I would share and not share online going forward in my post I Am Not Here to Distract You.

See? Told you I’ve been a bit obsessed with this topic, lol. And that’s not even counting all my Device-Free Summer posts about my kidlet from years past.

So, here I am talking about it again because since that month without social media, I’ve been trying to figure out a way to recapture the benefits of that fast while still maintaining a social media presence—something that is a part of my job as a writer. In my post where I outlined what I hoped to do going forward to tame social media, I had high hopes. But I admit that I haven’t stuck to a big chunk of those plans (like only checking social media at lunch.) It’s frustrating.

One thing I’ve learned about myself is that in most habits I want to break, I tend to be an abstainer and not a moderator. (I got this terminology from Gretchen Rubin. See: Are You an Abstainer or a Moderator?) A moderator is a person who can just have a little of something (hence, moderate.) So they want to eat less sugar, but they don’t have to give it up completely. They have the personality that can have one cookie a week and move on.

In the past, I fancied myself a moderator. Because in some situations, I am. (I can make Halloween candy last months. But that’s because I only like candy a little bit.) However, in general, I’ve realized that I’m much more successful as an abstainer. It’s easier for me to have/do something none of the time than some of the time. For instance, about fifteen years ago I wanted to stop drinking soft drinks (diet or otherwise.) I failed at moderating. But once I said, no more, I am not a person who drinks soft drinks—then it was done. Fifteen years later, I still don’t drink them and I’m not tempted to. (This is coming from someone who used to drink like half a dozen Diet Mt. Dews a day.)

Abstaining takes the decision fatigue out of play. I just don’t do that, so there’s no debate to be had. That was why by the halfway point in the social media fast, I had this sense of ahh… I don’t have to think about that. The decision was made. I am not a person who does social media this month.

But, social media isn’t soft drinks. It’s a part of my job. It’s a part of life for most of us. It’s not as easy to just say no more ever. However, trying to moderate it hasn’t gone all that well for me. I’m not anywhere near where I was a few years ago or even pre-fast, but the impulse is still there, distracting me. Should I post? What should I post? I’m bored standing in line, let me look at Instagram. Did someone respond to my comment? How about now? Or now? (Note: I’m not making a moral judgement about social media. If you love it and it works for you, you do you. There are parts I love about it, too.)

So during this past month—which OMG May is trying to kill me with how busy it’s been with general life/family stuff—I’ve been trying to work through a very difficult block in the book I’m writing and finish up teaching my beginners romance writing course. Stress level has been high. I needed all my brain power to figure out the puzzle I’d written myself into and to be present for the students in my class. Posting on social media has mostly fallen by the wayside, but checking it…? Yeah, I’m reaching for it a lot because it’s a distraction from the hard things I’ve got to do.

This, of course, has got me thinking about how to find balance again. The next two months are going to be frenetic because I have a lot of writing to do, a family vacation, and then a trip to New York for RWA (which, of course, falls right before I’m supposed to turn in my book, arg.) I need to clear as much non-essential stuff off my plate as I can. Knowing all that made me want to do a summer-long social media break because: abstainer. But I know that’s not realistic for the long-term, so I’ve decided to try a variation.

I’m going to limit social media checking and posting to one day a week—Friday. This way, I don’t ignore people who have reached out to me and I can share/promote things if need be, but I don’t have a decision to make on a daily basis. I will only check it on Friday so that means every other day, the decision is already made. I’m hoping that will trick my abstainer brain into complying. ;)

I got the Friday idea from this post by Sol Orwell: How to Take Fridays “Off” (and still be insanely productive). The post isn’t about social media but more about how we tend to slack off on Fridays and a way to embrace that. So he reserves his Fridays for reading/learning for a few hours (he saves all the articles and such that he comes across during the week for this time) and also does networking on Fridays. That way, he’s still productive, but the things that could be distractions during the week have their place on his schedule. So taking a cue from him, I’m thinking my social networking can have a happy home on Fridays. I’ll also probably put “reply to non-urgent email” as a recurring task on that day as well. So then those things aren’t free-floating around in my head. They have a spot on the schedule and will be handled.

So starting tomorrow, I’m going to give this new plan a try and see how it goes. If it doesn’t work, it may be social media-free summer for me. But I’ll report back! And if you message me on social media and don’t get a reply for a little while, now you know why!

Have you found a great system to balance your social media or other distractions when you have a big project to work on?

I Am Not Here to Distract You: My New Social Media Promise

You know how sometimes random things come together in a way that makes you think of something in a different light? That’s partly a definition of creativity—seemingly disparate things/ideas being brought together to create something new. Well, yesterday I had a few things coincide that got me thinking about how I want to handle my online presence.

As many of you know, I’ve been thinking a lot about social media and distraction lately (and really for a number of years now.) Hence my 30-Day Social Media Declutter (which I wrote about here) and what I learned from it (which I wrote about here.) So this is a topic that is constantly buzzing at a low hum in my mind.

Yesterday, a few things happened that got my gears grinding about this topic again. First, I attended an online workshop about how to do social media well as an author. I enjoyed the workshop and appreciated the information. Much of it was about picking which platforms best suit you and how to be fun and on brand as an author. This can include things like posting funny memes, cute pet photos, and entertaining videos. Things many of us enjoy. Things that many authors do well.

However, when I imagined myself looking for fun cat videos to post or finding cute memes, I kind of winced inwardly because—wow, I see that distraction train roaring down the tracks straight for me. I don’t think I can trust myself to go searching for those things because a) I’ll get lost in the internet black hole (I mean, what’s more tempting than endless cute animal videos?) and b) my perfectionism will make me search endlessly for the “perfect” one to post. Plus, I don’t post photos that aren’t mine or aren’t paid for after getting sued years ago over using a photo on my blog. So, I listened to the advice but also knew that I couldn’t heed some of it. But let’s put a pin in that thought for a moment. Because…

Later that night, I was reading the essay collection On Being 40(ish). This was such a great read, and I really got a lot out of many of the essays. I know I’ll be revisiting a few of them. But one near the end called “I Don’t Have Time for This” by Sophronia Scott really resonated with me. In it, she talks about how her friend called her to be miserable about the election results together. Here’s an excerpt:

“My friend has called me to commiserate. But I’m not miserable. I haven’t given a thought to being miserable. The sun is pouring through the windows of my yellow kitchen, my family is healthy, my friend is on the phone, and I’m glad to hear her voice. So I will try to figure out how to gently put into words the overpowering feeling I have more and more as I walk through middle age: I don’t have time for this.”

She goes on to talk about how her son was a Sandy Hook student who was a few doors down from the shooting and survived and how that gave her new perspective on how precious time is and how it isn’t guaranteed. So, she chooses to focus on the joy in her life and not wallow in the misery. Not sticking her head in the sand but choosing joy in her every day life.

So what could this possibly have to do with me writing about social media? Well, here’s where my brain went. Life is precious. We get our particular amount of time on this planet and then it’s done. I’ll turn forty this year. What do I want to do with the rest of my time? How do I want to spend those limited minutes? Which led me to…

Do I want to spend my time searching for cute dog memes to post?

And secondly…

Do I want to contribute to using up YOUR minutes with trying to keep you looking at my page and distracting you from your life?

The answer felt really clear in that moment. I’m not here to distract you. I don’t want that to be part of my job. Yes, I want to write the best books I can, and some people might see reading romance as a distraction, but I see reading a good story as an experience or a chosen respite. Time reading a book rarely feels like wasted time to me—unless the book was terrible, lol. Even watching TV shows usually doesn’t feel like wasted time to me. A good story well told is something that makes me happier. But when I get lost in the internet hole of social media or random videos or top ten posts, I rarely feel better for it.

And frankly, with all my blogging about reclaiming focus and taking breaks from social media and doing device-free summers, it feels hypocritical of me to post fluff to keep algorithms fed and you seeing my page. Note: This is absolutely not a judgment of anyone who does post those things or the countless number of people who enjoy the content. My husband starts many of his days with cat videos because that gives him a happiness boost before he goes to work. There’s nothing wrong with that. This is not about what should be posted or shouldn’t. This is a personal decision about what I feel aligns with who I am and what I want to give you.

When you visit my blog or read my newsletter or see something on my Facebook page, I want you to feel like you’ve gotten something of value out of it. It doesn’t always have to be serious, of course. Despite the tone of this post, I’m not a particularly serious person. Fun and laughter have great value. But I also don’t want my contribution to be filler that I’m posting just to keep the algorithms happy and eyeballs on my sites. I want it to be things that aren’t on a million other pages. My goal for my blog is for you to walk away with something to think about or a great book recommendation or a new TV show to try out. My goal for my newsletter is to make it good enough that people would actually pay to subscribe to it (I’m not going to charge, don’t worry. But that’s how I judge how much I like a newsletter: would I pay a subscription fee for this?)

Basically, I want to add value not distract.

And yes, of course I want you to buy my books. I really, really do! :) My family likes to eat and, you know, have a roof over our heads and stuff. (So high maintenance!) But I have to believe that if I put everything I have into writing quality stories (which involves me concentrating and not spending too much time on social media either) that you will still buy my books—even if I’m not constantly in your feed reminding you that I’m alive and have something to sell.

How about this? I work to give you good things to read and aim not to waste your time. You occasionally buy one of my books and tell your friends to read them. Deal? ;)

My promise to you:

1. I won’t blog unless I feel I have something interesting to talk about or offer you.

2. My newsletter will remain focused on providing you with quality content. It’s full of these posts plus extra content including what I’m reading, what books I’ve bought lately, and behind the scenes photos.

3. All book recommendations on this blog or any of my social media channels will continue to be non-sponsored content. I don’t accept books for review, so anything I recommend is being recommended because I enjoyed it.

4. I will continue to write the best stories I can (which sometimes means being a slacker on social media.)

5. I will do my best not to waste your time and will be grateful for any time you choose to share with me.

Thank you for being here.

And if you want to keep up with my posts along with exclusive content, sign up for my newsletter. This is, by far, the easiest way to keep up with me, no social media checking required.

Have a great weekend!

What newsletter would you pay for? I’m always looking for great new ones to check out. :)