Roni Recommends - 24/6 The Power of Unplugging One Day a Week by Tiffany Shlain

February 19, 2020 Roni Loren

If you’ve been following my blog for any amount of time, you know that I have a few close-to-my-heart topics that that I keep coming back to. One of those is the role of screens and social media in our lives (and our children’s lives.) Even though I’ve read a towering stack of books on the topic, I can’t resist a new book in that area. I like digging deeper and understanding different angles and perspectives—along with different solutions people have tried. So when I saw Tiffany Shlain’s book 24/6 The Power of Unplugging One Day a Week, I knew I had to read it.

The premise of this book is pretty obvious with the title, but basically, Shlain has, for the last ten years, taken a Tech Shabbat with her family every week. This means that they turn off their phones and all screens on Friday night and don’t turn them back on until Saturday night. Even though she’s using the term Shabbat and is Jewish, she states that she identifies as a cultural Jew and not a religious one, so she doesn’t follow all the other traditional rules of Shabbat like not driving on that day. She also says the day you choose is arbitrary. It’s what works for you and your family. So if Saturday night to Sunday night works better for you, no problem. The point is spending one full 24 hour period a week without screens/devices.

I was a little afraid that this was going to be one of those books that had a high concept idea that could’ve just been conveyed in a blog post and didn’t need to be stretched into a full book, but I’m happy to report that I really enjoyed the read. She lays out the benefits she’s seen from living 24/6, how her children have responded and thrived, how our brains react to tech, the science behind unplugging, and then a step-by-step guide to set you up for success if you decide to try your own Tech Shabbat. I also enjoyed the personal stories sprinkled in. It ended up being a very quick read that I gobbled up in a day.

And man, it left me really wanting to try this whole 24/6 idea. I haven’t done it yet because this will take some preparation. I also may have a hurdle getting my family on board, lol. But I think I can tweak and modify her system to fit us. For instance, Saturday night to Sunday night would be a better fit for my family. And I have mixed feelings about no TV at all because the only time we get to watch a movie or sporting event as a family is the weekend. So I may make the caveat of—no TV unless we’re all watching something together as a family. Also, my husband’s job won’t let him not be available by phone, so he’ll have to be able to take calls. BUT we don’t need to do anything else on our phone besides taking phone calls. So it wouldn’t be 100%, but even if we got to 90% on that one day a week, I think that’d be a big improvement.

As some of you know, we did device-free summer for kidlet two summers in a row, and it was LIFE CHANGING. Like, seriously. My son is now an accomplished guitarist and drummer because of that first device-free summer. And that iPad he used to be so attached to? I don’t even know where it is anymore. Packed in a box somewhere I think. (He does have a phone, though.) We don’t always get to claim a lot of parenting wins, but I’ll take credit for that one lol.

I’ve also personally done 30-Day social media bans and have gotten a lot out of that kind of reboot, too. So I think this Tech Shabbat idea is right up my alley. If we give it a try, I’ll be sure to report back!

As an additional recommendation, I also read Jaron Lanier’s Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now. This is a small book with ten arguments about social media, including ones like “Social media is making you an a**hole.” I really got a lot out of this one, but I’m not giving it an across-the-board recommendation because it’s written in a very academic/cerebral tone, which won’t be for everybody, and also it’s more of an extreme take. So, your mileage may vary. If you’re nerdy and into this topic like I am, then take a look. :)

Interested in this topic?

Here’s a list of other posts I’ve done about devices and digital distractions:

What are your thoughts? Do you think you could give up tech for one day a week?

Device-Free Summer 2.0: Why We're Doing This Again (AKA How Kidlet Shocked Me)

June 9, 2018 Roni Loren

First, before we get to today's post, I wanted to let y'all know that THE ONE YOU CAN'T FORGET, book two in The Ones Who Got Away series, is now available! Thank you to all of you who have already bought it, grabbed it from your library, and/or reviewed it. I really appreciate it! And if you haven't gotten your copy yet, here's you're chance. :)

DEVICE-FREE SUMMER 2.0

Okay, on to the post. So if you've followed me for a while, you may remember that last year I embarked on an experiment with kidlet: a device-free summer. No iPad, no video games, no computers at all. The only screen allowed was TV watched as a family. Not gonna lie, I was pretty nervous going into last summer because kidlet was VERY attached to his iPad and Xbox, and I was used to having that to help occupy him. But I felt in my gut it was what was best for him.

Turns out, it was way easier than I had expected and was a resounding success. I think it was truly one of the best things we could've done for all of us. It really did make a lasting impact. Not just with his level of calmness and creativity but also in very specific ways. For one, because kidlet didn't have devices, he took to his brand new guitar/rock band lessons with gusto. It became his new go-to thing to spend his time, and a year later, he's wowing me with his musical skills and his deep interest and love of music. The other day he sent me this audio file. He decided to try to learn Jimi Hendrix's "Purple Haze" by ear. I know I'm his mom and am easily impressed by my kid, but he's 10 and doing this? That seems pretty darn cool to me.

And though we brought devices back during the school year, with limits (100 minutes a week), being on devices never took hold again. The iPad became dusty and mostly stayed in a drawer. He usually used his 100 minutes on the weekend to play NASCAR on Xbox or to watch YouTube videos about music. Devices became a small thing in his life. Honestly, this felt like a miracle compared to where we were. And the only negative side I observed was now he noticed how often most of the other kids are on devices or are overly focused on video games. It annoyed him and sometimes left him out of conversations about Pokemon, Minecraft, and the like. When I asked if it bothered him to not be able to follow those conversations, he just shrugged and said, I wish they could talk about other things, too. But it didn't bother him enough for him to use his device time minutes to delve into those games the kids were talking about. And he still has friends, so it wasn't a dealbreaker for friendships.

So this year, I really wasn't planning on a device-free summer because I felt like the device use was under control. But kidlet came to me mid-May and asked if we were doing device-free summer again. When I said that I wasn't sure, he said, "Can we?"

That shocked me. I asked him why he wanted to do it again. He told me that last summer was "fun" and he liked the activities we did. So he wanted the movie nights and board game playing and cooking with me and playing outside. There are so few parenting moments where you feel like you're getting something right, usually we're just hoping we're not totally screwing up, lol, but this was one of those mom pride moments that I'm going to hold onto. The whole experiment had worked. Devices had lost their hold on him, but more than that, he'd come to enjoy that old-fashioned family time. During the school year, things are so busy, that a lot of those activities fall off, and now summer feels like a special time to do those things with us.

Of course I couldn't say no to his request even though it hadn't been in my plan, so he's going device-free again. But he did have some caveats: he wants to be able to Facetime his grandparents and to use his Ipod to listen to music. Deal!

So that's where we are, we're doing it again. I've also decided to make an effort to slow down our summer some. We are typically overscheduled with camps and lessons and such. I'm feeling the stress of that and want to slow it down for all of us. But I'll need another post for that because this one is already long enough. ;) More to come!

In the meantime, if you missed last year's device-free summer posts, here are the details of what we did, how we did it, and how it all went.

What plans do you have for this summer?

Screen-Free Summer: The 10-Day Update

June 19, 2017 Roni Loren

For those following our Summer Unplugged, we're 10 days in and I'm happy to report that things are going better than I expected or could've hoped for.

If you missed the original post on they hows, whys, and whats, you can check that our here: A Screen-Free Summer for Kidlet: How Why, and If I'll Lose My Mind.

But here's a rundown of what we've done this week when he's not in camp. (I'm providing the list in case anyone is looking for how we specifically are filling the time.)

Peekaboo - IT Movie GIF from Itmovie GIFs

Frisbee (We had to overcome one lost Frisbee in a storm drain. I could've tried to reach in but I've read Stephen King's It, so hell no. Frisbee number 2 has been purchased)

Simon

Rubiks cube

Game night - Monopoly

Guitar practice and lessons

Cook with mom night (he picked the recipe, helped shop, and did 75% of the cooking.)

Started watching streamed episodes The Goldbergs together. We've never watched the show, so we've started from the beginning. Kidlet loves seeing "what the 80s looked like."

Movie Night with popcorn - The Witches (by the way, I'd forgotten how freaking scary that movie was. Kidlet was fine, but I was a little scared by it, lol.)

Lunch date with mom

Library visit

Puzzle with mom

Listening to an audiobook in the car - Diary of a Wimpy Kid

Saw Cars 3 as a family

Listening to music (we have an Amazon Echo--no screen so we allow it--and kidlet has been listening to a lot more music while he plays with his toys.

Observations:

Mood: Kidlet's mood has been much improved. He's been engaged and chatty. He's taken to saying, "I love you, mom (or dad)!" at random times of the time. He's always been a loving child, but it's been a noticeable change that he feels compelled to announce it often, lol.

Independent play: This has been a big change in the last few days. He's not just created new ways to entertain himself, he's *wanting* to do them. Saturday I'd planned a pretty active day, but he wanted to delay leaving because he was busy creating a very intricate race schedule for his toy NASCAR cars. He created an entire season of races and has taken to carrying around a notebook and pencil to record his plans for this. Even in the car. He also decided something he can do "when I get bored" is practice his handwriting because "I want to get better at that." That one shocked me.

Guitar: He's new to guitar lessons and before the fast, we were having to basically force him to practice. This past week, he's practiced unprompted and even played some in the morning before he went to camp one day. His guitar teacher noticed because he was impressed by his sudden improvement. Kidlet can now play the intro to "I Love Rock n Roll". :)

Tics: His tics have improved. The verbal one that was affecting his speech is completely gone. He still has a neck/shoulder one bothering him, but I've noticed when he's doing independent play or concentrated play (like with the puzzle), it goes away. (This is a pretty huge win for us.)

His feelings about the fast: The first few days when we did this, he was a little down and quiet. He said he missed xbox. But after about day 3, his mood improved and he didn't mention the electronics. When I asked him if he missed it, he said, "Not really because we're having so much fun doing other things." <-I may have done a small happy dance out of his line of sight at this.

The Calendar: Kidlet has taken a big interest in the family calendar we created to list all the activities. He's coming up with his own ideas to add to the calendar and getting excited to write things down.

New discoveries: Kidlet has ended up liking things I didn't necessarily know he would enjoy so much. When we cooked together (something we've done only with simple desserts in the past), he was totally into it. While we were cooking, he said, "I love this. I want to do this every night." So I was surprised how much he enjoyed the whole process. Plus, the recipe he picked and food he cooked were really good! I was also surprised by how much he liked listening to an audiobook. He has some trouble following stories, so I didn't know how it would go with no visuals. But he's asking to take my car (instead of dad's) so we can listen to more of the book.

Parental feelings:

So last week I admitted that the first few days of the fast were hard and had given me my own little kick of down mood because it all felt overwhelming. (Especially when everyone's general reaction was "You're so brave!" like I was about to climb Everest lol.) But I am thrilled to report that this has swung in the complete opposite direction. This has made me and my husband HAPPIER. We weren't unhappy to begin with, but I don't think either of us expected to get this big happiness boost from this whole process. It's forced us to relax and do fun activities. We get to PLAY. I'd forgotten how much I enjoy things like puzzles and board games and movie night.

Before this, when I'd try activities with kidlet, I'd often feel like I was kind of forcing him into it because he'd rather being doing ipad or xbox things. Now that those distractions have been removed, having him get into all of this stuff (much of it from my childhood), it's created these lovely shared experiences that we all get something out of.

My thoughts 10 days in:

I Believe GIF from Ibelieve GIFs

If you haven't guessed, I'm only ten days in and am a total believer in this electronics fast thing. The results are hard to argue with. And now I find myself wondering why the heck we were so nervous about doing this and why we'd thought it'd be so daunting. After the first 3 days, it's been dare I say...easy. And I can tell you that when/if we bring the video games and Ipad back, it's going to be on an extremely limited basis (like an hour on a weekend day or something) because this new state of things is too good to mess up.

I'll keep updating, but I hope some of you found this helpful. If you're interested in what books helped me get started on this, I highly recommend Reset Your Child's Brain. I also read Glow Kids, which was a little more dense and focused on the addiction studies about electronics. I'd go with the first book if you're looking for more practical advice on how to do a fast and why you might want to try it.