Four Books That Changed Me From Lifelong Messy Girl to Getting My Sh*t Together (Mostly)

This month I've been focusing on planning, productivity, and organizing your time. Part of that is because it's January and I always feel energized at the beginning of the year to evaluate what worked and what didn't the previous year. 

But as I was doing these posts, I realized something--I've changed. You see, all my life I've been the cluttered, messy girl. My room was the bane of my mother's existence. When I first got married, I remember the coffee table being covered with empty Diet Mt. Dew cans and random college papers. It became a running joke with my husband about the number of cans. And I knew that about myself and had kind of accepted it as part of my identity. I'm not a neat freak. It is what it is.

And though I tried to come up with ways to be better and did make some improvement as I got older and eventually became a mom, I still struggled. I would never have the type of house that could handle a surprise visitor without an hour warning to hurriedly clean up the clutter and clear the counters. (There are still days like that for the record.)

But when I posted my before and after pics of my office earlier this week both here and on my personal Facebook, I said something like, "I'm sure the desk will get messy again like the before picture." And a number of people commented back, "You think THAT'S messy? That looks so neat." 

It gave me pause. Wait, what? But then I looked again and saw--yeah, okay, that was organized. Everything on the desk was in use. There were no stray papers or random piles of junk. But it wasn't a clear desk. I should move that binder or that pen or whatever. And it hit me--somehow along the way, I've become the girl who craves neatness. Like, craves. Needs neatness to concentrate and write. When the hell did that happen? Being messy was like part of my identity.

So I thought back to try to figure out when things changed. I can pinpoint it. Three years ago I read Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project and her Happier At Home. The second was more focused on the home, but both made me think more consciously about day to day stuff. And one of her points is "outer order creates inner calm." That stuck with me along with a lot of her other points. I started to be more aware of my environment and how it affected my mood. I got better but still struggled with clutter and such.

The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun

By Gretchen Rubin

Happier at Home: Kiss More, Jump More, Abandon Self-Control, and My Other Experiments in Everyday Life

By Gretchen Rubin

The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide: How to Declutter, Organize, and Simplify Your Life

By Francine Jay

Then about a year later, I picked up a book on minimalism called The Joy of Less by Francine Jay. The book is pretty short and straightforward and there are LOTS of books on minimalism. Some of these books can be extreme. I'm not extreme. But the concept of getting rid of unneeded stuff instead of figuring out ingenious ways to organize them clicked with me. Why did I have ten knickknacks on my mantle and entertainment center when all it meant was more dusting? Why did I have THREE full sets of dishes? I went through every room in my house and did a major donate-to-Goodwill purge. I physically felt lighter letting go of all that stuff. (One exemption: my book hoarding was excluded from the purge, lol. But I do limit myself to three full bookcases.) 

And after the purge, I wanted to do more. My house still felt like it had too much furniture and stuff. We saved up money and remodeled at the end of 2014 because of this minimalism thing and replaced most of our furniture. Instead of the bulky entertainment center with all the decorative cubbies, we replaced it with a simple media cabinet that hides all the equipment and has nothing on top. We got rid of the dresser in our room and bought cheap IKEA drawers to put in our closet instead, which opened up the bedroom. I started craving clear surfaces and minimal stuff, the lack of visual clutter (even organized stuff can become visual clutter.)

Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD, 2nd Edition-Revised and Updated: Tips and Tools to Help You Take Charge of Your Life and Get Organized

By Susan C Pinsky

But I was still having trouble with the day to day clutter--the baskets of clean laundry to put away, the school papers on the counter, the little things of every day life. And forget about storage bins. If it was out of sight, it might as well not exist in my mind. It's forgotten.(Hence my need for a paper planner.) Enter the next book: Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD. I don't have ADHD, but the methods of organizing for the visual person were revolutionary for me. AND it gave me permission to not be Pinterest perfect with my organizing. It asked questions like--why are you folding underwear when they're just going to sit in a drawer and it doesn't matter if they're wrinkled? It's a simple thing but I was like--wait, I don't have to fold the underwear?? And no, I don't! Or pajamas or towels.

So now that basket of clean laundry gets put away in seconds because I just drop stuff into the designated drawers. And the clean towels get dumped into a clean towel hamper in my closet that we pull from. (If you're super Type A about this stuff, I know you're probably breathing into a paper bag at the thought. When my mom comes stay, she goes in and folds all of kidlet's pajamas in the drawer, lol.) That's okay. But for me, this means I don't have laundry baskets sitting out. The task is quicker and less intimidating. And no one but us knows things aren't neatly folded inside the drawers (well, until now when I'm blabbing to the world about it, lol.) But there are a ton of tips in this book like that, and it's helped SO much. (It also dovetails nicely with minimalism. She's all for getting rid of unnecessary stuff.)

So are things perfect? God, no. Of course not. Real people live here. I have an eight-year old, and hubs and I have busy jobs. Dishes are left in the sink overnight. School papers still accumulate on the counter. Socks are still the bane of my existence (I'm going to switch hubs and kidlet to one type of dark sock and one type of white so then they don't have to be matched up.) And let's not talk about the hell in a handbasket things go when I'm up against a tight writing deadline. But a lot has changed, and I accept that it's an ongoing journey. It's changed me from the person I was five years ago. I'm not messy girl anymore. I'm the messy girl who's tricked herself into being pretty neat and organized. ;) And all from reading a few books and getting inspired. Gotta love the power of books, right?

Have you ever made a big change in how you do things or approach them? Have you surprised yourself? And what organizing things do you wish you could get your arms around? What clever tips or book have resonated with you? Have you ever suffered from Pinterest Perfect syndrome (I definitely have)?

Friday Reads: Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin (& My 2016 Goals)

Wow, what a week. First, before I get into today's reading pick, I just want to say a big thank you to all of you who have bought, read, posted about, and/or reviewed OFF THE CLOCK this week. I appreciate all the book love so much! And I'm thrilled that so many of you are enjoying it! I'm really excited to continue the series, and hearing your thoughts on who you're hoping to see in future books and such really gets me jazzed up. And for those asking, the next book is going to be about...Lane! :) I start on his story next and I can't wait. And if you haven't gotten your copy yet? What are you waiting for? ;)

BUY THE BOOK:  Amazon  | Barnes and Noble |Books-A-Million |Indie Bound |The Book Depository 

BUY THE EBOOK: Nook | Kindle  | Kobo | iBooks | Google Play

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Friday Reads

Okay, so onto today's reading pick. I know that not everyone is a New Year, New Start kind of person. My husband definitely isn't. He thinks it's silly to start something because of a particular point in the calendar. "Just start when you want to start." BUT, I am a person that gets that big sigh of ahh... at the beginning of the year. It's a physical and mental sense of having a fresh start, of renewal, and of all this exciting possibility ahead.

And though this year I thankfully don't have to do the official start-a-diet thing because I've been on the wagon with that since fall and am sticking to it, I do have other goals for the year. The main ones being: Less stress. More intention. More joy.

This last year was a crazy busy one. I said yes to too much and ended up feeling burnt out by October. Writing became a slog, my story was fighting me, I was dreading getting to my desk. That is no bueno. I have my dream job. I don't want to work myself into a rut. I LOVE writing. I don't want to lose the joy of that.

So this year, my main action item is to be much more intentional and structured about my time. I'm going to use my fancy new planner (more on that in another post where I have room to fangirl about my planner. :) ) I am going to block off writing time and turn off the internet during that time. (I need a digital detox in general.) And I'm going to say no to things that will crunch my time too much. 

And all of those things require one thing--forming new habits, which is where today's Friday Reads pick comes in. See? I was getting to the point. Eventually. :)

I've been a fan of Gretchen Rubin's work since The Happiness Project. I like her anecdotal and chatty style and how she breaks down big concepts like happiness and, now, habits.

Better than Before is a quick read and will give you insight into how your personality plays into how you form habits. There are Four Tendencies (of personality) that explain a whole lot. You can read more about the four tendencies on her blog. But I've discovered that I'm an Upholder, meaning I respond readily to inner and outer expectations.

October 2016 Update: I have discovered I've fooled myself with the Upholder thing. Turns out, I'm a Rebel, lol. I figured it out after taking her quiz and listening to her podcasts. Rebels are those who resist inner and outer expectations. 

So though I love, love, love my planner, I have to be careful about writing things down on my To Do list too far ahead because then it feels like an obligation and I want to rebel. I'm doing better tackling my plan at the beginning of each day to determine what I "feel" like doing most and in what order I feel like doing it in. 

There's a lot more in the book about different aspects of your personality and how that fits into habits, so I highly recommend you check it you if you're trying to start some new habits this year. 

About the book:

The author of the blockbuster New York Times bestsellers, The Happiness Project and Happier at Home, tackles the critical question: How do we change? 

Gretchen Rubin's answer: through habits. Habits are the invisible architecture of everyday life. It takes work to make a habit, but once that habit is set, we can harness the energy of habits to build happier, stronger, more productive lives.

So if habits are a key to change, then what we really need to know is: How do we change our habits?

Better than Before answers that question. It presents a practical, concrete framework to allow readers to understand their habits—and to change them for good. Infused with Rubin’s compelling voice, rigorous research, and easy humor, and packed with vivid stories of lives transformed, Better than Before explains the (sometimes counter-intuitive) core principles of habit formation. 

Along the way, Rubin uses herself as guinea pig, tests her theories on family and friends, and answers readers’ most pressing questions—oddly, questions that other writers and researchers tend to ignore: 

• Why do I find it tough to create a habit for something I love to do? 

• Sometimes I can change a habit overnight, and sometimes I can’t change a habit, no matter how hard I try. Why? 

• How quickly can I change a habit? 

• What can I do to make sure I stick to a new habit? 

• How can I help someone else change a habit? 

• Why can I keep habits that benefit others, but can’t make habits that are just for me? 

Whether readers want to get more sleep, stop checking their devices, maintain a healthy weight, or finish an important project, habits make change possible. Reading just a few chapters of Better Than Before will make readers eager to start work on their own habits—even before they’ve finished the book.

BONUS FRIDAY PICK:

In addition to Better Than Before, I've also gone through this workbook this week -- Your Best Year by Lisa Jacobs. This is more geared to those who are running a small business or blog or writers like me. But I found it helpful in setting up goals for the year and for looking back at 2015 and analyzing what worked and what didn't. The link is to the paperback, but you can also go directly to her site and pay for a download and print it out yourself to fill out, which is what I did.

 

Reminder:

If you haven't gotten your FREE reading journal (especially designed for romance readers) for the new year, be sure to sign up for my updates. The printable journal will come to your inbox after sign up. :) Click the banner at the top or click here to sign up.

So have you set any goals for 2016? Has anyone read either of these? 

The Push Your Boundaries 2016 Reading Challenge

Happy New Year's Eve! Hope everyone is having a great holiday break!

I turned in a book at the beginning of December, so I've been taking a much needed writing break these last few weeks. But that doesn't meant I haven't been getting up to things. If you missed it earlier today, I put together a free reading journal specifically designed for romance readers (yay!). All you have to do is sign up for my newsletter to get the download. (And if you're already signed up, check your inbox and spam folder if you haven't gotten it.)

So after that, I got to work on this next thing--putting together my reading challenge for the year. Since 2008 or so I've been doing annual reading challenges. But in 2015 I was so busy with other things that I never got around to setting a specific goal beyond "Read 60 books", which I did meet.

But what I noticed when I was going through my list to choose my Best Books of 2015 was that I'd gotten kind of homogenous in my reading choices this past year. Not necessarily a terrible thing. I love what I love and read what I want. BUT there are also a ton of great books out there outside of my beloved subgenres that I know I'm missing out on. AND as a writer, it's important for me to put all kinds of fodder into the creativity pot. If I only read within a narrow scope, it's going to affect my writing. I need to read widely and out of my comfort zone.

So I pulled out a challenge I created in 2014 (The Push Your Boundaries) and revamped it. Because when looking back, I found that I read a much bigger variety in 2014 because of the challenge. This is a challenge specifically designed to encourage you to read widely and to step outside of your normal reading zone (though not to give up what you love--there's a column for your favorites too!)

So, I thought I'd share it with you guys in case any of y'all want to join in. The key to this challenge is that it is PERSONALIZED. Other challenges are pretty specific: Read 5 Classics or 10 Mysteries or whatever. This is a lot more flexible. You know which categories you need to venture out in.

Below you'll find my chart that I've filled out, but then I'm also including a download for a blank chart. This is a Word doc that you can download and either print to fill out by hand or use electronically. What I do is type in my categories on the computer, then I print it out and use that sheet to either X out boxes as I read books or I'll write the name of the book in the box under the genre. Do what works for you. 

In the doc, I've also included a list of possible categories to put in your columns. These are only suggestions. Feel free to add whatever you want or to make up your own categories.

If you decide you want to join in the challenge, leave a comment below! If you want to keep track of your reads online on a Pinterest board or something, feel free to leave a link to it. Here's my Pinterest board where I'll be keeping track.

Okay, ready to join in?

Here's my board.

Here are BLANK CHARTS FOR DOWNLOAD along with a list of category suggestions. Click links to download:

• Word doc (Note: If you have different fonts from me, this may format a little off in your Word. Adjust as needed. Or download the PDF.)
• PDF download

And if you just want to see the category suggestions. Here they are:

So who's with me? And if you're not doing this challenge, do you have any other reading challenges planned?

New Year's Resolutions and Why I Can't Resist

Photo courtesy Flickr Commons

Happy New Year, everyone! It’s that time of year again. The time when all the segments on morning TV switch from Buy this gift, bake this delicious thing, eat all the food! to Lose weight! Declutter! Save your money! Quit <insert bad habit>!  We’re a predictable bunch, aren’t we? 

And generally, I have an against-the-grain nature and resist outside forces telling me what and how I should do something. But I have to confess, I am such a sucker for the New Year’s Resolution thing. I set goals throughout the year and make changes along the way. But there’s something so appealing about a new year and getting things back in line--a fresh start after the chaos of the holidays. So even though I know I’m giving in to the hype, I do it anyway. :-)

Here are my resolutions for this year: 

1. Back to real food – During the year, I *generally* eat healthy as long as I’m cooking at home. But when deadlines get crunched (as they do) and life gets chaotic (as it does), I often fall back to what’s quick and easy for the family (fast food and convenient processed stuff.) And once that starts, it’s easy to fall into that pattern again. So I want to get back to focusing on real food and have it not be about dieting or weight. (And if I lose inspiration, I need to read In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan again, lol.)
2. Realistic minimalism – So I love reading blogs about minimalism (living with only the things you need and the things that enrich your life.) However, I have no aspirations to go bare bones minimalist. I have a 7 year-old and a husband and I love my office full of books. I want my home to look like people live here. However, I do like the idea of not holding onto anything that isn’t useful, beautiful, or that makes me happy in some way (books!). Over the last year, we’ve redecorated our house to be a lot more calm/modern (no knick knacks, simpler furniture, etc.) and I’ve ditched probably half the things/clothes/stuff/junk we used to have. It’s a work in progress though, so I’ve been doing my New Year’s purge of closets over the last few days. And I want to continue paring down/buying less in 2015 as well.
3. Finding Zen – I have my dream job. I’m a writer and wouldn’t want to be anything else. But even dream jobs have stress. I write a lot, have a lot of deadlines, and I have a 7-yr old with some special needs. And I’m not exactly a Type B personality; so many times in the year I get to the hair-pulling, teeth-gnashing stage. But because of that, this past year, I got sick A LOT—colds, shingles, viruses, strep, etc. All that stress was taking its toll. So I’m vowing to be more Zen this year. Being stressed won’t help me get anything done any faster. This will probably be my hardest one to keep.

So that’s what I’m aiming for. How about you? Are you a resolution setter or do you resist the hype? What are some of your resolutions?

And don’t forget, Colby is going to be here in less than a week! NOTHING BETWEEN US is out Jan. 6^th in the U.S. (UK Readers, it’s out today!) Go pre-order your copy and I’ll <3 you forever. ;)

Pre-order: 

PRE-ORDER THE BOOK (available in ebook and print - print has a bonus short story)

Nook

Kindle | Kindle UK | Kindle Canada

Kobo

Apple/iTunes

Google Play

Journaling for the Chronic Journal Abandoner

My stack of pretty notebooksI'm a writer. This means I love books and writing and pens and paper and pretty notebooks and words. Also, my first career was as a therapist, so I'm introspective and navel-gazing to a fault. You would think that this would mean I'd be a prime candidate to be a journal or diary keeper.

Sadly, this has not been the case. I've started many a journal. I like the *idea* of a journal. However, in practice, it usually last 2-3 entries before I bail. Something about writing to no one but myself doesn't appeal. The reason why I can maintain a blog is because it feels like it has a purpose--someone is reading, there is interaction. But waxing poetic in a journal that only I'm going to see--well, it feels like a waste of time. I don't need to write down my thoughts to know them. I ruminate enough as it is.

However, this week I finished reading The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun  by Gretchen Rubin, and she had a quote in there that really resonated with me. "The days are long, but the years are short." 

How very true this is. I feel it when I look at my son who somehow is now five even though I feel like I just cried, "My epidural is wearing off, DO something!" to my dear doctor. So, this got me to thinking about finding a better way to track the days and the memories that pass in a blink. And one of the suggestions in the book was to do a one-sentence journal. That way, the journal abandoners of the world like me wouldn't have to commit to anything more than a few words a day.

This concept appealed to me. One sentence. I could do that. So I went to Barnes and Noble and looked at some of the 5-year journals that provide 2-3 lines for each day. However, as I looked at them, I realized that although I didn't want to do long journal entry. I wanted to have room to say what I wanted to say and maybe I'd need more than a sentence at times.

So after spending way too much time looking at all the journals, I decided to get a blank, spiral-bound one. And instead of a one-sentence journal, I'm doing a bullet list journal. So maybe that will only be one bullet on a day or maybe there will be three. It will depend on the day. And I'm not recording private things that no one else can see. I'm treating it instead like a record of life passing--something that my husband or son can look through years down the line with me. It's like a photograph but with words instead. 

Here's my first journal from Monday:

• President's Day - Kidlet informed me this morning, "Mommy, no presents for us. Only presidents get presents today."
• Best moment of the day: Eating cookies in the mall with kidlet and hubs while we watched the carousel.
• Caught kidlet singing Lady Gaga's "Judas" while he played with his cars. Adorable.

So, as you can see, it's no deep and meaningful pondering on life, but it's the stuff that will drift from my mind and disappear in a week or two. Little important moments that I don't want to forget. The years are short indeed, and I want to be able to look back and smile at them.

Do you journal? What do you think of the idea of the one-sentence journal or my version, the bullet-list journal? Any other journal abandoners out there? How do you keep track of the little moments you don't want to forget?