On Craving Quiet (Or Where I've Been)

When I was growing up, quiet wasn’t a good word. At least when it was directed your way as a kid or teen. “Roni’s quiet.” That meant you were a little weird, a little different, that you had a problem you needed to work on. I didn’t disagree that it could be a difficult thing to be, especially when you’re younger. But I also knew it wasn’t something I could change no matter how much I wanted to transform into the bubbly social butterfly. Fundamentally, I was a quiet, in-my-head kind of kid. So it’s not shocking that I’ve grown into a quiet, in-my-head adult. The only thing that’s different now is that I have no interest in changing that aspect of myself. Being quiet is what let me observe people and the world when no one even realized I was paying attention. Being quiet is what helped me weave imaginary stories in my head. Being quiet gave me this job of being a writer.

However, even as a writer—a field full of introverts (though not all writers)—there are still many outward things required. Chatting with readers. Promoting books. Blog tours. Interviews. Podcasts. Facebook groups. And for me, now that I’m also teaching writing classes, teaching and being on video.

Even though I’m quiet, I can do those things. I can truly enjoy those things. But…they require a lot of what my friend and author/coach Becca Syme calls “energy pennies.” When it comes to introverts, we can drain our bank accounts quickly with all the things that aren’t “sitting in our office, being a hermit, and writing a book.”

Usually, I’m pretty good about balancing things. I know that I need quiet downtime in between the outward-facing stuff. But over the past few months, we added a big stressor to the mix. We put our house of 13 years on the market, searched for a new one, and then moved (the day after Christmas no less) to a rural-ish area an hour away—which means new school for kidlet, new doctors, new everything, etc.

I’m so happy we’ve landed where we have, but it took ALL the energy pennies to get here. And then I had a new book come out Dec. 31. So what little energy stores I had left went to that. Which has left me in total hermit mode.

I have a tendency to retreat when I’m stressed. Y’all have seen me do things like the monthlong social media ban. Pulling back and being quiet refuels my tank. It also gives me the vital brain space needed to create new stories. I planned to start a new book at the beginning of this month, but I’m just now getting to the point where inklings of ideas and words are coming back to me. I planned to teach my Love Scenes class at the beginning of February, but I will need to push that back. I had to get really quiet. Read. Binge TV. Cook. Watch a lot of sunsets. Spend time with my family. (Unpack approximately eleventy million boxes.) Teen Me would apologize for retreating into my cave. Adult Me knows it’s the only way for me to not burn out completely.

So yes, “Roni’s quiet.” But I’m still here. Working. And hopefully coming up with stories that you’ll want to read. :)

What do you do when you get overwhelmed?

Recommended Read: Still Writing by Dani Shapiro

This week I've been focusing on pulling quotes from books I've read this summer about devices and the internet and all that jazz. But that's not all I've been reading this summer. So today I thought I'd take a trip down a side road and talk about a fantastic book I read about writing.

Still Writing by Dani Shapiro was so life-affirming and wonderful, not to mention beautifully written. This is the book I started my new Smartphone-Free Morning Routine with. Also, I used Book Darts to mark quotes or passages I love in my print books, and this one must weigh a pound more than when I bought it because it has so many freaking book darts lol. (see photo, all those little dark lines are the book darts.)

The book is written in essay format, so it's perfect to read a little each sitting, which is why it worked well as a morning read for me. The passages are short but filled with things to ponder, so it's one to savor rather than inhale.

I'm pulling some of my favorite quotes for y'all today to give you an idea of the style and tone, but if I quoted every passage I loved, I'd end up retyping the whole book, lol. So I'll try to choose carefully. : )

On Beginning:

"Every book, story, and essay begins with a single word. Then a sentence. Then a paragraph. These words, sentences, and paragraphs may well end up not being the actual beginning. You can't know that now. Straining to know the whole of the story before you set out is a bit like imagining great-grandchildren on a first date. But you can start with the smallest detail."

On the time between books:

(This passage resonated with me so much, and right now I'm between books, so I completely relate to this phase.)

"When I'm between books, I feel as if I will never have another story to tell. the last book has wiped me out, has taken everything from me, everything I understand and feel and know and remember, and...that's it. There's nothing left. A low-level depression sets in. The world hides its gifts from me. It has taken me years to realize that this feeling, the one of the well being empty, is as it should be. It means I've spent everything. And so I must begin again."

On why we write:

"The loneliest day in the life of a published writer may be publication day. Nothing happens. Perhaps your editor sends flowers. Maybe not. Maybe your family takes you out for dinner. But the world won’t stop to take notice. The universe is indifferent. You have put the shape of your soul between the covers of a book and no one declares it a national holiday. Someone named Booklover gives you a one-star review on Amazon.

So what is it about writing that makes it—for some of us—as necessary as breathing? It is in the thousands of days of trying, failing, sitting, thinking, resisting, dreaming, raveling, unraveling that we are at our most engaged, alert, and alive.”

On the jumping to the internet when we get stuck in our writing:

"This may be the most important piece of advice I can give you: The Internet is nothing like a cigarette break. If anything, it's the opposite. ...By the time we return to our work--if, indeed, we return to our work at all--we will be further away from our deepest impulses rather than closer to them."

On the writing life:

"when writers who are just starting out ask me when it gets easier, my answer is never. It never gets easier. I don't want to scare them, so I rarely say more than that, but the truth is that, if anything, it gets harder. The writing life isn't just filled with predictable uncertainties but with the awareness that we are always starting over again."

I could include so many more, but I hope that gives you an idea of how amazing this little book is. So if you're a writer, do yourself a favor and get yourself a copy. And if you're not a writer, I also highly recommend her marriage memoir Hourglass: Time, Memory, Marriage which was written in a similar style and was equally as lovely and thought-provoking. 

Choosing a One-Word Theme for Your 2017

Hi y'all! I'm still buried in end-of-the-year deadline stuff, but I'm happy to report that book one of the new contemporary romance series I'm writing (The Ones Who Got Away) is done! Now I'm in revising mode before I turn it into my publisher. *eyes finish line* And for those asking when my next book is coming out, there's been some shifting around with publishers and such, which is why the schedule got a little weird. So, my plan is to have By the Hour (Book 2 of Pleasure Principle - Lane's book) out in the Spring. As soon as I have hard dates, I'll let you know. Cover reveal coming soon!

But outside of book news, I wanted to pop in and share something that I'm finding really helpful as I prepare for 2017. Most of you know that I'm a junkie for goal-setting workbooks and planners. Well, this year I'm using Your Best Year by Lisa Jacobs (which I used last year), and now I've added in Lara Casey's Powersheets. I'm loving those, too. 

One thing that the Powersheets ask you to do is to choose a Word of the Year, a one word theme for what you want your next year to embody. Gretchen Rubin also talked about choosing a word of the year in her podcast today if you want to hear more about it.

This is a word (or phrase) that you want to respresent your 2017. I think this can be less intimidating than setting specific goals (though I do that, too). One word can be a motivator and a guiding light. So, say your word is Peace. That can help you as you're making more specific goals and plans for next year--i.e. Will doing x, y, z bring me more peace or is it going to add to my stress? It's a litmus test.

I thought about this over the last week, and I've decided that my word for 2017 is going to be RISE. It speaks to a few different things I want. I want my word count/writing output to rise. I want my career to rise to the next level. And I want to rise above the things that drag me down. So, it's a multipurpose word that hits a number of aspects of my life. And now I have my guiding principle as I move forward and as I decide how I'm going to allocate my time and focus in 2017.

So, I'm challenging you today. What's your word going to be for 2017? I'd love to hear it! :)

7 Reasons Why I Use a Paper Planner

I post about planners a lot. I know many of you probably think I'm ridiculous. And I am--unapologetically. But even though decorating my planner has become my hobby (some people scrapbook, I buy washi and planner stickers), I don't do this for the relaxing hobby. That's just a side benefit. The real reason I use one is because it's vital to my day. I'm running a business, writing, and being a wife and mom. It's a lot to keep track of.

But why a paper planner?

1. I have the memory the size of a garden pea.

I blame pregnancy. After I had my son, I think he took my memory with him because he can remember EVERYTHING (like to a freakish degree.) And I can't remember last week. But if I don't write something down, it's gone. The planner keeps me from forgetting the important stuff.

2. Electronic calendars don't work for everyone.

Yes, they have all kinds of fancy calendar and productivity apps and programs. That's what I tried to use before this. I learned quickly that once it's typed in, it's dead to me. I'm extremely visual so if it's not in my face, it doesn't exist. And when I set reminders, I'd just close them and then forget again. However, once I write something in my planner, even if it's not in front of me, I remember things better. Research has shown that writing things down helps us remember them and process them better, so there's some science to that. 

3. I can't hide from it. 

Yes, technically I can close my planner, but I don't. It sits open in front of me all day. There is no ignoring it. I can see clearly what I should be doing and that "mess around on twitter" is not on the To Do list.

4. Checking things off is highly satisfying.

It just is. I do something. Check mark! Maybe this comes from being a please-the-teacher student as a kid. I want the A. I want that checkmark. I don't want to look down at the end of the day and be left with a bunch of empty boxes and pending items.

5. Planning out each week makes me more intentional with my time.

Instead of sitting down and thinking, What should I do today? I already have my plan in front of me. On Sunday every week, I sit down with my planner and map out the week. Yes, there are surprises that will come up, but I have an outline of what I want to get done that week. How many words I need to write. Who I need to email. What promo I need to do. When I need to blog. What I'm cooking for dinner. What's going on with the family. With all those decisions out of the way, it clears my mind to do what I need to do and to be creative.

6. It keeps a visual record.

When did I turn in that thing? When did we go on that trip? I told you about my memory. So it's very helpful to have a physical record of what I've done. I can look back and see how many words I wrote in a month, what derailed me, where my time went, etc. And flipping through pages is way easier than scanning through an electronic calendar looking for that stuff.

7. Pretty things motivate me.

This may not be important to everyone, but for me, having something lovely that holds my plan makes me more likely to use it and stick with it. I look forward to decorating it and making it fun. It makes me smile when I see it. 

Those are my main reasons, but there are so many more. The key is finding what works best for YOU. My husband is a die hard electronic calendar guy and it totally works for him. (He also has a great memory, so that helps.). Other people rather a simple list on a steno pad. Whatever works.

But if you want to give the pretty planner a try, it's launch season for 2017 planners. Here are a few that launched this week and some others. (IWP and Day Designer are affiliate links but I don't rec anything I haven't bought for myself and loved. And I haven't been asked to feature them.)

New 2017 Planners

1. Inkwell Press (Get 10 dollars off with my link)

This is my planner of choice right now and is the one I've stuck with the longest. I just ordered my 2017 one and I couldn't be more excited. Gorgeous design. Thick paper. And the layout totally works for me. I use the three boxes each day for Blog post, Dinner, and Word Count (see the pic at top of post), but you can use them for whatever you want, which is the beauty. And I divide each day down down the middle to separate appointments or events (on the left) and my to do list (on the right.) 

2. Day Designer

I used Day Designer for a while and it's a beautiful planner and is perfect for someone who needs a daily layout instead of a weekly. So if you have a lot of daily appointments or you like to write out your full schedule along with your to do list, this is a great option. It's also nice to track your time after the fact to see where your day went.

3. Happy Planner

You can get these at Michael's and Hobby Lobby, often with a 40% off coupon. They are colorful with great paper and designs. It's also a disc bound system so you can move pages around. I used a Happy Planner for a while and really liked it, but eventually figured out that a horizontal layout worked better for me than vertical. They've since come out with a horizontal but I like the Inkwell Press layout better still. This is a great option though and is cheaper than many of the others.

4. Erin Condren

I haven't personally used an Erin Condren, but I've looked at them at Staples and they are lovely. They are also the first brand that launched the decorative planner thing.

5. Plum Paper Planner

This is another one I haven't used but have heard great things about. You can customize with a number of different layout options and I've heard the paper is very high quality.

Hope that helps! Anyone getting a new planner for 2017? Do you use a planner? An electronic calendar? How do you keep your life straight?