Thought-Provoking Reads from a Device-Free Summer (Day 2): The Power of Off

This week I'm taking some of the books I've read this summer while researching productivity, children and the internet/devices/video games, and how devices and the internet change our brains and am giving y'all some highlighted quotes for those interested.

I know that most people don't want to read a stack of books about the same topic, but I'm a nerd and a researcher at heart, so I love this stuff. ;) Hopefully by pulling some of the quotes from all these different books, it will give you some food for thought and also help you decide if you want to pick up the book to read. 

Yesterday I tackled The End of Absence: Reclaiming What We've Lost in a World of Constant Connection. Today, I'm going to cover a different book with a similar topic, but this one is more about how to protect your mental health in the connected world we live in. So yesterday's book was more philosophical, The Power of Off is focused more on psychology and self-care.

From the back cover:

Effective mindfulness practices for transforming your relationship with technology and reconnecting with your real life
 
Our reliance on technology is rapidly changing how each of us experiences life. We’re facing new issues and difficulties, we’re encountering new emotional triggers, and we’re relating to each other in new ways. As Dr. Nancy Colier writes, “How we spend our time, what motivates us, and what we want are all are on a radical course of transformation.” The promise of technology is that it will make our lives easier; yet to realize that promise, we cannot be passive users—we must bring awareness and mindfulness to our relationships with our devices.
 
“The compulsion to constantly check our devices plays on primal instincts,” teaches Colier. “Even people with strong spiritual practices or those who have never had other addiction issues now find themselves caught in the subtle trap of these miraculous tools we’ve created.” Through The Power of Off, she offers us a path for making use of the virtual world while still feeling good, having healthy relationships, and staying connected with what is genuinely meaningful in life. You’ll explore:  

• How and why today’s devices push our buttons so effectively, and what you can do to take back control of your life

• Tips for navigating the increasingly complex ways in which technology is affecting our relationships—with ourselves, others, and our devices themselves

• Self-evaluation tools for bringing greater awareness to your use of technology

• Mindfulness practices for helping you interact with your devices in more conscious ways

• A 30-day digital detox program to kick-start a new healthier relationship with technology 

With The Power of Off, Colier sounds the call for wakefulness, reminding us that we can use technology in a way that promotes, rather than detracts from, our well-being. This book provides an essential resource for anyone wanting to create a more empowered relationship with technology in the digital age.

Quotes that stood out to me in The Power of Off:

On why the internet and social media are so seductive. We think...

"If other people know about our lives, our lives will feel more real...If the world knows who we are, we will know who we are....With enough virtual destinations to choose from, we will find somewhere that we want to be."

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Like most of you know, I did a device-free summer with kidlet and was very nervous and intimidated when we started it, but it ended up being a great decision and easier than I thought. Her experience below with her daughter was similar to mine in that my kidlet handled it much better than I anticipated. I actually didn't have to say no except once because when I told him it was for the whole summer, he accepted that as fact, so he hasn't asked because he knows no devices or video games this summer, period.

"Getting kids off technology is not for the faint of heart, not once they’ve tasted the relief and glee that a princess video on YouTube can provide. Getting off technology is, in fact, hard for the whole family. In the end, for me, it’s a matter of using my resilience and my ability to stay present and connected with my love for my daughter, my deeper wisdom, and my clear intention to teach my child to enjoy herself without external entertainment. I want her to know her own internal resources and to trust the imagination and intelligence she contains. Thankfully, the more I say no, the more she returns to playing on her own, engaging herself, and being happy and proud about it."

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On FOMO, the fear of missing out. I had to deal with this some in June/July when I did a 3-week social media fast to get my book finished, but that anxiety about missing out faded in a few days. After the fast, I've been reluctant to return to the previous state, so now I'm still limiting my social media just because it feels better. I feel calmer.

"Indeed, many of us have grown afraid that if we don’t continually tell the world who we are, as everyone else is doing, we will become invisible and irrelevant."

---

She also made me think more about what I post when I do post. This is no judgment from me about what anyone decides to post, but it has now given me personal pause to think more deliberately about what I'm posting.

"A Facebook post by an intelligent friend, a fifty-year-old woman, read: 'Up for an early bike ride, now followed up by some fresh fruit and an acai juice.' Why do we now use our time to report such things? Why is it important that the public know our morning juice ritual? Do we not reap the same health benefits and take the same pride in that bike ride if others don’t know about it?"

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These made me think because it's like that tree in the woods thing--if a tree falls in the woods but no one hears it, did it really happen? That's how social media feels sometimes. It didn't happen unless we post about it. (And I know the irony of me commenting on this as I blog about something I'm doing in my life, lol.) But it comes to my mind a lot at concerts when everyone has their phones up recording the performance and watching the tiny screen instead of, you know, actually experiencing the live performance you paid all that money for in order to get a low quality video that won't be as good as one you can look up on YouTube. 

"What has happened to the power of internal experience, the private knowing of what we do in our lives? It appears that internal validation is disappearing and we increasingly need an external response for each moment we live."

"The rise of technology in our lives has been accompanied not only by the drive to turn ourselves into a brand but also by an undeniable explosion in our need to be witnessed."

"And often what accompanies this swelling desire is the belief that everything we live, from every thought to every splinter, is of monumental significance and fascination to others."

---

And a good question to ask if you feel you're more attached or dependent on social media than you would like:

"Ask yourself: What role (if any) does technology play in making me feel seen, known, or valued? Why is it important to me that others know about this? ...If they know, does it change the experience...? What changes or relaxes as a result of my making this experience known to the world?"

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On how our sense of self matures (or doesn't.) This definitely gave me pause since I'm in my thirties now.

"There used to be a developmental stage in life, usually sometime in our thirties, when we shifted our focus from the outside to the inside. That is, we stopped defining ourselves by what others thought of us and became more interested in what we thought of ourselves and the world. This stage could be called “growing up.” It seems that this stage of life is now disappearing for many of us. Now, the question Do I like myself? has been replaced by Am I liked?"

So if you're looking for a read that will make a case for stepping away from social media sometimes and give your brain a break in the name of self-care, this is a good one to pick up. 

7 Things to Reduce Distraction and Increase Focus

Happy Friday, everyone! In Wednesday's post about the book Essentialism by Greg McKeown, I mentioned that I would be implementing some things to use what I learned from both Essentialism and Deep Work by Cal Newport. So that's what today's post is about. And though this is my personal plan for what I think will help me, hopefully, you'll also find something things that might work for you.

That's what nice about the concepts in these books. They're not so specific that they can't be customized. We ALL feel too busy. We ALL would like to spend time doing things that are more meaningful and essential to our lives, job, family, etc. I would venture to say most of us feel overwhelmed by technology and the noise of modern life. And when you really take a hard look at it, you see the things you are giving up because you're glued to your computer or phone. And it's not just during work time. For me, it even leaks into my personal leisure time. If I'm focused on my phone, I end up with less reading time, less time to watch TV shows, less family time, etc. No bueno.

So here's my plan for the next month (a month in which I have a NaNoWriMo style goal of writing about 50k words.)

7 Things to Reduce Distraction and Increase Focus

 

1. Putting a leash on social media

It may be Facebook for you or YouTube or Instagram, but for me, Twitter is where the tempting coffee pot/watercooler is in my "workplace". I don't have co-workers to chat with in person, so it's where I go to catch up. It's what I often see first when I sit down at my desk--the big wide screen of Tweetdeck with all the columns and barrage of tweets. In some ways it makes sense that I go there. If I were working in an office, I would take a few minutes to ease into the day by catching up with people at work and drinking my coffee. However, the problem with Twitter is that it's never a five-minute conversation. It's links and today's drama and cat pictures and before I know it, thirty minutes have passed or longer. And now I have all these interesting articles to read. Plus, instead of easing into my day, it's like I've started standing in the middle of Times Square. SO. MUCH. NOISE. 

Action item: Pop in to twitter on my phone where I can only see who directly talked to me so I can respond, but don't look at the feed until my lunch break or after my writing is done for the day. 

2. Blocking off internet-free time with the Hey Focus app.

I've been using Hey Focus for a while, but I was just using the 1 hour timer it has built in. I didn't realize that I could set up a schedule for it to block social media/the web at set times each day automatically. This is a great feature because a) I don't have to remember to click for focus time b) it requires no willpower because it's automatic and c) will get me in the habit of knowing exactly when my "deep work" time is.

Note: you can whitelist certain apps and websites if you need them during your deep work time. But I'm not whitelisting anything but music. Even research can distract me (What kind of car should the heroine drive? What would have been on the radio in this flashback scene in 2005?) You click for research and then you fall into a web rabbit hole of something else. I can just make a note and look that up after deep work time.

Action item: Automatic internet blocking from noon to 3pm every day for deep work/writing time.

3. Meditate before going into the Deep Work zone.

Research has shown that our mind is like our muscles. If we don't use our ability to focus, we lose it. We have to actively work with concentration in order to improve it. I know without a doubt that my ability to focus has decreased over the last few years. Maybe it's all the technology, maybe it's age, maybe it's how my career has changed, maybe a little of all. But the girl who used to consider herself laser-focused to the point of obsession at times has started wondering if she has ADD. That's...concerning. 

So if our focus is like a muscle, then mine hasn't been to the gym in a while. And one of the proven ways to to strengthen that muscle is through mindful meditation. I have a little experience with this because I used to regularly do yoga (something I need to get back to), but it doesn't have to involve movement. Studies have shown that even 8 minutes of daily mediation can help. 

Now, that doesn't sound like much, but try it. I did a ten minute meditation with the Calm app this morning and it was HARD to sit still and be quiet and focus on breath for just a few minutes. Even with the lovely sound and view of crashing waves, I had to fight to keep focused--which tells me that I definitely need to keep doing it.

Action plan: Meditate for at least 10 minutes every week day with the Calm app.

4. Cocooning and setting limits

This goes along with the Deep Work and turning off the internet, but it's also important to set up expectations with others. You're not available during that deep work time unless it's an emergency. You are out of reach. The world can survive without you for a few hours. There's a great post over at Penelope Loves List about how to set up your Cocoon of Focus.

Action plan: Turn off my notifications except for kidlet's school and hubs and don't let others encroach on the cocoon of focus. 

5. Keeping my To Do list to the essentials

I talked about this on Wednesday, but I'm learning the art of saying no to things that aren't essential to my goals (both at work and home.) Busy work can be a sneaky time stealer. You feel like you're doing something so you're "working", but you're not actually getting the things done that are important. It's just another distraction. (Like when I inevitably decide that I MUST clean my office before writing that day, lol.) Y'all know I'm in love with my paper planners and this is the perfect way to make sure my To Do list is pared down to the essential bones. 

Action plan: Say no to the non-essential things that try to sneak on to my To Do list.

6. Tracking my time

And speaking of planners, I'm still using a two planner system, which I've talked about before. The Inkwell Press (photo above) is where my weekly and monthly plans live. It's what I ideally plan to do that week. Life isn't ideal. And plans are easily derailed. So I've used my Day Designer, which is a daily planner to not do future planning but to track my time as I go. That way, I can see what I planned to do (Inkwell Press) and what I actually did (Day Designer). This helps me see where I'm wasting time, how much time a task actually takes (because we all tend to underestimate that), and keeps me accountable.

Action plan: Use the Day Designer to track my time as I go so that I can see where all the time/energy is going.

7. Putting my phone away in the evenings

I have too many books to read, TV series I haven't seen, movies I haven't watched, games I haven't played to sit on the couch with my phone at night.

Action Plan: Put the phone out of reach at night because even if I am watching or reading something, the temptation to "just check" is too strong.

So those are my seven things for the month of October (though I've been implementing some already). I'll be sure to report back on how it goes. I know for sure it's not going to be easy. Breaking habits is incredibly hard and the internet's hold on us is legit. But I'm determined and nothing makes me more motivated then when I get mad about something. And I'm mad that things are stealing my time. ;)

So you tell me, am I the only one struggling with this? Have you tried anything to reduce distractions and increase focus? Anything work well for you?

What to Read - Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown

If you follow me here regularly, you know I'm a bit of a junkie for a good productivity read. So when I saw Greg McKeown speak with Michael Hyatt in the recent online productivity summit, I knew I had to get his book - Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less.

First, here's the back cover:

Have you ever felt the urge to declutter your work life?

Do you often find yourself stretched too thin?

Do you simultaneously feel overworked and underutilized?

Are you frequently busy but not productive?

Do you feel like your time is constantly being hijacked by other people’s agendas?

If you answered yes to any of these, the way out is the Way of the Essentialist.

The Way of the Essentialist isn’t about getting more done in less time. It’s about getting only the right things done.  It is not  a time management strategy, or a productivity technique. It is a systematic discipline for discerning what is absolutely essential, then eliminating everything that is not, so we can make the highest possible contribution towards the things that really matter.  

By forcing us to apply a more selective criteria for what is Essential, the disciplined pursuit of less empowers us to reclaim control of our own choices about where to spend our precious time and energy – instead of giving others the implicit permission to choose for us.

Essentialism is not one more thing – it’s a whole new way of doing everything. A must-read for any leader, manager, or individual who wants to do less, but better, and declutter and organize their own their lives, Essentialism is a movement whose time has come.

This book has a lot of fantastic information and guidelines for how to go about your "disciplined pursuit of less." But I think the way the concept resonated for me was that it's about editing. When I write a book, I look at every word, every scene, every character and ask--is this necessary for the story? Does this add something valuable to the book? Essentialism is doing that with your life and job, with all those tasks and activities and demands that take up our time. But instead of asking, "Does this add to the story?" we're asking, "Does this add to my life?" or "Does it add to what I'm trying to accomplish in my life/job/etc?" It's the idea of doing Less But Better.

Though this book is geared toward the business people of the world, I think it's applicable to more people than that. I'm a writer, which is what I do, but I'm also running my own business of being an author and all the things involved with that--marketing, promotion, working with my publishers, organizing things, going to events, soon indie publishing (which is another stack of tasks). Plus, I'm a mom so have those home duties layered in. 

So, often I find myself working, working, working and being constantly busy, but not actually, you know, WRITING. It's been driving me a little bit crazy. That's what originally led me to read Deep Work by Cal Newport (which I talked about more here), and I think these two books pair well together. Pare down your life to the essentials and make room for deep work (or whatever it is that's most important/fulfilling to you.)

But how do you do that? What does that mean? That's what this book answers.

I can't give a full summary because there's too much info and you should read the book, but here are some of my takeaways.

1. Learn the art of "no"

This is a huge one for me. I think women, in general, tend to have more trouble with the no because we're taught to be people pleasers, to be nice. We want to be nice and helpful--and there's nothing wrong with that. But if we say yes to every request, we're actually saying no to something else. We only have a set amount of time and energy in a day. Everything is a trade off. So a yes is always a no as well.

It's important to understand what you're saying no to by throwing out that mindless, "Sure I'll bake 100 cupcakes for the school fair." or "Sure, I'll critique your manuscript." or "Sure, I'll take on that extra project." Because it might be simultaneously saying, "Sure, I'll give up family time on my weekend." or "Sure, I'll miss my kid's soccer game." or "Sure, I won't get my own important work done this week." McKeown makes the point in this book that if you don't choose how to spend your time, someone else will choose for you.

I also like the method of "No, but instead..." I use this a lot. You switch out the request that would take a lot of time for something for something that is less of a time suck but still provides something helpful to the person. "I can't bake the cupcakes, but I can order some from the local bakery." "I can't make it to your Facebook party, but I can donate a prize." 

2. Getting over FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)

This goes along with the "saying no" thing. Especially in business, we're afraid of turning down opportunities. But often we make the mistake of seeing every opportunity as having equal weight. They don't. In writer land, this translates for me that if anyone offers an opportunity at promo, I should take it. But if a guest blog post takes me an hour to write (which it generally does) and it's posted on a blog that gets no traffic, I've just taken an hour of time I could've been using to write my books--the thing that is my essential--and used it to maybe get a post in front of a handful of people. 

This also applies to social media. We are all trained to be SO afraid that we're going to miss something, so we're connected all the time. We also can justify it because it's often part of our jobs to be connected. But social media and the internet are the greediest of time stealers. And it's fluff for the most part. Fun and social and nice for the occasional break. But when I look back on my life, I'm not going to say, "Wow, I wrote some great tweets and saw some fantastic cat pictures." I'm hopefully going to be able to say, "Wow, I wrote some great books and had an amazing time with family and friends." So I'm not saying social media/the internet doesn't have its place, but we often give it a way bigger place at the table then it deserves. And it will eat all your food if you don't keep it in check.

3. Giving yourself space to think

This, I think, is probably one of the hardest ones because we're so used to being busy and connected. We don't leave room for quiet and boredom anymore. I'm in a creative job. That space is vital to me (which is often why I end up getting ideas in the shower or before I fall asleep at night--because it's the only time I let myself be bored now.) Instead of all those pockets of time we used to have nothing to do--waiting in lines, sitting in the doctor's office, walking somewhere--we have our phones to fill the void. But there are good, ripe things in the void--ideas, solutions to problems, time to breathe and refresh. That's what had made me read Deep Work. I knew my ability to lose myself in thought was waning. Essentialism also speaks to this--making space for focus. Blocking time off in your schedule where you are unapologetically unavailable and not connected. This is probably what I'm taking home the most from the book. I'm ready to cut out a lot of the noise. Because, wow, life is noisy these days.

There are so many more takeaways in the book. I'm only skimming the surface. But between this book and Deep Work, I've changed my outlook on a lot of things and will be making some changes. I'll blog more on what those changes are, but for now, I'd love to hear your thoughts. AM I the only one fighting with these things? What's frustrating you right now with your time?

Digital Detox: 3 Things I'm Doing to Tame the Social Media Habit & Reclaim Focus

If you haven't noticed from my past few blog posts, I'm feeling very motivated to tackle 2016 in a more thoughtful, focused way than I have in past years. In other words, flighty writer me is trying to get her s**t together. It's easy, particularly when you're in a creative career, to just kind of ride the tide of life and see where things take you. As long as the words get on the page, everything else will work itself out. We're supposed to be opening our minds, seeking inspiration, chasing new ideas, right? That doesn't fit into business planning and structure and goal-setting. Wrong. 

Writing (or any creative career) is a business like anything else. Plans are good. Structure in your day is enormously helpful. Good habits are key. All of that sets us up to have time and mental space to actually CREATE those things we're supposed to be creating. 

So that is what I've been focused so far on 2016. I got myself set up with a gorgeous, functional paper planner. And I filled out my business goals in this workbook. And now I wanted to tackle another issue that has claimed me like a bad relationship. The internet/social media monster.

I know I'm not alone in this. It's part of society now. We're always connected. Our smartphones sit on the table with us at dinner, they live attached to our hands. We check FB more times than any of us want to admit. If we have to wait in a line even for a minute, we can't resist the urge to look at our phones. And if we're working, that itch to click and "just check" on twitter or instagram or pinterest, calls to us all day long. 

I've been aware of it for a long time, but I've justified that it's a big part of my job to be online, to participate in social media, to respond to emails, to be available. And that's true. It is part of my job. And it's a part of my job I like very much--chatting with readers, connecting with other writers, reading blog posts about books and the industry. Plus, I work at home. Social media is my watercooler. I'd feel isolated otherwise.

However, by the end of 2015, I looked up and realized that the internet monster had morphed from being a part of my day to a creeping beast that was infiltrating and stealing other chunks of my time. Why hadn't I watched many TV shows this year? Because I end up scrolling through stuff on my phone instead of focusing on television shows that require more than 10% of my attention to follow along. Why had my nightly reading habit slacked off? Yep. Because I'd get caught up in Pinterest or my blog roll instead of picking up that book. That was a biggie. Reading is my FAVORITE thing. And I was letting something steal my attention from that.

In addition to that, I realized it was my crutch while I was writing. As soon as I hit a tough part of the manuscript--a sentence that wasn't working, a plot snag, an issue I hadn't considered--I'd click over to twitter and get caught up in chatting. Twenty minutes later, I'm back to writing and have wasted that time and broken my concentration. I'm not ADD, but I was starting to feel that way. The checking had become unconscious. Motor memory to click through icons. And if you're a writer or creative person, you know that the key to writing or creating is finding FLOW--that uninterrupted time where you're totally focused on what you're doing and totally IN it. That's when the best work gets done. And I was constantly thwarting any chance at flow.

So now that we know the extent of my addiction, lol, here's what I'm doing differently in 2016. Hopefully, these are tips you can incorporate if you're having the same issue.

3 Steps to Reclaiming My Time and focus

1. Schedule internet and social media time during the part of the day that is not my optimal creative/deep work time. And by schedule, I mean, WRITE IT DOWN as an appointment.

I don't want to give up the internet and social media and go live in an off-the-grid cabin or anything. (Okay, maybe some days I'd like that.) But I need to corral the time that I spend doing the online thing. After enough years of doing this job, I've learned that I hit my writing stride in the afternoon. We all have peak creative times, and mine seems to be in that after lunch slot until early evening. So I'm scheduling blogging, social media, and email during the morning time. (This pic is my Day Designer btw. Isn't it purty?)

2. Schedule dedicated writing time and use the Focus app to shut off all the social media and distracting websites during that time.

I've been using the Focus app. I've also heard Freedom is good. But so far, this is working really well. I have noon to 3 blocked off on my planner for writing time. Then I set the Focus app to block for a set amount of time--usually an hour. If you try to click on anything during that time, it will come up with an inspirational quote. And what's funny (sad?) is that I've found myself clicking twitter or whatever out of pure reflex. That muscle memory. That movement is built into me now when I pause in writing. So the app has been very helpful in basically reminding me--hey, dummy, you've blocked this, get back to work! And I've found that the 1 hour time goes by fast once I start working because I'm actually focusing and getting into flow. Then when one hour is up, I give myself a little break to get a snack or check email/twitter or whatever, but only for five minutes. Then I hit the app for another hour. I'm kind of in love. It's like a relief if that makes sense. (Like when you go on a cruise or out of the country and your phone can't work, lol.)

3. In the evenings, I'm putting my phone out of reach (and have turned off notifications.)

I can still hear it ring if someone needs me. But with the phone out of reach, I stop the mindless grabbing for it while I'm hanging out with the fam or watching TV or reading a book. It's amazing how just having it across the room can break the loop. And I've turned off all notifications for social media. That's an all day thing. I need to know when someone calls, when I have a text, and if there's a VIP email (agent, editor, family). Other than that, it's not urgent and I don't need to be notified.

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I may add more layers to this as I go. I know as soon as I get into the meat of writing this next book, I'm going to be using Scrivener's Compose mode to make the distractions even more minimal. I use Scrivener exclusively but have never used this mode. Doesn't this look soothing? You can load your own background picture. 

Page one of OFF THE CLOCK

Right now, this system has been working for me. I'm deep in the brainstorming/story development process for Pleasure Principle book 2, so my writing time has involved a lot of random notes, lists, and staring at the wall and pondering. But it's work. Good work. And it feels great to get lost in it again and not constantly be dragged out by a cat GIF or the latest twitter ragefest or the vortex of Facebook. I know all that will still be there when my day's work is done. :)

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Are you struggling with any of these things? Any tips about things that have worked for you?