5 Dialogue Mistakes You Can Fix Right Now by Ashley March

It's guest Monday! Today we have one of our regular monthly contributors, the lovely and talented Ashley March (who will soon be known as Elise Rome for her new novels!)


Ashley is starting a new blog series here to help you out with those fine tuning things in your manuscript. Be sure to look for her tips each month. First up...dialogue.

Day 240: Smooch!
Photo by Brian Gosline

You Can Fix ItNow: Five Dialogue Mistakes
by Ashley March
Sincebecoming a published author, one of the things I’ve tried to do as a way of“giving back” to the writing community is to offer critiques to other writers.Sometimes these come through auctions, sometimes through networking when I offera critique to someone who’s made an impression on me. I’ve learned a lot in thepast few years I’ve been writing and critiquing, and I’d like to start sharingwith you the most common mistakes I find in the manuscripts of aspiring/beginningwriters. These are mistakes that you can fix now, instead of waiting forsomeone else to point them out to you (although I highly recommend that everywriter has a critique partner, if not two, plus a few beta readers). I’mbeginning the series with dialogue issues.
  1. Redundant Dialogue Tags
I’ve seen somewriters who include a dialogue tag at the beginning and end of a sentence.
For example:“Don’t do that,” Sheilasaid, “or your eyes will become crossed and no girl will want to dateyou again for as long as you live,” she said.
Only one tag isneeded. In fact, if Sheila were to go on for an entire paragraph, expounding onthe reasons why the person shouldn’t cross their eyes, she wouldn’t need anyfurther dialogue tags, because we’ve already established who the speaker is.
  1. Using a Dialogue Tag Every Time
It’s notnecessary to add a dialogue tag with every comment that one of your charactersmakes. In fact, less is better. You should use dialogue tags for these reasons:to establish who is speaking, or to remind the reader who is speaking; and tohelp with the rhythm/pacing of the words.
What not to do:
“I thinksomeone’s at the door,” Sheila said.
“Who is it?” Peter asked.
“How should Iknow?” Sheila asked.“I’ve been in my room.”
“Look,” Petersaid, “you’re the one who told me—”
“Just go see whoit is!” Sheila exclaimed.
And so on.Better alternative:
“I thinksomeone’s at the door,” Sheila said, motioning to Peter.
“Who is it?”
“How should Iknow? I’ve been in my room.”
“Look,” he said,“you’re the one who told me—”
“Just go see whoit is!”
Notice that weremoved one tag completely by including it in the narrative description ofanother tag. After two or three lines of pure dialogue I usually try to givethe reader a reminder of who the speaker is, as I did here. If we had twocharacters of the same gender, I would have specified a name. But because theywere different genders, I used “he” instead of a name, because the constantrepetition of names—whether in dialogue or narrative—can become tiring for thereader. If you’ll notice, the second example of dialogue now has a much betterpacing with the changes we’ve made.
  1. Using a Dialogue Tag Instead of a Descriptive Tag.
I am a huge fanof the descriptive tag. They help keep the reader in the room with yourcharacters, so your characters don’t end up as talking heads. They reveal ticsabout your characters (for example, revealing that your heroine bounces her legwhen she lies). They help to avoid repetition of dialogue tags over a long stretchof dialogue. There are several great uses for descriptive tags. However, keepin mind that these tags can easily be overused as well.
Examples ofdescriptive tags:
“I don’t know.” Peter’s hand hovered over thestair banister as he peered into the dark entryway below. “I have a badfeeling about this.”
“Don’t be awuss.” Sheila blew on herfingernails. “It’s probably just the UPS guy.”
  1. Improper Dialogue Tags
I know you mighthave seen these in published books before, but unless your dialogue tag describesthe way someone speaks—their volume, pace, and so forth—then it’s not adialogue tag.
The most commonoffenders I see:
“Sometimes Ireally do hate you,” Peter sighed.
(If you doubt meon this, try saying this sentence while sighing. It doesn’t work.)
“I know,” Sheilasmiled.
This goes forgrinning, giggling, laughing, etc. The proper way to write this would be tochange this from a dialogue tag to a descriptive tag.
“I know.” Sheila smiled.
           
Yes, you cansmile while speaking and even laugh while speaking, but when it comes down toit in terms of writing, a dialogue tag describes how the character speaks,whereas a descriptive tag describes what the character does.
Please note thatthere are a couple of exceptions to this, such as “lied” or “hedged”. But thesedialogue tags tie directly into what the character is saying, so that theycan’t be used apart from the speech itself. You never see: “Sometimes I really do hateyou.” Peter lied. Just as you never see: “Sometimes I really do hate you.” Peter shouted.
  1. Alienating the Reader Through Dialogue Tags
This is more ofa character issue and how you want to present your character to the reader.
For example,let’s say that you write about a strong, independent heroine who knows who sheis and what she wants and has a good head on her shoulders. Then you write thissentence:
“Oh, Mr. Smith,I can’t believe you said that.” Rebecca giggled.
Unless I as thereader know that Rebecca is acting like a silly coquette for a reason, thisdisturbs me. Note that if you leave off the descriptive tag, I can imagine thissentence being said in a number of ways. It’s not the sentence itself thatthrows me off, but the “giggled”.
“Whined” hasthis same effect. Be careful in choosing your words. Just one wrong word canthrow off the reader and destroy character consistency.
Do you recognize any of these issues asthings you need to work on? What other dialogue mistakes have you read inmanuscripts/books that drive you crazy?
Ashley March is a historical romance author who lives in Coloradowith her adoring (or is that adorable?) husband, her two young daughters, andtheir dog. Her latest book, ROMANCING THE COUNTESS, was released in September2011. She won’t be Ashley March for much longer, however; as of January 1,2012, Ashley will become Elise Rome. 

 

 

 

 


“...a sexy, sizzling tale that is sure to have readers begging for more!" –Jo Davis, author of I SPY A DARK OBSESSION

 

 

CRASH INTO YOU is now available for pre-order!

Read an excerpt here.


All content copyright of the author. Please ask permission before re-printing or re-posting. Fair use quotations and links do no require prior consent of the author. ©Roni Loren 2009-2011 |Copyright Statement|

 

The "Let's Talk" Blogfest

 
 



Friday, I talked about the ins and outs of dialogue and how much I enjoy writing it.  It seems a lot of you share my passion for those chatty scenes, so I thought it would be fun to do a dialogue blogfest.  :)


I'm sure most of you have participated in these in the past. If you need an example, here's my entry from the Kissing Blogfest.  Blogfests are great fun and are a terrific opportunity to get your own work read and to get to know what your fellow bloggers write.

So for this blogfest, the rules are simple:

1.  On Tuesday May 18, post a short excerpt on your blog of your most sparkly dialogue scene (no, I'm not talking about Edward Cullen).  It can be anything dialogue-heavy--a laid-back chat, an all out argument, a flirty conversation, two friends ribbing each other--whatever.  The options are endless.
2.  Sign up on Mr. Linky below so that everyone will be able to come here and find your excerpt on blogfest day.
3.  Make sure you visit others on May 18 to spread the comment love.
4.  Also, on blogfest day, make sure you include a link back to THIS POST, so that everyone can find the Linky list.
5.  Optional, but appreciated:  I will be forever indebted if leading up to this, you mention the link on your blog or tweet/facebook it so that we can get as many people to play along as possible.

You can even grab this handy dandy button to post in your sidebar if you want to be uber awesome.  :)



!!!BONUS!!!: After the blogfest, I will randomly select one of the participants to win a $10 gift certificate from Amazon! (Now, if you sign up, then don't post an excerpt on blogfest day, you will be disqualified from the contest.  You must participate to be eligible. *cracks whip*)  
**Also, if you DO decide to post the above button or the link in your sidebar for at least two weeks leading up to the fest, you get an extra entry in the contest.  (Make sure you let me know in the comments if you are going to do this.)

Alright, so who's in?  Sign up below!

 


Let me know if you have any questions.  I'm so excited and look forward to reading all of your excerpts!  Now go on, sign up, you know you want to.  ;)


**Today's Theme Song**
"(If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To" - Weezer
(player in sidebar, go ahead, take a listen)

 

He Said, She Said: Dialogue and Potential Blogfest

 Rome visit, June 2008 - 57

Photo by Ed Yourdon (click pic for link)

This past weekend at the writers' conference, I attended a class on Snappy Dialogue.  I was going to summarize what was talked about, but then realized I had covered this topic all the way back in November.  So, I'm going to post it again since I know many of you are new to the blog and haven't seen it.
However, this also got me to thinking.  There have been tons of blogfests over the past few months and I always have so much fun participating and reading others' entries, so I'm considering doing my own with dialogue as the theme.  Has that been done yet?  If you know, leave me a comment.  
If it hasn't been done, would you be interested in participating in a Sparkling Dialogue Blogfest?  Let me know.  If enough people seem interested, I'll get a rules post and linky thing ready for Monday's post.

 

UPDATE: Enough of you have shown interest (thanks!), so the blogfest is ON!  I'll put together details and post them Monday.  :)

Alight, now for the nitty gritty...
Dialogue is one of my favorite things to write and read. It's a great workhorse in your manuscript and can handle many tasks for you: advancing plot, building tension, revealing character, establishing motivation, and setting tone among other things. And with all these roles to play, make sure it is filling one on of them. Don't have lackluster chatter just to fill space--like anything else in your story, it must serve a purpose.
Okay, so once you have a purpose for your dialogue what dos and don'ts should you watch out for?
Red Flags
Using too much dialect.
--Regional dialects can add authenticity to your story, but too much becomes tiresome to read.
Being too formal. People don't talk in complete sentences all the time.
--"Are you ready to go to school today?" vs. "Ready for school?"
Trying to recreate dialogue too realistically.
--Yes we pause a lot and say um and uh in real life, but you don't need to put that in your writing, unless you are trying to show nervousness or something.
Addressing the person by name all the time.
--Think about how many times you actually say the other person's name when having a conversation--hardly ever. (I used to do this is my writing ALL the time.)
--"I don't know, Bob. Those pants make you look fat." "But Helen, they match my shirt."
Vague pronouns.
--If three women are talking, be careful of saying "she said" and not defining which she it is.
Having characters tell someone something they already know or would never actually discuss just so you can let the reader know.
--"As you know, your boyfriend cheated on you."
--"You're never going to catch me. As soon as I kill you, I'm going to escape to my secret house in Seattle where no one will be able to find me."
Long drawn out speeches. You're not Shakespeare--drop the soliloquies and monologues.
--Telling in dialogue is STILL telling
Going nuts with non-said dialogue tags or adverbs modifying said.
--In many cases, we're told to use a stronger verb instead of the standard one for verbs such as walked, looked, stood, etc. However, this does not apply to "said". Said is considered invisible to the reader. The shouted/muttered/expressed/pontificated stand out to the reader and remind them that they are reading a story instead of experiencing it.
--This goes for tagging that said with adverbs as well--try to avoid it.
All characters sound alike
--Even without speaker attribution, you should be able to tell most of the time who is talking just by how and what they say.
--Your male lead and female lead should not sound identical. Men and women talk differently. Men, typically, use fewer words to get a point across.
Watch your punctuation.
--Avoid the exclamation point except in rare circumstances--it's melodramatic.
--Semi-colons and colons are not for speech.
--Em-dashes can be used to show a break in thought or an interuption.
--Ellipses can be used to indicate a pause or speech that trails off (use sparingly)
 
Don't bury your dialogue when you can avoid it. I talked about this before, but here is a refresher for those of you who are new to the blog.  
Dialogue should be in one of the following structures:
Dialogue(D)-->narrative(N)-->dialogue
"Hello," she said, smiling. "What's your name?"
N-->D
She smiled. "Hello, what's your name?"
D->N
"Hello? What's your name?" she asked.
Don't do what I used to do all over the place:
She grinned at the boy. "Hello, what's your name?" she asked.
--see how the dialogue is buried in the narrative? This slows down your pacing and gives the dialogue less impact. Think of dialogue as a book end--it shouldn't be hidden amongst the books (narrative).
Make your dialogue rock:
Read it out loud or have someone read it to you. Does it sound natural?
Contractions are your friends.
When you can avoid attributions (said), do. Either take them out completely or use action beats.
--She hugged her mother. "I love you." (It is assumed that the person doing the action--the beat--in the sentence is the speaker.)
Ground your dialogue in action. Otherwise, you have talking heads.
--This doesn't have to be for every statement uttered, but people move while they are talking, they sip drinks, smile, adjust their skirt, play with their hair, etc.
--Imagine you are writing a screenplay, the actors would need stage direction to tell them what they should be doing during that dialogue.
So what about you? What are your biggest challenges with dialogue? And would you be down for a dialogue blogfest?
**Today's Theme Song**
Talk To Me - Buckcherry
(Player in sidebar, take a listen)


 

He Said, She Said: Dialogue

 

Yesterday Stacey asked in the comments if I would do a post on dialogue. So Stacey, here's your request and dedication (said in the voice of Casey Kasem).
Dialogue is one of my favorite things to write and read. It's a great workhorse in your manuscript and can handle many tasks for you: advancing plot, building tension, revealing character, establishing motivation, and setting tone among other things. And with all these roles to play, make sure it is filling one on of them. Don't have lackluster chatter just to fill space--like anything else in your story, it must serve a purpose.
Okay, so once you have a purpose for your dialogue what dos and don'ts should you watch out for?
Red Flags
Using too much dialect.
--Regional dialects can add authenticity to your story, but too much becomes tiresome to read.
Being too formal. People don't talk in complete sentences all the time.
--"Are you ready to go to school today?" vs. "Ready for school?"
Trying to recreate dialogue too realistically.
--Yes we pause a lot and say um and uh in real life, but you don't need to put that in your writing, unless you are trying to show nervousness or something.
Addressing the person by name all the time.
--Think about how many times you actually say the other person's name when having a conversation--hardly ever. (I used to do this is my writing ALL the time.)
--"I don't know, Bob. Those pants make you look fat." "But Helen, they match my shirt."
Vague pronouns.
--If three women are talking, be careful of saying "she said" and not defining which she it is.
Having characters tell someone something they already know or would never actually discuss just so you can let the reader know.
--"As you know, you're boyfriend cheated on you."
--"You're never going to catch me. As soon as I kill you, I'm going to escape to my secret house in Seattle where no one will be able to find me."
Long drawn out speeches. You're not Shakespeare--drop the soliloquies and monologues.
--Telling in dialogue is STILL telling
Going nuts with non-said dialogue tags or adverbs modifying said.
--In many cases, we're told to use a stronger verb instead of the standard one for verbs such as walked, looked, stood, etc. However, this does not apply to "said". Said is considered invisible to the reader. The shouted/muttered/expressed/pontificated stand out to the reader and remind them that they are reading a story instead of experiencing it.
--This goes for tagging that said with adverbs as well--try to avoid it.
All characters sound alike
--Even without speaker attribution, you should be able to tell most of the time who is talking just by how and what they say.
--Your male lead and female lead should not sound identical. Men and women talk differently. Men, typically, use fewer words to get a point across.
Watch your punctuation.
--Avoid the exclamation point except in rare circumstances--it's melodramatic.
--Semi-colons and colons are not for speech.
--Em-dashes can be used to show a break in thought or an interuption.
--Ellipses can be used to indicate a pause or speech that trails off (use sparingly)
Direct thoughts should be italicized.
--This doesn't mean every thought the narrator has--but a direct thought. Usually you can distinguish them from narrative because they are in present tense vs. past.
--How had she had gotten herself into this position? God, what is wrong with me?
 
Don't bury your dialogue. I talked about this before, but here is a refresher for those of you who are new to the blog.
Dialogue should be in one of the following structures:
Dialogue(D)-->narrative(N)-->dialogue
"Hello," she said, smiling. "What's your name?"
N-->D
She smiled. "Hello, what's your name?"
D->N
"Hello? What's your name?" she asked.
Don't do what I used to do all over the place:
She grinned at the boy. "Hello, what's your name?" she asked.
--see how the dialogue is buried in the narrative? This slows down your pacing and gives the dialogue less impact. Think of dialogue as a book end--it never should be hidden amongst the books (narrative).
Make your dialogue rock:
Read it out loud or have someone read it to you. Does it sound natural?
Contractions are your friends.
When you can avoid attributions (said), do. Either take them out completely or use action beats.
--She hugged her mother. "I love you." (It is assumed that the person doing the action--the beat--in the sentence is the speaker.)
Ground your dialogue in action. Otherwise, you have talking heads.
--This doesn't have to be for every statement uttered, but people move while they are talking, they sip drinks, smile, adjust their skirt, play with their hair, etc.
--Imagine you are writing a screenplay, the actors would need stage direction to tell them what they should be doing during that dialogue.
So what about you? What are your biggest challenges with dialogue?
 
 
**Today's Theme Song**
"Talk to Me"-- Buckcherry

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

 

No! No! Bad Writer

 

Growing up, I was a girl who (except for the occasional rebellious moment) followed the rules. I wanted my parents, family, and teachers to be proud of me. I did what I was supposed to, got the As, and developed a bit of a perfectionistic personality. In many ways, this was a good thing. On the other hand, worrying about perfection is a bit maddening because of course it can never be achieved.

When I started to get serious about my writing last year, I jumped in and just started typing. I didn't pick up a writing book, read an agent blog, or do a lick of research. Very unlike me. But the creative juices were churning and I needed to get the words on the page before I did anything else. Once I finished my first draft, I took a breath and started to read more about writing. And boy, oh boy, there was enough out there to send me into a near panic attack.
There was so much I didn't know, so many rules I had never heard of. I thought with a firm grasp on grammer, an idea about story structure, and the show don't tell rule, I was good to go. I had no idea there was a written (and unwritten) code of the do's and don'ts of writing. This, of course, sent my anal-retentiveness into overdrive. I jumped into editing and tried to fix the things I had no idea were wrong the first time around. Then, draft after draft, I would discover a new rule I wasn't aware of and would have to go back through again. It was liking trying to break the code into a secret society.
And it hasn't stopped yet. I'm still learning new rules and agent/publisher preferences every day. At times, it's overwhelming, but I want my manuscripts to be as good as they can be, so I'll keep digging and finding out what I can. I know I can never reach perfection, but I can sure try, lol.
What I Done Learnt So Far:
1. Adverbs are the devil incarnate. They will steal the soul of your verbs.
2. Excessive adjectives are like white shoes after Labor Day.
3. Prologues (this one hurt) are not your friend.
4. Dialogue tags are like big, fat "I'm a new writer" billboards in your manuscript
5. The being verbs are the ugly stepchildren of the verb family
6. You want verbs that go to the gym--nice and strong.
7. Rhetorical questions in query letters make agents burn your letter in a weekly bonfire.
8. Backstory should be slipped in like roofies into a drink--your reader didn't even notice it happened.
9. Present Participial phrases are generally bad. (This one is a new discovery for me. Editortorent has a whole series on PPPs alone.)
10. Hidden/Buried Dialogue is not preferred and slows down your pacing. (This one is also new to me. My handy dandy critique group gave me a lesson on this one recently. Apparently, dialogue passages need to be in one of the following structures:
  • dialogue -->narrative-->dialogue
  • narrative-->dialogue
  • dialogue-->narrative
NOT narrative-->dialogue-->narrative OR (my personal favorite) Dialogue-->narrative-->dialogue-->narrative. Don't bury dialogue in the middle of narrative. I did this all over the place, including the submissions I currently have with agents--sigh).
I'm sure there are hundreds more rules, but these are the ones that made the most impact on me.
What writing rules have you discovered that you never knew existed? Which rule stabbed you in the heart when you heard it? Which one is your biggest enemy--the one who sneaks in your writing all the time?
**Today's Theme Song**
"Know Your Enemy"-- Green Day
(player in sidebar, take a listen)