Spice It Up Thursday: The Real Girl's Guide to Lingerie

Okay, so as many of you know might already know, I have a novella coming out June 5th (and it's only 2.99!). This novella, STILL INTO YOU, is part of my series (I'm calling it #1.5) and is the first story I've ever written about a married couple. 

Here's the blurb:

Seth and Leila used to have trouble keeping their hands off each other. Passion, desire, love—it was all there. Yet, eight years after their whirlwind marriage and kids, they’ve settled into a life where choosing Letterman over Leno is considered a wild night.

Seth knows things need to change. But when he hears his wife call into a relationship radio show and admit she’s been tempted to cheat, he realizes how far off course they’ve gotten. He comes up with a dramatic plan. Three days. No rings. He’ll take Leila to The Ranch, a resort where any sexual fantasy can be had, and give her the freedom to have whatever or whomever she wants.

However, Seth doesn’t intend to simply stand by and watch other men fulfill Leila’s dark desires. He has a lot more bad boy in him than his wife suspects and he knows there’s only one man who can give her what she needs. Now he has to show her why that man is him.

I had a great time writing about a couple that could be any of us--two people who love each other, but have been together a long time and life has started to get in the way of their romance. Now, I don't necessarily suggest taking the extreme measure my couple does in the book, but I thought it'd be fun for the next few weeks to have a Thursday feature focused on simple ways to spice up a relationship and have some fun.

Fair warning: These posts are for 18 and over.

On today's agenda...lingerie.

Okay, so we all know what's out there. We've seen those skimpy things on the Victoria's Secret models. You can't eat a crouton and still fit into half that stuff. (For those of you who can wear those outfits and look flawless...well, move right along before we spot you and start to hate you.) Most of us can't pull off things designed for models. 

And I know there are some guys out there who will say that it's not about looking perfect. They like the idea of it and see us as sexy no matter what. Or they're good with plain old naked. Okay, we love you for that. But half the appeal of lingerie is that the woman can feel sexy in it. It changes things up a bit and can make everything feel a little different, a bit more exciting. But if she feels uncomfortable or un-cute in what she's wearing, it's going to ruin the mood.

So what's a girl to do? Well, here are some ideas that will probably make both your and your guy happy.

Lingerie Alternatives for Every Day Women

1. A man's dress shirt and a pair of heels.

Classic, sexy, and very forgiving on body shape.

2. The sports jersey (striped athletic socks optional)

Just, uh, make sure it's not a team he hates. :)

3. A trench coat with heels or knee high boots.

The only time it's okay to be a flasher.

4. The cowgirl look

This could be jeans or jean skirt, boots, hat, and either a wife beater or plaid shirt tied in the front.

 5. The buttoned up business woman or librarian look

Slim black skirt, sheer blouse, heels, sexy lacy stuff underneath (or nothing at all). Glasses for bonus points.

There are also outfits that could be fun for role plays, but I think I shall save that for another post. ;)

So what do you think? Think your guy would go for this? Any other lingerie alternatives you can think of? And men, if you're reading this, would you be happy to see your women in any of these?

From Terrified to Teaching: My Writer's Con Journey

Apparently, I'm a hand talkerThis weekend I had the privilege of attending the DFW Writer's Conference. It's a fabulous con and one of the biggest in the area, so if you ever have a chance to come, I suggest you do. 

Three years ago DFW Con was the very first writer's conference I ever attended. I was a brand spanking new writer. I had just finished my first manuscript (the YA that now has permanent residence in the depths of my hard drive) and I was ready to absorb every ounce of information I could.

And I was freaking terrified. 

I'm an introvert and was still coming to terms with calling myself a "writer" out loud. So walking into a room with hundreds of people, some who REALLY knew what they were doing and were already published, was one of the most intimidating situations I'd ever been in. So I went into recluse mode, sitting at a table, simultaneously hoping someone would talk to me and worrying about what I would say if they did.

And of course, I quickly discovered that though we're often the "quiet ones", writers are some of the friendliest people out there. Plus, get us talking about books or writing and we don't shut up. So I ended up managing a few conversations and met some other people. Apparently, I wasn't going to be allowed to survive in "just go to the classes and not socialize mode". :)

I also remember being completely in awe of the published authors and the people teaching the classes. I was too nervous to talk to them. I mean--hell, they had actual books in actual stores. But I sat there like a sponge, absorbing all the fabulous info (and realizing--oh crap, I have done a lot wrong with my book, lol.)

I left that conference completely overwhelmed and totally inspired. (And it turned me into a total confernce junkie.)

So fast forward to this year and I found myself at DFW Con for the third time. But this time, instead of being the girl who was afraid to talk to a published author, I was a published author. And instead of the shy girl who was freaked out by a crowd, I was the one in front of all those people, teaching. (And enjoying it--imagine that, lol.)

Total outer body experience. 

I know I'm still at the beginning of my publishing journey, but having that kind of full circle moment was pretty amazing. 

So thank you to DFW Con for inspiring me three years ago and making me feel welcome. And thank you for inviting me this year to teach a few classes.

And most of all, thank you to every writer who came to my classes, asked great questions, and made this shy girl feel at ease in front of a group. You rock. :)

(Oh, and for those of you who bought my book: *tackle hug*)

Have you ever had a full circle moment? Have you ever been the shy guy/girl at a conference? What was your first writer's conference experience like? 

Don't Be THAT Writer #atozchallenge

D is for...Don't Be THAT Writer

Photo by RyanmotoNSB (click photo for link)This weekend I had the privilege of both attending and speaking at my local TX Two Step Writer's conference. And one of the speakers was the lovely Candace Havens, who I always seem to learn something from no matter what she's giving a workshop on.

This time her workshop was on writer karma. I won't list out her rules because, well, it's her workshop, but the gist is basically the definition of karma--what you do for others will come back to you. And one of the things I walked away with from her talk was: Don't be that writer.

People respond to positivity (spellcheck says that's not a word, but I bet the New Kids on the Block would disagree.) Our own lives are stressful enough, we aren't going to seek out negative people to add to it.

So don't be that negative Nancy in the room. You know the one. The one who bitches about everything, who places blame on outside forces instead of looking inward, who thinks they can lift themselves up by putting other writers down ("I can't believe that dreck got published when my book is so much better."<--come on, you know we have all thought that about some book at some point. Just don't say it out loud.)

That attitude is damaging to you and will alienate you from others. You think if I'm chatting with a group at a conference and someone says how they thought (insert book name) was crap and that the writer is a hack that I'm going to be endeared? What if said writer is a friend of mine or with my agent or my publisher? Do you think that's going to make me want to be buddies with this person? Do you think it's going to make me want to go out of my way to help them? Probably not.

I know this may be controversial, but the same goes for writers posting scathing reviews online. Candace outright said that if she sees an author tearing down another author in a review, she moves the author reviewing off her "to buy" list. And even if you don't consciously do that, don't you think that's going to stick in your brain when it comes to deciding which book to buy--negative Nancy's or someone else's? (Imagine at a corporate job if you went into an interview for a promotion and spent your time talking about how much your co-workers suck and how much better you are. How do you think that would go over?)

Now, before I get hate mail, I'm NOT saying someone shouldn't be allowed to post negative or even scathing reviews. That's everyone's right. It's definitely a reader's right. Honest reviews are needed for every book, and I know I count on them to help me making my buying decisions.

However, once you put on the writer hat, you're in a different place whether you like it or not. You're not simply a reader anymore. People are watching you. And karma may bite you in the butt. So you need to make a personal decision on what's right for you. (My personal yardstick is that if you wouldn't say whatever it is to the writer face to face, you probably shouldn't put it on the internet.)

And instead of focusing on the negative stuff, look for ways you can uplift others. If you truly loved a book, take the time to go write a review on the big sites. If you're further along on the publishing track, offer to crit or help out a friend who may still be in the beginner stages. If someone writes a fabulous blog post, retweet it for them. Encourage and cheer on those around you when they hit a milestone or accomplish something they've been working at.

Spread that love and it will inevitably come back to you. And then if you do have days where things aren't going well and you need to vent or bitch, people will rally around you instead of going, "Ah, hell, there she goes again."

So I challenge you today to go out and do something to pay it forward or pass along the love. Write a review, give someone a pat on the back or a retweet, or cheer someone up who may be having a downer day.

Have you experienced a Negative Nancy (or Ned) in your world? How do you feel when you see a writer talking badly about another writer or their book?

Breaking Out of Your Comfort Zone #atozchallenge

Photo by Lars Plougmann (click photo for link)Today is day two of the A to Z Challenge (you can still sign up, btw) and I want to talk about why I chose to do this thing--even though it's going to be a crazy busy month for me and doing extra blogging is probably the opposite of a good idea.

I am a creature of habit, and I appreciate structure. Having a set schedule with some theme days here on the blog keeps me on track. But, that kind of schedule and structure can also become a bit of a crutch and a comfort zone, so it's important every now and then to break out of your comfort zone and do something different.

This challenge will force me to think past my normal topics and will shake up my schedule completely. Honestly, even two days in, it's a little uncomfortable, lol. We'll see if I survive or curl up in the fetal position and return to my normal blogging world.

But breaking out doesn't have to apply only to blogging. Using the same mentality in your writing can also be a tremendous help. Just like any other part of our life, we get in our happy, safe place in our writing. We only write THIS genre and we only write THESE types of stories at THIS length. Some of that is necessary. I'm writing a series and have a contract that says I need to stay in this genre and world for these books. But that doesn't mean I don't need to look for places to push myself.

When I turned in Melt Into You to my editor, her notes back to me were "I love the risks you took in the book!" That was amazing feedback to hear because A) I was nervous as hell that she'd hate where I took the story and B) I realized not only was it okay to step outside my box, but it was fun and made for a much better story than if I would've tried to recreate the same kind of story I did in Crash.

So push yourself to look for ways to break out of the mold you're currently in. Try a new genre, write a short story or some poetry, shake up your blog schedule, or listen to music you may not normally be into. You never know what treasures or inspiration you may find in the world outside that box. In fact, I can't tell you how many writers I've talked to that didn't get their agent or book deal until they tried something completely different than what they'd been doing. (Including me. I started out writing YA. I sure as heck never thought I'd end up finding my voice in the erotic romance genre.)

So never be afraid to break out. :) And if you need a little extra inspiration...here are the Foo Fighters to jump start your Monday with "Breakout". *shakes out hair and prepares to headbang*

Have you done anything lately to break out of a rut or comfort zone?

Big Changes Coming

Photo by Matt Brown

This blog has almost hit its one year anniversary, and I think it's finally time to make this my true home. For almost three years, I've been blogging 3-5 times a week at my writer's blog, Fiction Groupie. I've documented everything--finishing my first book, my first attempt at querying, my first experiences with rejection. I've shared my journey from "aspiring" author to agented writer to published author. I've tried to share what I've learned along the way as well.  (If you want to see the culmination of 3 years of writing blogs, check out my For Writers tab above where I have a new Writer Resource Page with all of Fiction Groupie's most popular articles divided by topic.)

And I plan to continue to talk about writing. But splitting my time between two blogs has become cumbersome. I've neglected this blog because there simply isn't enough time for both. But here is the place I want to be long term, on my own site not on a blogger blog. So I'm going to wrap up Fiction Groupie next week and then start blogging full time here--4-5 days a week.

Boyfriend of the Week will stay, but now there will be a lot more content each week.

Here is my tentative schedule:

• Monday: Made of Win Monday - where I share simple things to brighten dark Mondays
• Tuesday: Boyfriend of the Week
• Wednesday: Writer Wednesday
• Thursday: Books/Film/Flex Day - No theme so it may be an update on my 50/50 challenge, it may be a guest post, it could be anything.
• Friday: Fill Me In Friday - This is the regular Fiction Groupie links round up of the best posts I've run across that week.

I hope you'll stick around for the new format. And if you're not already a subscriber or you're a Fiction Groupie follower, I'd love for you to hang out, too. You can sign up for the RSS feed here or you can get posts delivered to your inbox (just enter you email address in the box to the right that says "Or Via Email".

Have a great day!