Today I'm asking one of the more hotly debated questions in the writing blogosphere - should you put your "baby" (first novel) in a drawer for a while or should you send it out to the world once you're done editing? Some say that you should not query your first book until you've written a second.
(It's too soon if) It's your first novel. No matter how hard it is to hear and follow this advice, it's probably the best advice I'll ever offer: write a second novel before you query on the first one. You'll learn so much while writing that second novel that you'll go back and either revise or discard Novel #1. AND you won't have all the baggage from those damn form rejections to weigh you down --agent Janet Reid
Others argue that it's silly to do that, some first novels get published. You've done all that work, so go for it. So, I thought this would make a great debate for a Face Off Friday.
I have to say that in my case, I queried my first novel too soon. It was before I was blogging, before I had quality beta readers, before I knew what the heck I was doing. (Although, I thought I did.) I had three biggie agents request fulls, which were eventually met with rejections (albeit one was personalized and encouraging.) After I received these a few months after querying, I already knew that my book needed work. Since querying, I had learned so much. I now want to smack myself in the head that I jumped too soon on sending out those letters.
I've since parked that YA under the bed with plans to completely rewrite it one day. And, thankfully, my second novel turned out much better (at least based on publisher interest and contest wins.)
But patience is my least favorite virtue and is often my downfall. So I understand when others want to do the same as I did. And perhaps they will have better luck than me. But here are some points to consider:
Querying Now vs. Later
In defense of immediate gratification...
You've worked really hard on your novel and the thought of not seeing what it could do out there is driving you crazy
Some first novels sell
You've revised the book ten ways til Sunday so it's not "technically" your first effort
Publishing follows trends and your vampire/fairy/angel/werewolf book may not be "in" if you wait too long
You can't focus on a second book unless you know if this one is going anywhere
Your family has been hearing about your writing this book, now they keep asking you about the results
You love this book and can't bear the thought of tucking it away for a while
For love of patience...
If you write a second, you will have learned so much more that you will look back and see the flaws in your first effort that you missed the first time
It's already too hard to keep up with trends since publishing is a slow process, so you have to take comfort in that if it's a great book, it will still be great in six months
You'll have time to detach yourself from the first book and have a more unbiased opinion later
You won't burn bridges with agents
If one book sells, you'll be able to tell the agent you have something else already finished and ready to go as well
Alright, so I'm picturing myself reading this a year and half ago. I would have read the points for patience and been like, yeah BUT BUT BUT... and figured out all the ways that this did not apply to me.
So, I know that some of you are probably doing the same thing. Therefore, I'll include a little checklist to look over if you want to query your first novel and know that you're not going to be able to wait until you finish a second.
If you can't wait, make sure...
You have read writing books, blogs, etc. on a regular basis.
Each important character has a clear internal and external Goal, Motivation, and Conflict. And by clear, I mean you do not have to explain it to others who have read your book.
Your novel is high concept (if that's what you're going for) so you can boil the plot down to a sentence.
Your opening chapter hooks the reader and is not loaded down with backstory.
You are able to write a 1-2 page synopsis. If you can't, there may be a problem in the book (according to Janet Reid).
Your novel has been read by at least three beta readers/crit buddies who are NOT your personal friends or family members. You need people who are writers themselves, have knowledge of the craft, and aren't afraid to be honest.
Even if you're not writing a second novel yet, let the manuscript stew for at least a month to gain some distance from it.
Alright, so that's my take on it. The links I included are former posts on all these issues. Feel free to disagree as always.
So what's your opinion? Should you follow the path of patience or jump into the shark tank? For those of you who have more than one novel under your belt, how do you see your first novel now? And has anyone out there had success with first novel querying?
**This is a revised reposting of an Oct. 2009 post. My kiddo is sick and I'm running on two hours sleep, so I didn't think I could be coherent enough today to come up with the post I had planned. However, I look forward to hearing everyone's thoughts on this issue.**
It's Beta Club Day! On today's agenda, one of my favorite genres, paranormal romance. So, I hope you'll take the time to take a look and let the author know what you think.
For newbies: If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments. All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive. And if anyone has an itch to be critiqued, the rules for submitting to the Beta Club are under the "Free Critiques" heading at the top of the page.
Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments. My detailed critique is below.
Author: Mishi (check out her site here) Title: The Calling Genre: Paranormal Romance
Excerpt:
Maire ran to the man who lay face down in a heaping mess before her, his head mass of blood and hair. “What do I do?” she gasped, kneeling down beside him. Then it hit her, “Cell phone! Iris, can you help him while we wait for an ambulance?” She asked, fingers fumbling in her purse for the tiny phone.
“Don’t worry about calling for help; it’s not needed,” the angel assured her, placing a finger on the vampire’s head. Instantly, the wounds began to close.
“Are you kidding me? Look at him!” The blood terrified her, “There’s no way he could survive that kind of a beating. You know how much damage a demon can do when they possess people.” Glancing again at his head, “Not that I’ve ever seen one up close and personal like that. There’s no way this guy will survive without some medical attention.”
“Should I try to move him, he can’t possibly be able to breathe like this.” She inched closer as Iris watched. “I will not to panic if his face is worse,” she whispered, reaching out to him. “I hope I don’t do more harm than good by doing this.”
“Oh thank God, he’s fine on this side!” She sighed. Reaching for a tissue, she muttered, “He’s a little pale and cold to the touch, but this is much better.” She reached for his jugular, trying to find his pulse, “His heart is beating too slow, should I perform CPR?’
Touya felt warm trembling fingers on his neck. The air was thick with the scent of human fear and flowers-irises-of all things. He felt energy beaming down on him; soft and pure as it pulsed against his skin-nothing like the energy of the demon he had been fighting. With fangs out, Touya sprang to a sitting position, and found himself staring into a young woman’s panic filled eyes.
“Iris, it’s another demon!” She cried and scrambled backwards.
Trying to get to his feet, Touya growled angrily, “Do not insult me, I’m no more a demon than you are!”
He looked around himself for the power that he felt, Where are they? Are they in the building waiting to gun me down? It doesn’t matter, I need blood and I need it now! He looked back to the man lying out of sight near the dumpsters. If I have to feed, it’s going to be on someone tainted by evil, and not this innocent woman. But she gets to watch for that demon crack.
Even in his weakened state, Touya moved faster than human eyes could follow, and with a sharp jerking motion, he had Mr. Baseball Cap in his grasp. The man moaned with the shock of being on his feet. “Stop complaining,” Touya grumbled, “I just took enough to get the demon out of you. You can complain when I’m done, because this will not be pleasant. Next time you’ll think twice before asking a demon to possess you.”
Rising to her feet, Maire walked over to him as he cradled the stranger in his arms.
“Oh God, you’re drinking his blood!” She gasped, her hands flying up to cover her mouth.
Touya stopped to look at her, “It’s how I heal. Sorry that it displeases,” he said, with an edge of sarcasm before returning to his business.
“Darn it, Iris! Why didn’t you tell me he was a vampire?” She looked behind her, her voice holding heavy with anger.
The angel was leaning against a wall with her arms crossed over her chest. Her tone dry, she asked, “Would you have believed it?”
“Considering that I talk to you on a constant basis, I think I could handle the information. What the hell do you think?”
“Oh calm down, sweetie, I was only playing it out the way I was told. I don’t write the dialog, I just deliver the lines.”
He bit his thumb and placed a drop of blood on the wound showing on the man’s neck. After seeing the marks vanish, and releasing the hold over the man’s mind, Touya let him fall to the ground. I need to get out of this alley and find someone else; this guy’s given me all he can. He looked down at his shirt, which was ruined, Home and shower…I won’t find anyone if I look like a mob hit!
He wiped his mouth, turning to the young woman, he glided towards her. “You didn’t see what happened here. You will go home and sleep…”
“Whoa, hold the Jedi Mind Tricks, I don’t think you can make me forget this,” her hands out in front of her as she backed away from him.
Stunned, Touya looked her over. “Your mind is too strong for you to be crazy. Maybe I was wrong about that.” He reached out with his mind and found silence. Flustered he asked, “Who the hell do you keep talking too?
Maire felt that old familiar panic creep into her voice,“Iris.” It was more of a plea than an answer, but Iris was more than happy to keep herself hidden from the vampire.
“Iris?” He spun his hand, gesturing her to continue.
Turning to face the angel, she cried out, “Come on, Iris, stop playing around!”
Iris shrugged, “I can’t help it, I’ve not been told to reveal myself.”
Marie threw up her hands and yelled, “Great, just great. Thanks God, thanks for making me look like a total nut again!”
“Well, at least you know you’re crazy.” He said with a harsh chuckle, picking up his sword. Moving towards his coat, “I would’ve liked to take some of the shock from your mind, but oh well…it’s not like anyone will believe you.”
She whirled to face him, “I’m not crazy. I was sent here to find you. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do now, but I’ve got instructions to stick around. The salvation of your soul depends on it.”
“The what…?!”
Below is my detailed critique. Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments. Alright, so what do you think? Are you hooked? What did the author do well? What things could be improved? Agree or disagree with my crit?
Thanks ahead of time to all of you who comment and thanks to the author for volunteering!
Looking for a crit partner? Then, you're in luck, I'm doing matchmaking today (see bottom of post). And if you already have a terrific group, what do you look for in a beta reader?
So as most of you know, my group is currently holding a contest to find our new member. Today is the last day to enter, so if you're interested, be sure to apply on Lynnette's blog. We're going to have a serious challenge picking the winner(s) because the entries have been strong, but we're excited.
But as I started going through entries, I got to thinking--what exactly am I looking for most? First, I'm obviously examining the person's skill level. I think it's important that the members of a group are all around the same stage because if you mix beginners with the more advanced--everyone ends up frustrated.
But beyond that, what other things? If the writing talent is equal, what other things make someone a better fit?
Here is what I came up with. I'd love to hear what you look for as well.
Voice --I'm a bit voice-obsessed. If I'm not feeling your voice (or there is a lack of voice), then I'm going to dread spending months critting the story. That's one of those things that's hard to help someone fix.
Concept/Genre --Just like anyone else, I have my subject and genre preferences. My group only accepts those who write romance or have romantic elements in their stories. However, even within those parameters, there are subgenres I'm more drawn to than others. For instance, if you story is a high fantasy with romantic elements, it's probably not going to be my cuppa.
Humor --You don't necessarily have to write funny, but if the person seems to have a good sense of humor, that's a plus. This writing thing can be tough at times and nothing makes me feel better than sharing a laugh with my group. I have trouble connecting with people who take themselves and life too seriously.
Honest --Critting is about honesty (delivered with respect and tact). I expect my partners to hold my feet to the fire if something isn't working for them. On that same note, I want someone who will take the time to point out what they liked because, hell, I've got a tough skin, but I crave positive feedback just like anyone else. So if I made you laugh--tell me--if I made you groan--tell me that, too.
Professional --Now I don't mean the person needs to be formal. God knows some of the conversations we have on our chat loop are far from professional. But what I mean is someone who is serious about their writing and commitments--they turn their crits in on time (or send a note saying why they couldn't that week), they don't share my work with others, etc.
Insightful --This may differ for some people, but I appreciate a critter who doesn't just say what's wrong, but offers suggestions. Sometimes it's hard to see things because we're so close to our own work. So I love it when one of my buddies says, "Hey, the pacing is a little slow here, maybe move this scene over here" or "this seems to start too late, maybe back up and start from this point instead." Those are my smack forehead moments--like, wow, why didn't I think of that? That makes so much sense.
So those are my wish list items, I'm looking forward to hearing what yours are. But first, I've had a few people reach out to me who are looking for critique groups or beta readers (but didn't write romance to apply for my contest), so I thought I would do a little crit matchmaking again. I've done this in the past with some success, so hopefully this helps a few of you out again.
CRIT GROUP MATCHMAKING
If you are looking to form/join a crit group or are looking for beta readers, please put your information in the linky box below. Include your NAME AND GENRE in the name section AND leave your contact info in the comments section so people know how to reach you. Then if you see others pop up in your genre, you'll be able to click on their name and contact them through their blog or look for their email address in the comments.
I'll leave this open for as long as needed so people can sign up in the future as well
Alright, so what do you look for most in a crit partner? Do you think it's important to match up genre and skill level? What lessons have you learned from crit relationships that didn't work out?
And remember, if you sign up above, leave your contact info in the comments.
**Today's Theme Song**
"Somebody to Love" - Glee Cast Version
(player in sidebar, go ahead, you know you want to listen)
It's Beta Club Day! On the agenda today: Young Adult. So pull up a chair, take a gander, and let the author know what you think.
For newbies: If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments. All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive. And if anyone has an itch to be critiqued, the rules for submitting to the Beta Club are under the "Free Critiques" heading at the top of the page.
Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments. My detailed critique is below.
Author: Plamena Jetcheva Title: The Ivory Promise Genre: Young Adult
Excerpt:
Get up, Clara told herself. Get up or you’ll be late for class again and stuck in detention for the rest of the school year. She didn’t want to stagger out of bed and put her cold clothes on. This morning’s lecture was a waste of time. The teacher only read out of the book anyway.
Clara’s left eye cracked open cautiously to check the time as she tried to decide if she could risk sleeping for another five minutes. As her vision adjusted to the light and the room swam into view she realized there was something strange. Rubbing her eyes she looked out at the bottom of the lecture hall where Ms. Lipsinks was sitting at her desk. As usual, she was reading the textbook without pauses between the sentences and without ever looking up at the students.
Nice. I’m already in class. Clara grinned and stretched her arms out. No need to get up. In fact, I could sleep some more. She had drifted away with her head on An Introduction to History. After trying to flatten its pages out without any success she slid the book to the side. There was a crick in her neck. I really need a better pillow. Rummaging through her schoolbag she pulled out a scarf and arranged it on her desk.
Clara’s head had just touched the soft fabric when a bang cut through the room and silenced Ms. Lipsinks. Clara startled and sat up trying to locate where the noise had come from. All the girls in the room were staring down at the open door which had slammed against the wall. Standing in the doorway was a man wearing a dark green military uniform. A gun glinted in his hand reflecting the fluorescent lecture hall lights.
“Freeze!” He bellowed raising the weapon to chest level.
He didn’t need to say it. Clara was already frozen along with everyone else in the room. She sat transfixed as uniformed men poured into the room each of them carrying a rifle. Had it happened? Had the Equal Rights Movement already taken over this part of the country?
The click of the soldiers’ polished boots was the only source of sound in the room and it reverberated off the walls making them seem to be closing in on her from every direction. Clara could hear some of them marching up the steps towards the back of the auditorium where she was sitting but didn’t dare looking up. Instead she stared straight ahead at the front rows where the soldiers were inspecting every girl’s face.
They reached Amanda, the daughter of the family that was currently in power, and one of them called out “We found one!” Grasping her upper arm he roughly pulled her to her feet, spun her around and handcuffed her wrists behind her back. Clara could see Amanda’s face as she looked out frantically over the girls filling the seats in the room almost as if she expected someone to spring to her rescue.
The gravity of the situation started to sink in Clara’s mind. Her palms began to perspire dampening the paper they were resting on and sticking to it. She expected for the intruders to leave now that they had found Amanda but they continued to search the room. Clara tensed when she heard the scraping of chairs against the linoleum flooring only several seats down her row.
“Take your hood off!” a voice barked from her right.
Clara couldn’t move. It had been a very happy day for her when the school revised the uniforms and added a hood to the sweater. She hid behind it whenever she could get way with wearing it. Clara didn’t want it removed now but she would have still pulled it off if only she could have forced her arms to move.
The man to her right let out a quick tsk under his breath and the shadow of his hand fell across her face as he reached for her hood. Clara felt his fingers dig into the back of her scalp as he grasped the fabric and yanked it off snagging a few strands of her hair. Her head snapped back and she gasped at the pain that shot through it. Tears filled her eyes and she had to blink several times to clear them.
“I think I found the other one,” the soldier’s tone sounded pleased.
Below is my critique, click on FULL SCREEN, then once the document opens, RIGHT CLICK to zoom so you can see the comments.
Alright, so what do you think? Are you hooked? What did the author do well? What things could be improved? Agree or disagree with my crit?
Also, this author is looking for beta readers to exchange with, so if you are interested, please email her at phoquinn(at)gmail(dot)com. Thanks ahead of time for offering feedback and thank you to the author for volunteering!
Writers obsess about many things--we're a neurotic bunch. But one of the things we seem to get all twitchy about is daily word count. Hang around on Twitter or hop around the blogs and you'll see people posting their numbers. I am not immune.
As you can see in my sidebar, I signed up for the 1000 word a day challenge at the beginning of the year. Tina's also running a 500/day challenge, and hers is interactive--she beats you with a flogger or sends swarms of angry bees after you if you don't meet your goal. (But you'll have a novel done in six months. You can sign up here.)
As for my word count meter--some days I meet the goal, some days I surpass it, and other days I fall woefully short. But should I beat myself up over it?
Well, yes and no.
Why, yes?
Because the more I hear successful published authors speak at conferences and in interviews, the more I learn how productive an author is expected to be once you're under contract. I was listening to an interview with Lauren Dane the other day and she said she generally takes 4-6 weeks to write a full length novel (90-100k words). Then she edits, sends to betas, and revises. Total time from start to sending it in to her publisher--two months on average.
Wow, right? I mean, that's impressive to me. Now this doesn't mean she doesn't have to do more revisions and go through the editing process with the publisher, but still. And this doesn't seem to be that odd. Most of the authors I hear speak seem to have similar timelines.
They say that once you're under contract and have a multi-book deal, you have to learn to write to deadline, which means writing quickly. Of course, I know we'd all love to have that problem. But it is something to think about. And you can't use the excuse of--oh, but writing is their full-time job, so they have all this time to write. The truth is, it can take many successful books to generate enough income to drop your day job. That means you may not have the luxury of full-time writing for a while even if you do get a deal on that first book. So, learning how to write quickly is an important skill.
Why, no?
On the other hand, we are new writers trying to break in, so editing in two weeks is NOT a viable option for us. Our stories have to be as perfect as possible before sending them out, so we need to take our time polishing. It goes back to the adage--write fast, edit slow.
Also, I think we sometimes get so focused on the publishing aspect that we forget about the benefits of not having a deal yet. We are not on a deadline, so we can go at the pace we want. Also, we're not tied to contracts so we have the ability to jump around and test out different genres and styles with our writing. So remember to enjoy those little things as you go through the process.
Now, since I answered the questions both ways, what am I personally trying to do in my own writing? I'm trying to train myself to write more quickly (because I have an obnoxious internal editor that slows me down), and I'm also relishing the freedom of testing out different subgenres of romance.
So, what's your process? How long does it take you to bang out a first draft? How long to edit? Do you genre jump? Do you hold yourself accountable to a daily/weekly word count goal?
**Also, don't forget, we're still taking entries for the open spot in our crit group. You can find out details here.**
**Today's Theme Song**
"This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race" - Fall Out Boy
As I mentioned earlier this week, my online crit group is in need of a new member. My crit partner Lynnette Labelle is heading up the contest, so if you are interested in entering, please make sure to follow the directions below (DO NOT email your entries to me.)
What we write: Romantic Suspense, Paranormal Romance, and Sexy Contemporary Romance.
The group's personality: We're tough in our crits (see my Beta Club days for examples of my critting) but all feedback is delivered with respect and love. Everyone in the group is super supportive and we lean on each other to get through the tough parts of this business. It is a warm and friendly group, and when I won this very contest and joined last year, I instantly felt welcome. Fair warning: If you do not have a sense of humor, you need not apply.
Why would you trust us to crit your work? Gwen and I have recently placed in RWA contests and both of us would be considered RWA PROs (if we’d fill out the forms). Lynnette is a certified copy editor and proofreader and is in the process of starting up her own online manuscript editing/writing coach business.
Alright, interested? Here are the rules (pulled directly from Lynnette's post):
Are you a romance writer looking for a critique group? Well, you’ve come to the right place. Rumored Romantics has an opening and we’re going to fill it by hosting a contest starting TODAY! Isn’t this exciting?
Note: Regardless of whether or not you’ve entered one of the critique group contests before, read the information below as some things have changed.
The details:
• This contest is only for romance writers of adult fiction who are seeking a critique group.
• All entrants must be 18 years or older.
• Entries should be 2-3 pages from an unpublished manuscript, double spaced, 12 pt. font, Times New Roman. Anything beyond 3 pages will NOT be read.
• This is a three part contest. Part One, a 2-3 page writing sample, is open to all contestants. Finalists are selected to move on to Part Two. During this stage, the finalists will be asked to supply a longer writing sample and critique a short piece, which we’ll provide. A select few will continue on. In Part Three, the remaining finalists will critique a longer sample and fill out a bio/questionnaire. Sound like a lot of work? It is. Sorry about that. All of the above is necessary in order for us to see that our writing and critiquing styles are compatible with yours.
• Entries will be judged on the quality of the writing and critiquing, but we aren’t expecting perfection. Please send us your best work without external help. We want to see how well YOU write and critique, not your critique partner or professional editor.
• All entries for Part One of the contest are due by midnight Wednesday, April 28, 2010.
• One entry per person, unpublished work only.
• Send your entry in the body of an e-mail (She will NOT open anything with an attachment) to: lynnette_labelle@hotmail.com
• You should expect an e-mail from Lynnette confirming I received your entry. If you haven't gotten one within 24 hours, check the e-mail address. Note: her name is spelled with two n's. LyNNette. If you don't spell it correctly in her e-mail address, she won't get the message.
• The first round of finalists will be announced on her blog and notified by e-mail some time during the week of May 2.
The PRIZE:
• Membership for one lucky writer to a small, online, romance critique group*
• Note: Rumored Romantics is looking for someone who is willing to critique at least ONE chapter a week. Chapters are no longer than 20 pages double spaced. So, the most your minimum required critique would be is 20 pages. To be clear, you’d only have to critique one chapter a week, not one per member. However, everyone is encouraged to participate as much as they can.
If you have any questions about the contest or Rumored Romantics, ask away.
*We reserve the right to not choose anyone if we don't find a good fit for our critique group.
Hint #1: You must write adult romance, BUT we don’t actually want to read the sex scenes or romance scenes in your story (at least, not for the contest). You’ll have better results if you show us a piece that represents how different your work is from everyone else’s. Get it?
Hint #2: When you submit your entry, it doesn’t have to be a complete scene. Don’t stress yourself out trying to find a 2-3 page scene in your manuscript and don’t cut important parts of a scene to make it fit. In fact, if you cut the end of the scene, we might be intrigued enough to want to read more. Hook us and you’ll have a great chance of winning.
Hint #3: Here’s how we're going to read the entries. We’ll copy and paste from the e-mail into Microsoft Word. If the font isn’t Times New Roman, 12 pt, we’ll change it to that. If it’s not double spaced, we’ll modify it. Once the entry is formatted correctly, anything beyond three pages will NOT be read.
Good luck! And please, if this doesn't apply to you, but you know someone who may be interested, please spread the word via blog/twitter/facebook. I'd really appreciate it!
And if you aren't entering, I'd love to hear how you found your crit group members? And what do you look for most in a member or beta reader?
It's Beta Club day! On the agenda today: Historical Fiction.
But first, a quick announcement: My online crit group had a member leave this week because of other time commitments, so we are looking for a new member for our Rumored Romantics crit team (which includes the fabulous Lynnette Labelle and the amazing Gwen Mitchell). The way we fill openings is by holding a contest to see who is the best fit (this is how I got in, too). This involves submitting a writing excerpt and possibly critiquing a sample. Details and the link to enter will be here on the blog tomorrow. At this time, we are only looking for people who write adult romance (any subgenre: paranormal, romantic suspense, contemporary, erotic, historical, etc. is fine), but no YA (sorry!) So if you are interested or know someone who would be, please make sure and stop by tomorrow to check it out. I can't wait to find our new member!
Alright, so on to Beta Club. Enjoy the excerpt and let the author know what you think!
For newbies: If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments. All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive. And if anyone has an itch to be critiqued, the rules for submitting to the Beta Club are under the "Free Critiques" heading at the top of the page.
Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments. My detailed critique is below.
Author: Katie-Marie Stout (go check our her blog and sign up for her college blogfest!) Title: In the Shadow of Illium Genre: Historical
Excerpt:
Burning. Wherever I looked, everything was burning. I peered out from underneath the wagon as armed men unfurled swords and threw spears. Their shining metal armor caught the sun’s rays and blinded me.
Blood spilt on the ground, stinking in the heat. I closed my eyes and tried to think of peace while shutting out the horrors of battle around me. I pulled my legs to my chest and made myself as small as possible, hoping to shrink into nothingness to escape this place.
Something dripped on my hand, hot and sticky. I gazed down and saw a patch of red. A gasp caught in my throat. Biting my lip, I looked up at the slats of the wagon’s bed. Between the cracks, I saw a body slumped on top of them. Blood seeped from a wound in the man’s chest and fell to the sand at my feet. I scooted away from it, faintness clouding my thoughts.
Certain names I heard repeated over and over again, unfamiliar terms. Troy, Hector, Agamemnon. Who, what, did these names mean? I knew nothing of them.
The hollow sound of something hitting the ground, followed by the sickly sweet scent of poison, assaulted me. I peeked open my eyes and saw the contorted face of the caravan leader; an arrow protruded from his back. He no longer breathed.
But I still did, though probably not for long.
Screams rang out around me, and I cowered behind the wagon’s wooden wheel. Donkeys squealed as men slaughtered them. Gold jingled in heavy purses, and wood crackled amidst flames.
Adonai, protect me.
The entire caravan was lost, and most of its passengers had been killed. Soldiers now herded up the scant number of women into a tight ring. Any remaining men had swords thrust into their bellies while I grimaced and fought the instinct to gag.
“That one down there.” A man pointed at me. “Under the wagon. Bring her.”
A bronzed and bloodied face turned towards me, and fear gripped my heart. I scrambled out from my hiding spot and sprang to my feet. Before me lay a vast wilderness and beyond, the sea. The azure waters called to me, and I ran towards them.
Footsteps pounded the earth behind me, accompanied by laughter. But soon, my own panting drowned out all other sounds from my ears.
My sandal caught on a rock, and I tumbled to the ground. I landed hard on my back, and for a moment, could not breathe. My mouth worked and my lungs gasped for air, but nothing came. Had I been speared? Was this death?
A bloody face appeared above me. The man grinned, his black beard parting to reveal yellowed teeth. He spoke to me in the language of the men from the caravan. “You’re a pretty thing. It would be a shame to lose such a fair face.”
He grabbed both my arms and swung me over his shoulder. Shock and terror had so consumed me I couldn’t fight. I stared at the receding view of burning wagons, killed livestock, and a pile of goods the attacking soldiers had stolen.
Our caravan had been given no warning, no chance. How could the men have defended themselves against these armored warriors? And why did I feel such pity for the people who’d enslaved me years ago? I had not joined this caravan by choice.
Below is my critique, click on FULL SCREEN, then once the document opens, RIGHT CLICK to zoom so you can see the comments.
Alright, so what do you think? Are you hooked? What did the author do well? What things could be improved? Agree or disagree with my crit? Thanks ahead of time for offering feedback and thank you to the author for volunteering!
Hi, my name is Roni and I'm a pantser. (This is where you guys say "Hi Roni" to make me feel okay about myself.)
Alright, over the past few weeks, I've attended two workshops for pantsers--one by author Sandy Blair and the other by author Kathleen Baldwin--and have learned a lot.
First, I've learned to accept that pantsing isn't an affliction, it's just another equally valid method at getting to the same goal. But more importantly, I've learned that often, it is not really a choice. Pantsers and Plotters brains work differently--not just with writing but in most aspects of our lives.
Pantsers like creating order out of chaos, but in order for us to do that--we need the chaos first.
An example: I love to cook. I'm good at it. But, I am by no means a neat or organized cook. I cook like I'm on fire--pans banging, spice bottles littered everywhere, veggies being chopped at random moments, dishes piling up on every counter as I go. However, once the meal is ready, I present this lovely, gourmet plate of food.
So, my husband (who would definitely be a plotter if he were a writer) watches me do this at night with knitted eyebrows. "Honey, why don't you chop everything all at once? Why don't you move the salt dish closer to the stove so you don't have to sprinkle to world with kosher salt on your way over to the pot? Why don't you load the dishwasher as you go?"
To which I, of course, reply with a perplexed look, "Why would I do that?"
That would take all the heart and excitement out of the process for me. I can clean the kitchen after the meal and bring it back to order, but doing that during the cooking would ruin the joy of creating for me.
Now for him (the plotter), he gets pleasure out of sitting down to a meal knowing everything is already done and organized for the night. He will never "get" my viewpoint, just as I don't "get" his. But both are perfectly okay.
But what does this mean for you if you're a pantser? Well, what I took away from the workshop is that we have to go with what works for us and stop beating ourselves up. Otherwise, we are going to screw with our creativity. Here's the warning:
If you are a true pantser and force yourself to intricately plot out the whole book--it could kill your creativity and you may no longer be able to write the book!
Did you hear that?
The passion and excitement for a pantser is in experiencing the story as your write. If you write it all out in outline form first, you've already gone on the journey and you may lose interest in going on the same journey again.
Now, if you're a plotter, this is not the case. Plotters take comfort in having that outline and thrive with that order already in place. So if a plotter tries to pants, their stress over the unknown may choke their creativity. So the key is to know what works for you and to stop forcing yourself into a round hole if you are a square peg.
Of course, that's not to say that pantsers don't have to plot. Every story needs plot, obviously. But it's just a matter of WHEN we plot--before the writing (plotters) or during the writing (pantsers).
And it's important to figure out which way works best for you. If you're not sure which camp you fall into, try a few methods out and see what feeds your muse the best.
I've discovered that I'm a pantser, but like to have my characters backgrounds fleshed out before I start writing. I don't necessarily need to know what is going to happen to them, but I need to know their history and wounds. I think this need to know their past comes from my therapy background. Plus, I'm a character-driven writer, so I tend to show up with characters and a vague idea of the hook, then decide, okay now what journey are these people going to go on.
The downside of this is that I often end up with a lot of words I can't use as I write my way into the story (I have 10k in my cut file so far on my new WIP), but I enjoy the journey of discovery. If you are a member of RWA and get the Romance Writers Report, there was a great article called "Once More Into the Mist" this month on this very thing. Author Jo Beverley said she often writes 200-300k words for every 100k book she publishes. The thought is daunting, but that's what works for her.
So, moral of all of this: accept what kind of writer you are and stop trying to be something else because you may murder that fickle muse otherwise.
Alright, so I'm curious as to your thoughts on this. What's your process? Do you fly into the mist or have a GPS? Do you find yourself forcing methods that seem great but that just don't fit you? Did you try out various ways and see what works best? Have you ever done something that completely beat down your muse?
It's Beta Club day! On the agenda today: Young Adult.
But first, I wanted to share a little exciting tidbit I found out last night. My loving husband has offered to handle daddy duty, so that I can go to RWA Nationals in Nashville in July!!! I didn't think I'd be able to go because I figured the hubs couldn't get off the time from work and I didn't have anyone I could leave my son with for that many days. But now it's all going to work out, woo-hoo! This makes me verra happy indeed. (Btw, let me know if any of you are going. I'd love to meet some of my bloggy peeps. :) )
Okay, so enough about me, let's move on to today's Beta Club...
For newbies: If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments. All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive. And if anyone has an itch to be critiqued, the rules for submitting to the Beta Club are under the "Free Critiques" heading at the top of the page.
Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments. My detailed critique is below.
Author: Laraine Eddington (check out her blog: Larainy Days) Title: Flying Genre: Young Adult
Excerpt:
Vincent knows he is fat, but he tries to make up for it by being helpful. When the bell rings and rude classmates are bullying their way between classes, he holds the door open. He is always first to duck and pick up a dropped pen or keys, and will quietly let you know if your zipper is down. When he is in public, he clenches his cheeks and contains his bodily gases, even though it makes his stomach hurt. He chooses his chairs carefully, always next to an empty one, which he saves with his backpack so his body won’t overlap on someone else. He drops little generosities like pebbles marking a trail throughout his day.
Vincent’s feet haven’t grown in two years, and that lets him know that he isn’t going to grow into a big guy, the kind of guy whose bulk is the frame of a tough package. His size eight wides say, “You are not going anywhere vertical bud, better get used to growing horizontal.” A five foot six guy is not imposing or threatening, and at the end of ninth grade Vincent’s round head is still stuck under the same pencil mark that has been on his closet door since September.
The noise from the cafeteria hits him the same time as the smells do. Some leftover and vaguely Italian odor wafts on waves of sound. Books and backpacks thud, benches screech and stray words lift above the roar.
“Hey Leonard…”
“….it was the worst thing you ever…”
“…like, you will not believe this. Like it…”
Vincent stands in the beverage line to get his milk. The beverage line never has more than ten people in it, not like the pizza cart line that snakes around the wall under the smudgy windows and out the door. Vincent doesn’t like to wait in the food lines. He would enjoy buying pizza or even a tray with whatever the hairnet ladies are serving today, but he feels self conscious standing in lines, and he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. A deep crease divides his arms from his wrists; and his hands look like they were sewn on as an afterthought. Mutt calls them “glubs”. Mutt tends to say things straight out. If she thinks it she says it. That’s why she is semiavailable as a sort of friend. She doesn’t have any real friends either. The same day she told Vincent that he had “glubs” she told Kendra Phipps that her laugh sounded like she was gargling snot. It was as true as the Bible, but not exactly how to win friends and influence people.
The cafeteria aide with the cool black glasses scans Vincent’s card and hands it back without looking at him. He fumbles as he stuffs it back in his wallet, trying to hurry. He drops the wallet, bends over and grabs it. When he straightens, a little whoosh of air comes out of his mouth.
“Move it wide load.” Vincent doesn’t turn around, but he can tell it is a girl’s voice. He picks up his cartons of milk (one white, one chocolate) and hurries away. The tables with their attached benches are pushed together in long lines of chipped white formica. He scans the room for Mutt and then remembers she wasn’t on the bus this morning. Not that they usually sat together. Mutt never makes an effort to sit by Vincent. If there is a space by him, fine, but she doesn’t seek him out. They have an unequal cafeteria relationship, and as usual Vincent is on the weighty side.
Vincent looks for a spot on the end of a row because climbing into a bench seat is awkward. He sees one in the corner by the grey trash bins and heads for it. He veers away when he sees Kirk there, presiding over his harem. He finds a fairly wide empty space and puts his milk on the table, thudding his backpack beside the cartons. Bracing a hand on the table, he steps over the bench with one leg and plops his rear end down. A delicate grunt escapes as he hefts the other leg over the bench and under the table. He unzipps the backpack and pulls out his lunch. As usual, it has been compressed into a curved loaf in a brown paper skin. He skillfully separates the thin plastic from the sandwich that has morphed into a bread/peanut butter/ sugar amalgam. The cafeteria noise fades as Vincent’s ears become attuned to his tastebuds. There is a graceful rhythm to his eating; Bite-chew-swallow-bite-chew-swallow-slosh-of-milk-and swallow. Repeat. The second sandwich is even flatter than the first and each bite is delicious.
Below is my critique, click on FULL SCREEN, then once the document opens, RIGHT CLICK to zoom so you can see the comments.
Alright, so what do you think? Are you hooked? What did the author do well? What things could be improved? Agree or disagree with my crit? Thanks ahead of time for offering feedback and thank you to the author for volunteering!
Oh, and if you missed yesterday's post, don't forget tosign upfor the upcoming "Let's Talk" Blogfest!
Friday, I talked about the ins and outs of dialogue and how much I enjoy writing it. It seems a lot of you share my passion for those chatty scenes, so I thought it would be fun to do a dialogue blogfest. :)
I'm sure most of you have participated in these in the past. If you need an example, here's my entry from the Kissing Blogfest. Blogfests are great fun and are a terrific opportunity to get your own work read and to get to know what your fellow bloggers write.
So for this blogfest, the rules are simple:
1. On Tuesday May 18, post a short excerpt on your blog of your most sparkly dialogue scene (no, I'm not talking about Edward Cullen). It can be anything dialogue-heavy--a laid-back chat, an all out argument, a flirty conversation, two friends ribbing each other--whatever. The options are endless.
2. Sign up on Mr. Linky below so that everyone will be able to come here and find your excerpt on blogfest day.
3. Make sure you visit others on May 18 to spread the comment love.
4. Also, on blogfest day, make sure you include a link back to THIS POST, so that everyone can find the Linky list.
5. Optional, but appreciated: I will be forever indebted if leading up to this, you mention the link on your blog or tweet/facebook it so that we can get as many people to play along as possible.
You can even grab this handy dandy button to post in your sidebar if you want to be uber awesome. :)
!!!BONUS!!!: After the blogfest, I will randomly select one of the participants to win a $10 gift certificate from Amazon! (Now, if you sign up, then don't post an excerpt on blogfest day, you will be disqualified from the contest. You must participate to be eligible. *cracks whip*)
**Also, if you DO decide to post the above button or the link in your sidebar for at least two weeks leading up to the fest, you get an extra entry in the contest. (Make sure you let me know in the comments if you are going to do this.)
Alright, so who's in? Sign up below!
Let me know if you have any questions. I'm so excited and look forward to reading all of your excerpts! Now go on, sign up, you know you want to. ;)
**Today's Theme Song**
"(If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To" - Weezer
This past weekend at the writers' conference, I attended a class on Snappy Dialogue. I was going to summarize what was talked about, but then realized I had covered this topic all the way back in November. So, I'm going to post it again since I know many of you are new to the blog and haven't seen it.
However, this also got me to thinking. There have been tons of blogfests over the past few months and I always have so much fun participating and reading others' entries, so I'm considering doing my own with dialogue as the theme. Has that been done yet? If you know, leave me a comment.
If it hasn't been done, would you be interested in participating in a Sparkling Dialogue Blogfest? Let me know. If enough people seem interested, I'll get a rules post and linky thing ready for Monday's post.
UPDATE: Enough of you have shown interest (thanks!), so the blogfest is ON! I'll put together details and post them Monday. :)
Alight, now for the nitty gritty...
Dialogue is one of my favorite things to write and read. It's a great workhorse in your manuscript and can handle many tasks for you: advancing plot, building tension, revealing character, establishing motivation, and setting tone among other things. And with all these roles to play, make sure it is filling one on of them. Don't have lackluster chatter just to fill space--like anything else in your story, it must serve a purpose.
Okay, so once you have a purpose for your dialogue what dos and don'ts should you watch out for?
Red Flags
Using too much dialect.
--Regional dialects can add authenticity to your story, but too much becomes tiresome to read.
Being too formal. People don't talk in complete sentences all the time.
--"Are you ready to go to school today?" vs. "Ready for school?"
Trying to recreate dialogue too realistically.
--Yes we pause a lot and say um and uh in real life, but you don't need to put that in your writing, unless you are trying to show nervousness or something.
Addressing the person by name all the time.
--Think about how many times you actually say the other person's name when having a conversation--hardly ever. (I used to do this is my writing ALL the time.)
--"I don't know, Bob. Those pants make you look fat." "But Helen, they match my shirt."
Vague pronouns.
--If three women are talking, be careful of saying "she said" and not defining which she it is.
Having characters tell someone something they already know or would never actually discuss just so you can let the reader know.
--"As you know, your boyfriend cheated on you."
--"You're never going to catch me. As soon as I kill you, I'm going to escape to my secret house in Seattle where no one will be able to find me."
Long drawn out speeches. You're not Shakespeare--drop the soliloquies and monologues.
--Telling in dialogue is STILL telling
Going nuts with non-said dialogue tags or adverbs modifying said.
--In many cases, we're told to use a stronger verb instead of the standard one for verbs such as walked, looked, stood, etc. However, this does not apply to "said". Said is considered invisible to the reader. The shouted/muttered/expressed/pontificated stand out to the reader and remind them that they are reading a story instead of experiencing it.
--This goes for tagging that said with adverbs as well--try to avoid it.
All characters sound alike
--Even without speaker attribution, you should be able to tell most of the time who is talking just by how and what they say.
--Your male lead and female lead should not sound identical. Men and women talk differently. Men, typically, use fewer words to get a point across.
Watch your punctuation.
--Avoid the exclamation point except in rare circumstances--it's melodramatic.
--Semi-colons and colons are not for speech.
--Em-dashes can be used to show a break in thought or an interuption.
--Ellipses can be used to indicate a pause or speech that trails off (use sparingly)
Don't bury your dialogue when you can avoid it. I talked about this before, but here is a refresher for those of you who are new to the blog.
Dialogue should be in one of the following structures:
Dialogue(D)-->narrative(N)-->dialogue
"Hello," she said, smiling. "What's your name?"
N-->D
She smiled. "Hello, what's your name?"
D->N
"Hello? What's your name?" she asked.
Don't do what I used to do all over the place:
She grinned at the boy. "Hello, what's your name?" she asked.
--see how the dialogue is buried in the narrative? This slows down your pacing and gives the dialogue less impact. Think of dialogue as a book end--it shouldn't be hidden amongst the books (narrative).
Make your dialogue rock:
Read it out loud or have someone read it to you. Does it sound natural?
Contractions are your friends.
When you can avoid attributions (said), do. Either take them out completely or use action beats.
--She hugged her mother. "I love you." (It is assumed that the person doing the action--the beat--in the sentence is the speaker.)
Ground your dialogue in action. Otherwise, you have talking heads.
--This doesn't have to be for every statement uttered, but people move while they are talking, they sip drinks, smile, adjust their skirt, play with their hair, etc.
--Imagine you are writing a screenplay, the actors would need stage direction to tell them what they should be doing during that dialogue.
It's Beta Club day! On the agenda today: YA Paranormal/Sci-Fi Romance. Enjoy the excerpt and let the author know what you think!
For newbies: If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments. All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive. And if anyone has an itch to be critiqued, the rules for submitting to the Beta Club are under the "Free Critiques" heading at the top of the page.
Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments. My detailed critique is below.
Author: Christine Danek (stop byher blogand say hi!) Title: The Guardian Genre: YA Paranormal/Sci-Fi Romance
Excerpt:
The moonlight created a glow through the large picture window illuminating the dark room. I took soft steps as I crossed the hardwood floor and something caught my eye. The tick tock of the clock matched the beating of my heart as it raced due to my surprise and my stomach developed a knot. Adrenaline pumped through my veins as my eyes hesitated to find what I thought I saw.
“Did you see that?” I whispered.
“What?” Ivy’s hand grabbed my upper arm
“Something ran in front of the window. A shadow I think?” I stood frozen in middle of the room.
“How big was it?” Bryn’s voice lightly came from the side. I could barely make out his silhouette as he approached.
“I don’t know. It was a blur.”
The floor creaked as we stepped closer to the window and I could hear Ivy holding her breath. The air felt like it was electrified causing the hairs on my neck to stand on end.
All three of us jumped as a growling screech traveled out from under the couch.
“It’s a stinking cat.” Bryn turned his flashlight on and shone it in the direction of the culprit. The calico’s eyes reflected red as it stared at us.
“We live in a town that is over a hundred years old so you would think we would find something. I swear we are never going to find anything,” Bryn’s voice switched to disappointment. “I think we would have better luck searching for aliens.”
“We are not going to find aliens in West Chester,” Ivy flicked the light switch on.
“Why?” Bryn flopped onto a chair.
“Every time I hear of an alien sighting it’s in a desolate place. We live in a suburb of Philadelphia. I don’t think they like bright lights,” Ivy squinted and put her hand on her hip.
“We’ll find something. We just started this ghost hunting thing and have only had three cases,” I softly smiled.
“Let’s just pack up. I think if we got anything it would have happened earlier, “ Bryn began to disassemble a camera that hung in the doorway. “Anna, am I dropping you off at home?”
“No, my dad is working on a restoration job down around the corner so he said he’ll call when he’s on his way. I have to get home and work on that paper for English so no hanging out tonight.”
“Maybe he’ll stir up some old energy to get those ghosts moving. They always say renovations stir up paranormal activity. He should let us know when he’s finished and we could investigate,” Bryn’s eyes twinkled with excitement.
My phone started to ring. “There he is, “I flipped open my phone. “Hey…”
But I couldn’t get “Dad” out because I was interrupted by a voice filled with hysterics.
“Anna, Anna!” she sniffed and choked.
“Mom? What’s going on?” My face sank at her panicked tone.
“Your father…he’s been hurt…really bad. He fell off of a roof and the doctors…” she began to cry.
“Is he o.k.?” My voice cracked.
“I don’t think…we’re at the hospital,” She sobbed.
Ivy’s head tilted as her eyes rounded in concern. My mom called my name but I just lowered my phone flipping it shut.
“Anna, what’s wrong? “ Ivy lightly touched my arm.
I shut my eyes for a minute and shook my head. My body started to shake as the rise of panic filled me. I had to get to him and make sure he was o.k. Grabbing my jacket and my bag, I bolted for the door.
“Anna!” Ivy yelled out to me as I put myself on auto pilot dashing out onto the brick sidewalk heading in the direction of the hospital.
As I ran, my tears began to fall. He had to be alright –he will be alright. I tried to pass positive thoughts through my brain, but my thoughts were cut short as my attention was drawn to the blinding lights that were heading in my direction. A horn started to blare and I froze unable to move my feet. My mind said –run, get out of the way-- but my body didn’t respond.
Below is my critique, click on FULL SCREEN, then once the document opens, RIGHT CLICK to zoom so you can see the comments.
Alright, so what do you think? Are you hooked? What did the author do well? What things could be improved? Agree or disagree with my crit? Thanks ahead of time for offering feedback and thank you to the author for volunteering!
Yeah, I'm going there. Two of the classes I attended over the weekend were on writing sex scenes--one by author Jenni Holbrook and the other by author Shayla Black.
As most of you have figured out, I write and read sexy romance (and now am writing an erotic romance), so love scenes are an integral part of my stories. Now, I know many of you may cringe at the idea of writing sex on the page and think this isn't for you. But even if you're writing clean cut YA, you should know what the components are because a simple kiss IS a love scene if done correctly.
First, let's get the main rule out of the way:
DO NOT put in a love scene unless it changes the character(s) and moves things (usually internal conflict) forward. Just like any other scene, it must serve a purpose.
Okay, now let's identify the types of love scenes (care of Jenni Holbrook):
1. Closed Door/Fade to Black --This is where the sex is implied, but not shown. Use this: --When the change in the characters does not happen during the actual act. --Think of old movies where they kiss and then the camera pans to bedroom curtains fluttering in the breeze.
2. Glossed Over Sex --This is where a little more is shown--maybe a little touching and buildup, but then that door slams shut. Use this: --When the change in the character happens during the intimate moments leading up to the actual bom-chick-wah-wah. --Ex.) Dirty Dancing (one of the hottest scenes EVAH), when Baby and Johnny dance in his room. (YouTube won't let me embed the video, but here's the link, if you'd like your daily swoon.) They take off shirts and touch and kiss while dancing, but that is where the change happens--when she says "dance with me" and he accepts the invitation. Then we see them in bed, kissing, and the scene fades.
3. Full Sex Scene --This is what you'll see in many mainstream romances and other genre fiction. The sex happens on the page, door open. Use this: --When the change in the characters or revelations about the characters happen during the actual sex. --Ex.) The Sookie Stackhouse/True Blood books.
4. Explicit Sex Scene --This is most often used in erotic romance and erotica. A full sex scene, like above, but everything is described and the language used is no holds barred. (Yes, you know what words I'm talking about.) --FYI: the difference between erotic romance and erotica is that e. romance has a primary relationship and there is a happily ever after. Erotica is more about sexual exploration, doesn't necessarily need to be relationship based, and doesn't require HEA. Use this: --Just like a full sex scene, the character change happens during the act. --If you are using kinky sex acts --This is not for the faint of heart. Make sure you read lots of erotic romance to get a feel for exactly what explicit means, lol.
So, how do you decide which level to write at?
1. Comfort level has to be there. --If the idea of writing a sex scene makes you squeamish or if you are one of those people who (*gasp*) skips past the love scenes in books, you're probably going to want to fade to black or gloss over. --The reader will be able to tell if you were uncomfortable about writing it. --If you think you want to write sex, then make sure you read widely in your particular genre to get a feel for what works and where those lines are.
2. What does your character/story need? --According to Shayla Black, if you can pluck out a sex scene and it won't change your character's arc or transformation, then you probably didn't need the scene in the first place. Do not put it there just to have one (see main rule above).
3. Know your audience --You have to know what you are writing and who you are writing for. --If you put a full sex scene in an inspirational romance, your readers would be appalled. If you're writing erotic romance and you fade to black, your readers will want to string you up by your toes and beat you with your book. :) --And if you're writing YA, you have even more of a challenge. Figure out if you're writing edgy or traditional and how far your want to push.
Alright, so I hope this helps. Writing love scenes is one of the most challenging things to get right, in my opinion. If you want to know more, I also have posts on sexual tension and writing sex scenes you can check out.
So, where do you fall on the levels in your story? And are you a person who loves to peek past that door or do you skip those scenes? (For the record, I'm fascinated by you scene skippers. How do you do that and why? lol)
Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. Mine was jam-packed, but terrific. Not only did I get to see Bon Jovi in concert Saturday night (sweeeeet), I also attended the DFW Writers' Conference--which meant ten workshops, plus one keynote speaker (NY Times Bestselling author Jodi Thomas), plus an agents panel (ten agents!) all in two days. If you live anywhere near this area, you should definitely check out the conference next year. This group really puts on a good one.
I will try to compile my notes and pass along as many tidbits as I can over this week to let you know what I learned. But first, I want to share my good news. Last night I came home after the conference to a wonderful email.
My manuscript Wanderlust is one of the five finalists in the contemporary category of Passionate Ink's (the erotic chapter of RWA) Stroke of Midnight contest!!! So now my first thirty-five pages go to the editor at Spice Books (Harlequin) for final judging. Winners will be announced at the end of July.
I also received some superfabulous feedback from the judges to put in my you-are-not-a-total-hack-so-stop-feeling-sorry-for-yourself file that I pull out when I'm ready to toss the laptop into the wood chipper.
There is officially no better feeling than having a complete stranger (who's there to judge you, no less) read your work and have them tell you that you've totally hooked them and that they love your characters. It's like writer crack. That is, by far, the part I look forward to most if I were to when (yes, universe, I'm putting you on notice) I get published--making readers feel something and connect with my story.
Now, all I need is a book deal. You hear that out there dear editors at Harlequin? I ♥ you, please ♥ me back. :) (I'm not above begging, incessant flattery, or gifts. Just let me know what you prefer.)
Alright, how was your weekend? Do you keep a folder of good stuff to get you by when you're feeling frustrated about writing? What do you look forward to most WHEN you get published?
When I started my first novel, I didn't give POV much thought. I was going to write in first person. Why? I dunno...seemed obvious. I wanted my readers to feel close to my character. And that's the best way to do it, right?
Well, maybe, but not necessarily. First person came with a lot of restrictions and forced me to tell the story from one character's perspective. So making sure she "saw" everything that needed to be seen was a challenge. At the time, I didn't even realize I had another option at my disposal.
But then when I started to write romance, I realized that the common romance structure is third person limited or deep third person POV. I had read hundreds of books using that POV, but had never realized exactly what I was reading. I'd just lumped third person into all one category. And once I started writing in deep POV, I found that this style POV came much easier to me and allowed me the flexibility I wanted. (Though, I still occasionally write stories in first person. It depends on the characters and how they are "speaking" to me.)
So I thought I would give a brief overview of POVs so that you can know what options are out there:
First person
Told from the inner perspective ("I") of one character.
Note: In some instances, using more than one "I" perspective can work. Perfect Chemistry by Simone Elkeles alternated chapters with the heroine and hero from first person POV, which did work well IMO. I use alternating first person in NICE GIRLS DON'T RIDE.
Advantages:
--If written well, your reader will feel like they are part of the character and will get to know them fully through their inner thoughts and storytelling voice.
--Intimate and emotionally intense
--When writing it may be easier to become the character
--Makes the story feel "true"
--This often feels most natural when you first start writing because, well, we think in first person.
--For some reason, it's easier for me to write younger characters in 1st POV. So my New Adult stories often come out in 1st person.
Disadvantages:
--First person can sounds monotonous for an entire book
--If the reader doesn't like the main character of his/her voice, you're toast
--It's easy to get a little too wrapped up in introspection and not enough dialogue
--Sometimes when writing "I" you let too much of yourself enter the character. You have to remember to react as the character not as you.
Third Person Limited/Deep POV
Very similar to first person. You write from inside one character's head at a time--but it doesn't have to be the same character for the whole book (although it can be).
Advantages:
--You can write from more than one character's POV. In romance, that means you get the hero's perspective as well as the heroine's, which adds to the tension. In suspense, you can have a few chapters from the villain's POV.
--Your MC doesn't have to be everywhere and with everyone to make sure the reader gets all important facts of the story.
--Readers are used to this POV and it becomes invisible
--Less likely to become monotonous because you're getting different perspectives
--You have to get to know every POV character intimately and develop distinct voices, which can involve more work. Your villain's POV can't sound like your MC's. And your hero needs to think like a guy, not a woman--there's a big difference.
Third Person Omniscient
Narrator is all-knowing and separate from the story--playing God. He/She knows what each character is thinking and can see it all. "Little did Bob know that today was the last day he'd see the sun."
Ex.) This is seen mostly in classics and epic fantasies/sci-fi. Lord of the Rings and some Literary Fiction.
Advantages:
--You have control to reveal information whenever you'd like, regardless of whether or not your character is privy to it
--Can feel "epic" to the reader and give them a wide-sweeping view of your story
Disadvantages:
--Distance between the reader and characters. This POV is very hard for me to read because I feel separate from the story.
--The reader becomes aware that there is a narrator present, so can feel like they are being "told" a story as opposed to experiencing it
WARNING: What to watch out for in first and deep third person POV...
Cut out these words from your MC's voice: decided, thought, knew, remembered, noticed, saw, smelled, realized, heard, felt, understood, etc. These take us out of deep POV and "tell".
Not great: She saw him smile at her and felt warmth course through her. She realized with dismay that she still loved him.
Better: He smiled and warmth coursed through her. Crap. I still love this idiot.
Not great: I saw the empty living room and remembered how my grandmother used to braid my hair in front of the fireplace and tell me stories about her childhood.
Better: I stared at the empty living room and tears stung my eyes. Grandma used to braid my hair in front of the...
Not great: Her face turned beet red. (She can't see her own face.) The girls in the corner laughed at her reaction. (She can't know exactly why they are laughing, only guess.)
Better: Her face grew hot, and the girls in the corner pointed and laughed.
Alright, hope that helped. Hope you have a wonderful weekend!
So what about you? What's your favorite POV to write in or read? Have you ever read a first person book that you couldn't finish because you didn't like the MC?
It's Beta Club day! This week is turning out to be Lit Fic week. :) Enjoy the excerpt and let the author know what you think!
For newbies: If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments. All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive. And if anyone has an itch to be critiqued, the rules for submitting to the Beta Club are under the "Free Critiques" heading at the top of the page.
Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments. My detailed critique is below. Author: Anonymous Title: In the Hallway Genre: Literary Fiction
Excerpt:
I hear the voices yelling at each other above the surrounding din as I bob and weave through the passing time throng that’s slowed up to check out the burgeoning knot of bodies pressing in around something in the middle of the hallway.
I can't hear the words yet, but I can isolate the two voices at the center of the scene.
One male. One female. Both of them loud over the almost controlled chaos in the hallway.
Even over the cacophony, I can identify the sound of imminent confrontation, feel it, alive and humming, shimmering in the air as I walk and wonder what’s going on and how bad it’s going to be.
It’s the lunch block.
Twenty-two hundred students fed and watered during a two hour chunk of time.
Five hundred plus hungry students at a time shoved and herded through lines in the commons like cattle on a tight twenty-five minute lunch schedule in an overcrowded open area that was hard to police.
It’s never good. The hallways leading there are never better.
I try never to be in this part of the building during this time of the day, but in spite of my best efforts my timing, like almost everything else in my life lately, is just a little bit off today.
I've gotten close enough to identify the center of attention, Owen Johnson and his girlfriend Chloe Maxwell, our very own poster children for dysfunctional teenage relationships everywhere.
All about the drama, they were always either fighting in public, having sex in public places and on couches at parties, doing it for posterity on videotape, cheating on one another, abusing a variety of substances together, or simply being co-dependent.
Beyond unhealthy, they are now putting on quite a show for the lunchtime crowd, complete with him red-faced and raging and her with tears running down her cheeks.
I can see they’ve already reached the pushing and shoving part of the program.
“F***ing b**ch!”
Owen’s push off Chloe’s shoulders forces her back up to the bank of windows running long lower D wing, framing her against the bright blue sky and well manicured green grass of the outside common area.
After the sterile, brown brick walls and dark, dirty-blue carpet that makes up my interior life in the institution, the bright almost burns.
The study in contrast seems lost on Owen. “You're such a whore!”
“F**k you! I hate you!” Chloe shoves him back, hard in the chest. “You are such a f***ing a**hole!”
There’s never been any doubt in my mind that Chloe can wax poetic when the mood hits her.
I watch with some kind of morbid fascination as I pick up my pace.
The audience is appreciative enough to take up sides and whisper amongst themselves. They stand a respectful distance off, giving the two combatants a clearing in the middle to work with.
Just as I reach the back of the group, Owen's right hand balls up into a fist and cocks back. S**t, s**t, s**t.
I have a new mantra running unbidden through my mind. He's gonna hit her.
I run my eyes along the hallway searching for either a uniform or another staff member, but it’s lunchtime and everybody’s in the commons. That's just f***ing fine.
I start pushing bodies out of my way, using my elbows and shoulders and hands to clear a path and kept moving through the crowd.
“Don't leave me.” Owen's scream of pain, frustration, and anger bounces off the walls, loud and clear over the din coming from the commons. “I love you!”
He pivots on his heel. What the f**k?
Time slows to a crawl. I watch his hand trace an arc in the air in what seems like slow motion, and then it’s through the floor to ceiling windowpane.
The sound of impact explodes as shards of glass fall everywhere. Cracks run through the glass and sun glints on the spider web pattern.
A river of blood gushes down the broken window and down Owen's right arm and hand as reflexes kick in and he pulls it back through the broken pane.
The sight and smell of the blood dripping down onto the carpet causes everyone closest to the pair to step back. The sight and smell and sound seem to start the normal flow of time for me once again.
In a confluence of the surreal and the ludicrous, I hear the sound of the bell ringing.
B lunch.
Below is my critique, click on FULL SCREEN, then once the document opens, RIGHT CLICK to zoom so you can see the comments.
Alright, so what do you think? Are you hooked? What did the author do well? What things could be improved? Thanks ahead of time for offering your feedback! And thank you to the author for volunteering!
A while back Plamena (if you have a link to your page let me know, your profile isn't coming up when I click your name) asked me in a blog comment if I thought you could learn to be funny in your writing. The question stumped me a bit.
I use a lot of humor in my writing. And based on the feedback I've received from crit partners and contests, I'd venture to say it's the bread and butter of my voice. I tend to stick to the sarcastic, ironic, and self-deprecating variety as opposed to slapstick, but it's always there. So did I learn to do that or is it just who I am?
My guess is that I just picked it up from being around funny people. My parents have a very sarcastic style of humor and my husband is hilarious. No one close to me really takes themselves too seriously. Plus, it's just how my mind works.
Anyone remember the Friends episode with Chandler and Jill Goodacre stuck in the ATM booth? I'm including it below if you want a laugh. That is how my internal dialogue sounds much of the time. So it's not a wonder that many of my characters end up with a tendency to self-deprecate. Or maybe I just have a major self-esteem deficiency, which is also entirely possible. :)
But I do believe that some people are just naturally funny. You can tell by reading blogs. Tina Lynn, Amber Murphy, and Frankie Diane never fail to make me laugh, and you know they aren't forcing it, they're just funny chicks. (By the way, if you haven't checked out Frankie's Vampire Diaries recaps/parodies, you're missing out on some seriously funny stuff. That girl can make me snort iced tea through my nose.) Then, Jm Diaz and Sierra Godfrey both have the gift of sarcasm. My guess is that all of this shows up in their writing.
But what if writing humor is a challenge for you? There is nothing worse than someone trying to be funny and falling flat. So can you change it? Could serious Jack on Lost ever become sarcastic Sawyer? I don't know the answer. My guess is that it would be tough, but if they hung around each other long enough, they could pick up each other's style. So my best advice would be to surround yourself with humor--read author's who have a humorous voice, watch comedic movies and tv shows, get a feel for what works and try some of it out.
But also make sure that this is what you really want. There is nothing wrong with not having humor as part of your voice. I could never write heart-wrenching literary fiction with beautiful, evocative prose. It just doesn't come naturally to me. I'd end up inserting dark humor and romance at inappropriate places. So I try to play to my strengths. Evaluate what yours are and embrace those. There is room in the world for all variants of voice.
So what's your opinion? Can humor be learned? If so, how? What are some of your favorite funny authors? How would you describe your own voice?
**Today's Theme Song**
"London Bridge" - Interpreted by the always funny Bowling For Soup
It's Beta Club day! On the agenda: Literary Fiction. As I've mentioned before, this is not my specialty, so I'm hoping my lit fic buffs out there will help me out with this critique (along with everyone else.) Enjoy!
For newbies: If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments. All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive. And if anyone has an itch to be critiqued, the rules for submitting to the Beta Club are under the "Free Critiques" heading at the top of the page.
Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments. My detailed critique is below. Author: Amber Tidd Murphy (Stop by her blog for some daily hilarity) Title: A Sad Song in a Flat Key Genre: Literary Fiction
Excerpt:
It all started when Laurel was a girl, and her mother walked out on Laurel's father, because don't all our stories really start there, all the way back in those formative years? The deck might already be stacked against us, but the cards are still being shuffled and have not yet been dealt. Then, like lightning, some event or non-event happens or does not happen, and we are thrust into the wheels of fate, which are turned and clank.
Yes, she suffered from the same daddy issues that afflict almost everyone else in this day and age. Still, she felt it poor form to use that as an excuse for the way her life turned out. Who didn't keep a skeleton stuffed closet, after all, crammed full of those secrets that go bump after midnight? When her mind chased sleep the darkness left little room for facades, and she was left to remember it all. If she were celebrating a middle-aged birthday, an emcee might have grabbed a microphone and crooned, Laurel Lancaster, this is your life! as he rolled the tape. A curly haired, cherry cheeked child would appear on a screen while the music of a merry-go-round faded in a bit atonally.
Laurel remembered it with clarity: the day her mother left her father. She was barely five years old; she hadn't started kindergarten. Her sister, Laine, was a screaming toddler. Carol, Laurel's portly mother, wore a powder blue dress. She told her husband the girls were off for ice cream, and they walked out into the heat of that summer in 1986 and never looked back. Carol drove the seven miles to her parents' house and moved back home, heavy two children.
Laurel's grandmother, Elizabeth Hutchings, was a warm, round woman who made butter and sugar sandwiches for Laurel and Laine. Her grandfather, Calvin, worked for Farm Bureau Insurance and smelled of cigarettes, not stale cigarettes, but like bonfires in October. He traveled often, yet when he returned with the grandest of presents -- piggy banks already nearly full of shiny silver coins -- his absence was forgiven and forgotten. They were married in the early forties, before the war. Carol was their only living child; Laurel's uncle Ross died before she was born. Mr. and Mrs. Hutchings hosted many friends and dinner parties, and were the sort who would neaten their home before the cleaning lady arrived, embarrassed to show any sign of weakness, even in the form of dust bunnies.
They were big on appearances, but Laurel crept halfway down the stairs the night they moved in, and watched from behind the banister, her chubby childish fingers tightly wrapped around the smooth, white bars until her knuckles became camouflaged in the same color. Her grandparents sat up straight on the couch, one on either side of her mother. Calvin smoothed Carol's hair while Elizabeth wiped her daughter’s tears. In the dark, drapes tightly drawn, family secrets could breathe. An envy rose in Laurel's chest as she watched her mother in that moment, surrounded by two loving parents, strong Midwesterners who had lost their son to AIDS and would now carry a daughter through divorce.
They lived in Bedford, Indiana, the limestone capital of the world. The house was red brick with a wide front porch overlooking the main street in town. It sat directly across from the new city pool, a chaotic, loud place, foreign to Laurel. She was afraid of the water. She sat in her playroom and stared out the second floor window, mesmerized by the twisting water slide. She wondered when she would be brave enough to climb the mountain of steps to the top for the sole purpose of sliding down.
The day the call came would be that day.
Below is my critique, click on FULL SCREEN, then once the document opens, RIGHT CLICK to zoom so you can see the comments.
Alright, so what do you think? Are you hooked? What did the author do well? What things could be improved? Thanks ahead of time for offering your feedback! And thank you to Amber for volunteering!
Hope everyone had a lovely Easter weekend. Mine was fabulous until I got food poisoning on Saturday night. So Sunday was not so fun--a three-hour drive from Austin back to Dallas, feeling like I wanted to die. For anyone who has ever had food poisoning, you know what I'm talking about. Poisoning is definitely the appropriate word. This is the second time I've gotten it and if I never get it again, that will be too soon.
So today I am going to take it easy by alleviating my blog award guilt. I've been a bad blogger, hoarding awards. So here is the ones I've received over the last few months. (If you've given me one that I haven't mentioned, please email me to let me know, so I can add you to another post. But hopefully I've covered everyone.)
And the rules are as follows- 1) Five recipients. 2) Make up something about the people you give the award to. 3)Link to the people you give it to. 4)Link back to the original award post.
My Crit Group Soulmates 1. Gwen Mitchell--because she is secretly a Zyne witch and I need to stay on her good side. 2. Dawn Brown--because she hasn't left her attic in five years. 3. Lynnette Labelle--because she has mind-melded with me so we can post about the same things simultaneously.
My Twitter Soulmates because they are not afraid to have a conversation about the word "suckle" at midnight. Wait, that's not a lie. Hmm... (see what you're missing if you don't follow me on Twitter? This is highly intellectual conversation, people.) 1. Tina Lynn 2. Sierra Godfrey 3. Natalie Murphy 4. Alicia Frey 5. Melissa at Chasing the Dream 6. Kristen Yard
This one goes to all of my followers who are fellow writers!
Thanks again to everyone who passed these along to me. Sorry it took a while to get them up here. Also, I've passed the 400 follower mark! Woohoo! So thanks to each one of you for following and commenting. You guys are the best and make me happier than you know. :)
And one last announcement: I made the Writer's Digest list of of Best Tweets For Writers this week (twice!). Go here to check it out and to get links to a whole bunch of great writing articles.
Yesterday I discussed how to avoid sagging middles by making your scenes multipurpose. But that's not the only thing to worry about. Ultimately, the sagging middle is about pacing. In the beginning of our book, we're usually very aware of pacing--don't info dump, jump right in (en medias res), hook your reader immediately. But then when we hit that second act, we often forget all those components and start shoving everything in that we really wanted to put in the first act, but didn't because of the pacing "rules". If you do that, however, you're going to drag your middle down.
I'm sure you've heard this before, but every page should have conflict on it, every darn one. And that includes those in the middle. And I know many of us can think of books we've read that this is not the case, where the pacing was more languid and subtle and were still great books--but that is the exception, not the rule.
Author Anne Mimi suggests that those books with the slower pacing often fall into one of the following categories:
1. The book is by an already established author who can get away with more.
2. The author is dead.
3. The agent picked up the author over ten years ago or the book was published over ten years ago.
4. The book was first published outside the U.S. (Brits are apparently more patient with pacing).
5. The book is non-fiction.
So, in other words, to give our books the best chance, we need to recognize that we live in a fast-paced, short attention-spanned, movie/internet/iphone/immediate gratification culture. So even if you manage to hook your reader with a terrific beginning, it doesn't mean the person won't put your book down when things slow in the middle. You have to make them want to turn every page. And every chapter should end with a hook that leaves them wanting more. If you can't hook the chapter end, then the scene probably needs better pacing and conflict.
So what happens when you realize your middle is, in fact, drooping? First, you may want to look at why this could be the case. Julie Moffett lists the following common culprits for the problem.
1. You revealed too much in the first part of the book, whether that be about your characters or the plot
2. Secondary or subplots have knocked you off course or run away with the story
3. The conflict (internal/external/sexual) is nonexistent or weak or there is no real action
4. You don't know what comes next so you're meandering around aimlessly
5. The story is boring you or you realize you have major plot problems that are making the story illogical or unrealistic
Alright, so once you pick out why you're middle is dragging, what are some things you can do?Camy Tang offers these suggestions:
1. Strive for constant change with increasing tension/difficulty--Picture your character driving down a race track, it can't be a smooth, straight road ahead. Throw a speed bump in her way, then when she deals with that, put something in front of her that is even more difficult to manage (a herd of cows perhaps), and just when she's maneuvered around the bovine, have the wheels fall off the car.
2. Give the character new information in small pieces--a hint there, a clue here, a fleeting expression across her friend's face that makes the MC wonder if the friend's being honest, etc. And make getting those clues hard fought. Don't just have the clues fall in their lap, make them work for it. Give your reader just enough to want more, but also let them feel like he/she is closer to figuring out what's going to happen.
3. Keep your character's eyes on the prize--You cannot lose sight of your characters' goals. Every scene they enter needs to be striving toward whatever goal they are seeking. Like DawnB said in the comments yesterday. Your characters should enter each scene with a purpose--what are they trying to accomplish in this particular scene.
4. Don't be repetitive--Do not have scenes rehash old information. Each scene needs to add something new. And this also goes for having scenes that "feel" too similar in setting, content, tone, etc. If your hero and heroine are always having "let's figure out this mystery" conversations over a meal, your reader is going to get bored. Change it up.
And one last tip from author Stacia Kane: End your middle (or second act) with a bang. At the conclusion of the middle, the reader should be unsure of what's going to happen and if they are going to get an ending they want. Pay attention when reading books, this "end of the middle" or black moment is usually easy to pick out. In romance, this is often when the characters have a sex scene (truly ending with a bang, *snort*) that makes things worse, or the bad guy in a thriller looks like he's going to elude your hero. Basically, the worst thing that could happen--happens.
Alright, I hope now you can dive into those middles and make them svelte and strong. Now if these tips would only help with my other sagging middle--the one from all that eggnog and pecan pie.
So are you overwhelmed at the thought of conflict on every page (like I am)? Do you have trouble getting each chapter to end on a hook? Which books have you read that have been slow-paced but worked--do they fit those criteria above?
**Today's Theme Song**
"Stuck in the Middle With You" - Stealer's Wheel
(player in sidebar, take a listen)
*This is a repost from December 2009. This week I will be re-posting a few of my earlier articles since (1) I'm going out of town at the end of the week and (2) I'm going to try to focus on my WIP for a few days and (3) many new followers haven't seen these articles and I'd love to get fresh opinions. Hope you find these recycled posts helpful! Have a wonderful Easter weekend!*