My Epic, Two-Year Blogiversary MEGA BOOK GIVEAWAY!

I realized last week that I had passed my two year blogging anniversary on July 13th. Yay! Time flies when you're having fun, right?

So in two years...

  • I've posted almost 500 posts.
  • Have written three books.
  • Have switched from writing YA to writing romance and erotic romance.
  • Have met thousands of other lovely online writers, some of which I know will be friends for life.
  • Have gotten an agent.
  • Have sold two books.
  • And have not (quite) lost my mind yet.

So I consider that a win all around. :)

And to thank all of you for reading this blog, for taking the time to make supportive and thoughtful comments, for retweeting me, and for just generally being awesome, creative people, I've decided to have a super fantabulous contest!

Here's what's up for grabs. There's something for everyone I hope!

CONTEST CLOSED

by Alyson Noel

Erotic Romance Prize Package

(must be 18+ for these): Includes 2 ebooks from the fabulous

Cari Quinn

and 2 print anthologies

Reveal Me

by Cari Quinn (ebook) AND

Provoke Me

by Cari Quinn (ebook)

Ellora's Cavemen: Jewels of the Nile I
Ellora's Cavemen: Dreams of the Oasis Volume 3

Ellora's Cavemen 

Anthologies (2 print)

Historical Fiction Prize: (2 of these up for grabs)

The Summer Garden: A Love Story

by Paulina Simons 

Historical Romance Prize Package (2 paperbacks):

The Heir

by Grace Burrowes

A Secret Affair (Huxtable Quintet, Book 5)

by Mary Balogh

Contemporary Romance Package

(2 paperbacks):

The First Love Cookie Club

by Lori Wilde

Seduction by the Book (Harlequin Blaze)

by Stephanie Bond

Paranormal Romance Prize Package

(3 paperbacks):

Take A Chance On Me...It's For Charity, People

 

Alright, today I am up on the auction block over at Crits for Water. I'm offering a 2500 word crit for a manuscript and also a random winner will get a query critique. The genres that qualify are listed as romance and YA since that is where I feel my critting skills are the strongest, BUT I'm open to critting any genre (and have critted across genres for others before) so don't let that stop you.

 

The charity that benefits from this provides clean water to those who need it. Twenty dollars gives one person clean water for a year, so it's a great cause.

So go bid! I promise to give you a thorough, feel-like-you've-been-to-the-doctor-for-a-physical critique. (If you want examples of how I crit, click here).

I have this abject fear that no one is going to bid on me and I'll end up raising like three bucks for this great charity, lol, so please...if you're in need of a critique and you've liked what I've had to say these two years on the blog, then go check it out. (See? I'm not even above begging. Well, I do write BDSM romance, so I guess it's apropos.)

So if you'd like to alleviate me of my paranoia, GO HERE AND PUT IN A BID.  :)

*Auction ends at midnight EST!

If you're not going to be able to do that, then check out my interview over at Not An Editor where I talk about critiquing, how to hone your critting skills, and what you should always do when you get a crit.

And even if you're not bidding, I'd appreciate any retweets you guys want to bestow on me. :)  *gives you the puss n boots face*

The "THE END" Celebration - Win a Critique!

 

So after many, many (don't want to admit how many) months, today is the day I will finish my draft of MELT INTO YOU, the second book in my series! I still, of course, have a lot of editing in front of me. But drafting is by far the hardest and longest part of the process for me since I'm an edit as I go person despite my best attempts otherwise. So I always feel more comfortable and relaxed once words are on the page and I can change them and mold them into what I want my story to be.

 

This one is the longest book I've ever written. I'm typically an underwriter who adds words during edits. I think I added 5k to CRASH INTO YOU when I edited. This time, it's going to be interesting to see how it goes 'cause this draft looks like it's going to wrap up at 103,000 words. Eek! (The first book is 93k.)

But in honor of reaching the lovely words THE END, I'm offering up two 5-page or query critiques today!

So, if you would like to be included in the contest, just include your email address at the bottom of your comment. The contest will be open until midnight (central) on Sunday night. If you'd be kind enough to retweet it as well, I'd appreciate it. 


So do you prefer drafting or editing? What do you do to celebrate when you reach THE END?

A New Way to Find Critique Partners


I get a good bit of email via this blog asking me questions. And I have to say one of the most popular questions I get asked is--can you critique my work? This is closely followed by--where do I find beta readers/crit partners?


These are tough questions to answer because, well, on the first one the answer is usually no. For me to thoroughly crit one chapter for someone, I usually need 1-2 hours. Seriously. I'm detailed. You'll feel like you've had a proctology exam. And between blogging, writing on a deadline, being a mom and wife,  I just honestly don't have the time these days. I even had to leave my own crit group last year because I couldn't dedicate enough time to be an active participant. So now I just exchange with a few trusted betas when I can.

However, just as a sidenote and a shameless self-promotion, Kat Brauer will be auctioning off a crit from me over at Crits for Water in May. All proceeds will go to an awesome charity that provides clean water to countries where that is hard to find. Deets coming soon. But I hope some of you will bid on little ol' me.

*back from our commercial break* Okay, so I need to address the follow up question of--where the heck do I find crit partners? (Because you need them, you here? NEED them. Do not go submit your work without having beta readers WHO ARE NOT RELATED TO YOU, ARE NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND, AND ARE NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU give you feedback. Don't do it.)

In the past, I've referred people to message boards, I've done matchmaking here on the blog and on Twitter (rather successfully in fact. *waves at all the crit lovebirds*), but really my advice usually came down to "you have to network". Get to know people through writing groups, your blog, twitter, whatever.

But now there is a new option that I'm so excited about. Penguin has launched Book Country. This website is a new place for writers (and readers) to go to post parts of your work (only members can view it) and get feedback from other writers. It's social networking and critiquing all wrapped into one.

For any of you following Colleen Lindsey on Twitter, this is the Sekrit Projekt she was always talking about. I had the opportunity to see her speak about it a few months ago when she presented at the DFW Writer's Workshop, so I've been waiting with bated breath for the public launch so I could share the info with you guys.

I'm not going to go into how the site works (more info on that here), but the cool thing about it is this awesome genre map that lets you code your work on genre, heat level, and humor level. So people who are looking for what you write can easily find it. Also, it's a setup that forces give and take because you can't get crits until you give some. Love that.

And....it's free! Yay for that.

So go check it out. Maybe you'll find a crit partner match made in heaven. :) If nothing else, playing with the genre map alone is super entertaining.

So have you had trouble finding crit partners? If you have some where do you find yours? Anyone try Book Country yet? And if you're looking for a crit partner, feel free to put your genre and email address in a comment below--maybe this can act as some more matchmaking! 

Giving Up My Title: Why Writers Can't Have Too Many Sacred Cows

 

They are here — Sacred cows (Peltilehmät)
Photo by Sami Keinanan

Writing can often feel like a solitary project. For months and months you write in your cave--you create, you slave, you edit, you cut and paste and hit delete. You curse your uncooperative characters and then you fall in love with them. You put everything you've got into those pages.

 

So when it's finished, it feels like YOUR baby--a book you've lovingly created with your own twisted imagination. It's an amazing feeling.

But then the next step can determine how successful you're going to be at this whole writing thing. Because the next step is letting others in. To use Stephen King's analogy, you draft with the office door shut, then throw open the windows when you're done to let others in. What does that mean?

Get beta readers/critique partners AND actually listen to their feedback with an open mind.
I don't care how good of a writer you are. No one writes the best possible version of a book all on their own. Outside insight is a part of the process--unless the only person who is ever going to read the book is you. And please don't get beta readers just so you can stick your fingers in your ears when they come back--and instead of telling you how perfect everything is--they give you some tough feedback. It's your right to pick and choose which feedback you use and discard--but listen to every comment with an open mind first and look for WHY the person may have said that.

If you start querying and an agent/editor rejects you but gives you feedback, REALLY HEAR IT. 
 Agents/editors do this for a living. It is their job to figure out what works and what won't. If they took the time to give you personalized feedback, then this wasn't some offhanded comment. They are trying to help. It doesn't mean you HAVE to take the advice, but I would strongly consider what they say. I can't tell you how many times I see people tweet or blog about--well, I got a personalized rejection, but I don't really agree with what they said, so I'll just find an agent who agrees with me.

Don't get too attached to anything in or about your book. Have very few sacred cows.
We all have dealbreakers--parts of our story or characters or setting or whatever that feel like the heart of the book to us--that if we took that out or changed it, our story wouldn't be the story we want to tell. That's okay. That's your right as an author. BUT, choose those sacred cows wisely. Don't hold so tightly to everything that you can't see the bigger picture. My dealbreakers? I wouldn't have been willing to get rid of my happy ending or to make the book erotica and not erotic romance or to get rid of my dual timeline structure. That's it.

And why should you do these things?

Because once you get an agent and then a book deal--it becomes a team effort and a business. Your agent and editor have the same goals as you do--to make your book as awesome and successful as possible. But that often means you're going to have to make some changes that are hard.

When I first signed with Sara, she asked me to cut my very favorite scene in my book. I loved that scene. But when she explained why it didn't work--it totally made sense. So after a moment of mourning, I moved forward and did it. I was able to save my favorite parts of the scene and rework them into a new setting with new motivations. And you know what? It was so much better the new way! I would have never ever on my own cut that scene because I was too attached, too close to the book. And the book would have suffered for it.

Then when I got my edit letter last week from Kate, there was another scene I never would've thought of changing, but wow, it was a great suggestion. The change made the whole scene much stronger and upped the conflict with just a simple switch of action.

In addition to that and some other changes, she wanted me to change my title. *moment of silence to say goodbye to Exposure Therapy*

She wanted me to think of something that wasn't just sexy but that was romantic as well because Exposure Therapy doesn't speak to the romance part. Now at first, I was like--oh noes! I heart my title. But after a few minutes of thinking on it, I could see her point. The heart of my book is the romance and relationship and I need to make sure the reader feels that in the title. So, I've given her my suggestions and we'll see what happens, but it was just another example of how you can't be too attached to anything.

And I know most of you are probably saying--as long as I get an agent or editor, I don't care what they tell me, I'll do whatever they want me to! But when you're actually faced with it, it's a lot harder to do than you think. So prepare yourself now. Be open to feedback and think about what your sacred cows are. What are you willing to go to the mats for?

And remember, it is your right to say no to something. It is still your book. I didn't change everything that Sara suggested and she was fine with that when I explained my reasoning. But just make sure that you're willing to listen and consider everything before going with that knee jerk "no way!" reaction.

So what are some of your sacred cows? How would you feel if asked to change your title? And on the flipside, if someone does go after a sacred cow, would you have the guts to say no to representation or a book deal over it? 


What Makes A Good Crit Buddy?

friends.

Photo by Linzi Clark

 

I'm a lucky girl. I've had a kickass crit group, great beta readers, and friends (bloggy and otherwise) who have generously read for me and offered feedback. And what is always interesting to me is how different people can see such different things. That's why it's important to make sure you have a wide variety of people critting you (people who are not related to you, btw.)
Types of critters:
Partner
--This person invests in you as much as you invest in them. You exchange equally and you offer the entire gamut of feedback: line edits, plotting, characterization, story, pacing, etc.
--This is the person that you also go to for advice on writing career things
--I think having one of these is vital, but not everyone can fulfill this role because it takes a lot of time investment
Mentor
--This person is further on the path in their writing career, maybe they've already been published.  They can offer you guidance along the way.
Proofreader (Grammar Nazi)
--The detail-oriented English teacher type. She can spot a dangling modifier or misplaced comma from twenty yards away. She focuses on the trees, not the forest.
Cheerleader
--This reader sends your crit back with lots of smiley faces, lol's, and positive comments along with the negative things. They may not be as detailed as the proofreader, but they give you the confidence keep going. This is the person who will talk you off the ledge when you're ready to give up.
Whipcracker
--This person doesn't let you get away with anything. If you have deadline, she's poking you until you meet it. If you get lazy in your writing and try to sneak in a little telling, she will call your butt out.
Reader
--This person is not a writer but is a voracious reader. She is looking at the forest, not the trees.  This is also invaluable because SHE (or he) is your customer. This is who you are ultimately writing for.
Looking at this list, I definitely have had each of these in my beta reading ranks. As for my own style, I hope that I am a partner to my friends and regular beta readers. If I'm just critting somebody as a one off--then I'm more of a (hopefully) tactful whipcracker and reader.
So, how do you know you've found the right crit buddy?

A good buddy...
Listens to your suggestion and even if they don't always take them, they give them serious consideration.
Makes an effort to understand your writing and where you are coming from.
Gives as much as she gets.
Is honest--even when she knows it might be hard for your to hear
Doesn't just point our problems, but offers suggestions
Appreciates constructive criticism
Takes the time to point out what she loves, not just what's wrong (that smiley face here and there can go a long way when you've received a rough crit)
And beware the toxic crit parter, this person...
Throws up the defenses the minute you say something negative or suggest changes
Has a million excuses as to why your suggestions don't work--you don't understand their genre, you're not "getting" their point, etc.
Rarely implements the changes you offer.
Tells you what's wrong in your manuscript but doesn't offer help on what they think would fix it.
Only wants accolades. When those don't come, they get angry, pouty, or generally difficult.
Doesn't put forth as much effort on your work as you do on theirs
Tears apart your work without tact or helpful suggestions and if you get hurt, tell you that you need a thicker skin.
--There is a huge difference between "this sucks, I'm totally lost" and "this chapter may need a little reworking to make the plot points clearer"
If this toxic buddy is in your life, fire them. You don't need that in your life. Writing is hard enough--don't add to your stress. Find good critters and move on.

 

CRIT GROUP MATCHMAKIING: Inevitably when I do posts on crit groups, people asks where to find crit partners because it can be such a hard thing to find when you're starting out and don't know many writers yet. I found all of mine online through blogging. But there are a lot of different ways--going to local writer's groups, social networking, etc. However, what I've done in the past is a little online matchmaking. 


SO, if you are looking for a beta reader/crit parter, put your info in a comment to this post: NAME, EMAIL ADDRESS, GENRE, and what you're looking for, then people who match up with you can contact you. If you make a match, I suggest exchanging just one chapter first to make sure that your styles match and such. Good luck!

Alright, so what kind of critter are you? Do you recognize any of these types in your circle? Have you ever had a toxic beta reader?
 
**Today's Theme Song**
"Lipstick and Bruises"-- Lit
*This is a repost from November of last year.

 

Peeking Inside a Successful Crit Partnership

Today I'm bringing you another person I had the pleasure of meeting at RWA Nationals--Jami Gold. She and her crit partner Murphy (who you met last week) have a great relationship and really are like a comedy team when you talk to the two of them together. So I thought it'd be fun to see how two people who seem like complete opposites have developed such a terrific critique partnership. Take it away Jami...

A Peek Inside a Successful Critique Partnership

Thanks, Roni, for inviting me here!  As Roni mentioned in last Thursday’s post, we first met at the RWA Conference when my critique partner, Murphy, and I shared dinner with her.  I’m sure we made quite the impression, as we’re a bit like Mutt & Jeff.  I’m dark-haired and tall, while Murphy is blonde and…not so much.  We’re opposites in many ways.  Just look at our websites, could they be any more different?
















Despite our differences, we have a great critique partnership -- and friendship.  Like other relationships, sometimes the differences will make you stronger, especially if you have the important stuff in common.  So many people have been impressed by our partnership that I thought it’d be fun to explore what makes it work.

Murphy, I know you’re just dying to tell the world what makes me so awesome, so we’ll start off with that question first.  What’s your favorite thing about working with me?

Murphy:  You mean, besides how good you are at planning?  Prime example?  This post.  Yup, don’t think I didn’t notice what you did here. Sheesh!  Cleverly manipulating the situation so it turns your post into an interactive extravaganza where I’m doing half the work!  Kidding -- well, not really.  *grumble*

My favorite THINGS, because there are more than one.  The truth?  You’re freakishly smart, honest, loyal, and you have a genuine desire to help me be a better writer…which is a good thing, because one of us has to be paying attention, right? :)

Yeah, I wasn’t going to bring up your outright refusal to learn how to use commas, but since you did…  *innocent whistle* 

No, I think you hit the nail on the head.  The number one thing that makes us successful is that we’re both truly pulling for each other.  We could be the type of critique partners who give feedback and leave it at that.  But we both have (and here’s one of those important things we have in common) the same drive and determination to make it in this industry.  Accordingly, we respect each other for that -- and we push each other to reach that goal.

And this brings me to my second question:  Murphy, how would you compare our style of editing?

Excellent question. *insert me rubbing my hands together with an evil laugh here*

I have a graduated scale I use.  It’s all very technical, mathematically calculated and vertically calibrated, but I’ll share it with you, even though I haven’t patented it yet.  Should I say patent pending here or something? 

No?  Okay, my comments on your work are brief and relative to the size of the edit.  The list stacks up like this:

Nope. -- That’s for something that just doesn’t sound right.
Um, no. -- That’s for something that isn’t right.
Hell, no. -- That’s something that’s a combination of the above two.
HELL NO! -- Is for something I wouldn’t even have the nerve to put on paper, and reading whatever-it-was made me do a double take.
WTF? -- Is for those special times when Jami has done a hack ‘n’ slash and neglected to get all of the paragraph deleted.  Trust me, there’s been some classic WTF’s.

So, that’s my scale and when there are two or more of these comments in a paragraph?  It’s example time.

Oh, yes, the classic example time.  These are where I usually think, “But I’d never write anything like that,” before tilting my head and reading the example cross-eyed to see if that helps.  Eventually, I figure out some nugget of useful information to incorporate into my work.  Moral of the story:  Even if you sometimes don’t agree with the suggested changes, see if you can figure out why the section felt “off” to the feedback reader and fix it.

Hello?  I think I was talking.

Er, what?  Oh, sorry, please continue…

Your approach?  It’s more subtle.  Yes, that thick red line that goes clear across my cleverly constructed monstrosities doesn’t have a break, a tremor, or a hesitant point anywhere.  Hmm…almost like you’re enjoying what you do.  And you punctuate those FREQUENT strikes with…  Oh, let’s see?  PPP, fragment, or my best buddy ever, dangling modifier.  You do put a smiley face next to them, to ease the burn, I suppose, but I usually just stick my tongue at him and start looking for the vodka. 

Hey, once you gave me a gold star.  It’s true.  And right next to that, you said:  “Good for you, Murphy, you managed to get two PPP’s and a dangling modifier into that short paragraph.  Now, that’s talent!”  I thought so, but after I reread the sucker, I was amazed you didn’t find a partridge in a pear tree in there somewhere -- geez, it had everything else.  :)

Yes, it’s true.  I do enjoy killing words.  Bwhahahaha!  *ahem*  But really, can you blame me?  When one of your sentences has 7 -- count them: 7 -- adjectives and adverbs, I wouldn’t be a good critique partner unless I made you pick 2 and get rid of the rest.  What I haven’t told you is that I’m slowly weaning you down to just one modifier…  Per.  Page.  *evil grin*

I hope you’re all taking notes here.  Do you see any sugar-coating?  Nope.  And that’s another reason we’re successful.  We both know that no matter how soul-rippingly brutal our critiques get, we’re doing it because we want the other one to succeed.  It’s like ‘tough love’.  The “HELL NO!” or sea of red marks might sting for a minute or two (or more), but we know the other person just wants what’s best for us.  That trust helps us take the criticism, to be sure, but it also helps us give honest feedback in return, because we know that if we gloss over problems, we’ll hurt the other one more in the long run by not pushing them improve.

And that brings me to the next question, which is about how to make sure you’re both getting something out of a partnership.  The differences between us ensure that we’re not critiquing in an echo chamber.  Our disparate approaches to wordsmithing, grammar, character development, pacing, plotting vs. pantsing, etc., all mean that we have real value to offer to the other one.  So, Murphy, what do you think is the key for us balancing each other’s needs?

WELL, since you asked, I’d say it was a freaking stroke of luck that we found each other.  I mean, where else could I have found a person who, like myself, wants things done well AND wants them done yesterday!  All kidding aside, I respect your work ethic and your drive.

Again, we’re a good mix.  We don’t over-think anything together, because when we swap thoughts, it’s interesting and inspiring precisely because we think differently.  I love that best of all.  I mean, how boring would it be if I agreed with everything you wrote and vice-versa?  Ick! We’d never grow.  And I’m growing, baby!  And so are you!  What’s my favorite saying?  You learn more from your weaknesses that your strengths.  Hey, it’s true…unless one of them happens to be comma placement.  I’m serious.  Who got to decide where those little critters go?  I want their number.  I’m making crank calls. :)

Hey, don’t blame me.  I’m just the messenger.  I’ve already resigned myself to fixing your commas for the rest of eternity.  But those fluffy modifiers of yours?  And those abundant verbs?

What?  You don’t like my spiffy, spectacular and sparkling prose that leaps off the page at you?  Especially when I top it all off with some clever, yet subtle, alliteration?

Yeah, those?  Those I’m working on.

So there you have it, folks: a peek inside one of the most brutal, yet loving, critique partnerships.  But know that we weren’t like this from the get-go.  Nope, just like every other relationship, we had to find what worked for us.

If you’re searching for a critique partner(s), keep in mind these things:

  • ·         Similar drive, determination, and work ethic;
  • ·         Similar comfort level with giving/receiving criticism;
  • ·         Dissimilar strengths and weaknesses (so you each have something different to offer);
  • ·         Straightforward communication for time commitments and limitations (set expectations for what you do and don’t have time to do);
  • ·         And finally, it’s a nice bonus to have the potential for mutual respect, honesty, and trust down the road -- as these all help with that willingness to give and receive the brutal criticism that will push you to the next level in your writing.

With the right critique partner, you can find someone who will not only help you with your writing, but who will also become one of your biggest cheerleaders.  And on those beyond-hard days, it’s nice to have someone willing to talk you down from the ledge.

What kind of critique partner/group do you have?  If you don’t have a partnership like this, which ingredients are you missing?  Does this post give you some ideas about how to get your partnership to that level?  If you do have a great partnership, what are the keys to your success?

Jami (with many thanks to Murphy!)

**Also, as a sidenote, my former crit group is looking to fill my spot. Details over at Lynnette Labelle's blog.

**Today's Theme Song**
"You've Got a Friend In Me" - Randy Newman
(player in sidebar, take a listen)


Crit Groups v. Beta Readers: What Works For You?

 

If you stopped by on Monday, you saw that I am making an effort to streamline a few things in my life to free up more time for both my writing and my family. This involved the tough decision for me to cut down to MWF blogging instead of five days a week.  It also put another issue in my cross hairs.

 

So for about a year, I've been a member of the super fabulous Rumored Romantics critique group. The small membership has shifted and changed, but every person I've gotten to know through it has been an amazing writer and a great friend. I credit the big shift of "luck" I've had with my writing over the past year--contest wins, requests, and now an agent--in large part to the things I've learned being a member of this group.

However, the way the group is structured, we do chapter by chapter critiques. You get one chapter of yours critted per week and you're responsible in turn to critique one chapter of someone else's. This is great for those who are writing as you get critted--meaning you write a chapter, put it up for crit, start writing the next chapter and so on.

I, unfortunately, don't work that way. I have to write a rough draft in isolation first. I can't be getting critiques on something I'm currently drafting--it screws with my process. I think Stephen King said in On Writing to write the first draft with the door shut--meaning only for yourself. Then once you're done, open the door and share it with others. I don't think that has to be everyone's process, but it's definitely mine.

So I write the whole draft, then I start subbing to the group. But the problem with that is--then it's going to take 4-6 months for the group to make it through the novel. I don't have the patience for that. When I'm done with a project, I want to sub like now.

So with this most recent project, I sought out beta readers and found people who could read my complete book and give me overall feedback within a few weeks. Then I revised and submitted. When Sara offered me representation, my crit group was only on my chapter 3.

Therefore, I made the decision yesterday to step out of my group. It makes me sad, but the structure of the group just doesn't work for my style. I think my ideal situation would be to have two beta readers I trust to work with on full manuscripts. However, I'll be forever indebted to those ladies for whipping me in to shape and teaching me so many things I had no clue about when I first joined.

So, the good news for you guys is that, if you think the structure would work for you (and it does work for many) and you want a group that will give you the level of detailed feedback writers yearn for, there is going to be a contest to fill my spot!

Lynnette Labelle will be announcing details in the next few weeks, but if you write romance or something with romantic elements (no YA), then start polishing the pages you'd want to submit for consideration. The ladies are fabulous--two contest winning divas and an author with a three book deal with Tor, so whoever fills the spot will be a lucky gal (or guy!).

Also, in unrelated news, I found out Exposure Therapy is a finalist in the San Francisco RWA's Heart to Heart contest!

Alright, so how do you prefer to get your work critiqued? Do you like having a crit group that can offer detailed line edits or do you prefer beta readers and global feedback? Do you get critted as you write or do you have to finish a project first?

**Today's Theme Song**
"My Way" - Limp Bizkit
(player in sidebar, take a listen)


 

The Query Critique Group

 

One of the sit-down groups, Open Space, Trusted Advisors, ACMP 2012
Photo by Deb Nystrom


We all know that critique groups and beta readers can be a great thing.  I have a fab critique group and have also met up with a few super awesome beta readers with this last manuscript (*waves at J. Leigh, who got through my book in record time and offered awesome input).  So I'm a big proponent of getting this kind of feedback.  I think it's the rare writer that can produce a perfectly polished manuscript in isolation.

 

However, what I never considered was the query critique aspect of things.  That letter, which we talked about yesterday, can make or break your chance with an agent or publisher.  I typically send mine to my crit group and get their opinion, which is uber helpful, BUT I didn't take into account that they usually know the story by the time they see the query.

At Queryfest, the agents suggested having separate people to crit your query--people who haven't read your story.  Your crit group may be great, but if they've already read your story, when they read the query, their mind is going to automatically fill in any blanks the letter may have.

I think this may have been the issue with a few of the queries they critiqued in the workshop.  You could tell the people knew how to write, but the summary was so confusing that we were left going, "Wait, what?"

So seek out others to run the query by, see if they "get" your story and are hooked by doing a cold read of that letter alone. Let them play agent.  Or, post on a site like Public Query Slushpile--I've always gotten solid feedback there as well.  If you find yourself having to answer questions and fill in the blanks for the people reading it, then you haven't conveyed the idea clearly.  Revise.

I've already taken this advice and hooked up with one of my new buddies I met at RWA *waves at Murphy* and it's been great to get an outside opinion.

So what do you do to get your query in shape?  Do you get it critiqued or just go for it?  Have you ever posted on one of the public sites to get feedback?  And feel free to put your email in the comments if you want to exchange query critiquing with others.

 

**Today's Theme Song**
"Selling the Drama" - Live
(player in sidebar, take a listen)

 

The Beta Club: The Phelan Chronicles (Sci-Fi/Paranormal) - Agree with my Crit?

 

First of all, thanks to everyone for your comments on my one-year blogiversary post yesterday. Today is officially the date, but I didn't want to do it today because it's...

 

Beta Club Tuesday! Sci-Fi/Paranormal Thriller is on the agenda today. Read on and let the author know what you think! Remember, this will be one of the last Beta Clubs, so give it all you got. ;)

For newbies: If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments. All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive.

Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments. My detailed critique is below.

Author: DA Trevino (He is looking for beta readers, email him if you are interested!)
Title: The Phelan Chronicles
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Paranormal Thriller

Excerpt:
My name is Phelan--Phelan Martin Llewellyn--don't blame me, blame my parents, I know I do. The Order has asked me to chronicle some of my encounters; they seem to think that you can learn something by listening to this stuff. I agreed to chronicle but if you have ever listened to or read any of the chronicles you know they are boring. I am going to tell it my way.
#
Of course she was hot and blond--probably a cheerleader too--and she was looking up at him with doe eyes that said, Oh! Eddie, my tall dark beautiful tortured love and eternal-soul-mate take me in your arms and sweep me off to Barf-ville. Gag! I can't tell you how much that whole romance with the undead thing grosses me out! And yes, before some smart-ass psych major asks; yes, as a guy I take it personal. I work out, a lot, for reasons you will soon see, so if some normal guy were to see this, a blond hottie throwing herself on a walking corpse--like football players aren't bad enough--he would be seriously pissed, disillusioned, and jealous, at the very least. The only difference between him and me is I can do something about it. But back to the chronicle. To make matters worse, her being there at that moment messed up my night. I was going to have to wait to kill him.
Not that you could kill something that was not alive. I mean, killing the undead isn't murder or even killing. I mean, when I kill a cockroach, I'm killing a living, breathing creature--they do breathe, don't they--that serves a useful, if revolting, ecological purpose. This thing was a vampire. A vampire that was leaning over to bite the blond on the neck. Great! This was going to eat up my night. I pulled up my camera, checked that it was still mirror-locked-up and took their picture, really her image was the one that mattered. Unfortunately, I might have to kill her later.
Details keep you alive in this business. Yes, you heard me; it's a business, not a calling, not a yearning, not a whatever, and don't forget it. You think I didn't have better things to do that Friday night then track a master vampire and his latest late-girlfriend? Get it, late-girlfriend? Vampire hunting was--still is actually--how I paid for my car, paid for my killer game systems, and how I intended to pay for my trip to Tokyo. Yes, LANapalooza!
The biggest, baddest, LAN party on the planet was in Tokyo that year and I was going. And that master vampire's head was going to pay my way. Yes, it was a master; the Fraternity doesn't farm out jobs unless they're killer, but they pay well if you live. Remember that, you only get paid if you live!1 And details are what get you paid.
Fact: Vampires have great hearing. But what most people do not know is they are better at picking up sharp noises, like the sound of a twig snapping or the mirror in a camera clicking up and down. So, take your pictures from far away--I was using a 70mm-300mm zoom image stabilizer lens with a 2x teleconverter--and lock the mirror up.
Before I realized it, he was finished snacking. That was too fast, which could mean he was not hungry--NOT likely--or he was saving her for transformation. Back then that was pretty rare. Vampires, despite silly movies to the contrary, did not go around making more vampires. Not like cockroaches. Vampires also got all ritually when they transformed a new vampire. That would have explained why they went walking off into the park, hand-in-hand. Ain't that sweet, gag!
OK, I told you if you want to get paid you have to stay alive and that comes down to details. Vampi and Bambi went walking into Tyler State Park, my home turf. I knew every blade of grass on a first name basis. If I'd been someplace else I wouldn't've been too eager to follow.
That night sucked! It was a heavy overcast new moon night, which in Bucks county Pennsylvania we're talking blacker that a witch's--actually I shouldn't say that, witches ain't that bad, and some are sexy cute. I mean, could this dip vampire get any hokier? I mean, he could turn her in the middle of the day with clear skies. All this drama meant was that I was going to be cold, miserable, and maybe wet before I killed him—the air smelled like rain.

Below is my detailed critique. Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.

Alright, so what did you think? Are you hooked?  What did the author do well?  What could be improved?  Agree or disagree with my crit?


Thanks ahead of time for taking the time to comment and for the author for volunteering!

**Today's Theme Song**
"Attack" - 30 Seconds to Mars
(player in sidebar, take a listen)



 

The Beta Club: The Tooth Fairy's Assistant (Middle Grade) - Agree with my Crit?

 

 

It's Beta Club Tuesday!  Middle Grade is on the agenda today.  Read on and let the author know what you think!  Remember, this will be one of the last Beta Clubs, so give it all you got.  ;)  


 For newbies:  If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments.  All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive.  

Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments.  My detailed critique is below.

 

Author: Penny (you know her as Too Cute to Be Very Interesting)  Visit her here.
Title: The Tooth Fairy's Assistant
Genre: Middle Grade


Excerpt:

            “How much further Dad?”
            “Twenty five miles. Please Owen, stop pestering me. I need to concentrate on my driving.”
            Dad always has to concentrate extra hard on everything. Owen, be quiet, I’m thinking. Owen, settle down, I’m trying to focus. Owen, Owen, Owen. He does look a little more white-knuckled than normal though. Probably all the accidents on the road.
            It’s raining pretty hard, about as hard as it ever does in Washington. Usually it just mists here, like you’re all wrapped up in a cloud, but today it’s pouring. That must be the reason for all the problems they keep reporting on the radio. It’s really weird though, because it seems like we’re just barely ahead of the trouble every time.
….Watch for a jackknifed semi northbound on Route 3 at Finn Hill Road …if you can even get there folks, that twelve car pileup still blocks all traffic west of Silverdale…
We were turning onto a floating bridge now. From up here I saw that down in the middle of the water the bridge split in two. It looked like an hourglass, with a single lane for north and another lane for southbound traffic belling out and away from each other. On the right, the water was really choppy. On the left, it was as smooth as glass. Weird.
“Hey Dad, why would they build the bridge like that?”
“Huh?”
My dad was so focused on the road ten feet in front of him that he hadn’t noticed what was coming. He looked up and gasped. “Oh no you don’t! I see exactly what you’re up to and I won’t have it! Do you hear me? I will not have it!”
“What?”
“Not you Owen! Hang on!” We were almost to the split. Dad cranked the wheel and our car veered into the southbound lane, still headed north.
I may have screamed. I hope not, because I’m almost thirteen years old and screaming like a baby isn’t the coolest thing I can think of, but seriously. My dad has clearly just lost his mind. Or maybe not. He gunned the gas and drove like Jeff Gordon. We must’ve been going a hundred miles an hour, trying to beat the traffic that was about to enter the one-way lane and smoosh us head-on.
Out of the corner of my right eye, I saw a tractor-trailer flash past going the opposite direction. Wait…if we were going the wrong direction on the road and he was driving that way…he was going the wrong way in the lane we’d just been in!
I whipped my head around and watched, horrified, as the big rig smashed into one concrete barrier, then the other, then cartwheeled through the air, spilling its load everywhere. He’d been carrying chickens. Thousands of them flopped all over the roadway and into the water, beaks snapping and feathers flying.
Our car was going so fast that when Dad yanked us back into our own lane I swear we went up on two wheels, because the car slammed down and I bit the inside of my cheek.
“Ow!”
“Are you okay Owen?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I watched the accident scene behind us as we sped away. The feathers swirled in the oddest pattern, almost like a woman’s dress. I blinked and the image went away. A curve in the road made the bridge wink out of sight.
I faced forward, and my stomach turned. We’d be dead right now if it weren’t for my Dad’s quick reflexes. I hadn’t even seen that truck go the wrong direction on the bridge. “Nice driving Dad,” I said weakly.
“Thanks Son.” His hands were completely relaxed on the steering wheel. “We’re out of the woods now. It’ll be smooth sailing the rest of the way to Port Townsend.”
“Do you think?”
“I know.”
When my dad drives, he sits ramrod straight, his nose practically touching the windshield. My mom calls it driving Mormon, whatever that means. Now he eased his seat back a couple of inches. Who was this person? What was next? Was he going to crack open a beer and offer me some? Maybe he’d just let me drive.
“Uh, Dad? Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I hate to admit it, but it feels good to be back.”
“Back?”
“Yes Owen, back. I went to school here. I met your mother here. All of us, Uncle Leroy, Aunt Clara, everyone. We all went to Holliday. And I swore that you never would.”

 

Below is my detailed critique.  Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.

 
 
Alright, so what do you think?  Are you hooked?  What did the author do well?  What things could be improved? Agree or disagree with my crit?
 

Thanks ahead of time to everyone who comments and to the author for volunteering!

**Today's Theme Song**
"Rescue Me" - Buckcherry
(player in sidebar, take a listen)

 

The Beta Club: Keepers of the Order (Paranormal) - Agree with my crit?

 

 



It's Beta Club Tuesday!  Paranormal fiction is on the agenda today.  Read on and let the author know what you think!  Remember, this will be the only Beta Club of the week, so give it all you got.  ;)  


 For newbies:  If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments.  All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive.  And if anyone has an itch to be critiqued, the rules for submitting to the Beta Club are under the "Free Critiques" heading at the top of the page.
 

Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments.  My detailed critique is below.

 

Author: Shain Brown
Title: Keepers of the Order
Genre: Paranormal


Beta Readers:  She would  love extra beta readers, so drop her an email if you're interested: shainer72@gmail.com

 

Excerpt:
 
 
 

I could hear the waves violently crashing down on the white sand, kind of symbolic I thought. The moonlight illuminated the crushed shells like diamonds spread along the sand.  It was apparent that much of my time was being spent here. And it wasn’t for the view, but it was one of the places they frequented to hunt and to feed.
Turning my face downwind I buried my nose deep into the crook of my arm, and with each step their stench further surrounded me, turning my stomach like rancid meat of a rotting corpse. Their voices growing louder, filling my head with the deathly screams. Every night was this way for me it felt like a curse; a curse which forced me to endure my own personal torture.
No matter how long or how often I was exposed, it never dissipated. It hovered over me. No matter how much I resented the breathers deep down I desired their normalcy more than anything.
“If you are going to patrol with me, you have got to keep up.” I told him.
“I’m trying.” He said in a winded voice. Continuing up the stairs I was greeted at the top by a steel door. It was apparent the alarm was dead by the frayed wires hanging down from inside the door jam.
“Will this work?”
He handed me a steel pipe that he had lifted earlier, most likely for his own protection. With a firm grasp, I wedged it behind the lock bar and using all of my weight I leaned back. With a single jerk, the metal snapped echoing in the tiny corridor, where it fell to the floor.
Apprehensively I pushed the door open, leaning forward I eased my head slowly between the door and the jam, where the warm wind rushed my face. The darkness surrounded me as if it was swallowing me whole. As I looked up there wasn’t a single star to be seen. The eeriness continued as it covered my skin like a thick sweat slowing me down. “Stay low, and follow me.” I whispered in a forceful tone.
I took off across the roof at a blistering speed. Lucas knelt down on all fours where he low crawled along the black tar that covered the roof. All the while he worked to keep up. I headed to the base of a large billboard sign that was mounted at the front of the building. It offered a perfect place to take cover. After several minutes Lucas sat down joining me, still winded.
Lucas was my partner, and his appearance said GQ. In his early twenties, and always sporting some new fashionable hair do, which currently resembled that of an angered porcupine. He seemed to pride himself in wearing the latest style of Martin Dingman’s. Though he had money, well his family did, he never flaunted it or made anyone think he was better than they were. It was just who he was. His position in The Order had been secured long ago by his family’s lineage.
Lucas was a definite pain in my ass, but he was well educated and his multiple degrees from MIT were an asset. We sat patiently on the roof waiting. During which I couldn’t help but think, if only the humans knew what the night held, they might consider how freely and carelessly they scattered about after dark.
“Lucas, you need to get back to the car.” I whispered.
“Are they close?”
“Get going. I’ll meet you there soon.” I pulled both Glocks chambering the first round.
The pain tightened through my sides as I tried to expand my lungs, reaching for a breath. Sitting hunched over seemed to be the least painful as I worked to take in the larger breaths of air.
“Maybe I could stay? I can help.”
“Lucas you’re just not ready.” I winced in pain.
“If you don’t ever give me a chance how will you know when I am ready?”
“Don’t argue or you can stay at headquarters from now on.”
 “Soon though?”
“Soon Lucas, providing you’re ready.”
He scowled as he turned to get up.
“Give it time you are still new, you’ll have your day.”


 

 
 
 
 
Below is my detailed critique.  Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.

 


Alright, so what do you think?  Are you hooked?  What did the author do well?  What things could be improved? Agree or disagree with my crit?


Thanks ahead of time to every one who comments and to the author for volunteering!

 

 

**Today's Theme Song**
"Night of the Hunter"- 30 Seconds to Mars
(player in sidebar, take a listen)





 

What to Ask Beta Readers

 

Question Mark Graffiti

Photo by Bilal Kamoon

Sometimes the hardest part about a a critiquing relationship is finding people to exchange work with in the first place.  Yesterday, I put the call out asking for beta readers and you guys were awesome.  Thank you to each of you who volunteered.  I'm beyond appreciative.

But now that I have readers for my book and am going to be beta reading in return, what's the next step?  What exactly do I need from them and they from me?  These expectations are important to set up before you exchange work.
One of the biggest issues is what level of feedback you are looking for. With my critique group, we want it all--detailed line edits, big picture stuff, repetitive words, whatever we can find (similar to what I give on Beta Club days).  This is great to get but is also a slow, time-consuming process.  To get through one book that way can take months.
For the new betas I connected with yesterday, I'm going to be asking for global feedback.  Did you like it?  Did it make sense?  What parts lost your interest?  Did you fall in love with my hero, connect with my heroine?  Did anything make you want to beat your head against the wall?  Were you invested in the story and the characters?  etc.
But as I was thinking through my questions, I searched to see if they was something more organized and ran across the questionnaire below.  I really like the structure of this one, although I will be tweaking a few things. (Don't worry betas, I won't be asking if the love scenes made you hot.  I don't need to get that personal, lol.)

Now, I'm pasting this in because the author said on the site to feel free to share, so that's what I'm doing.  You can find the original copy here.  Hope you find it as helpful as I did.

 

 

Is it BORING?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  • Does any part of the story Drag?
  • Are their parts that you skipped to get to ‘the good part’?
  • Do I over-inform anywhere?
Did you Get it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  • Did you understand every phrase / term I used?
  • If someone unfamiliar with this world or genre read this, have I explained enough for them to understand everything?
  •  -- Did I forget to mention that someone was demon-possessed, half angelic, or had mystical powers?
Love Scenes?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  • Do any of the love scenes seem overly cliché? (Or overly sappy?)
  • Were the love scenes too fast, too slow, or too frequent?
  • Did you have to reread any part of the love scenes to understand who was doing what?
  • Did any action in the love scene make you cringe?
  •  -- Was your Comfort-Zone line crossed?
  • Did it make you hot?
Do the scenes FLOW?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  • Does one scene lead logically into the next?
  • Is there enough downtime between intense scenes to allow it to build to the next?
  • Did the actions & positions flow smoothly from one to the next, or did they jump as though something was skipped?
  • Were the Flashbacks smoothly integrated to fit onto the current scene -- or did they seem plopped in, like a chapter that was in the wrong place?  
Is anything VISUALLY Confusing?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  • Can you SEE every action clearly?
  • If you went there in real life, would you recognize the places?
  • Did you have to reread any part of the action sequences to understand who was doing what?
  • Could you SEE what the characters looked like clearly?
  • Did I forget to describe their Clothes, their Hair, their Eyes, any other distinctive feature that pertains to a specific character?
During DIALOGUE scenes…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  • Could you SEE what the characters were DOING while talking?
  • Could you SEE where the characters WERE while talking?
Did the Characters WORK?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  • Do the characters ACT realistic?
  • Does the Dialogue sound realistic?
  • Do their reactions seem logical & realistic?
  • Could you feel the Emotions between the characters?
  • Did the characters seem IN CHARACTER?
  • Who did you like best and WHY?
  • Who did you hate and WHY?
  • Who got on your nerves and WHY?
  • Does any one character get in the way of the STORY?

By the way, if you want more on beta-ing relationships, check out Justine Dell's blog.  She's done a whole series this week on her relationship with her beta, including sharing samples of their crits.

 

Alright, so I'm curious how your beta relationships work?  What expectations do you have for each other?  Do you seek the details or the global?  Do you give them questions upfront or do you wait and just ask follow-up questions when they're done?  Also, how'd you find your betas?

 

**Today's Theme Song**
"You Get What You Give" - The New Radicals
(player in sidebar, take a listen)

 

The Beta Club: Warrior Monks (YA) - Agree with my Critique?

 

 



It's Beta Club Tuesday!  Young Adult is on the agenda today.  Read on and let the author know what you think!  Remember, this will be the only Beta Club of the week, so give it all you got.  ;)


 For newbies:  If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments.  All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive.  And if anyone has an itch to be critiqued, the rules for submitting to the Beta Club are under the "Free Critiques" heading at the top of the page.
 

Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments.  My detailed critique is below.

 

Author: Matthew Rush (check out his blog The Quintessentially Questionable Query Experiment)
Title: Warrior Monks
Genre: Young Adult


Beta Readers:  He would  love extra beta readers, so drop by his blog and let him know if you're interested :)

 

Excerpt:
 

Paradise Valley is a wild and pristine country in Boundary County, Idaho.  Its glens and meadows are strewn with hawthorn bushes and snowberry shrubs; its hills and mountainsides with Douglas Fir and Lodgepole Pine, their evergreen boughs springing forth from the hillsides like emerald whiskers roughening the chin of a slumbering elder god.  The land is cold and lonely, distant peaks flashing skyward, bounding up from the deepening shadows of the hollows in their wake.  Only the wind and silence grace it.
The county is the only one at the tip of the Idaho panhandle where it nestles up against the Canadian border like an afterthought.  The valley rests between the Cabinet and Selkirk mountain ranges and sprawls around the Kootenai River’s east fork.

The teepee sat in a field of long yellow grass at the foot of the “Mountain” known on the map only as 4032.  There were many mountains in the area – some like this one: just foothills; others real mountains whose batholithic crowns stretched above the tree line.  Apparently there were enough mountains in the area that the cartographers couldn’t be bothered to name them all.  The only notation this one received was its elevation above sea level.
The teepee was simple; so natural it could have sprung from the ground.  It was made of cured hide alternating with birch bark stretched over several wooden beams leaning together.  The bark had been cured until it looked like old leather from a distance.  The hide smelled like the musk gland of the elk that had been skinned to provide it.
It stood at the entrance to the reform school known as Rocky Mountain Academy.  Inside the teepee 13 teenagers sat cross-legged in a ring.  A wizened old man headed the east side.  They had just arrived.
They sat in the half-light of the teepee, dazed and reeling as their eyes slowly adjusted to the shadows filling the lower half and contrasting sharply with the blinding rays of sun soaking in through the smoke hole at the top.  A few shifted restlessly as they turned their attention to the old man.  One pulled his ear buds from his ears, the tinny sounds of KRS-One’s “The Sound of the Police” ceasing as he shut his walkman off.
“Hello.  Welcome to RMA.”
Some of them fidgeted a little and dug into the dirt beneath them.  The others looked up and tried to gauge what sort of man this was.
“There are certain things about life, the universe and nature,” the bald old monk began with a resonant voice that belied his frail appearance, “that we here hold as fact and will hopefully be able to instill in all of you as we attempt to broaden your understanding of the world around you.”
He relaxed in the lotus position.  The long yellow grass gathered around his legs and seemed to caress him as he sat there gazing at the students from under his stern grey eyebrows.  A pair of dried up bushy caterpillars, they stood out sharply against the shiny-smooth baldness of his pate.
“One is that the energy that makes up all things is constantly in motion around our bodies, and that once you have obtained a knowledge of it, you can learn to manipulate it; in a way, and to be in harmony with it.”  He continued, gazing at the group attempting to gauge their reactions.
He tugged on one of the long, drooping ends of his mustache which hung past his chin in wisps like the greyed boughs of some ancient weeping willow to form a fu-manchu.  He glanced around the room again; knowing they had no idea what he was talking about.  “You are all new here so we must go over what is expected of you and what it is we do here.”  He stood up and withdrew a scroll from the sleeve of his robe.


 

Below is my detailed critique.  Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.

 
 
 
 
 
Alright, so what do you think?  Are you hooked?  What did the author do well?  What things could  be improved?  Agree or disagree with my crit?
 




Thanks ahead of time to all of you who comment and thanks to the author for volunteering!

**Today's Theme Song**
"I Burn" - The Toadies
(player in sidebar, take a listen)

 

The Beta Club: One Fine Day (YA) - Agree with my Crit?

 
 

 

It's Beta Club Tuesday!  Young Adult is on the agenda today.  Read on and let the author know what you think!  Remember, this will be the only Beta Club of the week, so give it all you got.  ;)


 For newbies:  If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments.  All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive.  And if anyone has an itch to be critiqued, the rules for submitting to the Beta Club are under the "Free Critiques" heading at the top of the page.
 

Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments.  My detailed critique is below.

 

Author: Margeret (check out her blog here!)
Title: One Fine Day
Genre: Young Adult


 Excerpt:

Jamie pressed the button that kicked off the countdown on her digital watch.  One hundred eighty seconds until she knew her fate.  Three minutes until her life may—or may not—change forever.  Rob had looked away when she mentioned the test, and her heart thudded the same double-beat, as if he were sitting across from her right now and rejecting her all over again.
                She wanted him to wrap her in his arms, hold her tight and tell her that everything was going to be OK.  That they would be OK—that they would make it.  Together, Jamie believed, they could make it.  But when she had dropped the bomb, he broke her gaze.   They had crossed a threshold—their relationship was forever changed.
Rob exhaled loudly through clenched teeth, and then casually, oh so casually, threw it out there.
“It’s OK, James.  We’ll go to Manch Vegas and get this all worked out.” 
Shuddering, Jamie flung away the memory.  The test stick on the counter quietly waited. One stupid pink line could be the end to her simple existence, and the beginning of a new world order.   Or, she reminded herself, it could be the harshest wake-up call with no actual consequence, known to high school kind.   Please, let it be negative, she thought,  I’ll do my homework as soon as I walk through the door, even on Fridays.  I’ll help mom with Lola in the mornings.  I won’t skip class to sneak out to the Dunkin Donuts for coffee with Rob.   PLEASE be NEGATIVE!
As if all the deal-making in the world was going to impact the appearance, or lack thereof, of one simple line.  It’s already been decided, she thought.  I can sit here waiting for these three minutes to pass on by, but the facts will not change.  I’m either pregnant or I’m not.  It’s already done.   
Fact:  She had sex with Robbie.  Several times.
Fact:  She loved him.  Completely.
Fact:  She would do anything within her power to make sure she and Rob would last. 
Fact:  They’d have the most beautiful children. Ever. 
No matter how many ways she tried to convince herself that everything would be OK, there was no changing the reality that being pregnant was the worst thing that could happen.  At school, the pregnant girls were shunned worse than the geeks. No question there was no lower rung on the high school ladder than the Preggos.
Located below the Hos, who got props from a few of the guys, particularly the jocks, Preggos walked around in their snug-fitting shirts practically shouting out—“Busted!”   The proof’s in the bump.  And that bump was the difference between simply flying under the radar and being a total, slutty loser.
I’ll never make another snarky comment when I see Evelyn Shotte in the hallway.  Even…
Time check—45 seconds  to go
even though she’s a total geek and always knows the answer that Callahan is looking for in U.S. History.  Jamie’s heart was pounding.   She avoided looking at the stick, her whole focus centered on the numbers displayed on the tiny gray screen she held clutched in both hands.  She was perched on the edge of the bathtub, waiting.  Again, she replayed the scene when she told Rob about the test, wincing once more at his reaction while a single tear crept down her flushed cheek.
19…18…17…You can handle this  James…16…15…you can’t be pregnant…14…13…even if you are, which you’re not, you can handle this…With each passing second the drum beat in Jamie’s chest grew louder, stronger.  This was worse than waiting for the starting gun in the 50 meter. 
5…4…3…The numbers refused to stop…2…1…she squeezed her eyes shut and filled her lungs with one final breath of ignorant bliss…
Beep…beep… beep…

 
 
Below is my detailed critique.  Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.

 


 
 


Alright, so what do you think?  Are you hooked?  What did the author do well?  What things could  be improved?  Agree or disagree with my crit?

Thanks ahead of time to all of you who comment and thanks to the author for volunteering!



Make sure and stop by tomorrow when guest blogger Gwen Mitchell will talk about writing kickass heroines!

 

 

**Today's Theme Song**
"Need You Now" - Lady Antebelum
(player in sidebar, take a listen)

 

The Beta Club: Parachute Jump (Women's Fic) - Agree with my Crit?

 

 
It's Beta Club Tuesday!  Women's Fiction is on the agenda today.  Read on and let the author know what you think!  Remember, this will be the only Beta Club of the week, so give it all you got.  ;)

For newbies:  If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments.  All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive.  And if anyone has an itch to be critiqued, the rules for submitting to the Beta Club are under the "Free Critiques" heading at the top of the page.

 

Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments.  My detailed critique is below. 

Author: Michelle S. (check out her blog!)
Title: Parachute Jump
Genre: Women's Fiction


Excerpt:
 
 
 
I should have known that when the grandmother I had never met showed up, banging on the door like she was the police in pursuit of a criminal, that things would never be the same. I actually knew before she showed up. He had been gone for close to ten days and our mother hadn’t gotten out of the bed at all that entire week and a half.
We didn’t know where she had come from or how she had known to come. Curtis guessed that mom had probably called her as a last resort. We all knew that she hated her mother and where she had come from back in North Carolina.
“She’s a wreck,” Curtis had said after he had come from her room, his hands empty of the bowl of chicken noodle soup he had entered with.
Claude was quiet, his analytical demeanor sizing up the situation. Dad was gone and mom was quickly deteriorating into a useless heap. He glanced at the small pile of mail that sat on the coffee table. Bills would be due. So would the rent. It wasn’t looking good. He wouldn’t tell us for years that he had been the one to call Grandma.
I had never seen a picture of her. She was a myth. Resembling the fairy godmother from Cinderella, in my mind. She would float in, not on wings, but something like wings, smelling of cinnamon and peppermint and sprinkle us with her sweet hugs and kisses. So when Claude finally opened the door to her, I was taken aback. She was tall, which none of us were expecting since our mother stood at a measly five feet and four inches. At twelve, I already towered over her.
Besides her height, I couldn’t help but to notice how pale she was. She looked like the sun was her enemy. I could see the blue lines of her veins through the skin in her arms, which were clutching a brown bag close to her chest. Atop her head was a mass of curly brunette hair with sprinklings of gray, the front that she had pinned back with gold bobby pins.
“Curtis?” she asked apprehensively looking back and forth between Curtis and Claude.
“Claude,” he corrected her and stepped back from the door to allow her inside.
“Right. Claude,” she said as if she were committing his features to memory.
She would need to in order to tell the difference between him and Curtis. They were twins; fraternal, but still similar enough in looks that sometimes it took a second glance to confirm whom was who.
“And Imogene?” she said, turning her attention to me as she stepped through the threshold and into our living room.
I nodded. Not sure what was appropriate. A “nice to meet you” or a hug. I didn’t offer either and neither did she.
She glanced around the living room, taking in the pale yellow on the walls, the English ivy plants that hung from the corners looking thirsty, and the brown leather couches that had been discolored and sunken in over the years. In our mother’s absence, only Claude straightened up regularly, placing our dirty dishes into the dishwasher and picking up our discarded snack containers. The floors had gone with out vacuuming and dust had settled onto the surfaces.
“Where is your mother?” she asked, finally looking back to the three of us huddled together near the door, unsure of what we should be doing.
“She’s in her bedroom. Last door on the right,” Claude volunteered.
She nodded and gazed down the hallway to the left taking a few steps. She stopped momentarily and looked back at Claude as if to confirm that she was going in the right direction.
Claude nodded. “Last door on the right,” he repeated.
Curtis waited until Grandma knocked and entered our mother’s bedroom before he headed down the hallway.
“Where you going?” Claude whispered loudly from behind him.
“To listen,” he said, not bothering to whisper.





Below is my detailed critique.  Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.

Alright, so what do you think?  Are you hooked?  What did the author do well?  What things could  be improved?  Agree or disagree with my crit?

Thanks ahead of time to all of you who comment and thanks to the author for volunteering!

**Also, quick PSA...For anyone looking for a critique group, the ladies over at Critique this WIP are holding a contest to find new members.  Stop by and see if you may fit the bill! ** 

**Today's Theme Song**
"Uninvited" -  Alanis Morrissette
(player in sidebar, take a listen)

 

The Beta Club: The Golden Gryphon (Fantasy) - Agree with my Crit?

 

 
Okay, so Tuesday I had a blonde moment (actually a sleep-deprived one) and forgot about beta club.  So today I'm making up for my oversight and having Beta Club Thursday instead!  Fantasy is on the agenda today.  This is not my genre, so I'm counting on you fantasy readers to help me out and give your opinions.   Read on and let the author know what you think!  Remember, this will be the only Beta Club of the week, so give it all you got.  ;)

For newbies:  If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments.  All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive.  And if anyone has an itch to be critiqued, the rules for submitting to the Beta Club are under the "Free Critiques" heading at the top of the page.

 

Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments.  My detailed critique is below. 

Author: Christine Hardy (go visit her on her blog and say hi!)
Title: The Golden Gryphon
Genre: Fantasy

Excerpt:

 
 
 
Moonlight cast blue shadows on the snow, turning the great drifts that stretched across the meadow into waves in a silent sea.  Faldur perched like an incongruous bird in the boughs of a large fir, one arm wrapped around the trunk for support.  He had chosen this position in order to observe the guests arriving at Crikhaven for the Midwinter feast.  With the keen eyesight of his people, he could see each tiny figure distinctly as it dismounted in the courtyard, or alighted from its carriage.  Tonight was a rare opportunity for the Restorationists to meet openly.  What better excuse could they have than Midwinter’s Eve?  And if the menfolk gathered in the wee hours to talk a little treason, who would know but themselves?


“Do you think Chalmeth posted so many sentries to keep undesirables out, or to keep his guests from leaving?” joked Harth, his First Ranger, who guarded the foot of the tree. Shrouded by his light gray cloak, Harth was nearly invisible from above.  There was no danger of being overheard. The branches muffled their voices and a wide sweep of meadow still remained between them and the wall.
“To keep us at a distance,” Faldur replied.  “I wish I could be a cat in the corner tonight.” 
 He surveyed the building critically.  It was made of grey stone from the surrounding mountains, protected by a thick, battlemented wall which was starting to crumble in places, along the top of which the sentries could be clearly seen moving back and forth.  A carved gryphon over the main entrance had lost half a wing, and the elaborately painted stucco on the sides of the buildings was faded and flaking off.  But there was no getting in tonight.
            “There’s a cat for you,” said Harth, interrupting his thoughts. A black mountain lion was loping towards them across the meadow. Faldur stiffened.  It was a young female.  There was no wind, so with luck she wouldn’t scent them.  Harth pushed back his hood and reached for his bow, then drew an arrow from the quiver on his back and strung it in one quick movement.  He sighted along the shaft, pushing aside the branches of the fir tree just slightly so as to have a clear shot.  About fifty yards from them, the lion turned aside, heading for the castle. 
            A beam of light drew Faldur’s gaze from the lion to the courtyard.  A side door had been opened and a tall figure stood framed in the doorway.  He couldn’t see the person’s face, for the light was behind him, but he was exceptionally tall for an Hanorja, stooping to looked out through the opening.  He (or possibly she) had to be about six feet tall.  That meant that he was an elevja, a member of the royal family.  But whom?  Faldur knew of no one with royal blood collaborating with the Restorationists.  He narrowed his eyes, thinking hard, willing the figure to step out of the shadows so he could get a better look.
The lion padded lightly through the snow along the outside of the wall, although it appeared to be buried up to its stomach. A path must have been cleared there.  Then it nosed its way into some bushes, exactly where Faldur knew a small door was concealed, and disappeared inside the wall. There was no cry from the sentries, no sign at all that it had been noticed.  Was it waiting in the shadows to spring on them? 
            “Gryphon feathers!” muttered Harth.
            “Why was that door left open?”
            The lion reappeared moments later, trotting towards the opened doorway.  It sidled inside and the mysterious person closed the door behind it, cutting off the light.  Faldur scanned all of the lit windows on that side of the building, watching for the person to appear, but there was no one.  He swore softly.
“What is it?” Harth asked.  Faldur told him, leaving out the fact that the guest was an elevja.  He wanted to consult the Prince first.  Melbinor would know if any of his relatives had developed a fondness for lions.
 “Do you suppose it’s tame? Chalmeth isn’t breeding nightstalkers, is he?” There was a note of horror in Harth’s voice. 
“No,” said Faldur.  “Chalmeth is cunning, but he is too much of a coward for that.”
They fell silent again, waiting for more arrivals, but no one else came.  Faint strains of music reached them; the dancing had begun.  Faldur climbed down from his perch, being careful not to disturb the branches too much and send down a shower of snow that would alert the sentries to their position.  He stood next to Harth, rubbing his hands together to warm them and massaging his backside. He was small of stature, even for an hanor, and had to look up slightly at Harth. “Next time, you may have tree duty.”
Harth chuckled.  “Oh no, Captain, your sight is much more excellent than mine.  I am only fit to stand guard beneath your tree.” 
Faldur shot him a dry look, then adjusted his gloves.  Harth privately ribbed Faldur about his recent promotion at every opportunity.  Every leader needs a foil to keep him humble, thought Faldur philosophically.
 

Below is my detailed critique.  Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.


Alright, so what do you think?  Are you hooked?  What did the author do well?  What things could  be improved?  Agree or disagree with my crit?

Thanks ahead of time to all of you who comment and thanks to the author for volunteering!
 
**Today's Theme Song**
"Pax Deorum" -  Enya
(player in sidebar, take a listen)


 

The Beta Club: Harbinger (YA Urban Fantasy) - Agree with my Critique?

 

 
It's Beta Club Tuesday!  YA Urban Fantasy on the agenda today.  Read on and let the author know what you think!  Remember, this will be the only Beta Club of the week, so give it all you got.  ;)

For newbies:  If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments.  All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive.  And if anyone has an itch to be critiqued, the rules for submitting to the Beta Club are under the "Free Critiques" heading at the top of the page.

 

Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments.  My detailed critique is below. 

Author: Dawn Hullender (go visit her here)
Title: Harbinger
Genre: YA Urban Fantasy

Excerpt:

Cool, crisp night air sneaked in through the partially open window and cast a light veil of mist throughout the small bedroom. Karma shifted restlessly as the dream dancing through her mind pulled her deeper and deeper.
Sweat dampened her brow and the covers tangled around her failing limbs. In her mind she ran from four hooded figures on horses; each one carrying an identical sword as the next. Her flight through strange woods proved fruitless when everywhere she turned there they were, bearing down upon her.
Her bare feet were covered in scratches and the hooded ones seemed to smell her seeping wounds like bloodhounds on a trail. She grasped at the wispy ends of her cotton nightgown as they fluttered in breeze of her flight. Her breath came in ragged bursts and she was sure her lungs would explode at any moment.
“What do you want from me?” she screamed into the blackened night sky and cringed when one black horse approached her slowly. His breath came in soft tufts, lifting the ends of her hair. The rider remained seated, as did the others; however he did reach down for her to take his gloved hand.
“We want you Elemental, come with us or fail the world,” his voice rang hollow, his breath putrid upon the breeze. Karma backed away from the rider and horse. She lost her footing when she stumbled over a tree root and screamed as she fell down a black hole.
Karma eyed her grandmother’s front door with a mixture of suspicion and dread. Today was her eighteenth birthday and she knew; she just knew Nana had something up her sleeve. Remnants from last night’s dream still plagued her and the last thing she wanted was a noisy – unwelcome – birthday party.
Every year she begged for this day to pass unnoticed, but the universe never indulged her whim and neither did her grandmother.
Tired of dallying, she sighed and trudged up the steps, mentally preparing herself for the insane surprise waiting, but nothing could have prepared her for what she faced once through the blue door.
“Happy birthday dear,” Nana smiled and handed her a large, over-wrapped present. “I know how you dislike surprises, so this year I decided not to throw a party. Today it’s just you and me.”
Karma didn’t know whether to laugh or cry so she did the only thing she could think of and that was to hug the older woman, “Thank you so much.”
“Don’t thank me yet,” Nana patted her roughly on the back, “That present arrived for you today. It came from your parent’s attorney,” she narrowed her eyes and frowned. “I suppose they wanted you to have it today. There’s a letter on the table that came with it, I suspect you should read it first.”
With a small nod, Karma pushed past Nana and raced to the kitchen to find a long white envelope bearing her name resting amongst the napkin holder.
She sat the box on the table and ripped into the envelope. At first the letter didn’t make sense, so she closed her eyes – counted to ten – and read it again.
“Karman,
            If you’re reading this letter then it’s your eighteenth birthday
and we aren’t there for you. Who knew Anthropology was such a
dangerous field huh?”
Karma rolled her eyes at her mother’s attempt at humor. She always had some lame joke to tell and it never failed to make people laugh. She would never understand why.
“…Have you opened your gift yet? Well, what are you waiting for, open
 it now!”
Karma sat down the letter and ripped into the cartoon duck covered wrapping paper. She frowned when she opened a square box and her eyes settled on an old leather tome. It looked older than her 1807 first edition of Children’s and Household Tales, written in native German by the Brothers Grimm.
“Wow, I wonder what this is.” Karma muttered as she gingerly opened the front cover. Her heart flip-flopped when she realized it was no published book but a personal journal. Its handwritten pages were smudged here and there, but she had no way to determine just how old it was. Turning back to the letter, she sat the journal back in the box.

 

Below is my detailed critique.  Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.


Alright, so what do you think?  Are you hooked?  What did the author do well?  What things could  be improved?  Agree or disagree with my crit?

Thanks ahead of time to all of you who comment and thanks to the author for volunteering!

**Today's Theme Song**
"Sweet Dreams (Are Made of These) -  Marilyn Manson version
(player in sidebar, take a listen)

 

Use Your Resources

 

   

 


First of all, I just want to remind everyone that tomorrow is the big day, the Let's Talk Blogfest!  If you haven't signed up, there is still time, go here.  (Go ahead, I'll wait.)  Right now we have over 80 people signed up, so it's going to be so much fun seeing what everyone comes up with!

 

Alright, moving on.  So Saturday I attended my monthly local RWA meeting and participated in a critique round table event.  Normally the meetings are workshops, but once a year they do this event where you submit your first chapter ahead of time and then they assign you one of the published authors in the group to give you an in-person critique.

Well, I was nervous to submit.  All of the critiquing I get is through my online group, so I've never had the face to face thing.  Plus, hello, published author looking at my work--what if I totally sucked?

But despite all that, I decided I would be silly not to take advantage  of such an opportunity.  People pay good money at auctions and such to get these kinds of critiques and I would get this opportunity for free.  So, I went ahead and submitted the first chapter of my contemporary romance WIP.  And I'm so glad I did.

My assigned author was Candace Havens, who has written a number of paranormal books and is a current Blaze author.  Some of you may already be part of her free online write workshop. (If you're not, go sign up, it's a killer resource with workshops, contests to win critiques, and all kinds of other helpful tidbits.)  I was so excited to find out she was who I'd been assigned.

The critique turned out to be amazing.  She said I didn't need a line edit because the writing was clean (yay for that), so she spent all the time on the big picture advice that I so needed (where to start that first chapter, what the editors are specifically looking for, how I needed to strengthen my heroine to stand up to my larger-than-life hero, and how to lighten up some areas that had gone a little too dark.)

I'm only a little ways into writing this one and her suggestions sparked all kinds of new ideas for my story and are going to lead me in much better direction then what I originally had planned.  And to get insight from an author who is actually writing for the line I'm targeting is priceless.  Not to mention it's nice to hear from someone I admire that I can write, lol (because some days, I honestly wonder.)

So, what's my point?  The point is that these kinds of resources are out there if you get linked in to the writing community around you.  Join your local writing groups.  The fee is usually low and my group does terrific monthly meetings with great speakers and topics.  Go to a conference.  I know they cost money, but many are reasonable --100-200 bucks for a 2-day thing--and you can save up for it in advance.  I think every writer should give themselves at least one of these a year. And if you live in an area where these things aren't available locally, use the many resources that are available to the online community. Don't be scared to jump in and just go for it.  I'm sure many members of my group did not sign up for the critique round table and missed the opportunity to get such a gift.

So, go out there and find what's available to you.  Give yourself that advantage.  And as a start, you can go sign up for Candace's workshop group--you have no excuse not to--it's free and available to anyone.

How about you?  Do you push yourself to take advantage of what's available to you or do you find yourself making excuses not to participate?  Are you comfortable online, but get nervous at the thought of doing something locally?  What great resource have you found?

 

*Today's Theme Song*
"What You Give" - Tesla
(player in sidebar, take a listen)

 

The Beta Club: Meadowlark (YA) - Come Critique!

 


It's Beta Club Tuesday!  YA on the agenda today.  Read on and let the author know what you think!  Remember, this will be the only Beta Club of the week, so give it all you got.  ;)

For newbies:  If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments.  All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive.  And if anyone has an itch to be critiqued, the rules for submitting to the Beta Club are under the "Free Critiques" heading at the top of the page.

 

Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments.  My detailed critique is below. 

Author: Georgia Cranston (Check her out here.)
Title: Meadowlark
Genre: YA

Excerpt:


I hear her voice before I see her.  A slow mournful song, thick with loss and longing. 
I put down the trap I'm setting, lifting my head towards the sound coming from further up the path.  The notes are strong, pleading; They call to me.  I move quickly through the tree's and up the trail, her voice pulling me along on invisible threads until I am standing at the edge of a wash looking down.
She's kneeling in the mud and snow at the edge of the river below me, her hands grasped tightly to the hand of a girl laying beside her. 
"Lark."  I say to myself, her name caught in my throat.  I've seen her at the market with her mother and sister.  Her mother sells herbs and medicines while Lark and her sister sing for coins.  I've only ever spoken to her one time, a mumbled apology for bumping into her.  She'd just smiled her forgiveness and we both moved on.  I always wished I had said more, I've imagined a thousand conversations...  I just never had the courage.
My legs move, before I can even think.  I climb down off the trail into the wash, being careful where I step.  The rocks and dirt have become loose this spring with the melting snow.
I hadn't thought she'd noticed as I came up behind her, but just as I approach she quiets her singing and turns to look at me over her shoulder.  Her eyes are a storm.  Grey and green, with flecks of gold, staring at me between strands of yellow hair. 
She turns her gaze back to the hand she's holding. Her sister Wren, I realize.  The girl is dead.  Her leg twisted at an unnatural angle, her eyes staring into nothing.  Blood spread out beneath her head, a steaming crimson pool carving little canyons into the snow. 
"She tripped."  Lark looks towards the trail high above us.  "She tripped and fell over the edge.  I was singing for her...  Wren loves when I sing, I thought if she could just hear me..."  Her voice breaks.
I kneel beside Lark in the mud, gathering her into my arms, this girl I barely know.  She blinks, a tear slowly trails down her cheek.  And I just sit.  Staring.  Frozen;  Not sure what to do, because nothing I can do would ever make this right .   Her shoulders drop, and she turns to press her face into my chest letting her sister's hand go.  Her tears come quickly then, soaking into my jacket.  Her body heaves and shakes with each sob.  Her knuckles are clenched, white, grasping onto my shirt.  I wish I could shield her from her pain but all I can do is whisper her name into her hair.  

Below is my detailed critique.  Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.


Alright, so what do you think?  Are you hooked?  What did the author do well?  What things could  be improved?  Agree or disagree with my crit?

Thanks ahead of time to all of you who comment and thanks to the author for volunteering!

 

 
 
 

**Today's Theme Song**
"Angel" - Sarah McLachlan
(player in sidebar, take a listen)