My Favorite Podcasts & A Few Updates

It's been a busy week over here. I'm writing, writing, writing, which means I'm a little behind on everything else. :) But I wanted to pop up this afternoon to share a few things.

One, next Tuesday is release day for the Loving on the Edge novella boxed set! This is a set of all four Loving on the Edge novellas rolled into one. That's a lot of content, y'all, because I write long ass novellas. So I hope you'll grab a copy!

Next up, I've been reporting in on my choices each month from the Book of the Month club. So here's what I grabbed this month. In addition to the new release choices, they also offer some hand selected bonus choices of older books. So the first one I'm tackling, Ready Player One, is one of those. The premise grabbed me right away. It's the year 2044 and we're all living our lives through a video game (which frankly doesn't seem that far fetched with how we are with our phones now.) But the inventor of the video game dies and leaves behind a contest to win his billions. Players have to figure out a puzzle in the game to win, and the puzzle is all about 1980s references. So being a child of the 80s, I'm loving that.

If you're interested in checking out the Book of the Month club, you can get 30% off with my link and a free tote bag. (That's an affiliate link but it gets you a discount and me extra books, so win-win.) :)  

Next, I know I'm behind the curve on this one, but I've recently discovered the joy of podcasts. I generally try to avoid talk radio, especially with this insane election season, but I love information and learning new things, so podcasts are a great option because there's no news and minimal commercials. Also, you can pick specifically what you want to hear about and listen on your own schedule. I find them soothing to listen to while I get ready for the day or do dishes. And like I said, I'm still new to this, but here are some of the ones I've been enjoying. (Be warned, I'm a junkie for productivity, self-improvement, books, and writing, so these choices will reflect that.)

1. Happier with Gretchen Rubin

Y'all already know I love her books and have gotten a lot out of them. Her podcast sticks to her topics of happiness and habits, but goes more in depth. She does the podcast with her sister and they're a good team. Fun to listen to and helpful.

2. 10% Happier with Dan Harris

Like I mentioned earlier this week, I recently read Dan's book on meditation for skeptics and it really clicked with me. His podcast brings in interesting people who speak on the topics of meditation and happiness. 

3. Beyond the To List

This is more productivity focused but covers a range of different aspects. I've only listened to a few so far but I've enjoyed them.

4. This is Your Life with Michael Hyatt

This is another productivity one, and though it focuses on leadership and business stuff, Hyatt comes from a publishing background, so I find a lot of the advice helpful even though I work from home in a creative profession and not in an office.

5. The Minimalists

Minimalism has fascinated me for a few years now. I wouldn't call myself a minimalist yet, but I take lessons from it and try to apply it to my life. two years ago I did a full gutting of my house because of minimalism, lol. And recently after watching their documentary Minimalism: A Documentary About the Important Things, I ended up with three large garbage bags of clothes to give to Goodwill (even though I'm not even a clothes person and should never had had that much!) So I find listening to them helps re-inspire me when I fall off the wagon a bit. This is especially good stuff to listen to as we go into the holiday season.

6. Smart Podcast, Trashy Books

If you're familiar with the book review site Smart Bitches, Trashy Books, this one will be familiar to you. If you love the website, you'll love the broadcast. All about romance reading. :)

7. Magic Lessons by Elizabeth Gilbert

I read Big Magic at the beginning of this year and got a lot out of it. The book was about living a creative life without fear. This podcast is more about the things covered in the book with interviews and special guests.

So how about you, are you a podcast listener? Have any recommendations? 

Meditation for the Skeptical & A New Relationship with Deadlines

A few weeks ago I did a post called 7 Things to Reduce Distractions and Increase Focus. In that post, I listed the things I would be doing going forward to try to wrangle my scattered mind and focus. And one of the things I put on my list was to meditate daily.

Now, my goal is small. Ten minutes of meditation a day before I write. I've been doing this using the Calm App. I can tell you, ten minutes sounds like nothing, but it's actually surprisingly tough to sit still and focus on just your breath for that long. Trying to keep my mind from wandering is akin to herding cats hopped up on catnip. However, I can report that my writing has been going better afterward, my focus stronger. Related? Maybe.

But as I'm wont to do, once I'm interested in something, I want to know ALL the things about it. With meditation, that's next to impossible because it's an ancient tradition with endless amounts of information, techniques, styles, teachers, gurus, etc. So, I thought I'd start small with a book I'd heard recommended by some others--10% Happier by ABC reporter Dan Harris. The subtitle is "How I tamed the voice in my head, reduced stress without losing my edge, and found self-help that actually works--a true story."

What appealed to me about his approach to exploring this was that he was by nature a hard-core skeptic of all things woo-woo, which is basically how I am. Like I can read (and love) books like Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic, but when it gets overly mystical, I'm skimming over those parts. So having someone like Dan Harris who is digging into the art/benefits/practice of meditation with that "prove it to me" kind of mindset works for me.

Having said that, if you are into the woo-woo (nothing wrong with that), you may find his approach a little off-putting. He admits that the voice in his head is kind of an asshole and there's a chapter called "The Self-Interested Case for Not Being a Dick." So he knows how he is and doesn't sugarcoat what he thought of people he talked to or experiences he had.

However, I found the book really interesting. You get a dose of the inner workings of a TV news company, the life of a reporter, along with his exploration of understanding meditation and what it could do for him.

It also sold me on the idea of meditation, which I was only flirting with before reading. This made a compelling scientific argument for its mental and emotional benefits. It also made a case for mindfulness in way that resonated with me. 

Here are a few quotes I underlined:

"In eighth grade, an ex-girlfriend told me, 'When you have one foot in the future and the other in the past, you piss on the present.' Now, as a grown-up in the deadline dominated world of news, I was always hurtling headlong through the day, checking things off my to-do list, constantly picturing completion instead of calmly and carefully enjoying the process. The unspoken assumption behind most of my forward momentum was that whatever was coming next would definitely be better."

This hit home for me because my job is all about the deadlines, too. I'm always always looking ahead. If I can just get to the finish line, I can breathe. But can I? No, that's an illusion. Because as soon as one deadline is complete, another is waiting. (Which is a good thing because that means I'm making a living.) And I like being a writer, so why am I always focused on just being done with it? So this made me aware that I need to sit down every day, thankful that I get to do this amazing job (even when it's hard) and that I get to create characters and worlds and stories that people actually want to read. That's a gift. And you know what happens when I'm done with deadlines? I'm dead. Lol. Why am I so focused on getting to the end?

Also, here's another aspect of not being mindful. We miss our life because we're never in the now. This is a quote from an interview he did with Eckhart Tolle:

"Make the present moment your friend rather than your enemy. Because many people live habitually as if the present moment were an obstacle than they need to overcome in order to get to the next moment. And imagine living your whole life like that, where always this moment is never quite right, not good enough because you need to get to the next one. That is continuous stress."

So one of the benefits of meditation is making yourself slow down and notice the moment. Taking a walk and actually looking around, noticing the sights, sounds, smell. Not filling that time with your phone or scattered thoughts.

Dan Harris on how he started to notice the in-between moments:

"I really noticed how much sleepwalking I did, how powerfully my mind propelled me forward or backward. Mostly, I saw the world through a scrim of skittering thoughts, which created kind of a buffer between me and reality. As one Buddhist author put it, the 'craving to be otherwise, to be elsewhere' permeated my whole life."

This made me think of those times that I'm lost to the bustle of life. Like getting my kiddo ready in the morning. It's hectic, ten things are going on, I'm trying to remember everything I need to pack for him. But in being so rushed, I'm not taking the time to enjoy that fact that he's eight and he won't be this little for long and this is our one-on-one time before our day starts. I'm not cherishing the fact that he still wants to hold my hand when we walk up to school or that he has no embarrassment giving me a big hug in front of his friends. So this was a wake-up call for me.

Also, there was some good advice for the worriers out there (I am solidly in that group, lol.) His mentor told him it's okay to worry and plan, but when you're running through the same worry or thoughts or plans for the tenth time, stop and ask yourself, "Is this useful?"

"It's okay to worry, plot, and plan, he's saying--but only until it's not useful anymore."

Dan also had a lot of questions about ambition. Meaning, how do you keep your edge in a highly competitive field like his without being too zen. I liked that he went into this because I did have the image that a person who got too deep into meditations/mindfulness could get overly chill to the point of being ineffective. But hie mentor had a good answer for that and one that I could directly relate to. His advice: strive, work hard, and be ambitious but don't be attached to the results. His example:

"...you write a book, you want it to be well received, you want it to be at the top of the bestsellers list, but you have limited control over what happens. You can hire a publicist, you can do every interview, you can be prepared, but you have very little control over the marketplace. So you put it out there without attachment, so it has its own life. Everything is like that."

Ha! A book analogy. It's like this was written for me. But the point is:

"All we can do is everything we can do."

And then we have to let it go and move on so that it doesn't drag us down or stop us from doing the next thing.

So I went in wanting to learn about meditation, which I did, but I also ended up taking away a lot about the aftereffects of it, the mindfulness piece. Now, if you're looking for a how to meditate book, this isn't it. This is his journey figuring out what worked for him. But if you're wanting to learn more about the benefits and the effects and the science, this is a great book to pick up.

He also now has an app that goes with the book where he brings in experts to do the actual teaching you how to mediate thing. It's a paid subscription but you can try it for seven days for free so I might do that. In the meantime, I've been using the free Calm App which has been easy to use.

So what are your thoughts? Any meditators out there? Any skeptics? Have you read this book or have any other resources to recommend?

Personality Types & To Do Lists

This week I sat down with my nicely organized and detailed planner and looked at my daily list. It wasn't anything unexpected or overly daunting (okay, writing new words is always daunting, but that's always on my list so I'm used to it.) However, I found myself digging in my heels about doing the smallest things on the list. Box up a book prize. Schedule a dentist appointment for my son. Set up flu shots. I looked at the list and just DID NOT WANT TO DO THE THINGS.

On Tuesday, I was supposed to schedule some appointments and maybe blog. Instead, I decided to completely clean out my closet. Something that I wouldn't have done if it had been on the To Do list. :-/

And I've found that it happens a lot for me. I LOVE my planner. I love setting it up each week and knowing what's coming. But for some reason, once a task is written down on a particular day, I resist. Now, usually, that means I'm still going to get it done, but not that day. For instance, this week, 80% of the nagging, non-writing tasks were done this morning (Friday). 

So it got me to thinking again about personality and habits. Why do I feel this resistance? And it reminded me of a book I'd read earlier in the year--Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin. It's a book about habits but within it, there's a framework describing how we approach things/tasks in our lives. Rubin refers to them as the Four Tendencies. She's writing a full book about just the tendencies that isn't out yet (and that I'm very excited about), but Better Than Before covers them in overview and her podcasts and blogs go into more detail. 

Basically, there are four types according to Gretchen Rubin:

Upholders - They meet both inner and outer expectations without having to fight too hard to do it. If they set a goal for themselves, they meet it. If their boss sets a goal for them, they meet it.

Obligers - They meet outer expectations but struggle to meet inner expectations. Basically, these are the "givers". They'll do anything for others to the point of wearing themselves out, but if they set goals for themselves, they let themselves down often. They need outer accountability to keep them on track.

Questioners - They'll meet inner expectations but will only meet outer expectations if they makes sense to them. This is my husband. He wants to know, "Why?" Why am I doing this? Why is this rule this way? Why is this procedure done this way? If he doesn't buy into the answer, he won't do it.

Rebels - Resists inner and outer expectations. One of the podcasts had a listener who summed up the rebel motto as "You can't make me, and neither can I." Lol. Rebels only do things they WANT to do, that they find enjoyable, or that someone matches up with their identity.

To find out your type if you're unsure, you can go here and take Gretchen's free quiz.

When I first read the book, I thought I was an Upholder because, in general, I've always considered myself a rule follower. I was a straight A student. I did well at jobs. If the sign says, Don't Walk, I don't. My husband, on the other hand, will walk if there are no cars coming.

However, after looking at it more deeply and listening to her podcasts for better understanding, I looked back on this year and things through my life and realized--I'm a rebel. A quiet one. In my head, I imagined rebels to be more out there, easily identified. But I'm an introvert. I like to fly under the radar (hence the rule following in public.) But I rebel quietly. I've never enjoyed having a boss, so I followed my passion and became a writer. And not just a writer, but a writer of erotic romance, which is a rebellion in and of itself. I wasn't a straight A student to please anyone. I liked school. I liked being called smart. That was part of my identity, which apparently is a key for rebels--to make something part of how you define yourself. And through my life, I've consistently done my own thing. I don't work hard to fit in. If I do, great. If I don't, *shrug*. But if you met me, you'd never think--ooh, super rebellious. 

But how does this play into To Do lists and productivity?

For me, I'm learning that the easiest way to get me not to do something is to tell me to do it. I might have wanted to do it, but once I'm told I must, I'm out. It's not a conscious thing but it's consistent.

So, for instance, obligatory reading. Y'all know I love reading more than anything and always have. But, the books we were assigned in school? I read Cliff's notes. I could never really pinpoint why except that I knew I didn't want to read that ASSIGNED book, no matter what it was. And the same thing has happened when my agent or an editor has asked me to read another author's book for a potential endorsement. As soon as I agree, I suddenly don't want to read the book even if it's a book I would've picked up on my own to read. I already hate it. Now it is an obligation. So I've learned to stop saying yes to those and instead, if I read a book that I loved and the author may benefit from an endorsement, I will write one and send it to the author or their agent in case they want to use it. Because then it's on my terms. No one asked me to do it. (This is also why I don't accept book review requests on this blog.) Weird, I know. Frustrating to me to, but it seems to be how I'm wired.

Now in that same scenario, if you are an Upholder, you would read the book on time and get the endorsement there with no problem. If you are an Obliger, you'd read the whole book on time even if you hated it, and then you'd feel guilty if you didn't like it and would probably still give an endorsement so you don't hurt anyone's feelings. If you're a questioner, you'd read the book if you thought it was something you might enjoy, and you'd only finish and endorse it if you loved it.

So what I'm learning for To Do lists is that maybe me writing them down is setting off my big NOPE gene. "You're not going to tell me what to do, planner." And as a rebel, it's odd that I have a planner at all, but one of the keys to getting a rebel to do something is to make it fun or make it something that is part of their identity. I've made planners a hobby. It's decorative. It's fun. If I just had some plain planner, I wouldn't use it. But anyway, someone in one of the podcasts suggested Rebels could make a "Could Do" list, not tying things to a day. "These are the things I could do today..." I may try that next week. Make one big list in my Inkwell Press (pictured above) and do the tasks that I'm in the mood for each day and record that in my Day Designer as I go. I need to trick myself, which is sad, but it is what it is. And each tendency has to trick themselves in some way. 

But if you're an Upholder, To Do lists will be your jam. You want all the gold stars. Obligers might dread the To Do lists because you know once you write it down, you will be COMPELLED to do it and will feel bad until you do. Questioners will use To Do lists if it makes sense to them (my hubs is not big on them.)

So this is only one aspect I'm applying the tendencies toward, but it's food for thought. I love thinking about this stuff and trying to come up with more effective ways to do things. So I highly recommend the Better Than Before book and the Happier podcasts if you want to learn more.

Has anyone else read the book? Or if you take the quiz, what tendency are you? Are you surprised? Do you know without taking the quiz?

Need a fun October Read? Her Halloween Treat by Tiffany Reisz

It's almost October and that's one of my favorite times of the year. We don't get much Fall here in Dallas, but the two or three weeks we do get, I cherish. And as soon as October starts, I start thinking about Halloween. Not so much because I'm all that into the day itself, but because of all the things that come with it. Cooler weather, horror movies on TV, that signal that the holiday season is starting. Love it.

So this weekend (when it was still 90 degrees outside--ugh), I picked up Tiffany Reisz's Her Halloween Treat. It turned out to be the perfect read to get me in the mindset for fall--particularly because it's set in Oregon (the part of the country where I eventually want to live). But beyond the Halloween theme and fall mood, the book was a really fun, sexy read. I always enjoy the humor in Tiffany's books. The characters in the story are people who sound like my friends, which I love. 

So if you're looking for a quick, funny, steamy read, this one's a good choice. Plus, it's worth reading for all the 80s and 90s references alone. ;)

(Disclosure: I know Tiffany and we share an agent, but she didn't ask me to review this book and I purchased my own copy.)

About the book:

Trick…or wicked treat! 

It was a devastating dirty trick—Joey Silvia just found out her boyfriend of two years is married. What. A. Dick. Joey knows her best chance to get over one guy is to get under another. Of course, heading home to her family's remote cabin in Oregon poses some challenges in the "available men" department…until she discovers this cabin comes with its own hot handyman! 

Holy crap, Chris Steffensen. When did her brother's best friend turn into a hard-bodied pile of blond-bearded hotness? He's the perfect Halloween treat—and a surprisingly dirty rebound guy. For a couple of weeks, anyway. Except that Chris has other ideas…like proving to Joey that this blast from the past is a whole lot more than a naughty Halloween hookup.

Grab a copy: Amazon | B&N | Kobo

What to Read - Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown

If you follow me here regularly, you know I'm a bit of a junkie for a good productivity read. So when I saw Greg McKeown speak with Michael Hyatt in the recent online productivity summit, I knew I had to get his book - Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less.

First, here's the back cover:

Have you ever felt the urge to declutter your work life?

Do you often find yourself stretched too thin?

Do you simultaneously feel overworked and underutilized?

Are you frequently busy but not productive?

Do you feel like your time is constantly being hijacked by other people’s agendas?

If you answered yes to any of these, the way out is the Way of the Essentialist.

The Way of the Essentialist isn’t about getting more done in less time. It’s about getting only the right things done.  It is not  a time management strategy, or a productivity technique. It is a systematic discipline for discerning what is absolutely essential, then eliminating everything that is not, so we can make the highest possible contribution towards the things that really matter.  

By forcing us to apply a more selective criteria for what is Essential, the disciplined pursuit of less empowers us to reclaim control of our own choices about where to spend our precious time and energy – instead of giving others the implicit permission to choose for us.

Essentialism is not one more thing – it’s a whole new way of doing everything. A must-read for any leader, manager, or individual who wants to do less, but better, and declutter and organize their own their lives, Essentialism is a movement whose time has come.

This book has a lot of fantastic information and guidelines for how to go about your "disciplined pursuit of less." But I think the way the concept resonated for me was that it's about editing. When I write a book, I look at every word, every scene, every character and ask--is this necessary for the story? Does this add something valuable to the book? Essentialism is doing that with your life and job, with all those tasks and activities and demands that take up our time. But instead of asking, "Does this add to the story?" we're asking, "Does this add to my life?" or "Does it add to what I'm trying to accomplish in my life/job/etc?" It's the idea of doing Less But Better.

Though this book is geared toward the business people of the world, I think it's applicable to more people than that. I'm a writer, which is what I do, but I'm also running my own business of being an author and all the things involved with that--marketing, promotion, working with my publishers, organizing things, going to events, soon indie publishing (which is another stack of tasks). Plus, I'm a mom so have those home duties layered in. 

So, often I find myself working, working, working and being constantly busy, but not actually, you know, WRITING. It's been driving me a little bit crazy. That's what originally led me to read Deep Work by Cal Newport (which I talked about more here), and I think these two books pair well together. Pare down your life to the essentials and make room for deep work (or whatever it is that's most important/fulfilling to you.)

But how do you do that? What does that mean? That's what this book answers.

I can't give a full summary because there's too much info and you should read the book, but here are some of my takeaways.

1. Learn the art of "no"

This is a huge one for me. I think women, in general, tend to have more trouble with the no because we're taught to be people pleasers, to be nice. We want to be nice and helpful--and there's nothing wrong with that. But if we say yes to every request, we're actually saying no to something else. We only have a set amount of time and energy in a day. Everything is a trade off. So a yes is always a no as well.

It's important to understand what you're saying no to by throwing out that mindless, "Sure I'll bake 100 cupcakes for the school fair." or "Sure, I'll critique your manuscript." or "Sure, I'll take on that extra project." Because it might be simultaneously saying, "Sure, I'll give up family time on my weekend." or "Sure, I'll miss my kid's soccer game." or "Sure, I won't get my own important work done this week." McKeown makes the point in this book that if you don't choose how to spend your time, someone else will choose for you.

I also like the method of "No, but instead..." I use this a lot. You switch out the request that would take a lot of time for something for something that is less of a time suck but still provides something helpful to the person. "I can't bake the cupcakes, but I can order some from the local bakery." "I can't make it to your Facebook party, but I can donate a prize." 

2. Getting over FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)

This goes along with the "saying no" thing. Especially in business, we're afraid of turning down opportunities. But often we make the mistake of seeing every opportunity as having equal weight. They don't. In writer land, this translates for me that if anyone offers an opportunity at promo, I should take it. But if a guest blog post takes me an hour to write (which it generally does) and it's posted on a blog that gets no traffic, I've just taken an hour of time I could've been using to write my books--the thing that is my essential--and used it to maybe get a post in front of a handful of people. 

This also applies to social media. We are all trained to be SO afraid that we're going to miss something, so we're connected all the time. We also can justify it because it's often part of our jobs to be connected. But social media and the internet are the greediest of time stealers. And it's fluff for the most part. Fun and social and nice for the occasional break. But when I look back on my life, I'm not going to say, "Wow, I wrote some great tweets and saw some fantastic cat pictures." I'm hopefully going to be able to say, "Wow, I wrote some great books and had an amazing time with family and friends." So I'm not saying social media/the internet doesn't have its place, but we often give it a way bigger place at the table then it deserves. And it will eat all your food if you don't keep it in check.

3. Giving yourself space to think

This, I think, is probably one of the hardest ones because we're so used to being busy and connected. We don't leave room for quiet and boredom anymore. I'm in a creative job. That space is vital to me (which is often why I end up getting ideas in the shower or before I fall asleep at night--because it's the only time I let myself be bored now.) Instead of all those pockets of time we used to have nothing to do--waiting in lines, sitting in the doctor's office, walking somewhere--we have our phones to fill the void. But there are good, ripe things in the void--ideas, solutions to problems, time to breathe and refresh. That's what had made me read Deep Work. I knew my ability to lose myself in thought was waning. Essentialism also speaks to this--making space for focus. Blocking time off in your schedule where you are unapologetically unavailable and not connected. This is probably what I'm taking home the most from the book. I'm ready to cut out a lot of the noise. Because, wow, life is noisy these days.

There are so many more takeaways in the book. I'm only skimming the surface. But between this book and Deep Work, I've changed my outlook on a lot of things and will be making some changes. I'll blog more on what those changes are, but for now, I'd love to hear your thoughts. AM I the only one fighting with these things? What's frustrating you right now with your time?