I Am Not Here to Distract You: My New Social Media Promise

You know how sometimes random things come together in a way that makes you think of something in a different light? That’s partly a definition of creativity—seemingly disparate things/ideas being brought together to create something new. Well, yesterday I had a few things coincide that got me thinking about how I want to handle my online presence.

As many of you know, I’ve been thinking a lot about social media and distraction lately (and really for a number of years now.) Hence my 30-Day Social Media Declutter (which I wrote about here) and what I learned from it (which I wrote about here.) So this is a topic that is constantly buzzing at a low hum in my mind.

Yesterday, a few things happened that got my gears grinding about this topic again. First, I attended an online workshop about how to do social media well as an author. I enjoyed the workshop and appreciated the information. Much of it was about picking which platforms best suit you and how to be fun and on brand as an author. This can include things like posting funny memes, cute pet photos, and entertaining videos. Things many of us enjoy. Things that many authors do well.

However, when I imagined myself looking for fun cat videos to post or finding cute memes, I kind of winced inwardly because—wow, I see that distraction train roaring down the tracks straight for me. I don’t think I can trust myself to go searching for those things because a) I’ll get lost in the internet black hole (I mean, what’s more tempting than endless cute animal videos?) and b) my perfectionism will make me search endlessly for the “perfect” one to post. Plus, I don’t post photos that aren’t mine or aren’t paid for after getting sued years ago over using a photo on my blog. So, I listened to the advice but also knew that I couldn’t heed some of it. But let’s put a pin in that thought for a moment. Because…

Later that night, I was reading the essay collection On Being 40(ish). This was such a great read, and I really got a lot out of many of the essays. I know I’ll be revisiting a few of them. But one near the end called “I Don’t Have Time for This” by Sophronia Scott really resonated with me. In it, she talks about how her friend called her to be miserable about the election results together. Here’s an excerpt:

“My friend has called me to commiserate. But I’m not miserable. I haven’t given a thought to being miserable. The sun is pouring through the windows of my yellow kitchen, my family is healthy, my friend is on the phone, and I’m glad to hear her voice. So I will try to figure out how to gently put into words the overpowering feeling I have more and more as I walk through middle age: I don’t have time for this.”

She goes on to talk about how her son was a Sandy Hook student who was a few doors down from the shooting and survived and how that gave her new perspective on how precious time is and how it isn’t guaranteed. So, she chooses to focus on the joy in her life and not wallow in the misery. Not sticking her head in the sand but choosing joy in her every day life.

So what could this possibly have to do with me writing about social media? Well, here’s where my brain went. Life is precious. We get our particular amount of time on this planet and then it’s done. I’ll turn forty this year. What do I want to do with the rest of my time? How do I want to spend those limited minutes? Which led me to…

Do I want to spend my time searching for cute dog memes to post?

And secondly…

Do I want to contribute to using up YOUR minutes with trying to keep you looking at my page and distracting you from your life?

The answer felt really clear in that moment. I’m not here to distract you. I don’t want that to be part of my job. Yes, I want to write the best books I can, and some people might see reading romance as a distraction, but I see reading a good story as an experience or a chosen respite. Time reading a book rarely feels like wasted time to me—unless the book was terrible, lol. Even watching TV shows usually doesn’t feel like wasted time to me. A good story well told is something that makes me happier. But when I get lost in the internet hole of social media or random videos or top ten posts, I rarely feel better for it.

And frankly, with all my blogging about reclaiming focus and taking breaks from social media and doing device-free summers, it feels hypocritical of me to post fluff to keep algorithms fed and you seeing my page. Note: This is absolutely not a judgment of anyone who does post those things or the countless number of people who enjoy the content. My husband starts many of his days with cat videos because that gives him a happiness boost before he goes to work. There’s nothing wrong with that. This is not about what should be posted or shouldn’t. This is a personal decision about what I feel aligns with who I am and what I want to give you.

When you visit my blog or read my newsletter or see something on my Facebook page, I want you to feel like you’ve gotten something of value out of it. It doesn’t always have to be serious, of course. Despite the tone of this post, I’m not a particularly serious person. Fun and laughter have great value. But I also don’t want my contribution to be filler that I’m posting just to keep the algorithms happy and eyeballs on my sites. I want it to be things that aren’t on a million other pages. My goal for my blog is for you to walk away with something to think about or a great book recommendation or a new TV show to try out. My goal for my newsletter is to make it good enough that people would actually pay to subscribe to it (I’m not going to charge, don’t worry. But that’s how I judge how much I like a newsletter: would I pay a subscription fee for this?)

Basically, I want to add value not distract.

And yes, of course I want you to buy my books. I really, really do! :) My family likes to eat and, you know, have a roof over our heads and stuff. (So high maintenance!) But I have to believe that if I put everything I have into writing quality stories (which involves me concentrating and not spending too much time on social media either) that you will still buy my books—even if I’m not constantly in your feed reminding you that I’m alive and have something to sell.

How about this? I work to give you good things to read and aim not to waste your time. You occasionally buy one of my books and tell your friends to read them. Deal? ;)

My promise to you:

1. I won’t blog unless I feel I have something interesting to talk about or offer you.

2. My newsletter will remain focused on providing you with quality content. It’s full of these posts plus extra content including what I’m reading, what books I’ve bought lately, and behind the scenes photos.

3. All book recommendations on this blog or any of my social media channels will continue to be non-sponsored content. I don’t accept books for review, so anything I recommend is being recommended because I enjoyed it.

4. I will continue to write the best stories I can (which sometimes means being a slacker on social media.)

5. I will do my best not to waste your time and will be grateful for any time you choose to share with me.

Thank you for being here.

And if you want to keep up with my posts along with exclusive content, sign up for my newsletter. This is, by far, the easiest way to keep up with me, no social media checking required.

Have a great weekend!

What newsletter would you pay for? I’m always looking for great new ones to check out. :)

Follow At Your Own Risk: Why My Social Media Shouldn't Have To Be G-Rated

see more dog and puppy pictures

Yesterday, the lovely Jody Hedlund--one of my favorite bloggers--did a post on her 10 Social Media Pet Peeves. Now, Jody and I almost always agree. We've seem to have followed a similar blogging journey along the same timeline and often I find myself nodding along with her posts. And this post was no exception...for nine of those ten points. But number 4 gave me pause and thusly, inspired this post.

Here's her number four:

Pet Peeve #4: When followers use graphic pictures. This applies mostly to Pinterest. Soon after I joined, I quickly realized I couldn’t auto follow back. I was getting some very steamy pictures in my nice “happy” homepage stream. My laptop sits on the kitchen table in plain view of my kids, and I don’t want to have to worry about what they happen to see as I browse my SM sites. Even if a writer’s brand is erotic, I still think it’s wise to be sensitive to the fact that many of us are Moms with kids running around us.

I was with her until the "even if a writer's brand is erotic" part. :)

See, here's the deal. Your "brand" as a writer should be closely aligned with your style of books. If you're writing children's books, then you're not going to be talking about politics and sex on your blog. If you're a Christian writer, you're not going to be blogging about how drunk you got last night.

I write erotic romances that have explicit sex scenes in them. Kink is part of my books. People who read them know that and like those kinds of stories (or else they wouldn't be reading them.) So my readers aren't going to get offended if I post Boyfriends of the Week or shirtless men on my Pinterest (or even sexier stuff on Tumblr). In fact, not only are they not offended, but those boyfriends are the posts that get the most hits by far. So obviously, a big portion of people who follow me are into it.

But I know I also have a portion of followers who are writers who started following me when I was running Fiction Groupie. They are here for the writing posts and aren't necessarily interested in reading my books. That's fine. I even have a separate RSS feed for those who want only writing posts and no mancandy in their inbox so that they don't have to worry about it.

But if you go follow me on Pinterest or Tumblr without looking at the types of things I post, then that is on you. If I have a board named MELT INTO YOU Inspiration, which is a book about a BDSM menage relationship, you can probably guess the photos aren't always going to be G-rated. Hell, my book covers aren't even G-rated. If you choose to follow, that is at your own risk.

I make no secrets about the kinds of books I write. Look at the tagline up at the top of the blog. I'm not going to apologize for posting things in line with my brand. In fact, next week I'm starting a series in prep for STILL INTO YOU's release that is going to be about fun ways to spice up your marriage or relationship. These posts are going to be tasteful, but they're not going to be G-rated. They shouldn't have to be.

Yes, I know people have kids around their computers. I have a four year old. I get it. But it is not MY responsibility to cater this blog (or any of my other social media sites) to keep things away from your child's eyes. That's like saying I shouldn't write erotic romances because a child might pick up their mom's book. My only responsibility is keeping it from my kid's view. I know which sites not to click on if he's sitting next to me. 

My brand is sexy romance. It shouldn't be a surprise if I sometimes post about sexy things. Just like if a Christian writer is posting about a bible passage or their religious journey. If I'm following them and not of that faith or whatever, I have no right to get offended. Their brand is clear. If I chose to follow the person, that was at my own risk.

And if someone is posting stuff you don't want to read or see, don't follow them. I've unfollowed a fellow erotic writer for being unnecessarily graphic and cursing nonstop (and believe me, I'm not easily offended.) But it was too much for me and I was getting nothing from their feed. I've also unfollowed people who spout off poitical stuff that ticks me off. I don't need that stress in my day. Was what those people were posting wrong? No. It just wasn't for me. They have the right to make their image and brand whatever they want them to be. I have the right not to buy into it.

For my own blog, I have lines. I don't post nude mancandy pics since I prefer photos that leave something to the imagination. I occasionally curse, but usually keep it at a PG-13 level or ** out the words. I try to keep everything tasteful and classy even when I am talking about a racy topic. Why? Because that's what I want my place on the web to be like. The way I discuss things on here is how I would discuss things in person.

Jody responded to my comment on her blog with, "Obviously, if we're trying to reach our target audience, then we'll try to brand our Pinterest boards to our books. That makes sense. Nevertheless, I do try to be sensitive to the fact that I have numerous followers from all spectrums of life."

I see where she's coming from (and of course I still heart Jody), but I also know that trying to please and cater to "everyone" is an impossible task. Try doing that with your novel and see how well that goes.

Different people want different things. A fellow writer is going to want something different from me than a pure reader will. A romance reader will want something different from me than a suspense reader. You can run the risk of becoming too generic or safe in your brand. That's what was happening with me at Fiction Groupie. I felt restricted because I only posted about writing. I was afraid to post romance-y stuff because some people would've been turned off. So it boxed me in to only talking about writing. That's something I love to do, but it was becoming a very one-dimensional version of me. And where does that leave the readers who could give a crap about how-to writing posts?

So this is me and this is my brand. If you only want writer me, you have the option to just follow those posts. If you want to follow me on Pinterest, cherry pick the boards that appeal to you. If you want to follow me on Tumblr, read the 18+ and NSFW warning at the top. If you want to follow G-Rated mom me, follow my group mommy blog Peanut Butter on the Keyboard. If you want to follow me on Twitter, you'll get a little bit of it all. But I'm not going to apologize for what I post. You've been warned. Follow at your own risk. (But I do hope you still follow.) ;)

So what are your thoughts? Do you think we should keep everything PG even if our books are not? Has anyone ever surprised with something you didn't want in your feed? Do the mancandy posts make you happy or make you nervous to view my blog?