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Slowing Down & Savoring Summer: A Few Strategies

June 11, 2018 Roni Loren
slowing down & savoring summer.png

I mentioned in my last post Device-Free Summer 2.0 that in addition to kidlet going device-free for another summer, I was looking for way to slow down our summer. Today I'm tackling that topic more in depth.

Summers for us usually mean a shift in our schedule but not a change in the hectic-ness of it. Kidlet isn't in school, but he goes to full-time day camp. Hubs and I are still working. Books still need to be written and edited and promoted. I'm used to that being our summer.

However, last week (week two of summer) when I found myself up before 7am and already yelling, "Where's the sunscreen? Where'd you put your tennis shoes? We're going to be late! Someone grab a juice box!", I realized that not only was I NOT getting any kind of slow down in summer, it almost felt more crazy--for all of us. This was in part because we'd spent seven days in New York City for a combo vacation/work trip right after school ended, so we'd hit the ground running with a very fun but busy trip. But it also felt like more that just that. I was deeply tired of this rush.

It gave me the very pointed craving to slow the hell down for summer. Summer used to have this promise to it when I was growing up--a promise of lazy days and an open schedule. Yes, it was blazing hot and humid in south Louisiana. Yes, I was an only child and often got bored. But that's also the time I got to read all the books I wanted. It's when I got to goof around at the pool with friends or run through sprinklers. It was walks down the road to the sno-ball stand (they are NOT snow cones in Louisiana) without your parents. 

My kiddo has never had that kind of summer because summers are generally scheduled events now. (Not just for me but most of the kids I know.) There are summer camps and music camps and STEM camps and sports teams/games and blah blah blah. Part of that is necessary. Even though I'm home, I'm working full-time. My job doesn't stop in the summer, and kidlet would get hella bored being home all day every day by himself with me working (and him device-free,) But I'm now wondering if we've swung too far in the other direction and maybe could use some balance. Meaning, work in some lazy, slow stuff into the busy schedule for us all. Allow time for boredom and creativity and white space.

So, though kidlet already has two weeks of pre-scheduled, already paid for speciality camps, I'm going to try him on half days instead of full for his regular summer camp and only bring him in the afternoons. I get most of my deep work/writing down in the afternoon anyway, so this should work for me. In the mornings, I can get easier work stuff done and also spend some time with him. We shall see how it goes.

But this got me to thinking more about how fast time goes. This past school year flew by, and I know summer will as well if I don't do something different. I mean, we can't actually slow down time, but I wondered if there were things we could do to savor it more and make it feel a little more languid.

IMG_1887.JPG

This is what made me pick up the book Off the Clock: Feel Less Busy While Getting More Done by Laura Vanderkam. (Yes, it has the same title as one of my books, but is a very different topic! lol) Y'all know I love a productivity book, but this one is less about productivity, and more about finding the white space in your schedule and feeling like you have "all the time in the world" instead of feeling like you're always rushed and behind.

Vaderkam had a large group of people in different professions track their time, and she used the results for this book. One interesting thing she found was that a lot of the people in very busy, high-powered positions often felt like they had more time, but it was because they'd learn strategies to make it that way. So this book goes into a number of strategies to help create that feeling of space in your schedule, of slowing down and savoring.

I won't go deeply into each of these because the book is worth a read and I did lots of underlining, but each strategy has its own chapter title and I'll touch on those.

Chapter 1: Tend Your Garden

Her basic premise here is that in order to do anything about your time, you need to know where it's actually going. We're really bad at estimating how much time we spend doing certain things. Like, you know, how often we're sucked into social media. Or how few minutes it actually takes to wash the dishes. So she recommends tracking your time by the half-hour ALL DAY for at least a week. 

"...one of the most striking findings of my survey was the gap in estimated phone checks per hour between people who felt relaxed about time and those who felt anxious" --pg. 8

I've done time-tracking on and off over the years, which is made easy with the Day Designer planner I use, and I have found it helpful. If you're honest in your tracking, you can see where your time is getting wasted or squandered. It's sobering when you realize you popped over to check twitter for a minute and wasted forty minutes instead. So this practice takes discipline, but I think it is a great exercise to kind of give you an overview.

"Time passes whether or not we think about how we are spending it. Tracking forces me to think about it." --pg. 35

Chapter 2: Make Life Memorable

This was probably my favorite chapter of the book. I have a TERRIBLE memory. Terrible, y'all. And I hate that so many memories sift through my fingers (probably because I'm moving too fast.) So this chapter was about the science of what makes a memory stick. We know that novel experiences and experiences with high emotion (good and bad) are more likely to burn into our memories. But does that mean the ordinary days are destined to just compress in our minds and give us that sense of time just flying by? Vanderkam argues that no, there are things we can do. She encourages us to record things in a journal (or in your time tracker if you're doing that). Nothing elaborate but something that will help the day stick a little better.

"One might inquire this of any twenty-four hours. Why is today different from all other days? Why should my brain bother holding on to the existence of this day as it curates the museum of my memories?" --pg. 64

I love this concept and am going to give it a try. I'm terrible at journaling, but this seems less intimidating--just marking down what was special about that day. Not only does it provide a record, but the actual act of writing it down helps your memory keep it better. And she said taking photos isn't enough because unless we curate them, it's just a big jumble of a file in our phone. (Guilty as charged!)

Chapter 3: Don't Fill Time

This one is pretty obvious but still not as easy in practice if you're not deliberate about it. The main points are: leave white space on your calendar (to account for things running over, unexpected things, thinking time, etc.) and don't say yes to things unless you really want/need to do it. (This goes back to the "if it's not a hell yes, it's a no" thing.) I liked a particular question she posed about how to decide whether to agree to something in the future. She warns that we don't think of our future selves as "us", so we assign those future versions of ourselves things present "us" really doesn't want to do because we think this imaginary future "us" will totally be into it by the time it gets here. I'm SO guilty of this. So she suggests this question:

"Would I do this tomorrow?" and "Would you be tempted? Would you try to move things around to fit this new opportunity?" --pg. 98

Also in the "don't fill time" category is the technology/phone habit. Every moment that you have to wait in a line or wait for an appointment doesn't need to be filled with social media or the web. It makes us fee busier. It erases that sense of downtime or space in your schedule (beyond being a distraction.) I also think it sucks up time we could use for those things we'd "like to do if we had more time." Like, for me, I always want more reading time. My TBR pile is out of control. But if I'm on the couch and bored and pick up my phone, I could lose half an hour just scrolling or answering email. Instead, I could pick up a book and spend that time doing something I love and want to do. When I started paying attention (and dialing back) my social media time last year, I noticed a big difference in how many books I read. (In 2016 I read 42 books, in 2017 I read 63. I've read almost 30 this year so far.)

Chapter 4: Linger

This chapter is mostly about mindfulness and learning to savor the present. One of the tactics I loved was recommended by a psychology professor she interviewed. He imagines himself in his elderly years when his health is failing and he can't do much anymore and imagines that version of himself looking back at today, feeling the wistfulness of "I wish I could be doing that again" and then knowing that, hey, that IS today for me. I'm here in this moment right now.

Chapter 5: Invest in Your Happiness

Her advice: if you can afford to, farm out hated/annoying tasks that can be done by others that are sucking up valuable time. If you can pay someone to cut your lawn and save yourself the time, do it. But this chapter also talked about "paying yourself first" with your time. Meaning, if you want to write a book, give yourself that chunk of time in your schedule first before anyone else gets your time. Even if it's just a little bit. I learned this when I took Becca Syme's Write Better Faster class--write first. Before the distractions come. Before the busy work or demands others put on your time. I don't always follow that because my creative brain kicks in more in the afternoon, but I still use it in concept because I block off that time for my writing. I give myself my most creative, productive hours and don't hand those off to other people's needs/tasks.

Chapter 6: Let It Go

Life is life, and things are going to get in the way of best laid plans. The water heater is going to break when you planned a writing day. You're going to get caught in traffic and screw up the afternoon's schedule. You're going to get a cold that knocks you on your butt. Vanderkam's advice is to learn to let it go. Just do what you can do with the time you have.

"When I tell myself, OK, you only have this time, just do what you can do, I surprise myself. I can write an article draft in a few hours. I can edit it in those ninety-minute chunks. Indeed, when I tell myself to just do what I can, even if it is only a little bit, because it is better than nothing, that something, done repeatedly, adds up." -- pg. 173 

I need this reminder often because I like to write in big three-hour blocks. If my schedule gets messed up and I only have an hour and a half, I feel like--well, why bother? But I can get a decent amount of words in an hour or whatever if I focus on it. So I need to not throw out the whole plan if things didn't go perfectly.

Chapter 7: People Are a Good Use of Time

This section focuses on spending quality time with your family and friends and colleagues because that kind of experience often expands time and makes great memories. What I particularly loved about this chapter was the idea of planning your off hours.

"Few people would show up at work at 8:00am with no idea about what they'd do until 1:00pm, and yet people will come home at 6:00pm having given no thought to what they'll do until they go to bed at 11:00pm. This is how people will claim to have no time for their hobbies, even though they're clearly awake for two hours or more after their kids go to bed...It is simply that they haven't thought about this time, and so it feels like it doesn't exist." --pg. 204

I love this idea and have seen it in action. Most of us don't want to schedule ourselves down to the second in our off time. However, last year when we did device-free summer, I had to be deliberate about what was going to fill some of kidlet's free time instead. I wanted to make it fun and to help him realize life without the devices and video games could be way cooler. So on our calendar I planned movie nights and board game night. I scheduled nights that he'd help me cook dinner. We planned for outings like putt putt or bowling. It gave the summer a feeling of adventure, and it cemented a lot of those things in my memory. I remember the movies we watched together as a family. I remember binge-watching The Goldbergs and teaching kidlet about life in the 80s. I remember an epic game of Upwords. It made simple things into events and made the summer feel special and full. I plan to do that again this summer, but I also need to take this idea and use it all through the year.

So, if you can't tell, I really enjoyed the book and got a lot from it. I'm going to take away a lot of ideas. I'm tracking my time again, and I'm going to attempt to journal. I'll report back!

How is your summer shaping up? Do you seek out a slow summer?

In Book Recommendations, Books, Life, Parenting, Planners, Productivity, Reading, Screen-Free Summer, Writing Tags off the clock, laura vanderkam, slow summer, time management, free time, white space, scheduling, savoring summer, device-free summer, roni loren, books, self-help books, book recommendations, time tracking, planners
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OFF THE CLOCK Won a RITA for Best Erotic Romance of the Year!

August 1, 2017 Roni Loren

I know it's been a little while since I've blogged, but I've just returned from a week in Florida at the Romance Writers of America conference. I had the best time and...I won a RITA! I'm thrilled and flattered and all the happy words to announce that OFF THE CLOCK won for Best Erotic Romance of the Year! 

Me, RITA, and my writer buddies Genivieve Lynne and Dawn Alexander.

Me, RITA, and my writer buddies Genivieve Lynne and Dawn Alexander.

 

This year I managed not to ugly cry on stage...but just barely. You can watch all of the awards on the replay video (my award is at the one hour and 22 minute mark if you're interested. But I look WAY more calm than I felt, lol.) Also, you may have to fast forward a little to get the video started.

And if you'd like to see ALL the winners in all the categories, check out the list here and go add to your TBR pile! : )

Thanks to RWA and the judges and congrats to all the winners!

 

In Books, News, Reading, Writing Tags RITA awards, romance novels, award winning books, off the clock, roni loren, best erotic romance of the year, erotic romance, love stories, romance awards, romance writers of america, romance reading, best romance books
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April Read & Watch Picks with Author Maggie Wells!

April 1, 2017 Roni Loren

How is it April already? March was a blink. But you know what the first of the month means, a new Read & Watch theme and a guest with recommendations!

April's theme word is TIME. And I invited author Maggie Wells to join us and give us her picks for this month's theme. If you haven't seen this challenge before, each month has a new theme word that you can interpret however you'd like. You can join in at any time and can get all the details on the challenge here.

First, a little more about Maggie:

Maggie Wells is a deep-down dirty girl with a weakness for hot heroes and happy endings. By day she is buried in spreadsheets, but at night she pens tales of people tangling up the sheets. The product of a charming rogue and a shameless flirt, this mild-mannered married lady has a naughty streak a mile wide.

Fueled by supertankers of Diet Coke, Maggie juggles fictional romance and the real deal by keeping her slow-talking Southern gentleman constantly amused and their two grown children mildly embarrassed.

All right, now I'll turn it over to Maggie and let her tell you her picks!

Maggie's Picks

BOOK:

I admit it, my instinctive response to the word “TIME” is Outlander! But I shall refrain and travel a less obvious path. Not that choosing to spend time with James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser is ever wrong…

The book I want to share this month was once my least favorite book from one of my favorite authors. It wasn’t until I read The Sugar Queen by Sarah Addison Allen a second time, that I truly came to appreciate all of its glorious nuance.

For those who haven’t read it yet, I’ll share just this one quote:

“It feels like he's taken your heart, doesn't it? Like he's reached in and pulled it out from you. And I bet he smiles like he doesn't know, like he doesn't know he's holding your heart in his hand and you're dying from him.”

If you have read The Sugar Queen, it may not seem like a good fit for this month’s theme at first glance, but to me, this book is all about time. Each character has a different relationship with time. Josey is waiting for her life to start. Margaret is holding her breath until enough time passes for scandal to fade away. Chloe has put her own life on hold. Jake destroys everything he loves in a rash moment. Adam is simply killing time because he doesn’t quite know what to do next. And then, there’s Della Lee, who has just enough time left to show them all how they are wasting their most precious commodity.

 

Movie:

For this one, I chose one of my all-time favorites: Big Fish.

Again, this may not seem like an obvious choice for the theme, but bear with me. Will Bloom has only a brief window of opportunity to mend his strained relationship with his dying father. But unlike other movies with the same sort of theme, Big Fish takes us, and Will, along on the epic adventures of his father, Ed Bloom’s, life.

Let’s face it, most of us think our parents are frozen in time. Our time. They are simply Mom and Dad. The rule makers. Those ever-present forces that shape our lives for better or worse. I think many us don’t really get an opportunity to know our parents as people with hopes, dreams, and adventures of their own. I know I didn’t, and now it’s too late for me to ask them to tell me their version of their story.

So, yeah, use your time wisely. Watch Big Fish with one or both of your parents, if you can. If you’re lucky, you may be able to use it as a springboard to pry a few of their fish stories from them.

 

TV:

Okay, fine, I have to say it—Outlander!

A time-traveling woman from the 20th century.

A Scottish highlander from the 18th century.

Love. War. Desire. Jealousy. Kilts. Greed. Shenanigans.

I’m usually not a fan of book-to-screen adaptations, but I think Ronald D. Moore and the gang are doing a bang-up job of adapting the books for the series. If you haven’t given it a peek yet, take the time!

 


Thanks so much, Maggie! And I'm totally with her on Outlander. I haven't read or seen the others, but Outlander...yessss.

Now that you Maggie has excellent taste, you should check out her book!

A BOLT FROM THE BLUE by Maggie Wells

Available April 4th from Kensington/Lyrical Press

True love, like lightning, never strikes twice—or does it?

As a free-spirited young woman, Hope Elliot was desperate to escape her snobbish high society family. So she ran off to Paris, where she lived for twenty-five years. Now widowed, she’s come home to settle her family’s massive lakefront estate. But before she can put her mother’s house on the market, it needs a major renovation. Enter master electrician Mick McInnes, a traditional guy who’s about to turn her life upside down . . .

Aside from the fact that Mick is hopelessly attracted to his latest client, Hope represents everything he doesn’t want in a woman. She’s ridiculously rich and adventurous, yet she doesn’t seem to know much about the real world. Besides, his policy is to never get involved with clients. But he can’t seem to resist the Chicago heiress’s sizzling advances—and soon enough finds himself in her bed, feeling like a teenager once again. And like teenagers, the two of them will just have to convince their families that opposites can not only attract, but they can also make the perfect match . . .


Roni's April Picks

Here's what I'll be reading and watching this month for the challenge!

Book:

Maybe In Another Life by Taylor Jenkins Reid

This one takes one event in a woman's life and then branches off into two possible storylines, what happens if she makes one decision and what happens if she makes another, so it will be dual timelines/fates. I loved her book One True Loves, so I have high hopes.

About the book:

From the acclaimed author of Forever, Interrupted and After I Do comes a breathtaking new novel about a young woman whose fate hinges on the choice she makes after bumping into an old flame; in alternating chapters, we see two possible scenarios unfold—with stunningly different results.

At the age of twenty-nine, Hannah Martin still has no idea what she wants to do with her life. She has lived in six different cities and held countless meaningless jobs since graduating college. On the heels of leaving yet another city, Hannah moves back to her hometown of Los Angeles and takes up residence in her best friend Gabby’s guestroom. Shortly after getting back to town, Hannah goes out to a bar one night with Gabby and meets up with her high school boyfriend, Ethan.

Just after midnight, Gabby asks Hannah if she’s ready to go. A moment later, Ethan offers to give her a ride later if she wants to stay. Hannah hesitates. What happens if she leaves with Gabby? What happens if she leaves with Ethan?

In concurrent storylines, Hannah lives out the effects of each decision. Quickly, these parallel universes develop into radically different stories with large-scale consequences for Hannah, as well as the people around her. As the two alternate realities run their course, Maybe in Another Life raises questions about fate and true love: Is anything meant to be? How much in our life is determined by chance? And perhaps, most compellingly: Is there such a thing as a soul mate?

Hannah believes there is. And, in both worlds, she believes she’s found him. 

 

TV:

Thirteen Reasons Why on Netflix

This is a brand new series on Netflix and is based on a YA book I read many years ago and really liked. It's been long enough that I don't remember much about the book, but I remember that it was good enough to keep on my shelf. I DO remember that it flashes back in time to show the things leading up to a certain even, so it goes perfectly with this month's theme.

Oddly enough, both my book and TV show picks have heroines named Hannah.


Utterly Shameless Promotion

If you need another suggestion for the TIME theme, may I also suggest Off the Clock, which is the first book in my Pleasure Principle series and a current finalist in the RITA Contest (!), and By the Hour, book 2, which comes out April 25!


Now, it's your turn! What will you be reading/watching? Or if you have any suggestions for the theme, let us have 'em! :)

In Book Recommendations, Books, Guest Bloggers, Movies, Pleasure Principle series, Read & Watch Challenge, Reading, Shameless, What To Read Tags read and watch challenge, reading challenge, time, maggie wells, guest author, roni loren, by the hour, off the clock, time travel, 13 reasons why, maybe in another life, taylor jenkins reid, outlander, big fish, a bolt from the blue, sugar queen, sarah addison allen, books, reading recommendations, romance, readers
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Reader Poll: Which of My Characters/Series Do You Want More Of?

April 22, 2016 Roni Loren

Hi there! I know it's been a little while. I'm still in recovery mode from the RT Booklovers Convention. It was a fun, fantastic, and super busy trip, but I'm paying for all that fun now, lol. And how can two hours time difference be such a big deal? I feel in constant need of a nap.

Buy anyhoo, I wanted to pop in today and get YOUR input on some things. Right now, I'm in a transitional time with my writing and series. That's both scary and super exciting. All the possibilities! But as I was thinking through my plans for the next year or two, I realized, hey, I should ask you guys what you think. You're (hopefully) the ones reading my books and probably have some opinions. So here I am, seeking your input!

First, let's talk about what's definitely happening:

1. Wanderlust - my rockstar romance (loosely tied to Loving on the Edge) will be out in July! This is a novel near and dear to my heart and I'm super excited to put it out there. It's up for pre-order for 3.99 if you're interested. (And this is 65k words, so not a novella.)

2. Loving You Easy (Book 9 in Loving on the Edge) - This will be out in September and I can't wait to introduce you to Hayes, Ren, and Cora! The heroine is a hacker and the two heroes own a tech company that runs a kinky online game. Oh, and Hayes just got out of prison so ALL the angst. :) That one is also up for pre-order everywhere and has a purty cover.

3. Novella Boxed Set - This will be available in October and will include FOUR previously released Loving on the Edge novellas. Check out the details here.

4. By the Hour (Book 2 in the Pleasure Principle series) - My Fearless Romantics FB group just helped me with the title for this one, yay! This is Lane and Elle's story. Yes, Elle. :) I'm writing this one right now and having so much fun with it. The title will give you a hint at the plot. This one is tentatively scheduled for January 2017. 

So lots to come! In addition, I have some super secret projects I'm putting together that aren't tied to either of my main series. More on that when I know more.

But, here's what I want to know from you. I have the tendency to leave a lot of open doors for side characters in my books. Sometimes I do that on purpose, but most of the time it's my own writer curiosity at work--hmm, I wonder what that character's story is... So I know there are characters floating out there with stories that I haven't told yet. And I want to hear which you're dying to read. 

Here are some initial suggestions, but maybe you have ones I haven't thought of yet. Throw them out there in the comments. I'd love to know!

*More in the NICE GIRLS DON'T RIDE world? Updates on the main characters, stories about some of the side characters?

*More of Hunter and Devon from YOURS ALL ALONG or more m/m romance stories in general?

*More stories in LOVING ON THE EDGE series? Any characters in mind?

*Other characters in PLEASURE PRINCIPLE series besides Lane and Elle?

*Another serial?

That's the ones I think of off the top of my head, but like I said, I'm here to find out what you think. :) So give a shout for what you want in the comments. :)

Thanks!

 

In Books, Loving on the Edge Series, Pleasure Principle series, Reading, Writing Tags roni loren, books, reading, erotic romance, loving on the edge, pleasure principle series, off the clock, romance, future books, nice girls don't ride, opinions, readers
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OFF THE CLOCK is here! New Series!

January 5, 2016 Roni Loren

It's release day! Woot! And it's a brand new series!!!

I can't tell y'all how excited I am to introduce you to The Grove and Dr. Donovan West and Dr. Marin Rush. I was a little scared to jump into a whole new world after writing in the Loving on the Edge "universe" for so many years (that series is continuing as well!). But once I started to create The Grove for the Pleasure Principle series, it was so much fun. It's a whole new world and cast to explore, which just does a writer's soul good. :) If you'd like to read the first chapter, you can find that here.

And here's a little bit more about the book:

Overtime has never felt so good…
Marin Rush loves studying sex. Doing it? That’s another story. In the research lab, Marin’s lack of practical knowledge didn’t matter, but now that she’s landed a job at The Grove, a high-end, experimental sex therapy institute, she can’t ignore the fact that the person most in need of sexual healing may be her. 
Dr. Donovan West, her new hotshot colleague, couldn’t agree more. Donovan knows that Marin’s clients are going to eat her alive unless she gets some hands-on experience. And if she fails at the job, he can say goodbye to a promotion, so he assigns her a list of R-rated tasks to prepare her for the wild clientele of The Grove’s X-wing.
But some of those tasks are built for two, and when he finds Marin searching for a candidate to help her check off her list, Donovan decides there’s only one man for the job—him. As long as they keep their erotic, off-the-clock activities strictly confidential and without strings, no one will get fired—or worse, get attached…

*Paperback edition has a bonus short story.

BUY THE BOOK:  Amazon  | Barnes and Noble |Books-A-Million |Indie Bound |The Book Depository 

BUY THE EBOOK: Nook | Kindle  | Kobo | iBooks | Google Play

 

And there's a blog tour going on with a chance to win an awesome library card style bag and a grab bag of books! Be sure to follow along. You can enter the contest today by checking out the interview I did on the Under the Covers Book Blog.


Hope y'all enjoy the book! :)

In Books, News, Pleasure Principle series, Reading Tags off the clock, roni loren, new book, erotic romance, erotica, sex therapy, reading, new release, pleasure principle series, news
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“Intelligent, sweet, and fun, this romance succeeds on all levels.” —Publishers Weekly STARRED review Find out more

“Intelligent, sweet, and fun, this romance succeeds on all levels.” —Publishers Weekly STARRED review Find out more

An Entertainment Weekly, Kirkus, and Amazon Best Romance of the year Find out more

An Entertainment Weekly, Kirkus, and Amazon Best Romance of the year Find out more

Winner for Best Erotic Romance of the year! Find out more about the Pleasure Principle series

Winner for Best Erotic Romance of the year! Find out more about the Pleasure Principle series

The first in the long-running Loving on the Edge erotic romance series. Find out more

The first in the long-running Loving on the Edge erotic romance series. Find out more


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