The Aftereffects of Device-Free Summer

If you've been following my blog for a while, you know that this summer we embarked on a device-free summer for our nine-year old son. A number of things prompted that decision, and you can read about that in the initial post (I'll link to all the posts from the experiment below.) And in August, I wrote about ending the summer and how we planned to move forward. A few people have asked me how things are going now that devices are back in play in limited form again, so I thought I'd do a quick update post.

First, in order to limit how devices were brought back in, we set up some parameters. After shifting around a little bit that first week back and trying out different things, we settled on kidlet getting 100 minutes per week to use on devices (Ipad and video games.) Schoolwork on the laptop does not count. Television with the family does not count. What's nice about 100 minutes is that it sounds like a lot to him, but over the course of seven days, that means only a little over an hour and a half is spent on devices.

Now, every kid is different, but mine loves a system. So he has a little dry erase board on the fridge, he writes his 100 minutes at the top at the beginning of the week, and then deducts as necessary. He's also taken to planning his minutes upfront, which surprised me. "This week, I'm going to use 30 minutes on Saturday morning and this much on Sunday afternoon." He thinks about his schedule and decides where his minutes will fit best. He also is able to delay gratification and not use up minutes as soon as he gets them (because they reset on Monday and he often doesn't use them until the weekend.) But beyond the logistics...

How has it been going? 

1. The iPad is basically dead to him. 

This was kind of a shock to me. The thing he used to carry around everywhere has lost its shine for him. It's rarely even charged anymore. The few times he's used it, it was to film movies of his toy cars or watch a YouTube video on a topic he was interested in. He doesn't play the games anymore.

2. He'd rather use his allotted minutes in two big chunks so it naturally ends up being weekend time.

Since he's using the time for video games, it makes sense to spend bigger chunks of time instead of breaking it up into little bits of time. So usually he just plays for about an hour on a Saturday morning and then uses the rest of the time on Sunday. School days end up being device-free by his choice.

3. The limits let us all relax.

He knows what to expect. He has a timer that he uses, so it's not a fight to get off the game when it's time because we all know the rule. (I do let him finish a race or whatever if his timer goes off during his NASCAR game as long as it's not going to be some epically long time.) 

4. He's self-monitoring.

I don't know if it's just because of the way my kiddo is, but he handles his own timer and turns off the game. Unlike before where it was a fight to turn things off and a bad mood afterward, he turns it off without my intervention. It's SO nice.

5. The obsession has been broken.

He's not itching to play on the devices. He doesn't complain about wanting more time. It's just this thing he occasionally plays now, not the center of his entertainment. He'd rather play his guitar, play a board game with us, or play with his cars most of the time.

6. His mood is so much happier.

I can't convey how big this change has been. Not that he doesn't still have grumpy days like anyone else, but he was getting angry a lot before--usually when it was time to get off devices (which was part of what prompted the summer experiment.) He's back to his fun-loving self again. 

7. We're spending more time all together as a family (not just all together in the same room but doing our own thing.)

His device-free summer had inspired my husband and I to dial back a lot of our online time and social media as well. So we're all more engaged when we spend time together at night and on weekends. Our screen time is watching shows together as a family--something we hardly ever did before. 

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So y'all know I'm already a believer in doing this. The change has been pretty miraculous in our little household, but I continue to be surprised by the longer term effects of it. Now I just wish I had done this a long time ago. So many hours lost to that iPad...sigh. But we can't change the past, so onward!

And if you'd like to catch up on what the experiment was and how it went, here are all the posts:

Previous posts on the Screen-Free Summer:

• A Screen-Free Summer for Kidlet: How, Why, & If I'll Lose My Mind
• The 10-Day Update
• 5 Week Update on Screen-Free Summer
• The End of Our Screen-Free Summer: Results and Moving Forward

5 Weeks Screen-Free Summer Update & A FREE Romance Download!

Hi y'all! It's been while, lol. I've been in full lockdown mode finishing book 2 of The Ones Who Got Away series. I'm happy to report that the book is DONE and turned in!!!! This one won't be out until next year, but man am I happy to type The End. This book fought me a lot and it took a while for the characters to fully "talk" to me (yes, writers are crazy), but now I can happily send them on the way to my editor. Yay!

So, in order to get the book done by deadline and partly inspired by kidlet's screen-free summer, I went on a social media fast and let the blog and newsletter rest for a while. The fast has been restorative and has given me a lot to contemplate about how I want to interact with social media going forward (more on that soon!) but I can assure you that the blog and newsletter are here to stay. : )

Now, I thought what I'd focus on today is what many of you have contacted me about separately: the screen-free summer experiment we're doing with kidlet. If you missed the first post or the 10-day update, click on those links to see them. But basically, for the summer, we decided to have kidlet go without his iPad and video games. Also, there have been no computers. The only screens allowed have been television shows and movies.

I'm thrilled to report that this experiment has gone so much better than I could've ever anticipated! It's been one of the best decisions we've ever made. And way less painful than I imagined it would be. Kidlet is happier, more engaged, more creative, and more playful. His entire mood has been delightful, and we've spent much more family time together. His motor tics have also improved. We've also had none of the angry outbursts/rudeness we used to have when it was time to get off devices.

It's also changed the way he thinks about the devices. Last week, I had a tough moment. I was on one of the last days of deadline. I needed to finish my book if I wanted to have a week to revise. But kidlet had to come home early from camp because he was a little sick. My husband was out of town and I needed to work, so I needed something for kidlet to do. I caved and told him that for one hour, we'd put screen-free summer on pause and he could play with his iPad so that I could get my book finished.

Well, kidlet took the iPad. When I checked on him a little while later, he wasn't playing games or watching videos. He'd taken it downstairs to make a movie of himself giving a guitar lesson (he's taking electric guitar lessons this summer.) Then he came into my office about thirty minutes in and gave me the iPad. "I'm done, mom. I don't feel like playing with this. I'm going to go play with my cars in my room."

Yeah. That happened. (Cue shock and then a victory dance by me.) The spell had been broken.

So that thirty minute span was the only time we've veered off course in 5 weeks and he ended up just using to do something creative and then was over it.

And I'm not saying all this to be like--oh, look how awesome my kid is. (Well, he is, but that's not the point.) I'm sharing the story because this was a kid who played IPad or video games daily for hours if allowed. He was obsessed. And now, he's uninterested.

I have to say I'm having a similar experience with the social media fast I've been through the last 3 weeks. I'm not feeling like I really want to jump back in, at least not how I had been. Stepping away from things really does break a habit cycle and give you perspective. (I'll go into more of what I've been doing in another post.)

But for those keeping up or trying a screen-free summer too, here are some of the activities we've been doing:

Keeping a family activity calendar. Kidlet has taken ownership of this and loves adding his own ideas. Plus, fun with strickers! Lol.

Simple things like going to get snowcones (or as we New Orleanians like to call them - snoballs) can be a big treat for a kid. It feels like an event because it was put on the calendar and he could look forward to it. I went TX style with mine, mango snowcone with some chili powder on top.

Movie nights - So many of the 80s movies hold up for kids. Kidlet LOVED Back to the Future and we've since gone through all three of them.

Bowling because bowling is awesome.

Board games.

Lots of cooking and baking. Kidlet has really taking a liking to cooking. He asks to help now and last week did the whole meal (sandwiches and baked fries) by himself.

A baseball game

We decided to pick a TV show to watch from the beginning. I thought The Goldbergs would be appropriate since we're having an 80s style summer. Well, kidlet is officially obsessed (as am I) with the show. We've been watching it together as a family and have made it to the second season. Bonus is that when kidlet sees the 80s toys and things, he wants to try them. Like he's asked for a video camera. When I said, what about your iPad, he was like--no, I want a real video camera like Adam Goldberg so I can make movies. We've bought him a small, cheap camera that does photo and video.

So, I'm happy to report that this has been a success and has gotten, dare I say, easy. We'll tackle how things are going to be once the school year starts, but I'm thinking there will be strict limits on video games and Ipad. But now I'm not so worried that he's going to argue against it when the time comes. He's come to the conclusion that the devices and video games were "tricking his brain" and he's not that interested in getting back to that. (*silent cheer from me*) I'll keep y'all posted.

Anyone else trying this over the summer? How has your summer been? 

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Screen-Free Summer: The 10-Day Update

For those following our Summer Unplugged, we're 10 days in and I'm happy to report that things are going better than I expected or could've hoped for.

If you missed the original post on they hows, whys, and whats, you can check that our here: A Screen-Free Summer for Kidlet: How Why, and If I'll Lose My Mind.

But here's a rundown of what we've done this week when he's not in camp. (I'm providing the list in case anyone is looking for how we specifically are filling the time.)

Peekaboo - IT Movie GIF from Itmovie GIFs

Frisbee (We had to overcome one lost Frisbee in a storm drain. I could've tried to reach in but I've read Stephen King's It, so hell no. Frisbee number 2 has been purchased)

Simon 

Rubiks cube

Game night - Monopoly

Guitar practice and lessons

Cook with mom night (he picked the recipe, helped shop, and did 75% of the cooking.)

Started watching streamed episodes The Goldbergs together. We've never watched the show, so we've started from the beginning. Kidlet loves seeing "what the 80s looked like."

Movie Night with popcorn - The Witches (by the way, I'd forgotten how freaking scary that movie was. Kidlet was fine, but I was a little scared by it, lol.)

Lunch date with mom

Library visit

Puzzle with mom

Listening to an audiobook in the car - Diary of a Wimpy Kid

Saw Cars 3 as a family

Listening to music (we have an Amazon Echo--no screen so we allow it--and kidlet has been listening to a lot more music while he plays with his toys. 

Observations:

Mood: Kidlet's mood has been much improved. He's been engaged and chatty. He's taken to saying, "I love you, mom (or dad)!" at random times of the time. He's always been a loving child, but it's been a noticeable change that he feels compelled to announce it often, lol. 

Independent play: This has been a big change in the last few days. He's not just created new ways to entertain himself, he's *wanting* to do them. Saturday I'd planned a pretty active day, but he wanted to delay leaving because he was busy creating a very intricate race schedule for his toy NASCAR cars. He created an entire season of races and has taken to carrying around a notebook and pencil to record his plans for this. Even in the car. He also decided something he can do "when I get bored" is practice his handwriting because "I want to get better at that." That one shocked me.

Guitar: He's new to guitar lessons and before the fast, we were having to basically force him to practice. This past week, he's practiced unprompted and even played some in the morning before he went to camp one day. His guitar teacher noticed because he was impressed by his sudden improvement. Kidlet can now play the intro to "I Love Rock n Roll". :) 

Tics: His tics have improved. The verbal one that was affecting his speech is completely gone. He still has a neck/shoulder one bothering him, but I've noticed when he's doing independent play or concentrated play (like with the puzzle), it goes away. (This is a pretty huge win for us.)

His feelings about the fast: The first few days when we did this, he was a little down and quiet. He said he missed xbox. But after about day 3, his mood improved and he didn't mention the electronics. When I asked him if he missed it, he said, "Not really because we're having so much fun doing other things." <-I may have done a small happy dance out of his line of sight at this.

The Calendar: Kidlet has taken a big interest in the family calendar we created to list all the activities. He's coming up with his own ideas to add to the calendar and getting excited to write things down.

New discoveries: Kidlet has ended up liking things I didn't necessarily know he would enjoy so much. When we cooked together (something we've done only with simple desserts in the past), he was totally into it. While we were cooking, he said, "I love this. I want to do this every night." So I was surprised how much he enjoyed the whole process. Plus, the recipe he picked and food he cooked were really good! I was also surprised by how much he liked listening to an audiobook. He has some trouble following stories, so I didn't know how it would go with no visuals. But he's asking to take my car (instead of dad's) so we can listen to more of the book.

Parental feelings:

So last week I admitted that the first few days of the fast were hard and had given me my own little kick of down mood because it all felt overwhelming. (Especially when everyone's general reaction was "You're so brave!" like I was about to climb Everest lol.) But I am thrilled to report that this has swung in the complete opposite direction. This has made me and my husband HAPPIER. We weren't unhappy to begin with, but I don't think either of us expected to get this big happiness boost from this whole process. It's forced us to relax and do fun activities. We get to PLAY. I'd forgotten how much I enjoy things like puzzles and board games and movie night.

Before this, when I'd try activities with kidlet, I'd often feel like I was kind of forcing him into it because he'd rather being doing ipad or xbox things. Now that those distractions have been removed, having him get into all of this stuff (much of it from my childhood), it's created these lovely shared experiences that we all get something out of.

My thoughts 10 days in:

I Believe GIF from Ibelieve GIFs

If you haven't guessed, I'm only ten days in and am a total believer in this electronics fast thing. The results are hard to argue with. And now I find myself wondering why the heck we were so nervous about doing this and why we'd thought it'd be so daunting. After the first 3 days, it's been dare I say...easy. And I can tell you that when/if we bring the video games and Ipad back, it's going to be on an extremely limited basis (like an hour on a weekend day or something) because this new state of things is too good to mess up.

I'll keep updating, but I hope some of you found this helpful. If you're interested in what books helped me get started on this, I highly recommend Reset Your Child's Brain. I also read Glow Kids, which was a little more dense and focused on the addiction studies about electronics. I'd go with the first book if you're looking for more practical advice on how to do a fast and why you might want to try it.

Is anyone else trying this?

A Screen-Free Summer for Kidlet: How, Why & If I'll Lose My Mind

Today's post has nothing to do with writing or books (though there is a book) or productivity, my usual suspects over here. Today is more about a personal challenge I'm taking on with my family. I mentioned what I'm doing online and a few people asked if I would blog about the process since they were worried about their kid's screen time/video game obsession/ipad dependence, too. So, I've decided to chronicle my attempt.

Today, I'm going to cover the basics of what we're doing, why we decided to do it, and what we've experienced so far (four days in.)

The Challenge

My goal is to have my 9-year-old son go the entire summer without playing video games or using any interactive device (ipad, computer, kindle fire, etc.). And though I'm using the term "screen-free" because it's easier, I'm not including TV as a banned device in our challenge because it's not "interactive", my kidlet's never been a big TV watcher, and the book I read said that TV doesn't effect kids' brains the same way interactive screens do. Though, obviously, I'm not going to undermine the challenge by parking him in front of a TV for hours.

The Why

We're not unlike most families these days. Electronic devices are the go to entertainment for our kiddo. At my house, if we want a moment to ourselves to get things done, the easiest way to get that time is for my son to be on his Xbox or playing on his iPad. It's easy, convenient entertainment, especially since he's an only child and has no built in playmates at home. 

But as convenient as it is, over the past few months we've noticed some concerning things with kidlet. He already has some challenges to deal with. He's on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum and has a tic disorder that can flare up and bother him. So he doesn't need any extra hurdles. But lately, we've noticed that he's gotten more and more attached to the Xbox gaming than we'd like. He has school friends he plays with and chats with on there and that seems to be what triggered the new phase, moving it from something he enjoys to something he wants to do all the time above all other things. 

Things he used to enjoy doing on his own and with the family all became secondary. Nothing was as interesting as playing Xbox. And when it was time to get off of the games, even with giving ten-minute warnings and such, triggered defiance, irritability, and just generally acting like a jerk, which is not his normal self. He's a very sweet kid. We also noticed his motor tics flaring up, which was what led me to the internet searching. 

First, I found an article about environmental factors that can affect tics. And it mentioned how video games and devices can contribute to the problem and recommended a three-week electronic fast. The article was by Dr. Victoria Dunckley, the author of the book Reset Your Child's Brain: A Four-Week Plan to End Meltdowns, Raise Grades, and Boost Social Skills by Reversing the Effects of Electronic Screen-Time. So that led me down the rabbit hole. I bought the book and read it quickly. If you don't want to tackle a whole book on the topic, the doctor has written many articles for Psychology Today, including a basic overview called Screentime is Making Kids Moody, Crazy, and Lazy.

Here's a screenshot of the symptoms the doctor says are associated with too much screen time.

The articles and book were pretty eye-opening. And though some of it could be a little alarmist, and I tend to be pretty skeptical of that kind of tone, I also trust my gut and what I see with my own eyes. I could see my kid being affected--his mood, his behavior, his narrowing interests, etc. So I'm concerned enough to give it a shot. Taking electronics away for a "fast" is hard (really hard!), but it's not something that's going to harm him. It's a low-risk experiment. And if it ends up helping, it will be beyond worth it.

I want my kid to be well-rounded, healthy, social, and creative. If I had been glued to devices growing up and never bored, I wouldn't be a writer today. Boredom and being an only child led me to reading. Reading led me to writing a novel in high school. That planted a lifelong love of telling stories. And that has given me a career I love. 

So, we're trying this to see if it helps some of the negative stuff we've been dealing with, but I'm also hoping it brings a lot of positive extras into his life (and our lives) as well.

Now, note, this is not a judge-y post. I'm not saying all parents should try this or criticizing anyone for letting their children have lots of screen time. I'm just sharing what we're doing and why. (Hell, I don't even know how long we'll last yet, lol.) So, no preaching, I promise.

The How

Telling our kiddo: Once we decided we were going to give this screen-free summer thing a shot, my husband and I sat down with kidlet and explained to him that we wanted to do an experiment this summer. We did not want it to come across like a punishment. We told him that we had the chance to do all kinds of fun things this summer, but the Xbox and Ipad were getting in the way. We told him it was "tricking his brain" into wanting to play with them all the time and ignore other fun stuff. So we were going to do an experiment where we put those away for the summer and instead, we would schedule all this other fun stuff. We had a list of activities and ideas ready to go. (He was a little stunned but did not freak out or cry or anything. Maybe the shock stage, lol.)

The Calendar: The book recommended scheduling the fun activities on a calendar so a child could have a visual of what they were going to be doing. And the calendar also holds us, the parents, accountable. Because, let's face it, this fast is for kidlet but it also alters our lives dramatically too when it comes to our time. So after telling him, we went to Staples and got one of those desk calendars with lots of room in each space and came home to fill it in and decorate it. It's now hanging on a wall in our kitchen.

The activities: So kidlet goes to summer camp during the day since we both work full-time, so we mainly have to fill time in the evenings and on weekends. He's in guitar lessons and will be doing flag football later in the summer, so we have a few pre-scheduled things. But we needed simple, low-cost stuff for the other times. Here are some of the things we came up with:

• Board games/card games
• Puzzles
• Movie nights complete with popcorn and snacks
• Outdoor activities (Frisbee, bike-riding, baseball/football, sidewalk chalk, sprinklers)
• Family walks or bike rides
• Picnics
• Library visits
• Arts & Crafts
• Cooking with mom (he likes to cook)
• Picking out a recipe from his kid's cookbook each week to cook 
• Practicing guitar
• Playing outside with friends
• Family TV Shows (finding a few we can all watch together)
• Special Outings:
  • Museums
  • Movies
  • Go Karts
  • Putt PuttThen we gathered supplies and let him buy a few new things with some gift cards he still had.

I also wanted things for solo activities because he needs to entertain himself, too. So books (of course!), Where's Waldo, Word Searches, Mad Libs, crayons, etc.

Then we gathered supplies and let him buy a few new things with some gift cards he still had.

Four Days In

So we started the fast this past Friday. We did it on this weekend because we already had a lot planned with a NASCAR truck race and the Indy Car races. But it also involved staying in a hotel with some down time, which we'd normally rely on the Ipad to fill.

Here's how it's going...

Morning 1: He pulled out his crayons and drew a racetrack for his cars to drive on. Then it started to rain outside and he sat on our porch to watch the storm roll in. 

Saturday in the hotel: He searched for Waldo and played with this Hot Wheels cars.

Saturday at the Indy Race: The Rubik's Cube (or Smartcube) is kidlet's new favorite thing. The race was long and there was a forty-minute delay in the middle because of a bad wreck. Kidlet was perfectly fine chilling out and playing with his Rubik's cube and toy cars. The Rubik's cube is kind of magical because it gives my fidgety kid something to do with his hands and occupy his attention at the same time. It was also helpful for a long car ride.

Other observations over the last few days:

• A verbal tic that was affecting his speech a lot has subsided. Though, his motor tics are still in flare mode.
• He's been less irritable.
• Has gone back to asking questions about EVERYTHING, lol. Why is the sky blue type questions. My favorite from this weekend was "Is it a requirement to have a girlfriend in college?" Me: "no" Him: "But is it highly recommended?" Lol.
• He's been in a lovable mood. (Cuddly, saying "I love you" a lot)
• He hit a few periods of quiet, down mood. When he gets that urge to play and knows he can't, he gets a little sad. 
• Periods of having an absolutely delightful mood (which had been absent lately)--giggly, engaged, chatty.
• He's been able to go in his room and find creative activities and games to occupy himself.
• Has practiced his guitar without us having to remind him or ask him to do it. 
• Has read magazines he's been having for months and never opened.
• He dug out toys he's ignored.
• He's added his own things to the family calendar and brainstormed ideas.

My experience as the parent:

This is hard. I'm not going to lie. I'm used getting quiet time to get household stuff down and to read. I didn't get much of that at all this weekend. Though, this was admittedly not a typical weekend anyway because we were at the races for a big chunk of it. So I'll be figuring this out as we go along. But if you try this, expect you'll have your own version of withdrawal/down mood/feeling overwhelmed to contend with at times. 

There's also this nagging guilt because a) I can't very well be on my phone/computer too much while I've taken his screens away so I had to be mindful of that and b) if he has nothing to do, I feel like it's my fault because I've taken something I taught him to depend on away. But I'm hoping with time, that second one will ease because he'll get better at knowing how to fill some of his own time in between the planned activities.

Also, I'm an introvert, so alone time is necessary. There was so. much. togetherness. this weekend, lol. I love my family, but I was happy to have the house to myself again this morning to work.

But I'm willing to go through the pain of the lost alone time if this is going to help him be a happier, more well-balanced kiddo. (And for us to have more involved, interactive family time.) And my goal is not to take away this stuff forever. My plan as of right now is to get through this fast (3 weeks minimum with a stretch goal being all summer) and then bring the devices back in limited amounts. I will probably keep weekdays device/video game free. Then give him limited time on the weekend for the screen time. But I'm withholding a decision on all that until I see the results of this.

I will try to post weekly updates as we go along if you think you'd find that helpful.

And please, send alcohol. ;) 

Eleine Drink GIF from Eleine GIFs

UPDATE

If you want to know how the summer went, here are the rest of the posts!

• The 10-Day Update
• 5 Week Update on Screen-Free Summer
• The End of Our Screen-Free Summer: Results and Moving Forward
• The After-Effects of Device-Free Summer

Anyone ever try anything like this? How do you think your kid would react if you did? Also, give me your favorite childhood games or activities. I'd love to hear them. :)