Journaling for the Chronic Journal Abandoner

My stack of pretty notebooksI'm a writer. This means I love books and writing and pens and paper and pretty notebooks and words. Also, my first career was as a therapist, so I'm introspective and navel-gazing to a fault. You would think that this would mean I'd be a prime candidate to be a journal or diary keeper.

Sadly, this has not been the case. I've started many a journal. I like the *idea* of a journal. However, in practice, it usually last 2-3 entries before I bail. Something about writing to no one but myself doesn't appeal. The reason why I can maintain a blog is because it feels like it has a purpose--someone is reading, there is interaction. But waxing poetic in a journal that only I'm going to see--well, it feels like a waste of time. I don't need to write down my thoughts to know them. I ruminate enough as it is.

However, this week I finished reading The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun  by Gretchen Rubin, and she had a quote in there that really resonated with me. "The days are long, but the years are short." 

How very true this is. I feel it when I look at my son who somehow is now five even though I feel like I just cried, "My epidural is wearing off, DO something!" to my dear doctor. So, this got me to thinking about finding a better way to track the days and the memories that pass in a blink. And one of the suggestions in the book was to do a one-sentence journal. That way, the journal abandoners of the world like me wouldn't have to commit to anything more than a few words a day.

This concept appealed to me. One sentence. I could do that. So I went to Barnes and Noble and looked at some of the 5-year journals that provide 2-3 lines for each day. However, as I looked at them, I realized that although I didn't want to do long journal entry. I wanted to have room to say what I wanted to say and maybe I'd need more than a sentence at times.

So after spending way too much time looking at all the journals, I decided to get a blank, spiral-bound one. And instead of a one-sentence journal, I'm doing a bullet list journal. So maybe that will only be one bullet on a day or maybe there will be three. It will depend on the day. And I'm not recording private things that no one else can see. I'm treating it instead like a record of life passing--something that my husband or son can look through years down the line with me. It's like a photograph but with words instead. 

Here's my first journal from Monday:

• President's Day - Kidlet informed me this morning, "Mommy, no presents for us. Only presidents get presents today."
• Best moment of the day: Eating cookies in the mall with kidlet and hubs while we watched the carousel.
• Caught kidlet singing Lady Gaga's "Judas" while he played with his cars. Adorable.

So, as you can see, it's no deep and meaningful pondering on life, but it's the stuff that will drift from my mind and disappear in a week or two. Little important moments that I don't want to forget. The years are short indeed, and I want to be able to look back and smile at them.

Do you journal? What do you think of the idea of the one-sentence journal or my version, the bullet-list journal? Any other journal abandoners out there? How do you keep track of the little moments you don't want to forget?

Reading Sexy Books For or With Your Partner & A Message to the Dudes

Photo by M31 (flickr cc)Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! 

Today, I ran across a post by Maisey Yates over at the Peanut Butter on the Keyboard blog on why it's important to keep the sizzle in your marriage. And I ended up having a sideline conversation with her about it where the topic of romance novels came up. Obviously, we both write romance, so we're a bit biased, but both of us see them as relationship enhancers rather than detractors. Life can be crazy and busy and exhausting. And sometimes when we finally roll into bed at night, the last thing on our minds is sexy times. We can forget how nice it can be to lose ourselves in the touch of the person we love most.

And sometimes all we need is a little nudge or reminder. Taking a few minutes in the evening to decompress and read a book that focuses on the greatness of romance can be just the thing that puts us back in the right frame of mind. It reminds us how transcendent kissing and touching (and kinky things, if you're reading one of my books) can be with someone you love. It provides space in our minds again for romance and sex, shoving out all those other things--the dishes, the kids' homework, the pound we gained this week, the project at work-- at least for a little while. It can remind a woman what a sacred space we can create when it's just you and the person you love with nothing else between you.

So when I hear some guys deride romance novels or worse, get jealous of them, I kind of want to smack them on the back of the head. The logic goes something like this: "I should be enough. I don't want her lusting over some fictional dude to get turned on for me." Come on, guys. It's not about wishing you were some other dude. Women need to be in the right state of mind for sex and often it's harder for us to block out the other stuff and focus--reading a book and getting swept away in some sexy story can help refocus us. It makes us fall for you all over again and reminds us--hey, we have this guy we love sitting over there and all this sexy stuff that is going on in this book--well, we can have that too. Right. Now. Hello, there.

It also can make us more adventurous and open to new things in bed. I'm sure there are many men out there right now (especially after the surge of BDSM romance out there now) who are smart enough to not make fun of the thing that made their women say--so, hey, honey, maybe you could tie me up tonight and tell me exactly how to please you. Lol. 

I've had a number of my readers tell me that they even pick out their favorite scenes from my books and read them aloud with their partners. How fun is that? It's a sexy activity and it provides a more comfortable way to convey--hey, maybe we could try something like this. AND, it conveys to the woman that her guy is totally secure in himself and their relationship and is willing to hear her fantasies without all that judgey-ness.

And nothing is sexier than a guy who is confident and secure enough to know that there's no way a fictional hero could compete with him in his woman's eyes. Promise. That. Is. Hot.

So go forth and have a fantastic Valentine's Day!

Blatant self-promotion alert: And if you're looking for a sexy, short read for you and your partner to try out, STILL INTO YOU, my novella, is about a married couple re-kindling the flame by getting a little sexually adventurous and is only 2.99.

Anyone read steamy books with their honey? How does your partner feel about your reading habits?

Must Do Monday - The Reasonable Portion of a Bucket List

Typically here, Monday is Must-Read Monday. However, between finishing up my deadline (yay!) and the fact that I'm in the middle of judging books for the RITAs (and can't reveal which I'm judging), I haven't read any new books I can share with you.

So, today I thought I'd change it up a bit and have Must-Do Monday. No, this is not a list of hot mancandy. ;) But rather a list of the things I hope to do or learn at some point. This is not an exhaustive list--we'd be here all day--but some realistic ones I want to tackle.

Photo by Steven Depolo (Flickr cc)

1. Become a tea person

So I was talking about this on Twitter last night, but recently I decided to get off of sweeteners. Since I hate coffee, don't drink soft drinks, and love caffeine, I end up drinking 3-5 glasses of iced tea a day. That's a lot of Sweet N Low. I didn't want to replace it with sugar because that's a lot of calories to add in, so it's pushed me to start looking beyond my basic Lipton black tea and experimenting with different flavors. My current fave combo for iced tea is regular black tea bags, a green tea bag, and Tazo's Wild Orange tea. It gives a great flavor.

However, I know there is a whole world out there of hot tea I haven't explored. Plus, I know there are countless varieties and loose leaf options. So this weekend I bought a kettle, a loose-leaf steeper, and a tin of loose lead Earl Grey (figured I'd start simple.) I also picked up a Red Velvet variety of bag tea. So we shall see. But it would be nice to truly learn about the ritual of tea and experience the different flavors.

Photo by Slawek Puklo (Flickr cc)2. Learn more about photography

I have always been interested in photography. It's one of those creative pursuits I "hope to learn" one day not for career purposes but for a hobby. But especially after my blog photo lawsuit debacle, I now am REALLY interested in learning how to take my own photos. I've gotten a few fun apps on my Iphone, but obviously that's very limited.

And I know a DSLR camera would be the next step, but those are expensive and at this point, I'd have no idea how to operate it. So I feel like I'd need to take a class if I decided to invest in that pricey of a camera. So this one has some cost involved. But I'm still really interested in pursuing it.

Photo by Tony George (Flickr cc)3. Get more advanced in yoga.

I love yoga. It's the only exercise I don't dread. However, I'm still at the beginner stage with most of it. I strive to be able to do the more complicated stuff. And this one is totally on me. The more I do it, the better I'll get. I recently signed up for a membership to My Yoga Online and that's been great. I dropped my gym membership where I used to do yoga because I wasn't able to get over there enough. Now I can get the yoga in my living room (I mirror it to my TV via Apple TV so that I can get it on a bigger screen.) And unlike buying DVDs, this gives me new routines every day so I don't get bored.

So those are my three, mostly achievable Must Do's. What are some of yours?

On Parenting and Getting Ugly Looks From Strangers

Photo by Adam Edmond (cc)Yesterday was not a good day. It started out happily enough. We decided to go out to Fort Worth and have brunch at a favorite Mexican restaurant. Then me and the fam were going to go to the gourmet grocery store (my personal Disneyland) to shop.

Well, in between that, I saw there was a Barnes and Noble in the same parking lot as the restaurant. So after our lovely patio brunch, I decided we should walk over so that I can sign stock copies of my books.

(For those who aren't aware what it means to sign stock...This is where you just walk in, grab your books off the shelf, and ask customer service if you can sign them and put "autographed copy" stickers on them. This is a good thing to do because a) autographed copies are more enticing and b) the store can't return signed copies so in essence you're guaranteeing the sale of those books by signing them.)

Okay, so anyway, I tell hubs to watch kidlet while I go look for my books. Well, kidlet, who is normally pretty well-behaved in pubic, is having an off day--an off weekend really. He has high-functioning autism and seems to hit a patch every few months where he morphs into nightmare child, where everything and anything sets him off. I still haven't figured out if these times happen because something is hurting him or he's going through a developmental leap/growth spurt and it's throwing his sensory systems out of whack. I don't know; it's a mystery. But regardless of the reason, they happen and it is highly stressful for all involved. If he was like this all the time, I may have to pick up a drinking habit. j/k...mostly)

So instead of behaving for his daddy, kidlet tears away from him and is basically an obnoxious, whiney 4-year-old when my husband tries to wrangle him again. Meanwhile, I'm tracking down my books, and can hear kidlet's non-"inside" voice from the other side of the store. *cringe* So I hurry up and take care of what I need to do and then go to help hubs.

Well, kidlet is having none of it. He doesn't want to leave, he wants every book in the store, lots of "I don't wanna, I don't wanna, let go of me, don't touch me, etc. etc." He starts crying.

I'm getting down on his level explaining that we need to go, that boys who yell in the store don't get to leave with new toys, and that this behavior is not acceptable. Of course, he's hearing none of that because he's in the meltdown zone.

And while all this is going on, we get a lady walking by giving us the disgusted, judgey McJudginton look. You know the one--"incompetent parents, can't even control their own child."

Seriously. SO not necessary.

Look, I get it. No one likes the sound of a crying or whining kid. And yes, if someone is letting their child run wild and ignoring the behavior or checking their text messages on their phone while their kid bothers other people, then maybe a look is in order. But when parents are obviously trying to fix the situation, doing everything they can to take care of things, do people really need to give the snotty look?

The bitchy part of me wanted to say, "Thank you, ma'am, do you feel better now that you've judged two obviously harried parents and their special needs child? Does that make you feel good and superior?"

Of course I didn't. Because it's not worth it. But still, the words did cross my mind.

And it doesn't matter if my child has special needs or not. Everyone should have a little sympathy now and then for parents and their kids. Parenting is the hardest freaking job on the planet. A kind, sympathetic look can go a long way for a mom or dad who is ready to pull their hair out.

So try to remember (and I try to do the same when I'm on the other side of it): You don't know what someone else's situation is. You don't know what kind of day they may have been through. And it's not anyone's place to lay judgment.

Needless to say, we ended up skipping the grocery store and coming home (with a 45 minute raging tantrum the whole ride home in the car--from kidlet, not me, though I was close.) It was not a fun day all around.

The only thing that made me feel better later was this little scene from True Blood. Did anyone else find this clip ridiculously hot? (I think I've been reading too much m/m romance because I kind of wanted them to kiss, lol.)

Ep. 54 Clip - Sookie's Gross

 

So have you ever been that parent getting the mean looks? Have you found yourself doing the judge-y thing? (I know I had my moments before I had a kid and knew what it was like.)

Skeletons (and Mancandy) in the Attic

For the past week and a half, kidlet and I have been staying with my parents in New Orleans. I'm happy to be home and back to my routine (and hubs) today, but I did have a lot of fun hanging out back home. And one of the things I had the chance to do while I was there was dig through my parents' attic (I use the term "dig" loosely because its actually perfectly organized up there. My mom's organization skills are like a page out of Real Simple magazine.) And what I discovered was that a) My mom doesn't get rid of anything, b) I'm thankful for that, and c) you can tell a lot about a life going through a few childhood boxes.

So in case you didn't catch my live #tweetsFromTheAttic session on Twitter, I'll share some of what I found up there.

See, I've always been into mancandy. My mom has folders and folders filled with all the Big Bopper and Teen Beat pages I used to have on my wall.

Signs of my New Kids on the Block obsession. The bottom pic is trading cards. And no, I didn't really have backstage passes (above). I'm sure I ordered those from some magazine at some point.

The book that made me want to be a writer

Some of my favorite middle grade books

The first sex scene I ever read. It left quite an impression. I remember being shocked they could actually write that stuff in books. (I was 13.)

Where I first learned I loved a good horror story.

Yes, they made books. Of course I had them. (And can you believe in the first one, Baby was Francis Kellerman not Houseman. They actually set it up that her dad owned the resort. *shocked face* What were they thinking?)

Proof that vampires existed before Twilight ;)

Found a notebook where me and my stepsister filled out answers to questions. This is "What would you like to do for a living?" My answer is #1 - "writer/editor" and hers is "pharmasist". (She may have needed a bit of an editor there on spelling, but she was 10 so we'll give her a pass.) So at 14, I had a plan. I probably didn't realize it'd take another 18 years to reach that goal. :)  (And for those wondering, my stepsister is an accountant, not a pharmacist.)

And look, I told y'all I was really serious at 15 about querying that first novel (the New Kids fan fiction.) Luckily, I never got further than buying the 1995 Writer's Market book. :)

Look, my natural haircolor. Haven't seen that in a while...

Alright, so that's what I found in the attic. It's kind of scary how much you can distill about a person from a few boxes. But it's also kind of cool to see that my journey to becoming a writer started all the way back then. I was always preparing for this career, even when I didn't realize it.

So what would you find in your childhood boxes? What do you wish you would've kept? Would people be able to figure out who you are now based on what was in those old boxes?