Device-Free Summer 2.0: Why We're Doing This Again (AKA How Kidlet Shocked Me)

June 9, 2018 Roni Loren

First, before we get to today's post, I wanted to let y'all know that THE ONE YOU CAN'T FORGET, book two in The Ones Who Got Away series, is now available! Thank you to all of you who have already bought it, grabbed it from your library, and/or reviewed it. I really appreciate it! And if you haven't gotten your copy yet, here's you're chance. :)

DEVICE-FREE SUMMER 2.0

Okay, on to the post. So if you've followed me for a while, you may remember that last year I embarked on an experiment with kidlet: a device-free summer. No iPad, no video games, no computers at all. The only screen allowed was TV watched as a family. Not gonna lie, I was pretty nervous going into last summer because kidlet was VERY attached to his iPad and Xbox, and I was used to having that to help occupy him. But I felt in my gut it was what was best for him.

Turns out, it was way easier than I had expected and was a resounding success. I think it was truly one of the best things we could've done for all of us. It really did make a lasting impact. Not just with his level of calmness and creativity but also in very specific ways. For one, because kidlet didn't have devices, he took to his brand new guitar/rock band lessons with gusto. It became his new go-to thing to spend his time, and a year later, he's wowing me with his musical skills and his deep interest and love of music. The other day he sent me this audio file. He decided to try to learn Jimi Hendrix's "Purple Haze" by ear. I know I'm his mom and am easily impressed by my kid, but he's 10 and doing this? That seems pretty darn cool to me.

And though we brought devices back during the school year, with limits (100 minutes a week), being on devices never took hold again. The iPad became dusty and mostly stayed in a drawer. He usually used his 100 minutes on the weekend to play NASCAR on Xbox or to watch YouTube videos about music. Devices became a small thing in his life. Honestly, this felt like a miracle compared to where we were. And the only negative side I observed was now he noticed how often most of the other kids are on devices or are overly focused on video games. It annoyed him and sometimes left him out of conversations about Pokemon, Minecraft, and the like. When I asked if it bothered him to not be able to follow those conversations, he just shrugged and said, I wish they could talk about other things, too. But it didn't bother him enough for him to use his device time minutes to delve into those games the kids were talking about. And he still has friends, so it wasn't a dealbreaker for friendships.

So this year, I really wasn't planning on a device-free summer because I felt like the device use was under control. But kidlet came to me mid-May and asked if we were doing device-free summer again. When I said that I wasn't sure, he said, "Can we?"

That shocked me. I asked him why he wanted to do it again. He told me that last summer was "fun" and he liked the activities we did. So he wanted the movie nights and board game playing and cooking with me and playing outside. There are so few parenting moments where you feel like you're getting something right, usually we're just hoping we're not totally screwing up, lol, but this was one of those mom pride moments that I'm going to hold onto. The whole experiment had worked. Devices had lost their hold on him, but more than that, he'd come to enjoy that old-fashioned family time. During the school year, things are so busy, that a lot of those activities fall off, and now summer feels like a special time to do those things with us.

Of course I couldn't say no to his request even though it hadn't been in my plan, so he's going device-free again. But he did have some caveats: he wants to be able to Facetime his grandparents and to use his Ipod to listen to music. Deal!

So that's where we are, we're doing it again. I've also decided to make an effort to slow down our summer some. We are typically overscheduled with camps and lessons and such. I'm feeling the stress of that and want to slow it down for all of us. But I'll need another post for that because this one is already long enough. ;) More to come!

In the meantime, if you missed last year's device-free summer posts, here are the details of what we did, how we did it, and how it all went.

What plans do you have for this summer?

The Aftereffects of Device-Free Summer

November 3, 2017 Roni Loren

If you've been following my blog for a while, you know that this summer we embarked on a device-free summer for our nine-year old son. A number of things prompted that decision, and you can read about that in the initial post (I'll link to all the posts from the experiment below.) And in August, I wrote about ending the summer and how we planned to move forward. A few people have asked me how things are going now that devices are back in play in limited form again, so I thought I'd do a quick update post.

First, in order to limit how devices were brought back in, we set up some parameters. After shifting around a little bit that first week back and trying out different things, we settled on kidlet getting 100 minutes per week to use on devices (Ipad and video games.) Schoolwork on the laptop does not count. Television with the family does not count. What's nice about 100 minutes is that it sounds like a lot to him, but over the course of seven days, that means only a little over an hour and a half is spent on devices.

Now, every kid is different, but mine loves a system. So he has a little dry erase board on the fridge, he writes his 100 minutes at the top at the beginning of the week, and then deducts as necessary. He's also taken to planning his minutes upfront, which surprised me. "This week, I'm going to use 30 minutes on Saturday morning and this much on Sunday afternoon." He thinks about his schedule and decides where his minutes will fit best. He also is able to delay gratification and not use up minutes as soon as he gets them (because they reset on Monday and he often doesn't use them until the weekend.) But beyond the logistics...

How has it been going?

1. The iPad is basically dead to him.

This was kind of a shock to me. The thing he used to carry around everywhere has lost its shine for him. It's rarely even charged anymore. The few times he's used it, it was to film movies of his toy cars or watch a YouTube video on a topic he was interested in. He doesn't play the games anymore.

2. He'd rather use his allotted minutes in two big chunks so it naturally ends up being weekend time.

Since he's using the time for video games, it makes sense to spend bigger chunks of time instead of breaking it up into little bits of time. So usually he just plays for about an hour on a Saturday morning and then uses the rest of the time on Sunday. School days end up being device-free by his choice.

3. The limits let us all relax.

He knows what to expect. He has a timer that he uses, so it's not a fight to get off the game when it's time because we all know the rule. (I do let him finish a race or whatever if his timer goes off during his NASCAR game as long as it's not going to be some epically long time.)

4. He's self-monitoring.

I don't know if it's just because of the way my kiddo is, but he handles his own timer and turns off the game. Unlike before where it was a fight to turn things off and a bad mood afterward, he turns it off without my intervention. It's SO nice.

5. The obsession has been broken.

He's not itching to play on the devices. He doesn't complain about wanting more time. It's just this thing he occasionally plays now, not the center of his entertainment. He'd rather play his guitar, play a board game with us, or play with his cars most of the time.

6. His mood is so much happier.

I can't convey how big this change has been. Not that he doesn't still have grumpy days like anyone else, but he was getting angry a lot before--usually when it was time to get off devices (which was part of what prompted the summer experiment.) He's back to his fun-loving self again.

7. We're spending more time all together as a family (not just all together in the same room but doing our own thing.)

His device-free summer had inspired my husband and I to dial back a lot of our online time and social media as well. So we're all more engaged when we spend time together at night and on weekends. Our screen time is watching shows together as a family--something we hardly ever did before.

So y'all know I'm already a believer in doing this. The change has been pretty miraculous in our little household, but I continue to be surprised by the longer term effects of it. Now I just wish I had done this a long time ago. So many hours lost to that iPad...sigh. But we can't change the past, so onward!

And if you'd like to catch up on what the experiment was and how it went, here are all the posts:

Previous posts on the Screen-Free Summer:

5 Weeks Screen-Free Summer Update & A FREE Romance Download!

July 14, 2017 Roni Loren

Hi y'all! It's been while, lol. I've been in full lockdown mode finishing book 2 of The Ones Who Got Away series. I'm happy to report that the book is DONE and turned in!!!! This one won't be out until next year, but man am I happy to type The End. This book fought me a lot and it took a while for the characters to fully "talk" to me (yes, writers are crazy), but now I can happily send them on the way to my editor. Yay!

So, in order to get the book done by deadline and partly inspired by kidlet's screen-free summer, I went on a social media fast and let the blog and newsletter rest for a while. The fast has been restorative and has given me a lot to contemplate about how I want to interact with social media going forward (more on that soon!) but I can assure you that the blog and newsletter are here to stay. : )

Now, I thought what I'd focus on today is what many of you have contacted me about separately: the screen-free summer experiment we're doing with kidlet. If you missed the first post or the 10-day update, click on those links to see them. But basically, for the summer, we decided to have kidlet go without his iPad and video games. Also, there have been no computers. The only screens allowed have been television shows and movies.

I'm thrilled to report that this experiment has gone so much better than I could've ever anticipated! It's been one of the best decisions we've ever made. And way less painful than I imagined it would be. Kidlet is happier, more engaged, more creative, and more playful. His entire mood has been delightful, and we've spent much more family time together. His motor tics have also improved. We've also had none of the angry outbursts/rudeness we used to have when it was time to get off devices.

It's also changed the way he thinks about the devices. Last week, I had a tough moment. I was on one of the last days of deadline. I needed to finish my book if I wanted to have a week to revise. But kidlet had to come home early from camp because he was a little sick. My husband was out of town and I needed to work, so I needed something for kidlet to do. I caved and told him that for one hour, we'd put screen-free summer on pause and he could play with his iPad so that I could get my book finished.

Well, kidlet took the iPad. When I checked on him a little while later, he wasn't playing games or watching videos. He'd taken it downstairs to make a movie of himself giving a guitar lesson (he's taking electric guitar lessons this summer.) Then he came into my office about thirty minutes in and gave me the iPad. "I'm done, mom. I don't feel like playing with this. I'm going to go play with my cars in my room."

Yeah. That happened. (Cue shock and then a victory dance by me.) The spell had been broken.

So that thirty minute span was the only time we've veered off course in 5 weeks and he ended up just using to do something creative and then was over it.

And I'm not saying all this to be like--oh, look how awesome my kid is. (Well, he is, but that's not the point.) I'm sharing the story because this was a kid who played IPad or video games daily for hours if allowed. He was obsessed. And now, he's uninterested.

I have to say I'm having a similar experience with the social media fast I've been through the last 3 weeks. I'm not feeling like I really want to jump back in, at least not how I had been. Stepping away from things really does break a habit cycle and give you perspective. (I'll go into more of what I've been doing in another post.)

But for those keeping up or trying a screen-free summer too, here are some of the activities we've been doing:

Keeping a family activity calendar. Kidlet has taken ownership of this and loves adding his own ideas. Plus, fun with strickers! Lol.

Simple things like going to get snowcones (or as we New Orleanians like to call them - snoballs) can be a big treat for a kid. It feels like an event because it was put on the calendar and he could look forward to it. I went TX style with mine, mang… — Simple things like going to get snowcones (or as we New Orleanians like to call them - snoballs) can be a big treat for a kid. It feels like an event because it was put on the calendar and he could look forward to it. I went TX style with mine, mango snowcone with some chili powder on top.

Movie nights - So many of the 80s movies hold up for kids. Kidlet LOVED Back to the Future and we've since gone through all three of them.

Lots of cooking and baking. Kidlet has really taking a liking to cooking. He asks to help now and last week did the whole meal (sandwiches and baked fries) by himself.

We decided to pick a TV show to watch from the beginning. I thought The Goldbergs would be appropriate since we're having an 80s style summer. Well, kidlet is officially obsessed (as am I) with the show. We've been watching it together as a family a… — We decided to pick a TV show to watch from the beginning. I thought The Goldbergs would be appropriate since we're having an 80s style summer. Well, kidlet is officially obsessed (as am I) with the show. We've been watching it together as a family and have made it to the second season. Bonus is that when kidlet sees the 80s toys and things, he wants to try them. Like he's asked for a video camera. When I said, what about your iPad, he was like--no, I want a real video camera like Adam Goldberg so I can make movies. We've bought him a small, cheap camera that does photo and video.

So, I'm happy to report that this has been a success and has gotten, dare I say, easy. We'll tackle how things are going to be once the school year starts, but I'm thinking there will be strict limits on video games and Ipad. But now I'm not so worried that he's going to argue against it when the time comes. He's come to the conclusion that the devices and video games were "tricking his brain" and he's not that interested in getting back to that. (*silent cheer from me*) I'll keep y'all posted.

Anyone else trying this over the summer? How has your summer been?

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Family Movie Night: Favorite Retro Movies to Share With Your Kids

June 29, 2016 Roni Loren

Last night was family movie night at our house, and we decided to introduce kidlet to the original Ghostbusters to prepare for the remake. Kidlet is eight and is just getting to the age where he can sit and pay attention to a non-cartoon movie. We still had to explain some things to him during the movie (what the EPA guy wanted, why Sigourney Weaver's character was acting weird, etc.) but he watched the whole thing and liked it. He also pointed out every curse word, lol. I had to explain that PG in 1984 was different from PG now since there was no PG-13.

But it got me to thinking about which movies from my childhood that I want to share with him. So far here's what we've tackled and been successful with:

1. The Gremlins

2. The Goonies

3. Ghostbusters

Apparently movies that start with G work for us, lol. The good news is he's not a kid who scares easily, so I don't have to worry about that. Gremlins will be scary to some kids for sure.

But now I'm looking for some more picks. I need to find ones that have enough action to keep him interested. And he's not ready for the teen/John Hughes type movies yet. I think we'll try the first Star Wars soon, but I have a feeling that most of it will still go over his head. He'll like all the action though.

So I thought I'd put out the question to you guys. Which movies from your childhood have you introduced to your kids? Any good picks for boys?

In other news, after watching Ghostbusters last night, we went outside and the sky looked like this (there are no filters on these pics.) I was a little worried Zuul was going to show up at any moment and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man was going to turn the corner down my street. :)