WIP Wednesday: Sequels, Plotting, and Save The Cat!

 

 

For the past few months I have been attempting to write the second in the Wanderlust series.  I've blogged a bit about it.  I wrote a few chapters of one version, hit a wall, wasn't liking where my characters were going, so I started fresh with a different plot line.  Then I got stuck again.  Grr.  


This is a bit of a new issue for me.  For my first two books, I had moments where I had to stop and rework something  or cut a chapter, but for the most part, I continued to move forward without much issue.  Now I've found myself with a version of writer's block. 


Many writers say that there is no such thing as writer's block--that it's just another label for fear.  Perhaps, that's true.  I definitely have a fear of writing the second story in the series before the first has sold--even though it would be a connected series where each story could stand alone, not sequels per se.  I think this fear is what is smothering the creative part of my brain.  Then, after reading Nathan Bransford's post on sequelitis yesterday, my fear is even further confirmed. 


So about two weeks ago, I put that project on the side and returned to Exposure Therapy.  With this one, however, I decided I was going to tie up my inner pantser and toss her in a closet.  This story has a suspense/mystery element, which requires more intricate planning.  So, I am attempting to *gasp* plot beforehand.  


It's been painful.  My version of plotting so far has consisted of writing about ten notebook pages of bullet points that say--perhaps this happens, then maybe he does this because of this, etc.  I wouldn't so much call it plotting at this point, it's more brainstorming.  But I think I almost have all the pieces I need to get started on a more structured outline.  But what does that look like?


Blogs to the rescue!  I was going through my Google Reader and came across this great post over at The Guide to Literary Agents Blog about the screenwriting book Save the Cat  by Blake Snyder.

Save The Cat! The Last Book on Screenwriting You'll Ever Need

I thought the information was great, so I googled the book to see if I could find anything else out there on it.  Lo and behold, I found Ciara Stewart's post on Story Structure from Save the Cat! and I think it's just what I needed to help me start my outlining.  She posted Blake Snyder's 15 beat structure for stories using a Nora Robert's book Born In Fire as an example.  Here's the graphic she posted.  (I'm sorry some of it is cut off, nothing I did fixed it.  If you save the image on your computer, you'll get the whole thing.)

 
(image copied from Ciara Stewart's blog)

I thought this was a terrific summary.  It's originally based on screenwriting, but I think the trends in books these days are very much like movies--quick hook, jump into the action, etc.  So, I'm going to attempt to use this to make a rough plot of my book before I type any of the story.  We'll see how it goes.  Hopefully, it will move along quickly, because I'm ready to write!

*Alright, on a completely different note, thanks to everyone who participated in The Beta Club yesterday.  Your input was awesome.  Remember, there will be another submission tomorrow!  For those of you that participated, how did you find the experience?  Was having my own crit posted helpful or would the comments from others be enough?  Did anyone have trouble opening the scribd document?*

Okay, and for today's questions:  Do you plot?  If so, what structure do you use?  How do you feel about writing sequels before book one has sold?


 
 

**Today's Theme Song**

"Move Along" - The All-American Rejects
(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)

 

 

The Beta Club: Sub. 1 - The Dying Sun (Come critique!)

 


It's here!  Today is the debut of the new critique feature here on Fiction Groupie.  Every Tuesday and Thursday for the next few weeks, I will be posting a critique of a 750 word excerpt submitted to me by one of you generous (and brave) writers out there.  To those of you who have already volunteered, thank you so much in advance.  I hope everyone will find this to be a fun and helpful exercise to go through together.

 

Now, below I will post the excerpt as I received it.  I encourage you to read through it and get your own gut impressions before opening up my critique or reading others comments.  Then, I hope you will take the time to leave your own comments to provide the author with your feedback.  Lastly, remember to always be respectful and constructive with your input.  And don't forget to point out the things you like along with the things you think need improving.

Title: The Dying Sun
Genre: YA Sci-F/Dystopian
Author: The Fantabulous Tina Lynn

Excerpt:
           

     Five in the morning and Lily Brown’s world was already onfire. She resisted the impulse to wipe the sweat from her brow though. Theslightest breeze might ease her suffering. Even if only a little. She reachedinto the white paper bag and pulled out a donut. It was at least a day old,possibly older, but it was food so she never complained. Not that she hadanyone to complain to. She led a solitary existence. No family. No friends. Shewas her only friend. Except now. Right now, this donut was her friend. And shewas about to eat it. Bummer.
            She tookher first bite and chewed thoughtfully on her stale friend inwardly expressingher thanks to old Madge for being hard of hearing. Today was an important dayto listen to the newscast and the old woman was faithful in watching the newsevery morning. Lily washed down her friend with some black coffee. It shouldhave been cold, but it wasn’t. It had been sitting out on the back dock of thedonut shop since last night, so it was pretty warm. She gulped the last of itdown with a wince and settled in under the window. She had become accustomed tohiding here when she needed to listen in to the morning news though ordinarilyshe was listening for reports on the state of the Earth. Everyday things gotworse. Sometimes she wanted to know and others she chose to spend the day inblissful ignorance.
            Today wasdifferent.
            Today theywould be announcing the results of the ARKelections. Something that she was particularly interested in finding out. Therewere several proposals that had been put to vote. Some of which meant certaindeath to Lily if passed.
            She heardthe word ARKand her ears perked up. Her leg position shifted, grazing the bush underneaththe window behind which she was hiding. Lily held her breath, listening for anysign that old Madge had seen the movement in her shrubbery. No such sign occurred;old Madge was nearly blind as well as being hard of hearing, so Lily did nothave too much cause for alarm.
            She liftedher head toward the opening of the window. She was having trouble hearing thetelevision, which was terribly unusual. The sound of soft snoring drifted outto her and she couldn’t suppress the smile that spread as a result. Even thoughMadge was a worthless, evil, old hag Lily had a minute soft spot for the oldlady. She was the quintessential grandmother. She baked cookies and pies, ownedfive thousand cats, was sweeter than honey, and tougher than nails. It was thatlast part that gave Lily trouble. If old Madge caught her under this window,she would likely hit her over the head with the nearest blunt object and callthe authorities to haul her away.
            Lily cameto her senses. She was supposed to be listening to the news not pondering oldMadge’s worth in the universe. She rocked onto the balls of her feet ever sosilently and began lifting her body towards the voice that carried her futurequietly toward her eardrums.
            Onesmallish peek told Lily that old Madge was digging deep into some serious REMsleep. She leaned in as close as she dared and listened intently.
            “…it hasindeed been decided that only the highest of the classes shall be granted aplace on the ARKtransports…”
            Lily felther throat tighten.
            “Well, asyou know, those of us with the most money have provided the most funding. Whyshould we be left behind when we are the very reason the ARKs exist…”
            “Despite ahuge turnout at the polls, it seems the lower classes have not gained anyground in this matter. The ARKs will remain for only the super-elite or anyoneelse rich enough to secure a ticket.”
            “They’ll besorry. There will be no one around to do their dirty work if they truly intendthis to follow through to its conclusion.”
            Lily sankback onto the ground. She had heard enough. Her life was over.
            The sun wasdying…now so was she.

 

Below is my critique.  I also have overall comments at the bottom of the document.  Click on Full Screen to view it.  Once in the document, you can right click to zoom it so you can see the comments.


Alright, so what do you think of the excerpt?  Does it hook you?  What has the author done well?  What areas could the author work on?  And how awesome is she to volunteer to go first?

 

 
 

**Today's Theme Song**
"Black Hole Sun" - Soundgarden
(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)
HMM...maybe I should ask the authors to provide their own theme songs for their posts.

*Feeling brave?  Want to submit to The Beta Club?  Click here for guidelines.*

 

Getting the Inside Scoop

 

I mentioned last week that I've organized my blog reading into folders on Google Reader so that I can get a better handle on my reading.  Well, when I tweeted that one of my folders is for industry blogs, a few people asked me which ones I follow.  So I thought today I would list some of those.  These are the blogs that help me stay on top of industry news and trends and also give killer advice for writers.  Hope you check them out!

 

Agents/Agencies

 

 

Publishers

 

 

Editors

 

 

Author

 

  • Stacia Kane (excellent writing related posts, great blog series on how to write love scenes as well)

 

Bloggers who Provide Industry Related Service

 

  • Query Tracker
  • Miss Snark's First Victim (has regular Secret Agent contests, where an agent crits fifty 250 word submissions on the site.  She gets big agents to do this and often the winner gets a request from the agent.   The March contest is about to start, so click over to check out how to submit your entry.)
  • The Intern
  • Public Query Slushpile (post your query for feedback)

 

Alright, those are my must reads, go forth and follow.  What are some of your must-read industry blogs?  Feel free to leave the link in the comments.

**Reminder: Tomorrow is the debut of the Fiction Groupie Crit Project! (I need a better name for it, not loving that one, let me know if you have a suggestion.)  So, make sure and stop by with your encouraging words and your red pens for our first brave author!**

 
 
 
 

**Today's Theme Song**
"I Will Follow You Into the Dark" - Death Cab For Cutie
(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)

 

Finding Writing Time

 

This morning I'm going to be out touring a daycare for my son.  We're considering putting him in two days a week so he can chill with kiddos his own age instead of boring old mommy all the time.  Plus, I wouldn't be too upset about having a quiet house a few hours a week.  Now that he's skipping more naps than he takes, I'm struggling to find writing time.  And don't even get me started on how backed up I am on house work.  But the price and the situation will have to be right, so we'll see.

 

So for today's blog post, just a simple question: 

How do you find time to write?  

I know many of you have full time jobs or have full time kidlets like me (or both!), so I'd love to know how you squeeze in your writing time.

 

And just an update, the response to the Fiction Groupie Crit Project has been awesome!  We have dates booked into April already.  So huge thanks to the volunteers.  If you're interested in getting something critted, I'm still taking submissions.  Just be aware that it may be a little while before yours goes up since I'm only going to be doing these on Tuesdays and Thursdays for now.

Alright, hope everyone has a lovely weekend!

 
 

**Today's Theme Song**
"Time Is On My Side" - The Rolling Stones
(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)


 

cartoon credit: inkygirl.com

The Beta Club Crit Project is ON! Come sign up!

Cartoon Credit: inkygirl.com

So I am beyond excited that so many of you are willing to volunteer for a public critique here on the blog.  Y'all rock!  I think this is going to be a great exercise for everyone.  I know we can all learn from each other.

Now, as the comments rolled in yesterday I realized--oh, I should probably make some sort of guidelines or rules.  Ha.  Maybe should have thought of that a bit earlier, but better late than never, right?

And so, the rules, my friends...

1.  Participants can submit 500-750 word passages to me via email.  (Click on the blue @ under my picture).  I think that will be a good length to start with.  I know commenters don't have a ton of time to spend, so I don't want the passage to be too long.  You can submit from anywhere in your manuscript but getting your opening critted will probably be of most value.

2.  Please put in the subject line FOR BLOG CRIT and submit attachment as .doc, .docx or .rtf format.  Please DOUBLE SPACE with 12 point font.

3.  Please cut and paste this form and fill it out to include in the email:

Title: 
Genre:
Do you give me permission to post this passage publicly on the Fiction Groupie blog?
Do you give permission for me to use Scribd format to post your crit in PDF form on this blog? (All Scribd documents will be kept as private in Scribd system.  No one will have access except here on the blog.)
What theme song would you like for your post?  If you don't choose one, I'll pick one for you.
Do you want this posted anonymously or do you want your name/link listed on the post? 
*If you do not give permission in questions 1 or 2, I'm sorry, but will not be able to crit your work.*

4.  All authors will have the choice to remain anonymous or to reveal themselves (see form above).  The author will also get a word version of my crit emailed to them after the blog post.

5.  All commenters will agree to be constructive and honest in their feedback.  We are writers who are being supportive of each others journey, so no ugliness, mmm kay?  If you cross the line, I will delete you like an unnecessary adverb.

6.  If an author decides they want their passage pulled down at any point, just let me know and I will remove it.

7.  Passages will go up on a first come basis, so when I get your email, you will be put in queue.  I will let you know when yours is going to be up.

8.  The format will be the following:

Title:
Genre:
The unedited passage (so people can read it through without being influenced by my opinion)
Then my crit of it in Scribd format, which will look like this (you should be able to click on view full screen and once you're in full screen right click to zoom so you can read it--please let me know if that's not working):

Mary Lamb

Then you guys can add your own comments.

9.  All genres except non-fiction and poetry will be accepted (memoir is fine).  If the submission is erotic romance/erotica, please be sure the excerpt is appropriate for my PG-13 blog.  (Cursing is fine, but will be bleeped out via #$*&.)

10.  These rules are subject to change as we learn more.  This feature can be discontinued at any time, which may mean your work doesn't get critiqued.

For now, I'm going to try this out as a Tuesday/Thursday feature.  The success of this will be dependent on your level of participation.  So beyond volunteering to be critted (which is awesome), please take the time to read through people's passages and offer feedback.  If nothing else, you'll get writer karma points.  ;)

Alright, so what do you think?  Am I missing any issues?  Do you think any of the above is going to be a problem?  Is the Scribd format easy to read when you open it (I'm trying to find the easiest way to present the crit--blogger isn't so friendly for that)?  

And finally...submissions are OPEN!  So email me to get your passage in queue!  Thanks guys, I look forward to reading everyone's work.  :)








**Today's Theme Song**
"Come Out and Play" - The Offspring
(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)

How Do You Handle Critiques? (and a call for Volunteers)

 


Getting feedback is a necessary part of this business of writing.  I didn't realize the true meaning of that when I first started--I thought my mom loving my first novel was more than enough.  :)  But as we've discussed before, your mama isn't a valid beta reader.

 

So we go out and we find critique groups or send our manuscript out to beta readers, then we brace ourselves for the feedback.  We know what we want to hear: "You're fabulous, this is ready for submission, you don't need to edit a thing."  But usually the crit is decidedly less stellar (unless it's from your mom.)

So when the tough feedback comes your way?  How do you handle it?  Do you get angry, down on yourself, blame the critiquer, want to give up and go back to your day job?  Or do you breathe through it and look at the feedback as a gift for you to work with?

I've gotten a range of reactions when giving critiques to others's work.  I admit I'm a tough critter.  And I usually warn people of that before I offer to read their stuff.  But of course, people usually say, "Bring it on, I want honesty."

In some cases, that's true.  I've critted for a number of people outside my critique group and most have been awesome about receiving the feedback (including Tina Lynn whose twitter comment to me inspired this post.)  I've also gotten the stunned reaction--the "oh, okay, eighty crit comments on ten pages, um thanks."  Which I take to mean the person is either ticked off at me, dismissing my opinions, or really just needs time to soak the feedback in.

We each have our own way of dealing with those emotions that flood us after hearing the negative feedback.  Some of us tend to direct our anger and frustration outward--being defensive, getting angry at or discrediting/dismissing the critiquer--she doesn't know what she's talking about, this isn't her genre, and anyway, her work isn't that fabulous either.

 Others direct it inward--blaming themselves--I'm never going to be able to do this.  I suck. Why do I even bother?  Most of us tend to lean toward one pattern or the other--and this goes for life in general, not just for this specific situation.  Type ones get mad, type twos get depressed--same emotion just directed in a different way.

I am definitely a type two person.  I blame myself, wonder if I'll ever be good enough, yadda yadda yadda.  I've very rarely been frustrated with the critter themselves.  But either type can learn something from the other.

 

  • Type ones need to take a breath and reflect.  They need to look for the truth in the comments, absorb the responsibility for the mistakes they may have made, and direct the frustration into determining which changes they think are valid and which ones they are going to ignore.  And most of all, do not be rude to the critter.  They took the time to give you honest feedback, which is not an easy thing to do.
  • Type twos need to realize that a crit is just an opinion.  Sure, there is probably truth in most of what someone says, but not everything they say is cardinal law.  If type twos aren't careful, they'll end up flipping their story upside down every time they get a different crit trying to please everyone.  You have to remember that it is ultimately your story.  Make sure you pick and choose which advice you want to go with.
Okay, so related to this topic, I wanted to ask if anyone would be willing to be critted here on the blog?  This would mean you submit your first few pages and I offer a crit in a post along with getting feedback from commenters?  Obviously, this takes some bravery, but also means you could get some invaluable feedback from a bunch of talented writers (a  la Public Query Slushpile or Miss Snark's First Victim).  Everyone could also learn from each other on what to look for in a crit.  

If you think this would be a valuable tool, then let me know in the comments.  If you are willing to submit pages to get that critique, also let me know.  If you don't want to do it in the comments--just email me (click the little blue @ symbol under my picture.)


Alright, so back to the original topic, which camp do you fall in?  How do you handle a bad crit?  Have you ever had anyone get upset with you over a crit you gave them?  
 
 
 


**Today's Theme Song**
"Say It Ain't So" - Weezer
(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)

 

Streamlined Social Networking

 

We know we're supposed to be connected, right?  Yesterday we talked about having a website in addition to a blog.  And I bet many of you were thinking--wow, another thing to keep track of.  I know that thought has crossed my mind on more than on occasion.  So today I thought I'd share a few of the things that are helping me streamline my online commitments.

 

First is Google Reader.  I know many of you are probably already using this, but just in case you aren't, I thought I'd mention  it.  Up until a month or so ago, I stuck to using blogger's dashboard to go through my blog roll.  But as my followers increased, the number of blogs I followed also increased.  I'm now following about 300, which is a bit overwhelming.  This means that if I stick to using the dashboard, I only really hit the blogs that happen to be in my viewing window and catch my eye.  Obviously, that means I miss a lot of the ones that I would really like to read daily just because they are not right in front of me.

So, I have started using Google Reader (there is a link to it in the bottom right on your dashboard screen).  This allows me to sort blogs into folders.  Therefore, I now have folders for the following:

Daily Must Reads 
Industry Blogs (agents, publishers, etc.)
Book Review Blogs
Other (ones that I'll hit if I have time or if the topic catches my interest)

This has helped me a lot so far.  Organization is good.  :)  The only drawback is that in order to comment (or see others comments) on the blog, you do have to click over to the blog itself.

 

Alright, my next tool, which I have to give a shout out to Natalie Bahm for recommending to me a while back is TweetDeck.  Tweetdeck is a tool that allows you to follow your twitter account (both your friends tweets and any @ mentions you receive), your Facebook, and your Myspace all in one handy dandy screen!  It also allows you to update all these through the same interface without having to go to each individual site.  So you can change your status on Twitter, Facebook, and Myspace all in one click.  How awesome is that?  Here's what it looks like:

 


It's very easy to download and set up.  I highly recommend it.  It's made everything so much easier to stay on top of.

 

Alright, those are my tips for the day.  What are some of your tips?  What do you do to keep on top of these things while still finding time to write?


 
 
 

**Today's Theme Song**
"(Can't Get My) Head Around You" - The Offspring
(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)


 

Pre-Branding Yourself as an Author

 

A few weeks ago, I debated on here whether or not I should start up an official (non-blog) website before I've sold a book.  Opinions were mixed, but most people seemed to agree that it really wasn't something to worry about until you got "the call."  So, I decided to reserve my domain name and then put the idea of a website on hold until later.

 

However, this weekend I attended my NTRWA meeting and the topic was marketing and promotion.  And although most of the talk was on how to market and promote yourself once you have sold your manuscript, there was also information for the not yet published.  And lucky for me, the authors who were giving the talk, Nikki Duncan and Misa Ramirez, provided just the answers I was looking for.

They interviewed marketing and publicity people from a number of different publishers (both print and ebook publishers) and asked them the pros and cons of pre-branding yourself as an author.

On the pro side, each person seemed to say the same things:

--It is not necessary to have an online presence before selling the book BUT "there is little advantage to waiting."
--Having an established presence/professional website shows the editors you are serious about your career because you have put forth time, effort, and a little money to put together a website.  It also in an indication that you "understand the importance of branding yourself" and are committed to helping in your own promotion.

The cons these professionals outlined were ones we have complete control over:

--Don't put things out there that will hurt your image.  We talked about that here.
--And don't let it interfere with your writing because obviously the most important thing is that you write the best book.


So after the talk, I made my decision.  I went ahead and created a basic website for myself.  I was a little intimidated by the thought.  My technical savvy is relegated to putting widgets in my sidebar, but I went to homestead.com and found the site very user friendly.  I was able to find a template I liked, then replaced the pics and info with mine.  Everything is drag and drop; you don't have to mess with html if you don't want to.  The only thing I have left to do is transfer my domain there.  But I'm waiting on that to make sure I like homestead for my format (I'm on a free trial right now.)  So for now, www.ronigriffin.com will get you there, but isn't the official address.

 

In addition to my basic info, I have my queries up for both my completed novels.  So, go check it out and let me know what you think.  I truly value your opinions.   

So what do you think about what the industry professionals said about pre-branding?  If you have your own website outside of your blog, feel free to leave the link in the comments.  


 
 

**Today's Theme Song**
"Just a Girl" - No Doubt
(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)




 

You Potty Mouth: Characters Who Curse

 


One of the comments I received from one of the judges on my contest entry was that I could lose the curse words--that they are often used as crutches.  Even though no one else had pointed out this issue, I truly took that advice and gave my pages a hard look.  First, because I respect the judge's opinion, but second because I don't want to be an unnecessary potty mouth.

 

However, here's my quandary: My hero is the lead singer in a rock band--the hard partying, irreverent, flip off the world kind of rock band.  I've been to enough concerts to know those types of guys do not have any qualms about throwing out curse words.  So, in order to capture a realistic voice, I used some cursing (mostly damn, goddamned, but the occasional Sh** and a rare f-bomb, I think there was one in my 25 page entry).  So, I don't have it constantly or anything, but there are times where I feel it's needed.  For example, when he's doing an internal rant or if two of the guys from the band are arguing with each other.  I have a hard time picturing these guys saying darn or heck.

And for the record, in my heroine's POV, there isn't cursing, except for the occasional damn because she's more polite.

So I'm not sure what's more important--making sure I don't offend anyone with language or keeping what I believe is an authentic voice for my hero.  Therefore, I'm throwing out the question to you.


How do you feel about cursing in books (excluding YA books--that's a whole other debate)?  Does it turn you off or is it fine as long as it's appropriate for the voice?  Do your own characters curse?

 

**Today's Theme Song**
"Dammit (Dirty Edit)" - Blink 182
(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)


 

Must Give Good Blog

 



Most aspiring authors have heard that they should have an online presence.  I learned this last year when I went to the DFW Writer's Conference and everyone was abuzz about blogging, facebook, and twitter.  At the time I was on facebook and had a family blog, but nothing that said I was a writer.  The group of writers I was hanging out with at the conference also didn't have anything, so mild freak outs ensued.  Why were we so behind?  How did we not know this?  When are we supposed to write if we're supposed to do all of these other things too?  


I let the panic pass, then came home and started working on creating this here blog.  Great.  So I write about whatever I want and all is good in the world.  Well, not so much.  As I learned more and more, I realized you have to be vigilant about what you put out there on your blog.  Talking about rejections?  A bit risky if an agent stops by and sees no one else wanted your stuff.  Whining about the publishing industry?  Dangerous because you'll insult the very people you're trying to get "hired" by.  Badmouthing a book in a review?  Potentially burning bridges all over the place.


So is all that vigilance worth it?


After reading this article by Ellora's Cave editor Meghan Conrad over at Redlines and Deadlines, I would say the answer is a resounding yes.  I tweeted this article a few days ago, so for those of you that follow me, you may have already seen it (and for those of you not following me on twitter, why the heck not?  Go click that lovely birdy button in the upper right.)


Here is some of what Ms. Conrad says:

"I’ve rejected one or two good books because the author behaved so badly online, we decided we didn’t want to work with her. I’ve rejected a great many more books I was on the fence about after the author’s online presence ultimately convinced me the author probably wasn’t worth the effort."

I was surprised by that--not that they want to reject someone behaving badly.  I mean, peeps, learn to hide the crazy.  But by the fact that a weak online presence could be the deciding factor when they aren't sure about you.  Wow.  No pressure, right?  Although, I will note that Ellora's Cave is primarily an e-publisher so online presence probably holds more weight there than in a traditional house.


So what are they looking for?

"In general, we’re looking for signs that you’re relatively normal, literate, and reasonable, which is admittedly sort of difficult to quantify. A well-written blog is a great sign, or a Twitter account with hundreds of followers.  ...having followers is an indication you write well enough that people find your posts interesting and useful—points for you!"



Okay, I was alright with that one.  Followers are good, that makes sense.  But here's one point that scared me:

"Also worrying are blogs—or, worse, short stories or writing samples—with horrible grammar, punctuation, and spelling. No one expects you to be perfect, but I do tend to assume that the writing on your blog is a representative sample."



That one threw me for a bit of a loop because I'm a grammar nerd, but don't worry about it when blogging.  My blogs are written as streams of consciousness most times and in a conversational tone, which means lots of incomplete sentences and dashes and parentheses.  I do make sure that any excerpts I post are up to snuff in that area, but otherwise, I'm not really watching for it.  I could see if a lot of things are misspelled.  We do have spell check on here, but grammar?  Really?  Gah.  (See I just totally went all non-grammary again.)


So, be warned, fellow bloggers.  THEY, the they that we want to eventually work with, are watching you.  Make sure you want them to see what you're putting out there.  And if you do want to rant about the industry or do brutal book reviews, a pen name or some level of anonymity might be in order.  I highly recommend checking out the original article because she outlines additional things she doesn't like to see.


So how about you?  Do you have certain lines you don't cross in your blog?  Do you worry what agents/publishers/other authors will think if they stop by your blog?  Or, do you blog without worry because it's supposed to be a personal forum?

 

 
 

**Today's Theme Song**
"Best of You" - Foo Fighters
(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)

 

WIP Wednesday: It's Been a While

 

 



Today: Updates on my WIP, writer websites, and fighting vile spammers.

 

 

WIP


Okay, so you know when these WIP Wednesdays start mysteriously disappearing over here that I'm struggling with a draft.  I have two story starts with the same characters.  One has about 18k words, the other 6k.  I like them both and hate them both, if you know what I mean.  In the first I'm having trouble nailing down believable motivation for my heroine.  I know her backstory, I know where I want the story to go, but I have to come up with the thing that gives her enough motivation to make the decision that starts the plot.  I've agonized over this piece of the puzzle but I haven't landed on the "fix" for it yet.

 

The second story start, I like, but I think the story would need to go down a steamier path than the first book to make the most sense.  I have no issue writing an erotic romance, but this book is supposed to be the second in the series and Wanderlust is a sexy/sensual romance, but not erotic.  Here's the difference from Passionate Ink, in case you're wondering what the difference is:
 

Erotic Romance: stories written about the development of a romantic relationship through sexual interaction. The sex is an inherent part of the story, character growth, and relationship development, and couldn’t be removed without damaging the storyline. Happily Ever After is a REQUIREMENT to be an erotic romance.
Sexy Romance: stories written about the development of a romantic relationship that just happen to have more explicit sex. The sex could easily be removed or “toned down” without damaging the storyline. Happily Ever After is a REQUIREMENT as this is basically a standard romance with hotter sex.

 

So there is my quandary.  And this has paralyzed my writing, which is driving me nuts.  I'm wondering if I should just work on some completely new idea and come back to these--although I hate doing that.  So, I dunno.  Maybe I'll throw out both to my crit group and see which start grabs them more.

 

Websites


Alright, moving on to websites.   Last week I asked your opinions on pre-published authors getting websites. Most seemed to agree that waiting until you have an agent or book deal is your preference.  I still haven't decided what I want to do.  But I did (based on commenters advice) reserve my domain.  So now, if you type in www.ronigriffin.com, it redirects you here to Fiction Groupie.  (For those of you interested, you can do this at godaddy.com.  It only costs like eleven bucks to reserve your domain for a year.  So not bad.  And that doesn't mean you have to have your website with them, all you're buying is the use of the name.  You can point that name to whatever site you like.)

 

 

Vile Spammers


Lastly, spammers.  I know we all get them.  It's unavoidable.  Some of us use the dreaded verification word as a defense (although that doesn't totally fix it) and some of us require comment approval to help with it.  I'm not a fan of either--the first because it slows things down, the second because when the comment has to be approved first, you can't see if your comment came up right and it hampers the commenting conversation.

 

So, what I've done is set up that comments require approval only if the post the person is commenting on was posted more than two days ago.  (You can do this in your blogger settings.)  This has helped tremendously because most spammers (sneaky bastards) go and comment on old posts so they can slide in without you noticing.  Changing the setting prevents that because those comments then need your approval before posting.  Just thought I'd share since it's helped a lot with my spam issues.

Okay, that's it.  I know it was a bit of a random day, but every blogger needs those once in a while, right?

How's your WIP going?  What do you do to deal with spam?  And for those of you who didn't see last week's post on websites, what's your opinion of having an official website before you have a book deal?

 
 
 

**Today's Theme Song**
"Unwritten" - Natasha Bedingfield
(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)


 

You Look Familiar: Putting Yourself in Your Characters

 


So everyone's heard the often repeated adage "write what you know."  Most of the time this is referring to writing about topics and settings you're familiar with.  You're a lawyer, so you write a story about a lawyer.  Or, you grew up in the Florida Keys so you write a story that takes place there.  But also, this can mean your characters.

 

I know I use inspiration from family, friends, and random people I've met in my life to create characters.  I'm sure most of our relatives quake in fear that they are going to pop up in one of our books.  But what about that main character?  My guess is that more often than not, that character has a lot of similarities to YOU, the author. Whether it's done on purpose or just naturally, that MC tends to take on a lot of the author's characteristics.

Don't believe me?  Go make the rounds (if you didn't yesterday) and read some of the excerpts from the Love at First Sight blogfest.  Here's my excerpt if you're interested.

If you've been blogging a while and "know" those particular bloggers personalities, many times you can see those things pop up in their excerpts.  Part of it is author voice.  But the other is that we're writing what we know best--ourselves.

There's many a time I read a book and think to myself--me and this author would get along.  Because I get a feel for the person writing the book through their characters and their writing voice.

But you have to be careful with this.  If your MC in each book is too much like you, then you're left with multiple books that have essentially the same character in them.  Which is okay if you're writing a series, but not so much otherwise.

So think through your MCs and try to keep an eye out for things that keep popping up.  Are all your MCs blonde?  Geeks?  Artistic?  Writers?  Have absent fathers?  Turn to chocolate when stressed?  Whatever.

For instance, I have trouble writing short heroines.  I'm tall (5'9") and have a hard time imagining what it must be like to be "cute and petite."  It's a foreign concept to me.  But I can't make all my MCs tall, it's not realistic.  So that's something I have to work on.

And that doesn't mean you can't put aspects of yourself in each of your characters, but just make sure they aren't the same aspects all the time.

So how much of yourself do you put into your characters?  Do you see themes repeating from one work to the next--which ones?  Have you ever read a book and thought you'd get along with the author?

 
 

**Today's Theme Song**
"All of Me" - Buckcherry
(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)


 

Love at First Sight Blogfest! My Excerpt

 


Happy Valentine's Day!  And welcome to my Love at First Sight Blogfest entry!  So, I know the rules say you're supposed to put when your characters first meet, but I already posted that scene a while back.  And really, in my books there is no love at first sight--only lust at first sight--love comes much later.  :)  So I'm using a scene where my two characters realize that no matter how hard they're trying to ignore it, the attraction between them is something they are going to have to deal with.

 

Setup: Quinn is a school social worker assigned to help with the school's Battle of the Bands competition.  Sean is the lead guitarist of a rock band, volunteering (well sort of, but that's another story) his musical expertise to help with the kids.  Alright, here it is in it's rough draft glory...

 

 

The students gathered their thingsfilling the room with a cacophony of conversations and chairs scraping acrossthe floor.  As the kids exited, Quinnputtered around, picking up stray papers and pencils and straighteningfurniture.  She was always amazed at howquickly teenagers could turn a place upside down.  She wandered to the back of the classroom to grab an acoustic guitar one of the students had forgotten to put back in thecase.  She picked it up and threw thestrap over her arm, letting the instrument swing slightly while she headed backtoward the stage.  A loud bang erupted asshe accidentally knocked the guitar against a desk.
            “Theydon’t like it when you treat them rough,” Sean said, causing her to jump.
            Quinnwhirled around.  “What?”
            Heshut the door behind him and nodded at the guitar. 
            Shecringed.  “Sorry, yeah, I probablyshouldn’t be entrusted with the equipment. My musical skills are relegated to loading up songs on my ipod.”
            Henarrowed his eyes as if considering her, then placed the two cans of cola he'd been holding on a desk.  “Here, if you’regoing to be running a battle of bands, you need to at least know how to handle aguitar.”
            Quinn chewed her lip as Sean strode across the room, his gait smooth andconfident—all man.  Her gaze flicked tothe closed door of the room.  Crap.  Being alone with the sexy musician was not part of the plan.  He stopped in front of her andwrapped his hand around the neck of the instrument, easing it away from her.  He pointed to the stage.  “Sit.”
            Shehoisted herself onto the edge of the platform, her feet dangling. 
            “Areyou right or left handed?” he asked, twisting a few knobs on the top end of theguitar.
            “Right.”
            “Okay,good.”  He put a foot on the edge of thestage and in one easy stride, lifted himself onto it, then stepped behind her.  Before she could look over her shoulder to seewhat he was doing, he lowered the guitar in front of her, his muscular armsframing her torso.  “Now, you want thebody of the guitar against your stomach or chest depending on what’scomfortable for you.”
            Theguitar rested on her leg, the edge of the instrument's body barely skimming her breasts, hyper aware of every sensation now that Sean’s arms were so close.  She took a steadying breath.  “What do I do with my hands?”
            Hisfingers circled her right wrist and brought her hand to the long part of the guitar.  “Keep your thumb on the back of the neck andthen curl your fingers around the front. This is your fretting hand.”
            Sheclosed her eyes, relishing the warmth of his touch on her fingers.  “And the other one?”
            Therewas a rasping sound as he apparently dug in the pocket of his jeans.  He dropped a piece of plastic in her lefthand.  “This is your picking hand, so youuse this on the strings.  Hold itbetween your thumb and forefinger.”
            Shelaughed as she positioned the little triangle. “You always carry a pick in your pocket?”
            “Always,”he said and released her hand.  “Now,you’re all ready to bust out a little Stairway to Heaven.”
            Shedragged the pick across the strings, and an awful sound escaped.  She cringed and peeked up at him.  “Oh yeah, I’m ready for the big time.”
            Hechuckled and squatted down.  “Here.” 
            Her breath caught as his thighs slid along the outside of hers and his body curled around her back.  His scent, a heady mixture of sandalwood and sunshine, cocooned her.  She gripped the guitar tighter and tried to focus on staying relaxed, on being cool--professional.  But alarm bells screamed in her head, alerting everynerve ending that there was a delicious man pressed against her.  Traitorous goosebumps marched across her skin.  Great.  Maybe she should just put up a billboard announcing how much this guy affected her.
            His breath brushed her ear. “Press your fingers down on this spot,” he said, guiding her right handon the neck.  “And then I’ll help youwith your picking hand.”
            Words stuck in her throat.  Shenodded.  
           His hand covered her left one, andhe led it down the strings, creating a perfect sounding note.  “There you go, your first chord.  You’re on your way.”
            Sheswallowed hard and wet her lips.  “Playsomething, Sean.  Let me see a professional do it.”
            Shefigured he would take the guitar from her and strap it onto himself, giving her some much needed breathing room, but hedidn’t move.  His hands replaced hers, andwith her sandwiched between his muscular chest and the instrument, he startedplaying.  His fingers moved effortlesslyalong the neck, the other hand strumming. The opening to The Eagles “Hotel California” drifted through the empty dramaroom.  She closed her eyes, absorbing thesound, his smell, and the caress of his breath on her neck.  She had to bite back a sigh when his voice, low and coarse, started singing the lyrics into her ear.  Her insides melted into fiery lava.
            Without thinking,she relaxed her spine and leaned into him, releasing a tiny gasp when...

Well, I'll stop there.  We're supposed to keep this PG people.  :)  Let me know what you think.
Have a wonderful Valentine's Day!
 

**Today's Theme Song**
"Hotel California" - The Eagles
(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)

 

Beyond the Blog: Author Websites

 

its-all-about-me

So we all have heard that writers, including unpublished, should build some type of online presence.  My guess is  that many of you started your blog for that very reason.  I know that's what first got me here.  Although, I ended up falling in love with blogging and meeting so many awesome people that now that's really low on the list of why I blog.  But now I'm starting to wonder when is the right time to have an actual website.

 

This week I checked out the competition googled some of the people that finaled in that contest with me because I was nosey curious.  (Stop giving me those judging looks, you know you'd do the same thing.  And if you're in the competition with me and you're reading this, that means you ARE doing the same thing.  *waves*)  So anyway, some of the writers didn't have a web presence at all, others had their own multi-page site.

This wasn't huge news that unpublished people have their own website complete with their name in the domain.  I have a few blogging friends that already have them as well.  But it led me to the questions:

a) when is it a good idea to get one of those?  
b) what are the advantages of doing that now vs. after published
c) is it worth the few bucks a year to have one? 
d) what the heck do you put on there if you're not selling books yet?

I don't know the answers, so I'm hoping you guys can help me out with some of those.

 

I have considered switching my domain over here to my name so that it's my site and not fiction groupie, but I'm afraid of how many people I would lose in the transfer.  So for now, I have reserved my name on blogspot (that's where my TMI page lives) and I'll wait.

But I haven't ruled out creating a personal website that links to my blog.  I'm just not sure if it really helps anything besides making me look a bit more professional.

So what are your thoughts?  Do you think unpublished writers should wait until they're published to worry about the complete website?  Or do you believe their are advantages to starting now?

*Side Note: Courtney Reese is doing a Love at First Sight blogfest on Sunday in honor of Valentine's Day.  If you want to join (which would mean you post a love at first sight scene on your blog that day) click on the above link and sign up.  I need to look through my stories to see if I have something to contribute, but even if I don't join, I'll definitely be reading others entries.  These blogfests are loads of fun.  Have a lovely Valentine's Day!**
 
 
 
 
 

**Today's Theme Song**
"Whataya Want From Me" - Adam Lambert
(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)

 

How Convenient! - Contrived Coincidence

 


Yesterday I talked about the TSTL character in a Lifetime movie I was watching.  Well, unfortunately (or fortunately--considering it provided fodder for two blog posts), the crappy plot devices did not end there.  The You've-Got-To-Be-Freaking-Kidding-Me moments continued.  But this time in the form of contrived coincidences.

Contrived Coincidence describes a highly improbable occurrence in a story which is required by the plot, but which has absolutely no outward justification

When we left our heroine yesterday, she was under suspicion for murder.  So, she had decided the best course of action was to break in and search the crime scene (leaving DNA-laden hair and fingerprints in her wake no doubt).  Well, she doesn't find much over there (although the killer does stop in the house briefly--at the exact time she's there--she hides under the bed, seeing only his feet).  But, that my friends, is not even the silliest coincidence.

 

Our heroine goes on and continues her search for evidence in different places, but doesn't turn up much.  However, she strikes up a friendship with the local coffee barista who tells her how every townie takes his or her coffee.  Well, fast forward, and Ms. Brilliant is being followed all around town by a mysterious black mustang (the car, not the horse, although that would have been better).  Because that's what killers do, they show you their car and follow you in broad daylight.  But anyhoo, a few days later her own car is vandalized and she needs to go buy another vehicle.

Well, lo and behold, as she's searching the used car lot, she happens upon what?  You got it.  The black mustang that's been following her.  Oh, and what's that you say Mr. Salesman?  The car was just dropped off yesterday and IT HASN'T BEEN CLEANED YET!  Well, hot damn!

So she buys the car and what is laying neatly in the floorboard of the car?  A receipt for coffee with the very order of one of the people the barista told her about.  Killer identified!

Seriously.  I'm. Not. Kidding.  That's how they wrapped this thing up.

Okay, so this is an extreme example of Contrived Coincidence, but this can show up more subtly in your writing.  Sure, coincidences happen in real life--that's why we say life is stranger than fiction.  But just because something could possibly happen if all the stars aligned, it doesn't mean your reader is going to buy it.

Some things to watch out for...

  • Someone overhearing information or seeing something at the exact right moment 
--If your MC has tapped the phones and has been listening and finally comes across evidence, that's one thing.  But if they just happen to stumble upon the scene and just happen to hear the precise info they need, well then no.
  • Two characters you need to get together run into each other at the perfect moment
--Make sure your characters have a reason to be in the same place at the same time.  Motivate it.
  • A character bursting in at the very perfect second to save the day or stop something from happening 
--Ex.) the heroine is about to be killed but the hero shows up and shoots the villian just in time--not because anyone called him or notified him that she was there, no he's acting on a hunch or just happens by.   
--Ex.) Edward calls Bella at the precise moment she's about to kiss Jacob in New Moon--oh, and even though they are at Bella's house, Jake answers the phone and tells Edward information that inadvertently sets off the Romeo and Juliet tragedy reenactment.
  • Without trying, your MC stumbles upon a key piece of evidence or a weapon just when she needs it or some outside force fixes a previously unfixable problem (this is also referred to as deus ex machina).  Oh, there's a handy wooden stake, how'd that get here? 
--Set these things up, foreshadow, make sure we know why and how that key thing showed up when it did

Reviewing all these for this post kind of makes me laugh.  I have many of these in my now buried first novel.  Live and learn, right?

 

So, with both the TSTL characters and the contrived coincidence, there is a recurring them.  If you motivate something correctly and set things up for your reader, then they'll go there with you.  If you don't, they'll throw their hands up and not believe you or your story.

So what movie/tv show/book has made you say "Oh, well isn't that convenient"?  Will you stop reading or watching if the coincidences are too unbelievable?  Have any of these things shown up in your writing?

 

**Today's Theme Song**
"I Don't Believe You" - Pink
(player in sidebar if you'd like a listen)

 

Too Stupid To Live Characters

halloweenJamieCloset.jpg image by thegoriainfan


First, a confession.  Yes, I occasionally watch Lifetime movies.  I know I'm not breaking any female stereotypes, but anyway there it is.  Now, I know when I tune into one of these movies that the story is probably going to be a bit melodramatic and that I shouldn't expect Oscar worthy scripts.  However, the one I watched the other day just made me want to beat my head against the remote.  Yet, I couldn't stop watching of course.


The story, The Boy Next Door, was a pretty simple set up:  romance author (now you know why I tuned in) rents a lakeside cottage to work on her next book.  The guy living next door turns out to be a handsome, young stud who she starts watching and taking pictures of from afar for inspiration for her book. (stalk much?) Then, of course, one night she's taking pictures of him and some woman through his kitchen window and the next day, he turns up dead.  Shocker.

Okay, so conflict: she doesn't want to tell the cops about the pictures because, well, it's creepy and weird that she was taking them in the first place.  This is where my first issue came in--if I have pics of a potential murder suspect, I'm handing them over, even if it means embarrassment.  But I bit my lip and suspended my disbelief to keep watching.  Well, because she's acting all shifty, the cops begin to suspect her.

Now she feels like she needs to prove her innocence.  So what does she do?  She breaks into the house next door to search for evidence.  Um, seriously?  Suspicion is on you, so you're going to go sprinkle your DNA all over the potential crime scene--not to mention risk getting caught in the house?  Puh-lease.  Now we have entered TSTL (too stupid to live) territory.

Do not do this in your writing.  This pisses off readers almost as much as killing the dog.  But what if you need for your character to get into a particular situation to move the plot forward?

Then, motivate it.  If, say, the woman in this movie had heard that the cops were coming to pick her up in the morning and throw her in jail, then maybe I would believe she would take such a huge risk and break into the house because it was her last hope.

Readers want to believe what you're telling them, but without proper motivation, they won't buy it.  So make sure if you need your heroine to go investigate her yard in the middle of the night because she heard a noise that you've given her good motivation to do so.  If she's a cop and is confident wielding a gun and searching for a bad guy, then I'll go there with you.  If she's a waitress, has no weapon, and is afraid of the dark, I'm closing the book and moving onto something else.

This gem of a Lifetime movie also held a lesson on coincidences, which I will cover tomorrow, so be sure to stop by.  :)

So, what movies or books have you seen/read that had TSTL characters?  Have you ever found your characters doing something because your plot needed it to happen but their motivation didn't make sense?  Am I the only one watching Lifetime movies?


**Today's Theme Song**
"Stupid Girls" - Pink
(player in sidebar if you'd like a listen)

Sifting Through Opposing Feedback

 

Sydenham this way - and that way

Photo by engineroomblog (click pic for link)


First, thanks so much for all of your nice comments and congratulations yesterday.  You guys are the bestest!

 

 

Now, because I had the opportunity to review the judges' comments and revise my submission before sending it along to the editor, I spent the entire afternoon yesterday obsessing over two paragraphs.  Last night, I finally hit the point of mostly happy with it and went ahead and sent it in.  If I looked at it any longer, I know I would have ended up changing too much.  The entry got me to the finals, so I'm trying to go with the ain't-broke-don't-fix-it (well, don't fix it too much) mentality--a philosophy that is hard for me to embrace at times. So I have officially let it go and am giving it over to the Fates at this point.
But as I was going through the judges' comments and emailing back and forth with my crit group to get their input, my head started to swim.  It's amazing how subjective this whole writing thing is.  One reader will point out how much they love something, then another one will say I totally blew that part.  
When I threw out options to my crit partners, each had different opinions of which version I should go with (and gave completely valid rationales behind why there opinion was such.)  I'd read one of their suggestions, and be like, yes that makes so much sense.  But then I'd read another's opposing opinion and her reasoning, and be like, damn, that makes total sense too.  Gah!  
So it makes me wonder, how do you know which advice to take and which to toss? Ultimately, I went with what had the best "feel" to me when I read it out loud, but believe me, I agonized over every freaking word.
So how about you?   When you get opposing opinions that all make sense, how do you determine your course?  
 
**Today's Theme Song**
"Brain Stew" - Green Day
(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)

 

 

I'm a Finalist!

 


*Sorry that this picture only has vague relevance to the topic, but I couldn't resist.  By far, the funniest Saved By The Bell episode ever.*

 

 A while back I mentioned that I would be entering a couple of writing contests for the first time and promised to share what my experience was like with y'all.  Well, this weekend I got a call from the North TX RWA letting me know that my manuscript, Wanderlust, has finaled in the Contemporary Series Romance category of the Great Expectations contest!

I am so excited!  Now I get a day to read through the judges' feedback and revise before the entry gets sent to the final judge--an editor at Harlequin.  :)  Woo-hoo!

So obviously I'm feeling pretty good about contests right now, but let me share a bit of my experience so far.  First, I have to say that these results came back very quickly and the amount of detailed feedback from the three judges (two of whom were published) was awesome.  They teased out things me and my crit group had not caught (and we're a picky bunch) and it wasn't just surface feedback--their comments showed they had put a lot of thought into it.  This kind of feedback is worth its weight in gold and was a great return on my small contest fee even if I hadn't finaled.

In addition, I can't tell you how nice it is to have people who are either published or are trained as judges tell me such positive things about my writing and that my story is of publishable quality.  I'm definitely going to save those files and pull them out when I go through my inevitable "I'm a Total Hack" days.  So thank you to those anonymous judges who have given me that gift.

Now, although my experience has been very positive, I do want to give one word of warning about contests.  Remember not to freak out if you get feedback you don't like or agree with.  Even though these are educated opinions, they are still just opinions.  Angi Morgan, who recently sold her first manuscript, wrote a great article on keeping contest feedback in perspective.  So go into these things with that in mind.

But all in all, I think the positives outweigh that minor risk.  So, if you're looking for some totally outside feedback and a chance to jump the slush pile of an editor or agent, consider entering one.  They are especially helpful if you want to "test out" your beginning or hook because contests usually have a page limit (first 15, 25, 50 pages).

Most of the local RWA chapters run these contests and they're open to anyone--you don't have to be a member.   And I know a lot of you write YA and may think that these don't apply to you, but almost every contest I've seen has a YA category.  (Here's a list of some upcoming contests.)  So take a chance and put yourself out there.

Also, totally off subject, but I'd like to give a little shout out to my New Orleans Saints for winning the Super Bowl!  Sometimes the underdog really does triumph--okay so it took a few decades to get there, but still, I always believed.  :)

Have you entered any contests?  Why or why not?  What's been your experience?

 

**Today's Theme Song**
"I'm So Excited" - The Pointer Sisters
(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)


 

Hey you, reader, HI THERE!: Author Intrusion

 



What should be one of the key goals of an author when writing?  


To be invisible.  


Writers are the ultimate behind the scenes people.  Besides our name on the front cover, the reader should not realize that we are the ones actually telling them what's happening.  Instead, as they start reading, readers should be swept into a story told (shown) by our characters.  


The last thing you want to do is break them from the magic of the story and their "suspended disbelief" to wave a big sign in their face that says "Hey, author here!  What's up?"  Doing so is called author or authorial intrusion.  Here's a definition:

Authorial intrusion is where you express a personal opinion about a character, situation or scene. Or where you describe anything your characters could not be aware of. (source)

This technique was used often in Victorian era novels when the author wanted to state their opinion on how crappy they thought some political situation was or whatever.  It was also used in gothic horror novels to let you know something sinister was going on outside of the main character's knowledge.  However, these days, this device has gone out of fashion to the point of being considered an error except in very rare circumstances.    (I haven't read them, but I've heard the Lemony Snicket books use this device successfully.)


Now, most likely you aren't going off on long asides to share political commentary, but these AI (author intrusion) moments can pop up in much more subtle ways.  Here's what to watch out for...


Foretelling

This is where the author inserts things like "Jane had no idea that one decision would change everything." OR 
"Little did Jane know that as she curled up in bed the killer was watching her every move from his hiding spot in the closet."

*See how this pulls us right out of the story?  We're suddenly not with Jane anymore.  Instead, we're up in the heavens looking down at the scene with the all-knowing author--distant and detached.  Plus, how much more suspenseful is it if we don't know about the killer, but instead Jane hears an unfamiliar creak of the floorboards or she gets the feeling that she's not alone?*


Telling us things the character couldn't know (for 1st person and 3rd deep/limited POV)

Jane sat on the curb in the rain and closed her eyes, letting the deluge soak her clothes.  Shoppers hurried by her, huddling under umbrellas and giving her strange looks.

*If her eyes are closed, how can she know how shoppers are looking at her?*

Jane held the yoga move until her face turned red with strain.  OR A pained expression crossed Jane's face.

*If we're in Jane's POV, she can't see the color or expression on her own face.  You can say her cheeks heated because she can feel that or she grimaced because we know how to make our face do that.*

"We need to talk about this," Jane said, crossing her arms over her chest and staring at Bill.  No way was she going to let him dodge the discussion this time.  She needed closure. 
Bill stood and walked to the window to avoid looking at her.

*We're still in Jane's POV.  She can't really know why Bill walked away--she can guess, but not truly know unless she's a mind reader.  So just describe the action and let the reader assume why.  Or, you can say something with a thought from the MC like "Bill stood and walked to the window.  God, could he not even bear to look at her?"  OR show that she's guessing "Bill stood and walked to the window, apparently too angry to even look at her."


Describing things that the character would never notice.

Bob loved how the Vera Wang dress hugged Jane's curves.

*Okay, unless Bob is into fashion or she just told him the designer's name, he's not going to know or care to mention the dress designer.  Only describe things and parts of settings that your character would notice.  This is also a voice issue, but is related to author intrusion because it reminds us that someone else besides Bob is telling this story.*


This second one is the one I see most often in my own drafts and when I'm critting others.  It's sneaky and easy to miss.  We forget sometimes that we know everything and can read our character's minds, but our MC doesn't.


So have you seen yourself pop up in your manuscript with a big "hello, i'm here" sign?   Do you struggle with any of these?  Have you read any books that use this device effectively?


 
 

**Today's Theme Song**
"Invisible" - Clay Aiken
(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)

 

Head-hopping: How to Make Your Reader Dizzy

The world is spinning!

Photo by jetsandzeppelins (click pic for link)

Have you ever read a book that jumped from one person's thoughts to the others so quickly it made your head spin?

Most of us are writing in one of two kinds of POV.  Many of you, especially you YA writers, are taking on first person.  And then the rest of us, most likely, are using deep or limited third person POV.  Omniscient 3rd person (where the narrator knows all things and everyone's thoughts)  has gone out of fashion for the most part--except maybe in some epic fantasy stories.  This means that if you are using 1st or deep 3rd POV, the writing should be in one person's head in a scene.  

In 1st person, this is a little easier to achieve because, well, you only have one head to work with.  (Although, you're still at risk for Author Intrusion, which I'll talk about tomorrow).  But if you're using 3rd person and have multiple characters offering POV (which is the joy of writing in 3rd), then you have to be careful.  Take this example:

Jane narrowed her eyes and glared at him as he took a bite of the massive hunk of chocolate cake.  How could he be such a jerk?  He knew she was on a diet and couldn't have any.  Joe smiled and licked a glob of icing off his fork.  He could tell Jane wanted to kill him, but he didn't care.  He was determined to get her off this ridiculous diet of hers.

Okay, so my writing is stellar, I know, but hopefully the example gets the point across.  In the same paragraph we hear both characters thoughts and motivations.  This is disorienting to the reader.  If we're in deep POV, the reader is seeing things through one person's eyes.  If you keep hopping into different heads, the story becomes hard to follow.  It also will screw with establishing the voice of your characters because they'll all be intertwined.  Here is the example with no head-hopping.

Jane narrowed her eyes and glared at him as he took a bite of the massive hunk of chocolate cake.  How could he be such a jerk?  He knew she was on a diet and couldn't have any.  Joe smiled and licked a glob of icing off his fork, as if taunting her.  Her knuckles turned white as she gripped her coffee mug tighter.

When I'm critting other's work, I see this head-hopping pop up most in kissing or love scenes.  We're so excited to tell our reader what each of our characters is thinking, but that totally ruins the moment.  Tension is built out of the mystery of not knowing all things and thoughts of all people at all times.  It's okay to switch POVs, but you have to do it with thought and planning.  

Some tips:

1. Aim to keep one POV per scene for most scenes.  This will keep things clear and easy to follow for your reader.

2.  If you do need to switch in a scene, do it only once per scene and do a double return (extra spacing) in your document to show that the POV has changed.  This is common in romance, and readers know that when they see that break in lines, that we've switched to the other person's POV.

3. Be in the POV of the character that has the most at stake in that scene.

4. Pretend that when you're in a character's head, you have to put on their outfit.  So if you switch heads, you have to change clothes.  This can't be done at breakneck speed and and on a constant basis.  You have to plan a break so that you can slip into the new costume.

Alright, hope that helps, tomorrow...author intrusion.

Have you read books that head hopped all over the place?  Have you found yourself wanting to tell the reader everything?

**Today's Theme Song**

"Headspin" - Lukas Rossi