Stay-at-Home Tips & Apps for Maintaining (Some) Sanity

Hi. How are you doing? I hope you and yours are doing okay.

Here at the Loren household, we’re trying to stay cognizant of the fact that we are very lucky to be home and safe right now, that being “stuck” at home is a blessing. Hubs is in a service/entertainment industry that is shut down right now, so that is stressful, but in the grand scheme of things, we are okay. We have a place to live, are healthy right now, and have food to eat.

So, I try to take a moment every day to be grateful for those things and grateful for the people who are helping that happen (all the love to grocery store workers, delivery drivers, health care workers, police, firefighters, and everyone else who is on the front lines.)

However, having said all that, it doesn’t mean that being home non-stop with each other is without its difficulties—as I’m sure you’re all experiencing, too. Our routines have been annihilated. Our world is a completely different one than we knew for all of ours lives. It’s a lot.

So, in today’s post, I thought I would share some of the little things that are helping us get through right now in case any may be of help to you.

On Deciding What to Watch - Two Helpful Apps

Most of us are probably watching way more TV and many more movies than we normally would. Usually, it’s not a matter of trying to figure out what to watch but when to find time to watch all the great things people have recommended to you.

However, now that we may have more time to watch, we have new challenges. One of them being that many of us are home with children, so we can’t just put on anything. We have to watch things that are appropriate for the age-level of our kids.

I feel lucky that I only have a 12-year old at home. He’s gotten to an age where I can introduce him to a lot of movies I love because I don’t need to be as careful about curse words or mild sexual innuendo. But sometimes it’s still hard to tell if a movie is safe for him to watch or not. So, one of my favorite websites/apps that I have been using on a daily basis lately is Common Sense Media.

Common Sense Media

This website has a huge database of movies, and not only does it give age recommendations, it gives actual breakdowns of the levels of sex, violence, language, positive messages, etc. for each movie.

If you click on those ratings, it tells you the actual content from the movie that applies. So, for instance, if you click on the sex rating, it will say (as was the case when I looked up Nightmare on Elm Street the other night) specifically what is seen. So, in that movie, it was teens have sex and you hear sounds, but then only the end when they’re done is seen. No nudity. At another point, you see the side of a breast in shadow.

This is enormously helpful because you know your own kid and what you think they can handle or not handle. For instance, I know my son isn’t particularly scared by horror movies with supernatural stuff because he’s a logical guy who doesn’t believe in that stuff (which is SO unlike me as a kid, when I was definitely convinced my room was haunted.) So, a movie that would keep another kid up with nightmares, is usually fine for my kiddo. However, anything with nudity beyond a bare butt for comedy’s sake (like every Will Ferrell movie), I’m going to rule out.

In addition to all the ratings, they also include parent and kid reviews of the movies, which are super helpful not just for gauging content but to see if kids generally like the movie. I want to share a lot of my favorite 80s and 90s movies with my son. Some translate well. Some age badly. So seeing what other kids his age thought of the movie can help.

This website and the app are free, but I’d absolutely pay for this service. It’s fantastic.

Just Watch

The next app/website I find myself opening all the time is the Just Watch app. I am not one to scroll through my streaming services and choose what to watch. I tend to be someone who gets an idea of what movie or TV show I want to watch and then has to find it. As someone who subscribes to a lot of streaming services—Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, Apple, Shudder, etc., that can be a lot of work to go in and search each one.

Just Watch saves you the trouble of figuring that out. All you need to do is type in what movie or show you’re looking for, and it will tell you where it is streaming and if it’s included in your subscription or if you have to rent or buy it. It also gives you movie info and things like the Rotten Tomato rating. Quick and easy.

With those two apps in my pocket, I’ve been able to be a pretty good movie curator over at our house. Here are some of the things we’ve watched lately that have been a thumbs up from the whole fam:

• Pitch Perfect

• The Wedding Singer

• Talladega Nights

• A League of Their Own

• Nightmare on Elm Street (but OMG the melodramatic early 80s horror movie acting)

• Wayne’s World

• Groundhog Day
  
  

On Trying to Focus When Working From Home

I work from home normally, but I’ve never had to work from home while everyone is here with me—a kid homeschooling, me cooking three meals a day, a husband popping in to ask questions or to get me to go on a walk. I have pretty high focus, in general, because I’ve worked over the years to hone that. However, this has knocked me for a loop. Constant interruption is tough. So here’s what I’m doing:

Focus @ Will

I’ve used Focus @ Will for years now, so that part is nothing new. But I’m having to use it in a different way. This website plays music meant for focus (so it’s different than just putting classical music on Spotify.) You can choose your theme. I pretty much live on the cinematic setting. You set your time for a session, there’s a Pavlovian style “ding” sound that indicates a session has started (and is embarrassingly effective at cueing me that it’s time to work) and then the music starts.

Usually, I just listen through my desktop, but since the stay-at-home order, I’ve figured out that I need to use it with headphones when other people are home. I can’t get into deep focus otherwise. So when it’s time to write (because I still have a book deadline coming up), I put on my headphones, hit play, and then try to have at least an hour of uninterrupted time. It’s effective. My son tapped my shoulder the other day when I was in deep work mode under headphones, and I nearly levitated out of my chair, lol. He thought it was hilarious.

Social Media Break

Right now, it’s hard not to get consumed by media in all its forms. There is a lot to know, but there is also a lot of noise. I realized that I was getting lost in the despair of social media and needed a break. I’ve done 30-Day social media breaks and such before, so I know they can work to quiet my mind.

So, last week I took the week off from social media. It helped a lot. I’m back on now but limiting my dose. I’m finding Instagram is generally uplifting right now, so I’m giving myself some time there. Facebook I’m limiting because it’s a mixed bag. I’m still avoiding Twitter because I find the amount of negative posts there far outweigh the positive ones. So, consider taking a break or curating which channels you check. We want to connect socially while stuck at home, but it doesn’t have to be in ways that make us feel bad or drained after using them.

On Trying to Sleep

Everyone at my house has been having trouble sleeping. All the anxiety, disruption of routine, and lack of energy expenditure have contributed. We’ve had some rough nights with kidlet knocking on our door because he couldn’t sleep or me tossing and turning until four a.m. And when we don’t get sleep, everyone suffers because we’re all in bad moods.

So this past week, we’ve been working on a few things, trying to see if it will help. I’m happy to report that we’ve found a couple of things that seem to be working.

Headspace & Meditation

I’ve tried meditation off and on through the years. I tend not to stick with it, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t found it helpful. This time, I decided to try it with kidlet because he was having so much trouble settling down at night. In the past, I’ve used the Calm app and liked it, but after researching, I found that Headspace had some kid options and was a bit more simplified. So I went with that one.

For the past few days, I’ve been doing a 5-10 minute meditation with kidlet before bed. Most of the ones we’ve done focus on breathing, on counting backward, on relaxing muscles, etc. So it’s been easy for him to follow. We’ve noticed a difference. The nights we’ve meditated, he hasn’t come knocking on our door in the middle of the night. And now he’s asking for it, “Can we meditate before bed, mom?” So I’m really happy with how it’s helping. I’ve done some sessions separately from him when it’s time for me to go to bed, and it has helped my racing thoughts. So two thumbs up on the meditation.

Not Watching the News at Night

This one is tough because with everything going on, we feel like we need to be constantly updated. However, I think part of the reason I wasn’t sleeping was because we were watching the nightly news right before we went to sleep. Even if we watched something funny or lighthearted, afterward, the effect lingered.

The past fews days I’ve avoided watching the news after the 6 o’ clock news, and it’s helped. I still watch Good Morning America when I wake up and then that 6pm news. That keeps me updated enough. I don’t leave the TV on in the background. I don’t watch the endless press conferences. I don’t need my brain in crisis mode 24/7. (I’ve talked about this before in this post: Self-Care for the Highly Sensitive Person - It’s Okay to Step Away From the News

On Keeping Spirits Up

One of the most important things right now is keeping our spirits up. Because if we don’t actively try to do this, it’s really easy to fall into a pit of despair. That does no one any good. So here are some of the things that are helping us keep our mood from crashing:

Sunlight & Walks

As someone who has suffered from a Vitamin D deficiency in the past, I’m a sunlight evangelist. (Also, I’d recommend still taking some Vitamin D in a pill because most of us don’t get enough naturally.) Sunlight gives us so many things—vitamin D, a mood lift, and help setting our body clocks. And especially right now, with all of us spending so much time inside, sunlight can feed the soul.

Now, you need to do this in a safe way. If you live in a tightly packed area, this might mean just going out on your balcony or standing in front of an open window. But if you have the ability and the space, going outside daily for walks in the sunshine or just to sit on your porch can be so helpful.

We’re very lucky that the new house we moved into is in a rural-ish area so we have lots of animals to see on our walks. But it’s nice just to see the grass and flowers sprouting for Spring, hear the birds singing. It’s a reminder for me that the world goes on. This too shall pass.

Here are some of our animal friends we’ve seen lately:

A To Do List & Routines

I’m a person who thrives on routines and To Do lists, so this is a given for me if I want to maintain sanity. But even for my kiddo and husband, who are more flexible than I am, need some kind of routine. Getting up in the morning and not having anything to do, no purpose to the day, can become depressing really quickly.

I’m currently in the position of having too much to do—book deadline, putting together a class, taking a different class, blogging, newslettering, etc. So my problem is opposite—how to fit it in while having everyone home. But my husband who is used to being crazy busy with his job doesn’t have that kind of list while his job is mostly on pause. So he’s had to make sure to set goals for the day, little things sometimes, but tasks he wants to get done. And my kiddo has homeschool and online music lessons, so he has some tasks going, but it’s been a challenge to impose new routines.

So, if you’re finding yourself feeling unmoored during the day, don’t rule out making an old fashioned To Do list. And it doesn’t have to be something practical like cleaning the kitchen. Maybe you want to reorganize your bookshelves by color of cover or you want to pick up a cookbook and learn some new recipes. It may mean that you want to make a list of shows you’ve been meaning to binge watch. Start a movie/TV journal to record your thoughts about what you’re watching or a book journal.

Find a project. It can do wonders.

A Treat to Look Forward To

Kidlet and I have been doing a lot of baking of desserts. Normally, we only have desserts in the house on special occasions because we’re trying not to eat too much sugar and all that. However, during this time, though you don’t want to go crazy with eating junk because that won’t make you feel very good, it can be really nice to have a treat to look forward to. Knowing that after dinner, we have a homemade dessert is a nice uplifting thing. And there’s no shame in using boxed mix (like this delicious cinnamon crumble cake below.)

And it may not be desserts for you. It may be an activity or a TV show or a book. But have something to look forward to each day, a little something that maybe you normally wouldn’t have if we weren’t in this situation, can really help.

Board Games

We need a break from all the screens sometimes, and board games are a great option. If you’re competitive like my family, it’s also a guaranteed way to take our focus off of what is happening in the world and getting lost in an activity together.

Some of our favorites lately have been Ticket to Ride and Ticket to Ride Nordic Countries (best for 3 players), Scattergories, Upwords, and Yahtzee. The latter three are good if you’re too tired to focus. The first two require more strategy.

Reading

I know I’m preaching to the choir here, but I wanted to bring this one up because I’ve noticed my reading habits have changed during this. I’m having more trouble focusing on reading, even though that’s something I normally do to relax. And just an observation, but it seems that people who normally aren’t voracious readers are reading more now, but those of us who are heavy readers are having more of a struggle. It’s almost like whatever is opposite our norm is what’s happening during this crisis.

So, if you happen to be one of those heavy readers who is having trouble reading, I encourage you to consider reading outside your normal zone. Shake up your routine a little. Maybe it’s a different genre or subgenre. Maybe it’s doing an audiobook instead of an ebook. (You can join my Read Wide challenge and get a list of different categories and genres to work through.) For me, I picked up a paranormal romance. I read those on occasion, but it’s not my main zone, and it seems to be engaging me more. I’m also reading a non-fiction book in between when I can’t focus on fiction.

Or, you may be the opposite and need to lean heavily into your reading comfort zone. Maybe that means re-reading old favorites because it gives you some stability to know what’s coming.

All I’m saying is that if your normal reading routine isn’t working, shake it up and see if you can come at it from another angle because I know, for most of us, reading is food for our soul and needed.

---

All right. I know I’ve thrown a lot at you, but I hope you’ve found something in there that’s helpful. I’m sending you and your family love and well wishes. Be safe, y’all. Stay home. Stay sane. <3

—Roni

Self-Care In Stressful Times for the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

This isn't about books, but it's a post I've been thinking about for a while. Right now, we are in a highly stressful time in our country (regardless of what side you fall on.) Things feel unsettled. Things we took for granted are getting upended. Every day we get online and there are new stress bombs exploding all over the place. Almost everyone I know is feeling overwhelmed and bombarded.

And how we react to that stress and process it can be very different. Some people are soothed by jumping into the fray, knowing every single thing that's going on so they can stay on top of it, debating their points in a public forum. That is an absolutely valid way to tackle things and we need people who can do that. However, there is also a group of people who will get destroyed emotionally if they spend too much time in the mix.

I realized a few years ago that I fall into a personality type that's been labeled the Highly Sensitive Person. There are a number of traits and you can take a quiz here from Dr. Elaine Aron, the psychologist who developed the model. Some traits are sensitivity to loud noises, chaotic environment, and violence movies/TV, etc. But it also can mean you have very high empathy and sensitivity to people's moods/feelings, which can be a good thing but can also make you feel completely torn apart if you're not careful with what you expose yourself to. Being this way was probably what drew me to become a therapist in the first place, BUT it's also the thing that made me leave that profession because I couldn't leave work at work. I carried the emotions of my clients (children, in my case) home with me every night. It was too much. I think it's also why I was drawn to romance novels in the first place. Some people think happy endings are trite. I think they're life-affirming and soothing. I can read tragic books, but I have to prepare for them and know what I'm getting into. I also can only handle maybe 1 or 2 tragic books a year because I feel a bit traumatized by them.

And I've found that with the current state of our world, this HSP (highly sensitive person) part of my personality has been activated in full. When I go on Twitter and see all the news stories of the day or people arguing their points, I want to crawl under my desk. I know I need to stay in the know with what's going on and take action in ways that are important, but I've accepted that I have to do that in my own way. I have to limit my exposure to everything because otherwise, it takes me down an unhealthy road. Self-care is not optional if I want to continue to do my job, be a wife, be a mom, etc.

So, basically, the point of this post is that if you find that you're feeling beat up emotionally, are completely distracted, are dragging the weight of the world with you everywhere, or feeling constantly anxious or sad, DO NOT berate yourself for needing to check out for a while to take care of yourself. Recharge. Talk to a professional counselor if you need to. Do the things that make you happy. Spend quality time with your loved ones. Do the things that bring you peace in some way. It doesn't mean you don't care about what's happening in the world, it just means that you're the type of person who needs to limit your exposure to it in order to be the best version of yourself that you can be. It's not a fault, it's alternative wiring.

So I thought I'd put together some tips on how to go about this and what's been working for me.

Self-Care Tips for Highly Sensitive People

---

1. Turn off the noise - Not just figuratively but literally create quiet. Highly sensitive people are more sensitive to sounds, violence on TV, arguing, etc. So turn off the internet/TV, grab a book, go for a walk, visit the library, etc. And even if you aren't an HSP, there are proven benefits to silence.

2. Turn to the hobbies that give you peace - Reading, Cooking, Crafting, Gardening. Binge watching a TV series. Find the things that recharge you. You know what they are, but often they get lost in the shuffle (or lost in internet time for most of us) and are deemed expendable. They are not expendable. They are juice for your mental batteries.

3. Chores or methodical tasks can actually be soothing - I'm finding that anything methodical can be soothing. I've been listening to podcasts (click here to see my lists of favorites and I've binge listened to this one lately, too) while I do dishes or cook or fold laundry, and it's been oddly calming. Also, there's something satisfying about seeing things done. A nice meal on the table. A pile of folded laundry. It reestablishes some sense of control.

4. Move your body - Walking. Yoga. Whatever your favorite way is to get the blood flowing. Meditation isn't moving your body but can also be tremendously helpful.

5. Limit your exposure to the constant onslaught of news - For many decades, people survived with just having the evening news. Twenty-four hour news and the internet have changed all that, but it doesn't mean we NEED to watch for all those hours or read every post. I've found that it's best for me to watch Good Morning America's opening to get the day's headlines and then watch my local news in the evening. I get the information I need, stay informed, but don't have to subject myself to people yelling at each other and the endless cycle of "Breaking News". 

6. Edit your social media and the time you spend on it - I love social media, but it can suck the life out of you, too. I've had to greatly limit my Twitter time lately. I have blocked certain words on there. I have unfollowed (you can do that without un-friending) lots of people on Facebook and pretty much just go onto FB to participate in some of the groups I'm in and my own page and reader group. Fashion your social media to give you more exposure to the things you enjoy and less to the things that drag you down.

7. Take action in a way that works for you - If taking action is important to you, you can do that in quieter but still effective ways: writing letters/emails, voting, sending money or volunteering for causes/charities that are important to you. Action doesn't always have to be loud. Introverts have done some pretty amazing things in this world. 

8. Spend time with the people you love - Remind yourself of the good parts of your life. Your family. Your kids. Your dog. Your neighbors. Your book club. Whatever it is for you.

9. Laugh - Cue up that hilarious movie. Pick up that fun romance novel. Dance with your kids. (Last weekend I somehow ended up doing the NKOTB "The Right Stuff" dance for my kidlet and that cracked us both up.) Put on music you love and sing along while you do chores. It's okay and necessary to be ridiculous sometimes.

10. Be productive - This isn't the most fun one but I know a lot of us have been distracted from work. In January, I threw myself into writing and wrote about 30k words. That's a lot for me in a month and it felt damn good to get something done. I think it goes back to having that sense that you're in control, i.e. I am capable of doing this thing and finishing something. 

So those are the things that are working for me. I'd love to hear what's working for some of you. Any other HSPs out there? Anyone else hiding under their desk with me? 

My Favorite Podcasts & A Few Updates

It's been a busy week over here. I'm writing, writing, writing, which means I'm a little behind on everything else. :) But I wanted to pop up this afternoon to share a few things.

One, next Tuesday is release day for the Loving on the Edge novella boxed set! This is a set of all four Loving on the Edge novellas rolled into one. That's a lot of content, y'all, because I write long ass novellas. So I hope you'll grab a copy!

Next up, I've been reporting in on my choices each month from the Book of the Month club. So here's what I grabbed this month. In addition to the new release choices, they also offer some hand selected bonus choices of older books. So the first one I'm tackling, Ready Player One, is one of those. The premise grabbed me right away. It's the year 2044 and we're all living our lives through a video game (which frankly doesn't seem that far fetched with how we are with our phones now.) But the inventor of the video game dies and leaves behind a contest to win his billions. Players have to figure out a puzzle in the game to win, and the puzzle is all about 1980s references. So being a child of the 80s, I'm loving that.

If you're interested in checking out the Book of the Month club, you can get 30% off with my link and a free tote bag. (That's an affiliate link but it gets you a discount and me extra books, so win-win.) :)  

Next, I know I'm behind the curve on this one, but I've recently discovered the joy of podcasts. I generally try to avoid talk radio, especially with this insane election season, but I love information and learning new things, so podcasts are a great option because there's no news and minimal commercials. Also, you can pick specifically what you want to hear about and listen on your own schedule. I find them soothing to listen to while I get ready for the day or do dishes. And like I said, I'm still new to this, but here are some of the ones I've been enjoying. (Be warned, I'm a junkie for productivity, self-improvement, books, and writing, so these choices will reflect that.)

1. Happier with Gretchen Rubin

Y'all already know I love her books and have gotten a lot out of them. Her podcast sticks to her topics of happiness and habits, but goes more in depth. She does the podcast with her sister and they're a good team. Fun to listen to and helpful.

2. 10% Happier with Dan Harris

Like I mentioned earlier this week, I recently read Dan's book on meditation for skeptics and it really clicked with me. His podcast brings in interesting people who speak on the topics of meditation and happiness. 

3. Beyond the To List

This is more productivity focused but covers a range of different aspects. I've only listened to a few so far but I've enjoyed them.

4. This is Your Life with Michael Hyatt

This is another productivity one, and though it focuses on leadership and business stuff, Hyatt comes from a publishing background, so I find a lot of the advice helpful even though I work from home in a creative profession and not in an office.

5. The Minimalists

Minimalism has fascinated me for a few years now. I wouldn't call myself a minimalist yet, but I take lessons from it and try to apply it to my life. two years ago I did a full gutting of my house because of minimalism, lol. And recently after watching their documentary Minimalism: A Documentary About the Important Things, I ended up with three large garbage bags of clothes to give to Goodwill (even though I'm not even a clothes person and should never had had that much!) So I find listening to them helps re-inspire me when I fall off the wagon a bit. This is especially good stuff to listen to as we go into the holiday season.

6. Smart Podcast, Trashy Books

If you're familiar with the book review site Smart Bitches, Trashy Books, this one will be familiar to you. If you love the website, you'll love the broadcast. All about romance reading. :)

7. Magic Lessons by Elizabeth Gilbert

I read Big Magic at the beginning of this year and got a lot out of it. The book was about living a creative life without fear. This podcast is more about the things covered in the book with interviews and special guests.

So how about you, are you a podcast listener? Have any recommendations? 

Meditation for the Skeptical & A New Relationship with Deadlines

A few weeks ago I did a post called 7 Things to Reduce Distractions and Increase Focus. In that post, I listed the things I would be doing going forward to try to wrangle my scattered mind and focus. And one of the things I put on my list was to meditate daily.

Now, my goal is small. Ten minutes of meditation a day before I write. I've been doing this using the Calm App. I can tell you, ten minutes sounds like nothing, but it's actually surprisingly tough to sit still and focus on just your breath for that long. Trying to keep my mind from wandering is akin to herding cats hopped up on catnip. However, I can report that my writing has been going better afterward, my focus stronger. Related? Maybe.

But as I'm wont to do, once I'm interested in something, I want to know ALL the things about it. With meditation, that's next to impossible because it's an ancient tradition with endless amounts of information, techniques, styles, teachers, gurus, etc. So, I thought I'd start small with a book I'd heard recommended by some others--10% Happier by ABC reporter Dan Harris. The subtitle is "How I tamed the voice in my head, reduced stress without losing my edge, and found self-help that actually works--a true story."

What appealed to me about his approach to exploring this was that he was by nature a hard-core skeptic of all things woo-woo, which is basically how I am. Like I can read (and love) books like Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic, but when it gets overly mystical, I'm skimming over those parts. So having someone like Dan Harris who is digging into the art/benefits/practice of meditation with that "prove it to me" kind of mindset works for me.

Having said that, if you are into the woo-woo (nothing wrong with that), you may find his approach a little off-putting. He admits that the voice in his head is kind of an asshole and there's a chapter called "The Self-Interested Case for Not Being a Dick." So he knows how he is and doesn't sugarcoat what he thought of people he talked to or experiences he had.

However, I found the book really interesting. You get a dose of the inner workings of a TV news company, the life of a reporter, along with his exploration of understanding meditation and what it could do for him.

It also sold me on the idea of meditation, which I was only flirting with before reading. This made a compelling scientific argument for its mental and emotional benefits. It also made a case for mindfulness in way that resonated with me. 

Here are a few quotes I underlined:

"In eighth grade, an ex-girlfriend told me, 'When you have one foot in the future and the other in the past, you piss on the present.' Now, as a grown-up in the deadline dominated world of news, I was always hurtling headlong through the day, checking things off my to-do list, constantly picturing completion instead of calmly and carefully enjoying the process. The unspoken assumption behind most of my forward momentum was that whatever was coming next would definitely be better."

This hit home for me because my job is all about the deadlines, too. I'm always always looking ahead. If I can just get to the finish line, I can breathe. But can I? No, that's an illusion. Because as soon as one deadline is complete, another is waiting. (Which is a good thing because that means I'm making a living.) And I like being a writer, so why am I always focused on just being done with it? So this made me aware that I need to sit down every day, thankful that I get to do this amazing job (even when it's hard) and that I get to create characters and worlds and stories that people actually want to read. That's a gift. And you know what happens when I'm done with deadlines? I'm dead. Lol. Why am I so focused on getting to the end?

Also, here's another aspect of not being mindful. We miss our life because we're never in the now. This is a quote from an interview he did with Eckhart Tolle:

"Make the present moment your friend rather than your enemy. Because many people live habitually as if the present moment were an obstacle than they need to overcome in order to get to the next moment. And imagine living your whole life like that, where always this moment is never quite right, not good enough because you need to get to the next one. That is continuous stress."

So one of the benefits of meditation is making yourself slow down and notice the moment. Taking a walk and actually looking around, noticing the sights, sounds, smell. Not filling that time with your phone or scattered thoughts.

Dan Harris on how he started to notice the in-between moments:

"I really noticed how much sleepwalking I did, how powerfully my mind propelled me forward or backward. Mostly, I saw the world through a scrim of skittering thoughts, which created kind of a buffer between me and reality. As one Buddhist author put it, the 'craving to be otherwise, to be elsewhere' permeated my whole life."

This made me think of those times that I'm lost to the bustle of life. Like getting my kiddo ready in the morning. It's hectic, ten things are going on, I'm trying to remember everything I need to pack for him. But in being so rushed, I'm not taking the time to enjoy that fact that he's eight and he won't be this little for long and this is our one-on-one time before our day starts. I'm not cherishing the fact that he still wants to hold my hand when we walk up to school or that he has no embarrassment giving me a big hug in front of his friends. So this was a wake-up call for me.

Also, there was some good advice for the worriers out there (I am solidly in that group, lol.) His mentor told him it's okay to worry and plan, but when you're running through the same worry or thoughts or plans for the tenth time, stop and ask yourself, "Is this useful?"

"It's okay to worry, plot, and plan, he's saying--but only until it's not useful anymore."

Dan also had a lot of questions about ambition. Meaning, how do you keep your edge in a highly competitive field like his without being too zen. I liked that he went into this because I did have the image that a person who got too deep into meditations/mindfulness could get overly chill to the point of being ineffective. But hie mentor had a good answer for that and one that I could directly relate to. His advice: strive, work hard, and be ambitious but don't be attached to the results. His example:

"...you write a book, you want it to be well received, you want it to be at the top of the bestsellers list, but you have limited control over what happens. You can hire a publicist, you can do every interview, you can be prepared, but you have very little control over the marketplace. So you put it out there without attachment, so it has its own life. Everything is like that."

Ha! A book analogy. It's like this was written for me. But the point is:

"All we can do is everything we can do."

And then we have to let it go and move on so that it doesn't drag us down or stop us from doing the next thing.

So I went in wanting to learn about meditation, which I did, but I also ended up taking away a lot about the aftereffects of it, the mindfulness piece. Now, if you're looking for a how to meditate book, this isn't it. This is his journey figuring out what worked for him. But if you're wanting to learn more about the benefits and the effects and the science, this is a great book to pick up.

He also now has an app that goes with the book where he brings in experts to do the actual teaching you how to mediate thing. It's a paid subscription but you can try it for seven days for free so I might do that. In the meantime, I've been using the free Calm App which has been easy to use.

So what are your thoughts? Any meditators out there? Any skeptics? Have you read this book or have any other resources to recommend?

7 Things to Reduce Distraction and Increase Focus

Happy Friday, everyone! In Wednesday's post about the book Essentialism by Greg McKeown, I mentioned that I would be implementing some things to use what I learned from both Essentialism and Deep Work by Cal Newport. So that's what today's post is about. And though this is my personal plan for what I think will help me, hopefully, you'll also find something things that might work for you.

That's what nice about the concepts in these books. They're not so specific that they can't be customized. We ALL feel too busy. We ALL would like to spend time doing things that are more meaningful and essential to our lives, job, family, etc. I would venture to say most of us feel overwhelmed by technology and the noise of modern life. And when you really take a hard look at it, you see the things you are giving up because you're glued to your computer or phone. And it's not just during work time. For me, it even leaks into my personal leisure time. If I'm focused on my phone, I end up with less reading time, less time to watch TV shows, less family time, etc. No bueno.

So here's my plan for the next month (a month in which I have a NaNoWriMo style goal of writing about 50k words.)

7 Things to Reduce Distraction and Increase Focus

 

1. Putting a leash on social media

It may be Facebook for you or YouTube or Instagram, but for me, Twitter is where the tempting coffee pot/watercooler is in my "workplace". I don't have co-workers to chat with in person, so it's where I go to catch up. It's what I often see first when I sit down at my desk--the big wide screen of Tweetdeck with all the columns and barrage of tweets. In some ways it makes sense that I go there. If I were working in an office, I would take a few minutes to ease into the day by catching up with people at work and drinking my coffee. However, the problem with Twitter is that it's never a five-minute conversation. It's links and today's drama and cat pictures and before I know it, thirty minutes have passed or longer. And now I have all these interesting articles to read. Plus, instead of easing into my day, it's like I've started standing in the middle of Times Square. SO. MUCH. NOISE. 

Action item: Pop in to twitter on my phone where I can only see who directly talked to me so I can respond, but don't look at the feed until my lunch break or after my writing is done for the day. 

2. Blocking off internet-free time with the Hey Focus app.

I've been using Hey Focus for a while, but I was just using the 1 hour timer it has built in. I didn't realize that I could set up a schedule for it to block social media/the web at set times each day automatically. This is a great feature because a) I don't have to remember to click for focus time b) it requires no willpower because it's automatic and c) will get me in the habit of knowing exactly when my "deep work" time is.

Note: you can whitelist certain apps and websites if you need them during your deep work time. But I'm not whitelisting anything but music. Even research can distract me (What kind of car should the heroine drive? What would have been on the radio in this flashback scene in 2005?) You click for research and then you fall into a web rabbit hole of something else. I can just make a note and look that up after deep work time.

Action item: Automatic internet blocking from noon to 3pm every day for deep work/writing time.

3. Meditate before going into the Deep Work zone.

Research has shown that our mind is like our muscles. If we don't use our ability to focus, we lose it. We have to actively work with concentration in order to improve it. I know without a doubt that my ability to focus has decreased over the last few years. Maybe it's all the technology, maybe it's age, maybe it's how my career has changed, maybe a little of all. But the girl who used to consider herself laser-focused to the point of obsession at times has started wondering if she has ADD. That's...concerning. 

So if our focus is like a muscle, then mine hasn't been to the gym in a while. And one of the proven ways to to strengthen that muscle is through mindful meditation. I have a little experience with this because I used to regularly do yoga (something I need to get back to), but it doesn't have to involve movement. Studies have shown that even 8 minutes of daily mediation can help. 

Now, that doesn't sound like much, but try it. I did a ten minute meditation with the Calm app this morning and it was HARD to sit still and be quiet and focus on breath for just a few minutes. Even with the lovely sound and view of crashing waves, I had to fight to keep focused--which tells me that I definitely need to keep doing it.

Action plan: Meditate for at least 10 minutes every week day with the Calm app.

4. Cocooning and setting limits

This goes along with the Deep Work and turning off the internet, but it's also important to set up expectations with others. You're not available during that deep work time unless it's an emergency. You are out of reach. The world can survive without you for a few hours. There's a great post over at Penelope Loves List about how to set up your Cocoon of Focus.

Action plan: Turn off my notifications except for kidlet's school and hubs and don't let others encroach on the cocoon of focus. 

5. Keeping my To Do list to the essentials

I talked about this on Wednesday, but I'm learning the art of saying no to things that aren't essential to my goals (both at work and home.) Busy work can be a sneaky time stealer. You feel like you're doing something so you're "working", but you're not actually getting the things done that are important. It's just another distraction. (Like when I inevitably decide that I MUST clean my office before writing that day, lol.) Y'all know I'm in love with my paper planners and this is the perfect way to make sure my To Do list is pared down to the essential bones. 

Action plan: Say no to the non-essential things that try to sneak on to my To Do list.

6. Tracking my time

And speaking of planners, I'm still using a two planner system, which I've talked about before. The Inkwell Press (photo above) is where my weekly and monthly plans live. It's what I ideally plan to do that week. Life isn't ideal. And plans are easily derailed. So I've used my Day Designer, which is a daily planner to not do future planning but to track my time as I go. That way, I can see what I planned to do (Inkwell Press) and what I actually did (Day Designer). This helps me see where I'm wasting time, how much time a task actually takes (because we all tend to underestimate that), and keeps me accountable.

Action plan: Use the Day Designer to track my time as I go so that I can see where all the time/energy is going.

7. Putting my phone away in the evenings

I have too many books to read, TV series I haven't seen, movies I haven't watched, games I haven't played to sit on the couch with my phone at night.

Action Plan: Put the phone out of reach at night because even if I am watching or reading something, the temptation to "just check" is too strong.

So those are my seven things for the month of October (though I've been implementing some already). I'll be sure to report back on how it goes. I know for sure it's not going to be easy. Breaking habits is incredibly hard and the internet's hold on us is legit. But I'm determined and nothing makes me more motivated then when I get mad about something. And I'm mad that things are stealing my time. ;)

So you tell me, am I the only one struggling with this? Have you tried anything to reduce distractions and increase focus? Anything work well for you?