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NEWS: What If You & Me is out today!

July 6, 2021 Roni Loren
WhatIfYouandMeFinalCover.jpg

It’s here! It’s here!

I’m so excited to share Andi and Hill’s book with y’all. This heroine is near and dear to my heart because I’ve wanted to write a horror-movie-loving heroine for a long time. I’ve always loved horror movies/books and have been fascinated by true crime—and didn’t understand why, since I’m an anxious person. But once I dug into the research and found out that many people who struggle with anxiety, particularly women, find comfort in horror and true crime stories (for a number of layered reasons), I knew I had to write a story about that kind of woman. Andi is the result of that.

And her hero, Hill, is one of my favorite kinds of heroes. Tough and gruff on the outside but hiding lots of his own wounds—and secretly a gooey cinnamon roll on the inside. Plus, he cooks!

I hope you enjoy spending time with Andi and Hill as much as I did! (Well, when they were cooperating and not being difficult characters who didn’t do what this writer wanted them to do. :) )

Grab your copy: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indiebound | iBooks | Book Depository | Books-A-Million

Add to Goodreads

Here’s the official summary and scroll down for an excerpt:

About the book:

New York Times and USA Today bestseller Roni Loren blends heat and heart in this emotionally charged story of:

  • A frightened woman longing to break free

  • A wounded man searching for his purpose

  • An unexpected friendship turned sizzling hot connection

  • And an emotional climax that'll have them both learning to let go

The world can be a scary place. At least, that's what Andi Lockley's anxiety wants her to believe. It doesn't help that she narrowly escaped a dangerous man years ago, or that every relationship since has been colored with that lingering fear. But things are better now—she's channeling everything into her career as a horror novelist and true crime podcaster, and her next book may be the breakthrough she needs.

If only her grumpy new neighbor would stop stomping around at all hours of the night.

Former firefighter Hill Dawson can't sleep. After losing part of his leg in a rescue gone wrong, he's now stuck in limbo. He needs to figure out what he's supposed to do with his life, and he can't let himself get distracted by the pretty redhead next door. But when someone breaks into Andi's place, Hill can't stop himself from rushing in to play the hero. Soon, a tentative bond forms between the unlikely pair. But what starts out as a neighborly exchange quickly turns into the chance for so much more...if Andi can learn to put aside her fear and trust in herself—and love—again.

Excerpt:

Andi startled, a yelp escaping her, and nearly knocked over her tea. The loud sound repeated, and it took a second for her to realize it was coming from the door she’d just checked. Boom! Boom! Boom!

The afghan was clutched tight in her fist, and the movie still blasted, screams filling the living room. Her heartbeat thumped in her ears, and she stared at the door like it was going to splinter and the movie’s Ghostface was going to walk right in and disembowel her with his knife.

Andi’s logical brain registered this probably wasn’t the case, but that part was a distant whisper at the moment. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t turn off the TV. She was frozen in place.

The thunderous knocking started again. “Fire department. Open up!”

The words fire department penetrated her fear fog. Fire. Fire? That didn’t make any sense. Why the hell would the fire department be banging on her door in the middle of the night? Maybe something had happened in the neighborhood. Or maybe they had the wrong house.

Thinking it through helped a little. Finally, she was able to unfurl her fingers from the afghan and grab the remote to hit Pause. The silence that followed was almost as unsettling as the banging. The pounding on the door started again with an added threat to break down the door if no one responded. That got her moving. She hurried to her feet, headed to the door, and peered through the peephole. All she could see was a T-shirt clad shoulder as the man apparently leaned over to try to see through her front window.

A T-shirt, not a firefighter’s uniform. She cleared her throat and called out, “How do I know you’re a firefighter?”

Whoever it was stepped back and pointed to an NOFD insignia on his T-shirt, just visible in the peephole’s view. “Hill Dawson,” the man called out. “Your neighbor. Everything okay in there?”

Her neighbor? She reached for the pepper spray she kept in the drawer of her small entryway table, turned the latch on the lock, and opened the door, ready to spray if needed. Underneath the porch light, the outline of a man came into view. A very tall, broad-shouldered man. The werewolf. Complete with dark messy hair, a trimmed beard, and a scowl. He was equal parts gorgeous and intimidating—not unlike a real wolf—and her body tensed as though it couldn’t decide whether she should run like hell or rush forward and volunteer to play villager.

His brown eyes met hers, his searching look sending hot awareness through her, but then his gaze scanned downward. Only then did she remember she was standing there braless in a thin tank top and a pair of Wonder Woman pajama pants with a very formidable stranger on her doorstep. That snapped her out of her ridiculous staring. Who cared that he was attractive? He could still be there to hurt her. She crossed her arms over her chest and tipped up her chin, trying to look tough. “What’s going on?”

“So, you’re okay?” he asked, brows knit, his voice a deep rumble. His gaze flicked to the pink canister of mace still clutched in her fist. “I heard screaming. A lot of it.”

“Screaming?” She frowned.

He shifted, and her attention jumped to his right hand, the one hanging loosely at his side. The one holding a baseball bat. She stiffened, her mouth going dry and her mind racing past suspicion and into worst-case-scenario territory. What if he wasn’t a firefighter? What if he wasn’t her neighbor? What if he was there to rob/rape/murder/dismember her and wear her head as a hat?

She uncrossed her arms, her finger poised on the trigger of the pepper spray. She was suddenly much less concerned about her lack of bra and much more concerned that she’d be caught off guard and attacked.

The man frowned, his gaze tracking her weapon before looking at her again. “There was yelling and screaming. I could hear it through the wall. I thought you were in trouble.”

She narrowed her eyes. “How do I know you’re really a firefighter? Anybody could get a T-shirt.”

He tried to peek past her into the house and then lowered his voice. “Ma’am, if you’re in trouble, if there’s someone in there you’re scared of, just step outside and I can help.”

“Someone inside?” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “I’m alone. It was a movie.”

Her brain screamed at her as the words slipped out. I’m alone?

Have you learned nothing? Don’t tell the stranger you’re alone in the house! She should fire herself from her own podcast.

“I mean,” she went on. “I’m not in trouble. The screaming was a movie. I was watching a horror movie.”

The stiff hold of his shoulders relaxed, and his gaze met hers again, disbelief there. “A movie? It sounded like you were getting murdered over here.”

“Just Drew Barrymore. Not me.” She shifted on her feet. “Maybe I had it a little too loud.”

He made a frustrated sound in the back of his throat, and she realized her imagination hadn’t been far off earlier. This guy could be cast in a movie as lead werewolf. Scruffy and muscular in his navy-blue T-shirt and gray sweats. He was one full moon away from howling and ripping off that well-fitting shirt.

“A little too loud?” he asked, repeating her words. “It’s midnight. The screams were damn near vibrating my walls.”

That made her spine straighten and a flash of indignation rush through her. “Yes, it is midnight. And someone thought blaring songs about tractors was appropriate at this hour. I had to turn up my TV to drown you out.” She nodded at his weapon. “Do you make it a habit to scare the shit out of new neighbors by brandishing a baseball bat on their doorstep?”

He glanced down at his bat as if just remembering he had it, like it was a normal extension of his arm. He leaned over and set it against a planter out of her reach, then lifted a brow her way. “Says the lady with the pink pepper spray.”

“Hey, you’re at my door, man. I didn’t bang on yours.” She wasn’t going to put down her weapon. No, thank you.

He sighed, a long-suffering sound, and rubbed his forehead. “Okay, so you’re not getting murdered or the hell beat out of you.”

“I am not.”

“That’s good.” He nodded, almost to himself, and ran a hand over the back of his head.

“Agreed. I consider it a good day if I haven’t been murdered.”

He stared at her for a moment as if at a loss for what to say to that, and she was momentarily struck by how well his beard suited his tense jawline, by how long his eyelashes were, how his brown eyes

“I’m sorry if I scared you,” he said finally. “But maybe not so loud on the movies. I’m trained to respond to screams.”

Somehow the words trained to respond to screams sounded dirty to her ear, and heat bloomed in her cheeks. God. What was with her tonight? She cleared her throat. “Right. And maybe not so loud with the tractor music?”

His mouth hitched up at one corner, a lazy tilt of a smile. “I played no songs about tractors. There was no farm equipment referenced at all.”

She crossed her arms again and gave him a knowing look. “What about mommas, trains, trucks, prison, or gettin’ drunk?”

A low chuckle escaped him, and he coughed, as if trying to cover it. “Touché. No promises there.”

***

Grab your copy: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indiebound | iBooks | Book Depository | Books-A-Million

Add to Goodreads

In Books, Movies, News, Reading, Say Everything series, Teaser Tuesday, What To Read Tags roni loren, what if you and me, what if you & me, horror movies, true crime podcaster, firefighter, grump sunshine, PTSD character, horror writer, chef hero, romance, contemporary romance, emotional romance, character-driven romance, reading, anxiety, disabled hero, neurodiversity, mental health representation, sexy romance, podcaster, friends with benefits
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Coping with Covid-19 Anxiety: A Few Ideas

March 17, 2020 Roni Loren
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Hey there. So add this to the list of posts I’d never thought I’d write. I’ve been in my home office all day, trying to focus on getting something done—anything—but I’m sure like most of you, focus (already in short supply for many of us) is hard to come by right now. My kiddo is home with me, trying to do school online. My husband is out, helping the locations he manages shut down for business for at least two weeks (he’s in a retail/entertainment field.) And here I am, working from home as usual, but nothing feels like business as usual at all.

I’m sure you have your own version of this going on wherever you are. And I know there are many out there who are facing much more difficult things —layoffs, ill family members, or illness itself. Know that I am sending out love and good wishes to all of you.

This post will not be be able to address the big, life-changing issues many are facing, but I’m hoping that maybe it can help with some of the more common ones. Anxiety. Feeling stir-crazy. Feeling isolated. Or not being able to get a break from your kiddos. This is new territory for all of us, so I thought it might be helpful to pass along some of the things I hope to implement to help make the situation a little better.

  1. Turn off the news for a while

    Yes, we need to be informed, but 24-hour news is good for no one. I’ve found that if I tune in first thing in the morning, catching the first part of Good Morning America and the local news, I’ll get the most vital new information. Then I tune in again at night for the nightly news. In between, I turn it off.

    Especially if you’re prone to anxiety or are very high empathy, you need to limit your exposure. I also recommend choosing your main source of trusted online news. I subscribe to the online New York Times and have for a few years now, and I always find the subscription worth it. If you use that link, you can get a subscription for about a dollar a week and they’ll also donate money to give access to public school students. (It’s an affiliate link, but I don’t get anything back for you using that link except that it triggers the school donation.)

  2. Find an activity you can lose yourself in

    If you’re here, my guess is that one of those is reading. That’s one of my go to self-care activities. A good book can transport me to a place where I don’t have to worry about ALL THE THINGS for a little while. The type of book you need in a time like this may vary, and don’t be surprised if your normal favorite genre doesn’t quite scratch the itch like it normally does.

    Some find it surprising that pandemic stories are selling well all of a sudden. It doesn’t surprise me. I’m that person who leans into fictional horror when I’m anxious. It’s a way for some to process anxiety in a “safe” environment. I found myself grabbing Stephen King’s The Stand off my shelf today. So don’t judge yourself if your book craving isn’t what you’d expect.

    But, you may need the exact opposite and want a guaranteed HEA romance. If that’s the case, you can find a bunch of recommendations here on the blog. I also changed the prices to my two indie books By the Hour and Blurring the Lines to 99 cents today to try to help in any way I can. If money is suddenly tighter for you, you can get those two books for less than 2 bucks. (*NOTE: The systems take a little while to change the price online, so if it’s still the higher price when you check, check again tomorrow. I’ll post on my social media when the prices are live.)

    And if reading isn’t doing it for you right now, maybe it’s streaming that show you’ve had in your queue forever or binge-watching superhero movies. Maybe it’s baking so much you’d put Martha Steward to shame. You do you. Whatever gives your brain a respite for a while.

  3. Take on a project

    A lot of us have projects that we put on the back burner or on the “want to do someday” list. If we’re stuck at home, maybe now is the time to tackle it. Paint your bedroom. Reorganize the closets. Learn how to play guitar. Set up a card catalog for your books (or is that just my nerdy fantasy?) Try your hand at writing your own story.

    For me, this week I built a new website for my writing classes. You can see it here at the Fearless Romance Writing Academy. I also built a 30-Day email challenge for romance writers: 30 Days of Romance Writing Prompts. If you’re a writer or aspire to be, you can grab that challenge for free by clicking that link.

    But I can confirm that once I got started on both of those projects, I lost myself in them for hours. It was so nice not to think about anything else but the project in front of me. And then that sense of achievement when it’s done is quite the mood booster.

  4. Get outside

    This is one I have to remind myself of. Unfortunately, it’s been rainy here in Texas the last few days, but I’ve tried to make a point to get some fresh air when I can. I live next to cows, so when they showed up by the fence today I went out and had a conversation with them. They seemed bored by my ramblings, but their good listening skills are quite soothing. ;)

    But really, fresh air and sunshine are important. We are supposed to be social distancing, but if you have an outdoor space you can access without coming into close contact with others—a yard, a balcony, etc.—remember to use it.

  5. Take your vitamins

    I am militant about Vitamin D after having a deficiency a few years ago that completely crashed my mood, immunity levels, and made me start losing hair among other symptoms. And I managed to get deficient in the SUMMER. Now that we’re going to be outside less often, it’s even more important. Take a multi-vitamin at the very least. (I take a multi plus an extra D supplement and a probiotic.) Vitamins are good for mood, immunity, and overall health. I can attest to how a deficiency can cause all kinds of issues. And vitamins cheap and easy.

  6. Still reach out to friends and family—virtually

    I’m an introvert. I can have low social interaction for a while and, frankly, not notice. But even I can feel the ripple of anxiety that comes with knowing I can’t go have queso and margaritas with my friends if I wanted to. So make a point to stay connected to friends and family.

    We live in a time of unprecedented technology. As I type this, my son is taking his School of Rock lesson over a Zoom video call with his instructor. So, video chat with your friends. Or even plan to watch a TV show or movie together while you’re on the phone with them. Reach out to your family, especially older members whose anxiety levels are probably very high.

    We are social creatures, and cutting ourselves off from everyone for too long will take a toll. Also be aware of this with your kiddos. Let them have their phone time or video chatting time.

  7. Exercise

    You know exercise, that thing we always say we would do more of if we just had more time? No? Just me using that avoidance tactic? Well, we all know exercise is good for us. For our bodies. Our immunity. Our mental health. There are endless resources online to take classes or learn routines. I have always enjoyed yoga from Yoga with Adriene.

  8. Take on a defined challenge

    I love checking off a list. And I like being a completist. Like I watched Julie and Julia the other night (soothing movie, btw) and I know some people thought what Julie did was a little nuts—cooking all the recipes from Julia Child’s French cooking tome—but I was like YAASSS GIRL. I totally get that desire to take on a specific challenge like that and the ultimate satisfaction of completing it. (That’s why you see me doing things like the 30-Day No Social Media Challenge.) I love that s**t.

    So, I know not everyone is wired that way. But if you are, look for a challenge you can do at home and complete. The 30-Day Romance Writing Prompt challenge I mentioned above could work if you’re a romance writer or want to try your hand at writing. But there are endless options. The Read Your TBR challenges. The social media challenges. The watch all the Marvel movies or Harry Potter movies or all seasons of a TV show. I did this with Buffy the Vampire Slayer a while back. I watched every episode of all 7 seasons and it felt so satisfying. You could pick a show that you’ve never seen (which was the case with me and Buffy) or you can pick an old favorite you want to revisit. Like I could see myself doing that with Friends or Dawson’s Creek.

    I think the beauty of a challenge is that it gives you a small sense of control when you can’t control what’s happening in the outside world.

  9. Stay on some kind of schedule

    Yes, we’re home and don’t have to be as regimented. Maybe the alarm clock doesn’t have to go off as early. But schedules can help give us (and our kids) a sense of stability. Having no clear borders in the day can leave everyone feeling unmoored. So, I encourage you to think about some clear markers in your day. We eat breakfast at the table together around this time every day. We work on our things during the day. That may mean school work and chores for kids. For you, that may be working at home, doing housework, taking on a project like recommended above. Then there’s a “quitting time” where everyone can have dinner and relax, watch tv, play games, etc.

    It doesn’t have to be that exact schedule. Maybe you’re a household of night owls or have teens who sleep til noon. That’s fine. You can make the schedule tailored to you and your family’s needs. But having the stability of knowing the windows of time that certain activities happen can give a lot of stability in this unstable situation. (I’ve learned how helpful this can be as someone who works at home full time. I keep my own regimented schedule so that I don’t end up on the couch eating Cheetos and bingeing Netflix at 1pm on a Tuesday.)

  10. Don’t murder your children and/or spouse ;)

    Going to jail during a time like this would be SO inconvenient. ;) Yes, being home with everyone ALL THE TIME will be trying no matter how much you love them, but try to give a little grace (you’re probably annoying them, too, lol.) They’re dealing with this total upheaval just like we are.

Love you guys! Stay safe and healthy, and hopefully we’ll all be on the other side of this soon. <3

—Roni

Are you using any creative ways to cope? I’d love to hear them!

In Life, Parenting Tags anxiety, covid-19, coronavirus, working from home, social isolation, what to do at home, coping with anxiety
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A Personal Post: Hormones, Stress, & Sneaky Depression

February 7, 2018 Roni Loren
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Hi there. It's been a while. 

If you follow my blog at all or subscribe to my newsletter, you know that I am a pretty regular blogger. However, it's been a month since I last blogged. I kind of hate blog posts that are about apologizing for not blogging or being absent on social media because it seems kind of silly to stress about those things. We're all busy and sometimes the balls we're juggling hit the floor.  But here I am, blogging about why I've been quiet anyway.

I decided to share because hey, maybe you've been there or maybe someone else might find the post and it can help them. Here are the obvious reasons why I've been quiet: (1) I had the biggest book release of my life in January and that involved a lot of blogging for other sites and promo work. (2) I'm behind on a book deadline and have been writing (3) Holiday time is always crazy busy. (4) My mother in law moved in temporarily for a couple of months and even though we get along fine, as a creature of habit and solitude, that threw my home routine off. Oh and (5) I got the flu TWICE in a month (yes, even with the flu shot).

However, none of those reasons turned out to be the real reason why I wasn't doing the things I normally do. It took me almost two months to figure it out, but recently I nailed down the culprit: a hormonal imbalance which led to six weeks of anxiety and depression. See, early in December, I was having some issues with PMS stuff and got diagnosed with mild PMDD (being a woman is so fun!) and my doctor decided to try me on a low-dose birth control pill to balance things out. I hadn't been on the pill since I was in college. I went off it back then because it flattened my mood too much--not depression, just blah-ness. So going back on it, I was slightly aware that it might not work for me.

However, even going in with that knowledge, turns out, I completely missed the signs that this change in hormones was wreaking major havoc on my system. Like I said, it was a high stress time anyway--new book series coming out, hosting Christmas, new guest in my house, getting the flu, behind on book deadline. I thought it was normal stress making me feel not so great. But signs started to show up in January that all wasn't right with me. I lost interest in the things I normally love to do. I wasn't into decorating my planner (which seems minor but if you know me,  you know I heart my planner. It should've been a sign to me that something was amiss, but I thought, meh, maybe I'm just over it.) I didn't feel like cooking, which is normally a relaxing outlet for me. My creativity just wasn't there writing-wise, and I was blocked with my book. And get this, I read NO fiction. I read only 2 books in January, both non-fiction. That's nuts, y'all, but again, told myself it was because I was so busy. 

I might've kept going on this way, but then I hit a week (which would normally be my PMS week) where I had a huge spike in anxiety and this feeling of - what's the point of doing anything at all. Now, outside of a brief bout with post-partum blues, I'm not one to get depressed. Anxious, yes. Me and anxiety go way back. But depression has never been a thing for me. This felt different than sad or blue, and maybe because I used to be a therapist, I was able to step outside of it a bit and go--whoa, this isn't me. Something's up. That didn't mean I could change how I felt (despite doing yoga daily, taking my vitamins, eating healthy, talking to friends/family about it, getting out of the house, doing all the things I knew to do to get out of a funk, etc.) but I knew that something was going on with me chemically. And that's when I realized the pill was doing what it did to me in college but multiplied times a hundred. 

I went off of it immediately. Literally within 24 hours, I could feel the difference. A few days later, I was back. Like the sun had come out. I felt like myself again, had energy, wanted to read, had renewed interest in the things I love. The anxiety and this weird desire not to be alone (I usually love/crave being alone) went away. It was like waking up from a really bad dream. I feel enormously lucky that I was able to get rid of those bad feelings by stopping the birth control. I am very aware that depression has an endless number of causes and most of the time, there's not a quick fix solution. I also know that when I get to PMS week again, I'll probably have symptoms even without the pill like I did before, but hopefully milder and I'll be as prepared as possible. 

So, I know this is an intensely personal post (which is not the easiest thing to share) but when I was going through this, I found a number of women who had posted about similar struggles and experiences and I found it enormously helpful and comforting. So I'm trying to pay that forward by being honest and sharing what I went through. It's scary to think that even as someone trained to recognize signs of depression (and who diagnosed it in other people!) couldn't easily recognize it in myself. It was subtle at first and wrapped up in a very busy/stressful/flu-ridden time, which disguised it.

And I'm not saying don't go on the pill or anything like that. This is NOT medical advice. I know I have weird body chemistry and have always been sensitive to hormonal shifts. I can literally map on my calendar when I'll be most creative and when I'll feel tired and creatively blocked. I try to use it to my advantage and plan my tasks according to when I'll have the most energy. But I'm just sharing a personal experience because I think a lot of times we go through these things and are too embarrassed to share it with each other. But we can learn from each other and help support each other by being open.

So, good news is I'm back to myself. I feel great. I'm still behind my deadline, but I feel back on track and excited about the book again. I plan to be back on here more regularly, and newsletters will resume. But I've learned a good lesson: pay really close attention to yourself, especially if you've lost interest in the things that usually make you happy. Stress can be an easy "excuse" but it isn't always the root reason things are going haywire. Other things can be going on. So if you ever find yourself where I was, dig deeper than "oh I'm just really busy and overwhelmed right now." Take care of yourself. *hugs*

 

In Life Tags stress, depression, hormones, anxiety, birth control pill, creativity, roni loren, pmdd, pms, hormonal shifts
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Self-Care In Stressful Times for the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

February 15, 2017 Roni Loren

This isn't about books, but it's a post I've been thinking about for a while. Right now, we are in a highly stressful time in our country (regardless of what side you fall on.) Things feel unsettled. Things we took for granted are getting upended. Every day we get online and there are new stress bombs exploding all over the place. Almost everyone I know is feeling overwhelmed and bombarded.

And how we react to that stress and process it can be very different. Some people are soothed by jumping into the fray, knowing every single thing that's going on so they can stay on top of it, debating their points in a public forum. That is an absolutely valid way to tackle things and we need people who can do that. However, there is also a group of people who will get destroyed emotionally if they spend too much time in the mix.

I realized a few years ago that I fall into a personality type that's been labeled the Highly Sensitive Person. There are a number of traits and you can take a quiz here from Dr. Elaine Aron, the psychologist who developed the model. Some traits are sensitivity to loud noises, chaotic environment, and violence movies/TV, etc. But it also can mean you have very high empathy and sensitivity to people's moods/feelings, which can be a good thing but can also make you feel completely torn apart if you're not careful with what you expose yourself to. Being this way was probably what drew me to become a therapist in the first place, BUT it's also the thing that made me leave that profession because I couldn't leave work at work. I carried the emotions of my clients (children, in my case) home with me every night. It was too much. I think it's also why I was drawn to romance novels in the first place. Some people think happy endings are trite. I think they're life-affirming and soothing. I can read tragic books, but I have to prepare for them and know what I'm getting into. I also can only handle maybe 1 or 2 tragic books a year because I feel a bit traumatized by them.

And I've found that with the current state of our world, this HSP (highly sensitive person) part of my personality has been activated in full. When I go on Twitter and see all the news stories of the day or people arguing their points, I want to crawl under my desk. I know I need to stay in the know with what's going on and take action in ways that are important, but I've accepted that I have to do that in my own way. I have to limit my exposure to everything because otherwise, it takes me down an unhealthy road. Self-care is not optional if I want to continue to do my job, be a wife, be a mom, etc.

So, basically, the point of this post is that if you find that you're feeling beat up emotionally, are completely distracted, are dragging the weight of the world with you everywhere, or feeling constantly anxious or sad, DO NOT berate yourself for needing to check out for a while to take care of yourself. Recharge. Talk to a professional counselor if you need to. Do the things that make you happy. Spend quality time with your loved ones. Do the things that bring you peace in some way. It doesn't mean you don't care about what's happening in the world, it just means that you're the type of person who needs to limit your exposure to it in order to be the best version of yourself that you can be. It's not a fault, it's alternative wiring.

So I thought I'd put together some tips on how to go about this and what's been working for me.

 

Self-Care Tips for Highly Sensitive People


1. Turn off the noise - Not just figuratively but literally create quiet. Highly sensitive people are more sensitive to sounds, violence on TV, arguing, etc. So turn off the internet/TV, grab a book, go for a walk, visit the library, etc. And even if you aren't an HSP, there are proven benefits to silence.

2. Turn to the hobbies that give you peace - Reading, Cooking, Crafting, Gardening. Binge watching a TV series. Find the things that recharge you. You know what they are, but often they get lost in the shuffle (or lost in internet time for most of us) and are deemed expendable. They are not expendable. They are juice for your mental batteries.

3. Chores or methodical tasks can actually be soothing - I'm finding that anything methodical can be soothing. I've been listening to podcasts (click here to see my lists of favorites and I've binge listened to this one lately, too) while I do dishes or cook or fold laundry, and it's been oddly calming. Also, there's something satisfying about seeing things done. A nice meal on the table. A pile of folded laundry. It reestablishes some sense of control.

4. Move your body - Walking. Yoga. Whatever your favorite way is to get the blood flowing. Meditation isn't moving your body but can also be tremendously helpful.

5. Limit your exposure to the constant onslaught of news - For many decades, people survived with just having the evening news. Twenty-four hour news and the internet have changed all that, but it doesn't mean we NEED to watch for all those hours or read every post. I've found that it's best for me to watch Good Morning America's opening to get the day's headlines and then watch my local news in the evening. I get the information I need, stay informed, but don't have to subject myself to people yelling at each other and the endless cycle of "Breaking News". 

6. Edit your social media and the time you spend on it - I love social media, but it can suck the life out of you, too. I've had to greatly limit my Twitter time lately. I have blocked certain words on there. I have unfollowed (you can do that without un-friending) lots of people on Facebook and pretty much just go onto FB to participate in some of the groups I'm in and my own page and reader group. Fashion your social media to give you more exposure to the things you enjoy and less to the things that drag you down.

7. Take action in a way that works for you - If taking action is important to you, you can do that in quieter but still effective ways: writing letters/emails, voting, sending money or volunteering for causes/charities that are important to you. Action doesn't always have to be loud. Introverts have done some pretty amazing things in this world. 

8. Spend time with the people you love - Remind yourself of the good parts of your life. Your family. Your kids. Your dog. Your neighbors. Your book club. Whatever it is for you.

9. Laugh - Cue up that hilarious movie. Pick up that fun romance novel. Dance with your kids. (Last weekend I somehow ended up doing the NKOTB "The Right Stuff" dance for my kidlet and that cracked us both up.) Put on music you love and sing along while you do chores. It's okay and necessary to be ridiculous sometimes.

10. Be productive - This isn't the most fun one but I know a lot of us have been distracted from work. In January, I threw myself into writing and wrote about 30k words. That's a lot for me in a month and it felt damn good to get something done. I think it goes back to having that sense that you're in control, i.e. I am capable of doing this thing and finishing something. 

So those are the things that are working for me. I'd love to hear what's working for some of you. Any other HSPs out there? Anyone else hiding under their desk with me? 

In Life Tags highly sensitive person, highly sensitive people, Dr. Elaine Aron, self-care, politics, stress, reading, self-care tips, meditation, stress from news, anxiety, depression, feeling overwhelmed, social media stress
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