I Am Not Here to Distract You: My New Social Media Promise

You know how sometimes random things come together in a way that makes you think of something in a different light? That’s partly a definition of creativity—seemingly disparate things/ideas being brought together to create something new. Well, yesterday I had a few things coincide that got me thinking about how I want to handle my online presence.

As many of you know, I’ve been thinking a lot about social media and distraction lately (and really for a number of years now.) Hence my 30-Day Social Media Declutter (which I wrote about here) and what I learned from it (which I wrote about here.) So this is a topic that is constantly buzzing at a low hum in my mind.

Yesterday, a few things happened that got my gears grinding about this topic again. First, I attended an online workshop about how to do social media well as an author. I enjoyed the workshop and appreciated the information. Much of it was about picking which platforms best suit you and how to be fun and on brand as an author. This can include things like posting funny memes, cute pet photos, and entertaining videos. Things many of us enjoy. Things that many authors do well.

However, when I imagined myself looking for fun cat videos to post or finding cute memes, I kind of winced inwardly because—wow, I see that distraction train roaring down the tracks straight for me. I don’t think I can trust myself to go searching for those things because a) I’ll get lost in the internet black hole (I mean, what’s more tempting than endless cute animal videos?) and b) my perfectionism will make me search endlessly for the “perfect” one to post. Plus, I don’t post photos that aren’t mine or aren’t paid for after getting sued years ago over using a photo on my blog. So, I listened to the advice but also knew that I couldn’t heed some of it. But let’s put a pin in that thought for a moment. Because…

Later that night, I was reading the essay collection On Being 40(ish). This was such a great read, and I really got a lot out of many of the essays. I know I’ll be revisiting a few of them. But one near the end called “I Don’t Have Time for This” by Sophronia Scott really resonated with me. In it, she talks about how her friend called her to be miserable about the election results together. Here’s an excerpt:

“My friend has called me to commiserate. But I’m not miserable. I haven’t given a thought to being miserable. The sun is pouring through the windows of my yellow kitchen, my family is healthy, my friend is on the phone, and I’m glad to hear her voice. So I will try to figure out how to gently put into words the overpowering feeling I have more and more as I walk through middle age: I don’t have time for this.”

She goes on to talk about how her son was a Sandy Hook student who was a few doors down from the shooting and survived and how that gave her new perspective on how precious time is and how it isn’t guaranteed. So, she chooses to focus on the joy in her life and not wallow in the misery. Not sticking her head in the sand but choosing joy in her every day life.

So what could this possibly have to do with me writing about social media? Well, here’s where my brain went. Life is precious. We get our particular amount of time on this planet and then it’s done. I’ll turn forty this year. What do I want to do with the rest of my time? How do I want to spend those limited minutes? Which led me to…

Do I want to spend my time searching for cute dog memes to post?

And secondly…

Do I want to contribute to using up YOUR minutes with trying to keep you looking at my page and distracting you from your life?

The answer felt really clear in that moment. I’m not here to distract you. I don’t want that to be part of my job. Yes, I want to write the best books I can, and some people might see reading romance as a distraction, but I see reading a good story as an experience or a chosen respite. Time reading a book rarely feels like wasted time to me—unless the book was terrible, lol. Even watching TV shows usually doesn’t feel like wasted time to me. A good story well told is something that makes me happier. But when I get lost in the internet hole of social media or random videos or top ten posts, I rarely feel better for it.

And frankly, with all my blogging about reclaiming focus and taking breaks from social media and doing device-free summers, it feels hypocritical of me to post fluff to keep algorithms fed and you seeing my page. Note: This is absolutely not a judgment of anyone who does post those things or the countless number of people who enjoy the content. My husband starts many of his days with cat videos because that gives him a happiness boost before he goes to work. There’s nothing wrong with that. This is not about what should be posted or shouldn’t. This is a personal decision about what I feel aligns with who I am and what I want to give you.

When you visit my blog or read my newsletter or see something on my Facebook page, I want you to feel like you’ve gotten something of value out of it. It doesn’t always have to be serious, of course. Despite the tone of this post, I’m not a particularly serious person. Fun and laughter have great value. But I also don’t want my contribution to be filler that I’m posting just to keep the algorithms happy and eyeballs on my sites. I want it to be things that aren’t on a million other pages. My goal for my blog is for you to walk away with something to think about or a great book recommendation or a new TV show to try out. My goal for my newsletter is to make it good enough that people would actually pay to subscribe to it (I’m not going to charge, don’t worry. But that’s how I judge how much I like a newsletter: would I pay a subscription fee for this?)

Basically, I want to add value not distract.

And yes, of course I want you to buy my books. I really, really do! :) My family likes to eat and, you know, have a roof over our heads and stuff. (So high maintenance!) But I have to believe that if I put everything I have into writing quality stories (which involves me concentrating and not spending too much time on social media either) that you will still buy my books—even if I’m not constantly in your feed reminding you that I’m alive and have something to sell.

How about this? I work to give you good things to read and aim not to waste your time. You occasionally buy one of my books and tell your friends to read them. Deal? ;)

My promise to you:

1. I won’t blog unless I feel I have something interesting to talk about or offer you.

2. My newsletter will remain focused on providing you with quality content. It’s full of these posts plus extra content including what I’m reading, what books I’ve bought lately, and behind the scenes photos.

3. All book recommendations on this blog or any of my social media channels will continue to be non-sponsored content. I don’t accept books for review, so anything I recommend is being recommended because I enjoyed it.

4. I will continue to write the best stories I can (which sometimes means being a slacker on social media.)

5. I will do my best not to waste your time and will be grateful for any time you choose to share with me.

Thank you for being here.

And if you want to keep up with my posts along with exclusive content, sign up for my newsletter. This is, by far, the easiest way to keep up with me, no social media checking required.

Have a great weekend!

What newsletter would you pay for? I’m always looking for great new ones to check out. :)

My 2019 Planner and Journal Lineup

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First, before we get into the nitty gritty of all the planner goodness this year, I just want to remind everyone that The One You Fight For, book 3 in The Ones Who Got Away series, is out New Year’s Day! You don’t have to have read the first two to understand this one, though that will enrich the experience. I’m so excited to share this book with y’all. This one was a tough one to write because Taryn lost her sister in the school shooting fourteen years ago and Shaw, the hero, is the older brother of one of the shooters. This may be the most emotional romance I’ve ever written, but I promise you there’s a happy ending. ;)

So if you want to grab your copy now to have it on your doorstep this week, here are all the links. And right now the paperback is cheaper than the ebook, so you can get a copy for your shelf on the cheap!

Amazon | B&N | iBooks | Kobo | Indiebound | Books-A-Million | Google Play

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The 2019 Planner and Journal Lineup

Now, on to the planners!

If you’ve followed me for any amount of time, you know that I’m obsessed with planners and journals. In a lot of ways, it’s my hobby, but they have the added bonus of actually being functional and making me more productive as well.

I’ve shown some pictures on Instagram of a few of my planners and journals for the year, but I had a number of people ask to explain what each one is and how I use it. So, ask and you shall receive! Let’s dive in.

My Every Day Hub - The Day Designer

This will be my third year using the Day Designer. Sometimes I stray, but this is the planner I keep coming back to for the day to day To Dos and scheduling. Beyond the pretty cover, this is not a colorful planner, which is a plus for me. I find that when I buy planners with color schemes, I get tired of the schemes pretty quickly. Day Designer’s white pages with gray print are perfect. I can keep them clean or I can decorate the hell out of them.

I also like that it’s one day per page. I find this helps me focus on just that day and not get distracted by the things coming up in the week.

Sometimes I use the time side to track my time. Other times I just use it to mark down if I have an appointment. But I use the To Do side daily. I also mark my daily word count in the “dollars” box. It’s a flexible system that I can change around as needed.

A clean page vs. decorated page:

My Done Planner

I went into the details of what a “done” planner is in this post, but basically, this is where I record what I’ve actually done in a week separated out by area of my life or business. I use a Happy Planner Teacher Planner and label the different areas of my life where teachers would label the different classes that they teach.

When I do something in the day, I mark down what I did in this planner. Is this necessary? Of course not. But I’ve found that it gives me a sense of accomplishment AND it also shows me how evenly (or not) I’ve distributed my time in a week. Have I ignored health stuff? Did I let my interaction with readers slip? It’s a good overview of where my time is actually going.

Goal Setting Planner: Powersheets & The HB90 Method

The Powersheets are not a traditional planner. There is no calendar in it. This is strictly a goal setting planner that guides you through a process to pick up to 10 goals for the year. You have the opportunity to update them quarterly. Then it also gives you a process each month to go through to set monthly, weekly, and daily goals. I have used this planner for two years and have one ready to go for this year. I tend to keep the tending sheet open on my desk so I can always see what goals I set for the month.

This year I also added author Sarra Cannon’s HB90 method of quarterly planning for authors and entrepreneurs. The Powersheets contain both work and personal goals. The HB90 system is strictly focused on three main work/business goals for the quarter. I have used this method for the last 5 months of this year (including the kanban board that she teaches you about in her class) and it’s been ridiculously effective for me. Sarra has a quarterly planner you can buy from Etsy and print out yourself. Her system walks you through everything to get you started. I keep these pages in my Done planner pictured above.

Honestly, I’m going to see how it goes this year, but Sarra’s system may make my Powersheets less necessary. I like that it gives me such a laser focus. However, I’ve already bought the Powersheets and still need a place to have personal/home goals, so we’ll see. I’ll report back later in the year if I’m keeping up with both of them.

Reading Journal

I have done a full post on the layout of my reading journal here. I also have a free downloadable reading journal if you want one you can print out. But I’ve kept my reading journal for three years and I LOVE IT SO HARD. Three years filled up one book, so I’m starting with a fresh Leuchtterm journal this year. The sticker on the front is a Happy Planner sticker.

And if you’re looking for something fun to add to your reading journal, check out my 2019 Read Wide Challenge!

My Movie, TV Series, and Concert Journal

This is a new addition for me. I have kept a list of movies I’ve watched and TV series I’ve completed in my reading journal for the past two years. But the simple list doesn’t tell me much. So this year, I’m dedicating a separate journal to record movie reviews, TV show reviews, and to mark down memories of the concerts I attend (because we attend a lot!) I haven’t worked out all the details of how I want to do this yet. I like the idea of writing down the names of my favorite episodes of a TV series for example. Or maybe writing down quotes. We’ll see how it goes. I’ll report back once I have a fully working system. :) But for now, I’ll be using this pretty dot grid journal that I received as a Christmas gift.

My Daily Memory Journal

This will also be a new addition this year. And y’all keep your fingers crossed for me. I’ve tried this before and haven’t been able to stick with it, so we’ll see. But I would like to keep a Hobonichi style journal, where I jot down memories or thoughts from the day and then either draw or put stickers in it. This isn’t going to be a deep contemplative journal. I already know I don’t do well with keeping up with those. This is more of a memory keeper, a simpler version of a scrapbook.

For this journal, I chose a Stalogy notebook because it’s about half the price of a Hobonichi Cousin and has similar paper. I’m keeping it in this notebook keeper since it has a soft cover.

The I-Bought-Them-On-Sale-and-Haven’t-Decided-Yet Planners

I’m weak in the face of 60% off. I haven’t decided what these beauties are for yet. One might become a planner for the family. The dark blue one may be pulled apart and merged with the Done planner since they are the same size. I got them so cheap that I don’t mind cannibalizing them to merge them into another. These are both from Happy Planner which you can buy online or at craft stores like Michael’s and JoAnn’s.

I would say “that’s it!” but that’s an understatement, I know. : ) I have a lot of planners. It works for me. I hope you found something in the mix that may work for you!

So what are you using for 2019? Anyone journaling?

Where Do You Get Your Ideas? (And How to Feed the Idea Engine)

I've been doing a number of interviews lately, and one of the most common questions I get (and all writers get) is "Where do you get your ideas?"

This seems like a straightforward question that should have a straightforward answer, but it's actually a tough one for me to answer. The most succinct answer is: EVERYWHERE.

I am an observer and a learner by nature. I have wide interests and am easily fascinated by new topics. I want to know ALL THE THINGS about ALL THE THINGS. This is currently top of mind because I've turned in my book and am in brainstorming mode for book 4 and for new series ideas since book 4 will close out the latest series.

So I've learned that as a writer, when something catches my interest, to follow that itch because there may be gold in them there hills.

That's GOLD Jerry! GOLD! GIF from Seinfeld GIFs

My friends and family have learned not to be like "Whaaa??" when I tell them the latest book I'm reading or documentary I'm watching or class I'm taking on something random. (Right now I'm taking an online class about stand up comedy with ZERO plans to ever stand up in front of anyone and do comedy, lol.) If my brain goes, "Hmm, that seems interesting...", I trust it and follow the trail. Sometimes it leads to a dead end, and I just learn about something new and then move on. Other times, books come out of it.

Liv in The Ones Who Got Away was a photographer because a few years ago I took a photography class and found it interesting. Wes, the hero in the upcoming The One You Can't Forget is a chef because I'm a foodie, love to cook, and am obsessed with cookbooks and shows about food. And some things aren't purposeful research but are just life things that inspire something in a story. In book 3, which I just turned in, a setting was inspired by one of my kiddo's interests and something about the heroine was inspired by my husband's latest hobby.  

So, if you're a writer and are looking for your next great idea, here are the things I've found that help me.

 

Five Ways to Feed the Idea Engine

 

1. Make time to live your life.

This is one I have to remind myself about regularly. The temptation is to always be writing. Our brain knows the urgent words to whisper to us: When you finish one book, jump right into the next one. We need to make a living. There are deadlines. Readers (hopefully) want more right now. Go! Go! Go! BUT if all you're doing is writing all the time and you're not taking time to refresh and experience other things--go places, see people, learn about non-writing things, read for fun--then you run the risk of your inspiration well running dry or your ideas becoming stale. The well MUST be refilled. Writing a book takes all of your mental fuel. You have to replenish it. Plus, you'll inevitably get ideas while you're out, you know, being a functioning human in the world.

2. Read widely and outside of your genre and comfort zone.

I am a huge believer in this. I love romance. It is my FAVORITE. However, I know that if I only read within my own genre or subgenre, I'm going to start sounding like everyone else. My ideas are going to be copycats of what's already out there (or copies of my previous works.) You know you've seen it happen as a reader, when a favorite author's books all start sounding a little bit the same. I don't want that to happen. So I challenge myself every year to read all over the place. If you look at my Read list on Goodreads, you can see it's a big mix of all kinds of stuff. And this is my current reading goal for this year:

But I credit that wide reading for giving me ideas like--hey, what if a school shooting was the backstory in a romance series, and I could show survivors years later on their journey to healing and finding their happy endings? Believe me, almost everyone I told about this thought it could be a disastrous idea because how can you work that into a romance? But the idea and concept were powerful in my head, and I found an editor and publisher who believed in the idea as much as I did. To date, I think it's my strongest reviewed book and has gotten more media coverage than any other book I've written--because it's different and it's (unfortunately) timely, which I had no way of predicting when I was writing it in 2016. So read a lot of different genres and voices. You never know what mix of inspiration will come together for an original idea (or a new spin on an old idea.)

3. Be a constant student.

Learn about the things that interest you. As writers in this day and age, we literally have everything at our fingertips. Videos and blogs and podcasts and online classes. Not to mention, good old fashioned non-fiction books. It's all out there. Find what sparks your interest and then chase that bunny trail. Your next book idea could be buried in there. Right now in my TBR stack of non-fiction I have a chef memoir, a book about the neuroscience of violence, Bruce Springsteen's memoir, a few true crime books, a book about pig farming, and one on the history of improv. Yes, it's a weird mix, but that's what makes it so great for idea generating.

4. Make time for movies and television.

Don't believe what they say. It's not bad for our brains. ;) I have to remind myself to actually do this because it can feel like--well, there's probably something more productive I could be doing. But there is something different about watching stories unfold on the screen. It's easier to see the beats and the way the writer structured the story. Watching TV and movies can be great inspiration (with the bonus of giving you some downtime!) It doesn't have to be all fictional shows. Documentaries are great, too. It also doesn't all have to be "high-brow." Ideas come from everywhere. Watch the things that catch your interest.

Interesting GIF from Popcorn GIFs

5. Write your ideas down, even the barest hint of them, when they come to you.

This one probably seems obvious but how many times have you gotten an idea, convinced yourself you'll remember it later, and then boom, it's gone? Ideas whisper first sometimes. Don't let them get away. So come up with your method of grabbing them. Even though I'm a lover of all things paper, I use the most convenient method for idea capturing. I email myself using the Pensieve app (which is the best thing ever because you don't have to type in email addresses and go through all the steps. You simply type your idea in the box that pops up and it automatically emails it to your account, making your note the subject line.) I highly recommend it. 

So those are my top tips and the advice I'm taking myself right now because it's brainstorming time. I love this part of the process. This is the fun part, y'all. Go find that inspiration!

BIG Contest: Win 12 Sexy Signed Books!

Hey, y'all, I have a fantastic contest to tell you about. This year I've joined up with 11 of the hottest authors in steamy romance to help bring you a monster contest. Each month you're going to get the chance to win TWELVE signed paperback copies. That's a lot of books.

Here's this month's stack:

Actually, I'm a little jealous and wish *I* could enter this contest, lol. I'll be hosting next month's contest, but this month is hosted by the lovely Mari Carr.

To enter, go here and follow the instructions. 

Good luck!

Putting My Angsty, Panicked 2015 into Perspective and Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

One of the books I was able to read on my vacation was Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love). I've seen this book everywhere because it's a bestseller and I was curious. The end of last year was not a fun few months for me. I was tired, burnt out, physically stressed (turned out I had a bad Vitamin D deficiency causing some of that) and had a book that was fighting me HARD. Almost every book fights me at some point, of course. But for the first time in my career, I had talks with my agent about "maybe I need to scrap this book altogether and push back release dates." That was a scary thing for me. What if this book is inherently broken and I can't do it? What if I screw up my whole book schedule? What if? What if? What if?

But after a number of panicked, I-can't-do-it episodes over a few long weeks, I was able to take a step back with the help of my hubs, my friend Dawn who was reading chapters as I wrote/rewrote them and encouraging me, and my agent who was supportive regardless of which path I was going to choose. I realized it wasn't about the book, it was about me. I'd run myself into the ground. I wrote 300,000 published words in 2015 (which means about 450,000 words if you count rewrites and edits). And I hadn't taken many breaks. I had slacked off on reading and personal time. And I was taking things way too seriously. I'd become a version of the "tortured artist." Ugh.

So at the start of this year, I knew I needed to make changes. I did not want to go through that again. This is one reason why you've seen so many posts over here about planners, productivity, organizing, and digital detoxing. I knew I needed a better plan this year and to be more strategic about how I spent my time. I set goals for the year, made a business plan. And one of my main goals was to rediscover the fun and joy in writing. After doing this professionally for years, I'd let my love and passion for writing become a grind. It used to be my escape, playtime, and now I was dreading it. No good.

And so I was already on this path when I picked up Big Magic, but it reiterated so much of what I was going through and hammered home the point that there is no glory in being a "tortured artist", that it's okay to play and have fun with my writing, and to not take things SO DAMN SERIOUSLY. Yes, work hard to write the best story you can, be a professional, but don't put so much pressure on the work because the creativity will just shut down. I had to get perspective. At the end of the day, I'm writing a sexy romance that will hopefully engage and entertain people. I am not curing cancer. If I mess up, the world won't come crashing down. And I have editors and people who will tell me if I got it wrong and help me fix it anyway. In other words, Dear Me, Get over yourself. Perfectionism will kill you.

So it was a good time for me to read Big Magic. I needed to hear a lot of it. Now, I will give that caveat that the first part of the book had a lot of woo-woo about the muse and ideas having wills of their own and attaching to people and such. I'm too scientifically-minded, so that part isn't my jam. I almost put down the book because, though I respect her view, the woo-woo wasn't relevant for me. However, I'm so glad I kept reading because the rest of the book held a lot of gold. I did a lot of underlining. So instead of going into things more, I'll leave you with some quotes. And these aren't the only ones I underlined. There's that much good stuff in this book.

On dealing with fear (and its friend perfectionism) holding you back:

"This is why we have to be careful of how we handle our fear--because I've noticed that when people try to kill off their fear, they often end up inadvertently murdering their creativity in the process." (pg. 24, Big Magic)

"You must learn how to become a deeply disciplined half-ass. It starts by forgetting about perfect." (pg. 166, Big Magic)

On not being surprised when it's hard:

"of course it's difficult to create things; if it wasn't difficult, everyone would be doing it, and it wouldn't be special or interesting." (pg. 117, Big Magic)

"Frustration is not an interruption of your process; frustration is the process." (pg. 149, Big Magic)

On not defining yourself by what people think of your work:

"I can only be in charge of producing the work itself. That's a hard enough job. I refuse to take on additional jobs, such as trying to police what anybody things about my work once it leaves my desk." (pg. 123, Big Magic)

"And what if people absolutely hate what you've created? What if people attack you with savage vitriol, and insult your intelligence, and malign your motives, and drag your good name through the mud? Just smile sweetly and suggest--as politely as you possible can--that they go make their own f**king art. Then stubbornly continue making yours." (pg. 123, Big Magic)

On knowing the painful stages of your own process (I related to this SO MUCH.):

"'Ah,' I learned to say when I would inevitably begin to lose heart for a project...'This is the part of the process where I wished I'd never engaged with this idea at all.'...OR: 'This is the part where I tell myself that I'll never write a good sentence again.' OR: 'This is the part where I beat myself up for being a lazy loser'....Or, once the project was finished: 'This is the part where I panic that I'll never be able to make anything again.'" (pgs. 146-147, Big Magic)

On creativity and not focusing on the outcome:

"'Why should I go through all this trouble to make something if the outcome might be nothing?' ...'Because it's fun, isn't it?' Anyhow, what else are you going to do with your time here on earth--not make things? Not do interesting stuff? Not follow your love and curiosity?" (pg. 259, Big Magic)

I could go on, but you should just grab a copy for yourself if these quotes resonate with you.

Has anyone else read this? Have you ever had a book come along just exactly when you needed it?