Recommended Read - Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang

There are books I read that I find helpful, and then there are books I read that I know are going to change something significant in my life. This book is the latter. I picked up Rest by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang because a) I'm obsessed with books on habits, productivity, and finding calm, as most of you know, and b) because I hadn't seen this topic tackled so extensively before. A book on rest, not sleep (though there's a chapter on that). That's an important distinction because rest can be active and purposeful. Rest can be magical.

As I've mentioned before, I have a tendency to suffer with writer's block and burnout. I figured that's a natural thing because I've spent the last 8 years writing about 300,000 words a year under deadline. I love my job but that doesn't mean it doesn't get stressful and overwhelming. So over the last few years, I've taken a big interest in productivity, creativity, and habits and have read books like Deep Work, Big Magic, Better Than Before, Essentialism, etc. It's an ongoing journey, so when I saw the premise and chapter titles of this book, I knew I needed to read it.

So what's my verdict? My highest recommendation. I think anyone in any type of creative, scientific, or business field should pick this up. There was so much great information, all backed up by extensive real world examples of other creatives, scientists, and business leaders along with the science and research studies that underline the points. The science parts are particularly helpful because it tells you how and why these methods work. (And gives you the justification for doing them. Science says so! lol)

I know I'll be taking away things like the four hour work window for focused/deep work, stopping in the middle while you still know what's going to happen next so your subconscious can work on it, having a morning routine and getting my writing done FIRST so that any rest or play later in the day is done without guilt. Those are just a few.

There were so many great nuggets of wisdom, I can't list them all here. But I will say that using a lot of these methods over the last week has resulted in a week of steady writing, hitting my word count every day, and having no stress about it. It's been fantastic.

So, I suggest you check out the book, but I also wanted to list the chapter titles so you can see the range of topics covered. 

Part 1: Stimulating Creativity

• Four Hours
• Morning Routine
• Walk
• Nap
• Stop
• Sleep

Part 2: Sustaining Creativity

• Recovery
• Exercise
• Deep Play
• Sabbaticals

About the book (back cover):

For most of us, overwork is the new normal and rest is an afterthought. In our busy lives, rest is defined as the absence of work: late-night TV binges, hours spent trawling the internet, something to do once we've finished everything else on our to-do lists. But dismissing rest stifles our ability to think creatively and truly recharge.

In Rest, Silicon Valley consultant Alex Pang argues that we can be more successful in all areas of our lives by recognizing the importance of rest: working better does not mean working more, it means working less and resting better. Treating rest as a passive activity secondary to work undermines our chances for a rewarding and meaningful life. Whether by making space for daily naps, as Winston Churchill did during World War II; going on hours-long strolls like Charles Darwin; or spending a week alone in a cabin like Bill Gates, pursuing what Pang calls "deliberate rest" is the true key to fulfillment and creative success. Drawing on rigorous scientific evidence and revelatory historical examples, Rest overturns everything our culture has taught us about work and shows that only by resting better can we start living better.

Now, go get a copy and get some rest this weekend! ;) 

What I've Been Reading: 4 Recent Favorites

I think I'm going to declare the year 2017 my year of reading voraciously. At the beginning of the year, I set a goal to read 45 books for the year. This was a little lower than the previous year's goal because for the first time in years *sob* I didn't hit my Goodreads goal in 2016. But last week I actually hit my goal already. Woot!

Part of the reason I'm reading so much, beyond the fact that it's my favorite thing to do, is that, as many of you know, I've cut out so much of my online and smartphone time. Those gaps created have been filled in with more reading time--a happy switch I have to say. But that's left me with so many books that I want to tell you about and not enough time to blog fully about them all, lol.

So today I thought I'd give a quick rundown of what I've been reading lately and loving.

The Kitchen Counter Cooking School by Kathleen Flinn

I heard about this one first on the Modern Mrs. Darcy podcast and I knew I had to have it. I love a foodie book, but I was intrigued by the premise of this one--taking a group of women who didn't feel confident in the kitchen and showing them simple ways to cook without complicated recipes and a lot of fuss. Now, I consider myself a pretty experienced cook since it's a hobby of mine, but I still learned a ton of things in this book. For one, I've been holding my chef's knife all wrong! All this time. I had no idea. But beyond the cooking tips, I loved hearing about each woman's individual story and experiences. I listened to this one in audio and then had to buy the paperback too because I wanted all the little tips and simple recipes given.

About the book:

The author of the New York Times bestseller The Sharper Your Knife, The Less You Cry tells the inspiring story of how she helped nine others find their inner cook.

After graduating from Le Cordon Bleu in Paris, writer Kathleen Flinn returned with no idea what to do next, until one day at a supermarket she watched a woman loading her cart with ultraprocessed foods. Flinn's "chefternal" instinct kicked in: she persuaded the stranger to reload with fresh foods, offering her simple recipes for healthy, easy meals. The Kitchen Counter Cooking School includes practical, healthy tips that boost readers' culinary self-confidence, and strategies to get the most from their grocery dollar, and simple recipes that get readers cooking.
 

Someday, Someday, Maybe by Lauren Graham

Yes, by that Lauren Graham of Gilmore GIrls fame. This is a fictional story about an actress in New York trying to make it in the nineties. You can definitely hear Graham's voice in the story and you get the sense that though it's a fictional tale, she's using a lot of personal experiences to flavor it. I thought that added a level of authenticity I'm not sure I've read in other books with actress heroines. This one was very upbeat and fun. Sometimes I wanted to yell at the character because her self-esteem is so shaky at times and I just want to give her a rah-rah, don't-sell-yourself-short talk, but she's very likable and endearing. There's a slight romance thread in the book but don't expect a spelled out ending for the romance. At the end, it was one that I kept turning the pages because I was hoping for an epilogue. Sadly, no epilogue, but the journey was worth it. A breezy read.

About the book:

From Lauren Graham, the beloved star of Gilmore Girls and Parenthood, comes a witty, charming, and hilariously relatable debut novel about a struggling young actress trying to get ahead―and keep it together―in New York City.
 
It’s January 1995, and Franny Banks has just six months left of the three-year deadline she set for herself when she came to New York, dreaming of Broadway and doing “important” work. But all she has to show for her efforts so far is a part in an ad for ugly Christmas sweaters, and a gig waiting tables at a comedy club. Her roommates―her best friend Jane, and Dan, an aspiring sci-fi writer―are supportive, yet Franny knows a two-person fan club doesn’t exactly count as success. Everyone tells her she needs a backup plan, and though she can almost picture moving back home and settling down with her perfectly nice ex-boyfriend, she’s not ready to give up on her goal of having a career like her idols Diane Keaton and Meryl Streep. Not just yet. But while she dreams of filling their shoes, in the meantime, she’d happily settle for a speaking part in almost anything—and finding a hair product combination that works.
 
Everything is riding on the upcoming showcase for her acting class, where she’ll finally have a chance to perform for people who could actually hire her. And she can’t let herself be distracted by James Franklin, a notorious flirt and the most successful actor in her class, even though he’s suddenly started paying attention. Meanwhile, her bank account is rapidly dwindling, her father wants her to come home, and her agent doesn’t return her calls. But for some reason, she keeps believing that she just might get what she came for.
 
Someday, Someday, Maybe is a story about hopes and dreams, being young in a city, and wanting something deeply, madly, desperately. It’s about finding love, finding yourself, and perhaps most difficult of all in New York City, finding an acting job.

Around the Writer's Block by Rosanne Bane

I learned about this one in an RWA workshop and immediately had to go out and buy it. I suffer from writer's block at some point in almost every book and it's a huge source of stress for me. This book breaks it down and gives a simple system for setting up your brain for success so that you avoid burnout and blocks. SO HELPFUL. I've read a lot of books and articles on this topic, but this one really resonated with me. I loved all the science and explanations, and I found the system she suggests very intuitive. Highly recommended to my fellow writers.

About the book:

Discover the tricks that your brain uses to keep you from writing—and how to beat them.

Do you:

• Want to write, but find it impossible to get started?

• Keep your schedules so full that you don’t have any time to write?

• Wait until the last minute to write, even though you know you could do a better job if you gave yourself more time?

• Suddenly remember ten other things that you need to do whenever you sit down to write?

• Sabotage your own best efforts with lost files, missed deadlines, or excessive self-criticism?

The good news is that you’re not lazy, undisciplined, or lacking in willpower, talent or ambition. You just need to learn what’s going on inside your brain, and harness the power of brain science to beat resistance and develop a productive writing habit.

In Around the Writer’s Block, Rosanne Bane-- a creativity coach and writing teacher for more than 20 years-- uses the most recent breakthroughs in brain science to help us understand, in simple, clear language, where writing resistance comes from: a fight-or-flight response hard-wired into our brain, which can make us desperate to flee the sources of our anxieties by any means possible.

Bane’s three-part plan, which has improved the productivity of thousands of writers, helps you develop new reliable writing habits, rewire the brain’s responses to the anxiety of writing, and turn writing from a source of stress and anxiety into one of joy and personal growth.

Hamlet's Blackberry by William Powers

Yes, I'm still obsessively reading books about digital life and the effects devices have on us. : ) But I'm sharing this one because I think it's one of the most readable ones yet and focuses on the philosophical side instead of the hard science side. Powers lays out the problems and struggles so many of us are having with focusing and feeling constantly busy in the digital age, then he pulls seven philosophers from history to examine how they handled radical shifts in technology. (Because we're not the first generation to have to deal with that kind of radical shift--think of when written language was developed, when the printing press was created, when radio and TV were invented). It was really interesting seeing how insights from philosophers of the past absolutely can be useful today in dealing with our own technology revolution. Then at the end, Powers gives practical idea for how we can better live in our digital worlds without losing our minds. (Also, even though this book was published 7 years ago, it's still just as relevant today.)

About the book:

A crisp, passionately argued answer to the question that everyone who’s grown dependent on digital devices is asking: Where’s the rest of my life? Hamlet’s BlackBerry challenges the widely held assumption that the more we connect through technology, the better. It’s time to strike a new balance, William Powers argues, and discover why it's also important to disconnect. Part memoir, part intellectual journey, the book draws on the technological past and great thinkers such as Shakespeare and Thoreau. “Connectedness” has been considered from an organizational and economic standpoint—from Here Comes Everybody to Wikinomics—but Powers examines it on a deep interpersonal, psychological, and emotional level. Readers of Malcolm Gladwell’s The Tipping Point and Outliers will relish Hamlet’s BlackBerry.

That's all I've got for you today. What have you been reading?

Revisiting Deep Work by Cal Newport & Why I'm Such a Devotee

This week I've been nerding out with all my non-fiction book recommendations about focus and distraction, writing, and curbing the smartphone habit. Today, I've got one last pick for you. 

I blogged about Deep Work last year (almost a year ago to the day) when I read it for the first time, and I really credit it with being the book that got me thinking more deeply (haha) about this whole topic of focus in the world of distraction we face everyday. It was my ticket into exploring this whole issue on a number of levels.

So this summer, with all my reading on what the internet, smartphones, social media, etc. are doing to our lives and brains, I decided it was time for a reread of the book that started me down this path. This time, instead of racing through it like I do when I first read a book, I reread at a leisurely pace and took handwritten notes throughout. I'm not typically a re-reader but I really felt like I got even more out of this one the second time because I've been on the journey of working on my focus for a year. So things I may have missed last time landed on this read through. I also have seen some results.

Of all the books I've recommended this week, I think this is the most "user-friendly" one because there are practical tips on what to do. Not to say the information and science of it isn't dry at times--that's the nature of this type of book and something I don't mind because I love science/research type books, but it's not a heavy or dense read like some of the others. (Like below I mention The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brain, which was awesome but very dense with history and detailed science and not something I'd recommend to a reader who isn't used to reading that kind of thing or is looking for a general overview.)

So, if you haven't seen my previous post on Deep Work, check that out here, but today I thought I'd share some quotes and thoughts like I've been doing for the other books this week.

First, the back cover summary:

One of the most valuable skills in our economy is becoming increasingly rare. If you master this skill, you'll achieve extraordinary results.

Deep work is the ability to focus without distraction on a cognitively demanding task. It's a skill that allows you to quickly master complicated information and produce better results in less time. Deep work will make you better at what you do and provide the sense of true fulfillment that comes from craftsmanship. In short, deep work is like a super power in our increasingly competitive twenty-first century economy. And yet, most people have lost the ability to go deep-spending their days instead in a frantic blur of e-mail and social media, not even realizing there's a better way.

In DEEP WORK, author and professor Cal Newport flips the narrative on impact in a connected age. Instead of arguing distraction is bad, he instead celebrates the power of its opposite. Dividing this book into two parts, he first makes the case that in almost any profession, cultivating a deep work ethic will produce massive benefits. He then presents a rigorous training regimen, presented as a series of four "rules," for transforming your mind and habits to support this skill.

A mix of cultural criticism and actionable advice, DEEP WORK takes the reader on a journey through memorable stories-from Carl Jung building a stone tower in the woods to focus his mind, to a social media pioneer buying a round-trip business class ticket to Tokyo to write a book free from distraction in the air-and no-nonsense advice, such as the claim that most serious professionals should quit social media and that you should practice being bored. DEEP WORK is an indispensable guide to anyone seeking focused success in a distracted world.

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Quotes - Thoughts - Observations

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On our current state...

"There's increasing evidence that this shift toward the shallow [thinking] is not a choice that can be easily reversed. Spend enough time in a state of frenetic shallowness and you permanently reduce your capacity to perform deep work."

I can absolutely tell you that over the last year and particularly this summer when I've greatly dialed back my smartphone, social media, and internet time that I can feel the physical difference in my thinking. Last year, I was afraid that something was wrong with my memory because I couldn't hold onto so many things anymore. I was afraid that I was developing ADD (despite having no history of it). But it wasn't some illness overtaking me, it was this fast-moving world of distractibility.

I was teaching my brain to always be stimulated and jumping from task to task. But now, I can feel the quieting of my thoughts, feel the ability to focus and get into "flow" with projects coming back. I'm calmer. I'm more creative. In some ways, I feel like I've stepped out of the matrix and am seeing everything with new eyes--which sounds cheesy but is the best description of what the experience has felt like. It helps you get perspective, asking, wait, why was I doing this again? Why did I find it necessary to pick up my phone every 5 minutes or check social media every bored moment I had? Why did I feel the need to document and post so many things out to the world?  Honestly, it's jarring at first to dial it all back. And then you start reaping the benefits...

On the nervous hum...

"the lack of distraction in my life tones down that background hum of nervous mental energy that seems to increasingly pervade people's daily lives. I'm comfortable being bored, and this can be a surprisingly rewarding skill..."

Which is exactly what my experience has been. I can concentrate. I can read a book without worrying if an email has come in. I can work on writing my book and not care what's happening on twitter. I can exist in quiet with nothing to do but think and be cool with that. In fact, I've come to crave the quiet, disconnected moments like I used to when I was a daydreaming kid.

On multitasking...

"People who multitask all the time can't filter out irrelevancy. They can't manage a working memory. They're chronically distracted. They initiate much larger parts of their brain that are irrelevant to the task at hand...they're pretty much mental wrecks."

I am now a devotee to unitasking. Science tells us that we can't multitask anyway. When we think we are, we're just cycling from one task to the next at a rapid pace but still only doing one thing at a time. But if I've learned anything from all these books I've been reading, it's that unitasking with purpose is where the magic lies. It's like a superpower to be able to dedicate all of your focus to whatever it is you're working on. Like right now I am writing this post. No email or social media notifications will interrupt me (because I've turned them all off permanently both on my desktop and phone.) I will not check anything until I'm done writing this and have to go grab the links to add to this post. And I will finish this post in far less time than it used to take me to write something shorter.

On the importance of boredom...

"If every moment of potential boredom in your life--say, having to wait five minutes in line or sit alone in a restaurant until a friend arrives--is relieved with a quick glance at your smartphone, then your brain has likely been rewired to a point where...it's not ready for deep work--even if you regularly schedule time to practice this concentration."

So here's the thing. This does take some time for your brain to retrain. I can say that from my own experience and also from watching my son do the device-free summer. There's almost a detox process involved. For one, shutting down a lot of the distractions may make you feel mentally tired and even a little down. Our brains are used to the constant entertainment and stimulation. Pulling back from that and replacing it with quiet time and focused concentration is a big shift. But that state passes. For kidlet, it took about a week from what I could tell. For me, a little less, maybe because despite how distracted I was, I have been writing books for years which had trained my brain for some level of deep focus. But then that tiredness/low mood lifts and the quieter, focused pace becomes fulfilling. Creative ideas start to pop up. An internal calmness develops. Plus, you're more productive on the things that count which is reinforcing. You don't want to go back to how things were. Like kidlet has taken to saying, "I think the video games and Ipad were tricking my brain."

On social media...

Don't take the 'any benefit' approach to a social media tool. Take the craftsman approach, meaning adopt a tool only if its positive impact on your success/happiness/professional/personal life "substantially outweighs its negative impacts." 

The key there is that last portion--substantially outweighs. We can find positive aspects of any social media. But just because a positive aspect exists doesn't mean it's worth the costs of the negatives a tool may have. Most of us do social media for a combination of fun/socializing and work purposes, but as we know, social media can suck up all of our time and attention because it's meant to be addictive. Companies don't want you to leave their sites. So take a hard look at all your social media outlets and determine which ones offer you more positives than negatives and pare back or get rid of the ones that are more negatives than positives. He gives a great example in the book, using a writer as the test case, on weighing the pros and cons of Twitter. I can't post it all here but it's eye-opening. And then he gives you tools on how to tame your social media beast.

On Shallow vs. Deep Work...

And finally, how do you even know what constitutes deep work vs. shallow work? How do you know if you're spending time where you should?

Ask of a task: "How long would it take (in months) to train a smart recent college graduate with no specialized training in my field to complete this task?"

If the answer is not very long, it's shallow work. Deep work is whatever your specialized skills are. For me, deep work is writing and editing. Deep work is not crafting a clever FB contest. It doesn't mean that the shallow work is not still part of my job, but it helps determine where I should be spending most of my time and effort. I have a career because I know how to write a book. That's my specialized skill. If I spend 80% of my day doing email, Facebook, Twitter, and skimming the internet, I'm just like anyone else who knows how to use a computer. So invest the lion's share of your work time in your deep work tasks and then take breaks from focused work to do the other stuff, instead of the other way around (taking breaks from distractions to do a little deep work in between.)

There are a lot more great points in the book and I don't necessarily agree with every single tactic he suggests, but overall, it was a world-shaking book for me in a good way. It's changed how I approach things completely. I highly recommend it.

And if you want to nerd out on the topic like me, here is a further reading list:

Recommended Read: Still Writing by Dani Shapiro

This week I've been focusing on pulling quotes from books I've read this summer about devices and the internet and all that jazz. But that's not all I've been reading this summer. So today I thought I'd take a trip down a side road and talk about a fantastic book I read about writing.

Still Writing by Dani Shapiro was so life-affirming and wonderful, not to mention beautifully written. This is the book I started my new Smartphone-Free Morning Routine with. Also, I used Book Darts to mark quotes or passages I love in my print books, and this one must weigh a pound more than when I bought it because it has so many freaking book darts lol. (see photo, all those little dark lines are the book darts.)

The book is written in essay format, so it's perfect to read a little each sitting, which is why it worked well as a morning read for me. The passages are short but filled with things to ponder, so it's one to savor rather than inhale.

I'm pulling some of my favorite quotes for y'all today to give you an idea of the style and tone, but if I quoted every passage I loved, I'd end up retyping the whole book, lol. So I'll try to choose carefully. : )

On Beginning:

"Every book, story, and essay begins with a single word. Then a sentence. Then a paragraph. These words, sentences, and paragraphs may well end up not being the actual beginning. You can't know that now. Straining to know the whole of the story before you set out is a bit like imagining great-grandchildren on a first date. But you can start with the smallest detail."

On the time between books:

(This passage resonated with me so much, and right now I'm between books, so I completely relate to this phase.)

"When I'm between books, I feel as if I will never have another story to tell. the last book has wiped me out, has taken everything from me, everything I understand and feel and know and remember, and...that's it. There's nothing left. A low-level depression sets in. The world hides its gifts from me. It has taken me years to realize that this feeling, the one of the well being empty, is as it should be. It means I've spent everything. And so I must begin again."

On why we write:

"The loneliest day in the life of a published writer may be publication day. Nothing happens. Perhaps your editor sends flowers. Maybe not. Maybe your family takes you out for dinner. But the world won’t stop to take notice. The universe is indifferent. You have put the shape of your soul between the covers of a book and no one declares it a national holiday. Someone named Booklover gives you a one-star review on Amazon.

So what is it about writing that makes it—for some of us—as necessary as breathing? It is in the thousands of days of trying, failing, sitting, thinking, resisting, dreaming, raveling, unraveling that we are at our most engaged, alert, and alive.”

On the jumping to the internet when we get stuck in our writing:

"This may be the most important piece of advice I can give you: The Internet is nothing like a cigarette break. If anything, it's the opposite. ...By the time we return to our work--if, indeed, we return to our work at all--we will be further away from our deepest impulses rather than closer to them."

On the writing life:

"when writers who are just starting out ask me when it gets easier, my answer is never. It never gets easier. I don't want to scare them, so I rarely say more than that, but the truth is that, if anything, it gets harder. The writing life isn't just filled with predictable uncertainties but with the awareness that we are always starting over again."

I could include so many more, but I hope that gives you an idea of how amazing this little book is. So if you're a writer, do yourself a favor and get yourself a copy. And if you're not a writer, I also highly recommend her marriage memoir Hourglass: Time, Memory, Marriage which was written in a similar style and was equally as lovely and thought-provoking. 

Thought-Provoking Reads from a Device-Free Summer (Day 2): The Power of Off

This week I'm taking some of the books I've read this summer while researching productivity, children and the internet/devices/video games, and how devices and the internet change our brains and am giving y'all some highlighted quotes for those interested.

I know that most people don't want to read a stack of books about the same topic, but I'm a nerd and a researcher at heart, so I love this stuff. ;) Hopefully by pulling some of the quotes from all these different books, it will give you some food for thought and also help you decide if you want to pick up the book to read. 

Yesterday I tackled The End of Absence: Reclaiming What We've Lost in a World of Constant Connection. Today, I'm going to cover a different book with a similar topic, but this one is more about how to protect your mental health in the connected world we live in. So yesterday's book was more philosophical, The Power of Off is focused more on psychology and self-care.

From the back cover:

Effective mindfulness practices for transforming your relationship with technology and reconnecting with your real life
 
Our reliance on technology is rapidly changing how each of us experiences life. We’re facing new issues and difficulties, we’re encountering new emotional triggers, and we’re relating to each other in new ways. As Dr. Nancy Colier writes, “How we spend our time, what motivates us, and what we want are all are on a radical course of transformation.” The promise of technology is that it will make our lives easier; yet to realize that promise, we cannot be passive users—we must bring awareness and mindfulness to our relationships with our devices.
 
“The compulsion to constantly check our devices plays on primal instincts,” teaches Colier. “Even people with strong spiritual practices or those who have never had other addiction issues now find themselves caught in the subtle trap of these miraculous tools we’ve created.” Through The Power of Off, she offers us a path for making use of the virtual world while still feeling good, having healthy relationships, and staying connected with what is genuinely meaningful in life. You’ll explore:  

• How and why today’s devices push our buttons so effectively, and what you can do to take back control of your life

• Tips for navigating the increasingly complex ways in which technology is affecting our relationships—with ourselves, others, and our devices themselves

• Self-evaluation tools for bringing greater awareness to your use of technology

• Mindfulness practices for helping you interact with your devices in more conscious ways

• A 30-day digital detox program to kick-start a new healthier relationship with technology 

With The Power of Off, Colier sounds the call for wakefulness, reminding us that we can use technology in a way that promotes, rather than detracts from, our well-being. This book provides an essential resource for anyone wanting to create a more empowered relationship with technology in the digital age.

Quotes that stood out to me in The Power of Off:

On why the internet and social media are so seductive. We think...

"If other people know about our lives, our lives will feel more real...If the world knows who we are, we will know who we are....With enough virtual destinations to choose from, we will find somewhere that we want to be."

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Like most of you know, I did a device-free summer with kidlet and was very nervous and intimidated when we started it, but it ended up being a great decision and easier than I thought. Her experience below with her daughter was similar to mine in that my kidlet handled it much better than I anticipated. I actually didn't have to say no except once because when I told him it was for the whole summer, he accepted that as fact, so he hasn't asked because he knows no devices or video games this summer, period.

"Getting kids off technology is not for the faint of heart, not once they’ve tasted the relief and glee that a princess video on YouTube can provide. Getting off technology is, in fact, hard for the whole family. In the end, for me, it’s a matter of using my resilience and my ability to stay present and connected with my love for my daughter, my deeper wisdom, and my clear intention to teach my child to enjoy herself without external entertainment. I want her to know her own internal resources and to trust the imagination and intelligence she contains. Thankfully, the more I say no, the more she returns to playing on her own, engaging herself, and being happy and proud about it."

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On FOMO, the fear of missing out. I had to deal with this some in June/July when I did a 3-week social media fast to get my book finished, but that anxiety about missing out faded in a few days. After the fast, I've been reluctant to return to the previous state, so now I'm still limiting my social media just because it feels better. I feel calmer.

"Indeed, many of us have grown afraid that if we don’t continually tell the world who we are, as everyone else is doing, we will become invisible and irrelevant."

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She also made me think more about what I post when I do post. This is no judgment from me about what anyone decides to post, but it has now given me personal pause to think more deliberately about what I'm posting.

"A Facebook post by an intelligent friend, a fifty-year-old woman, read: 'Up for an early bike ride, now followed up by some fresh fruit and an acai juice.' Why do we now use our time to report such things? Why is it important that the public know our morning juice ritual? Do we not reap the same health benefits and take the same pride in that bike ride if others don’t know about it?"

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These made me think because it's like that tree in the woods thing--if a tree falls in the woods but no one hears it, did it really happen? That's how social media feels sometimes. It didn't happen unless we post about it. (And I know the irony of me commenting on this as I blog about something I'm doing in my life, lol.) But it comes to my mind a lot at concerts when everyone has their phones up recording the performance and watching the tiny screen instead of, you know, actually experiencing the live performance you paid all that money for in order to get a low quality video that won't be as good as one you can look up on YouTube. 

"What has happened to the power of internal experience, the private knowing of what we do in our lives? It appears that internal validation is disappearing and we increasingly need an external response for each moment we live."

"The rise of technology in our lives has been accompanied not only by the drive to turn ourselves into a brand but also by an undeniable explosion in our need to be witnessed."

"And often what accompanies this swelling desire is the belief that everything we live, from every thought to every splinter, is of monumental significance and fascination to others."

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And a good question to ask if you feel you're more attached or dependent on social media than you would like:

"Ask yourself: What role (if any) does technology play in making me feel seen, known, or valued? Why is it important to me that others know about this? ...If they know, does it change the experience...? What changes or relaxes as a result of my making this experience known to the world?"

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On how our sense of self matures (or doesn't.) This definitely gave me pause since I'm in my thirties now.

"There used to be a developmental stage in life, usually sometime in our thirties, when we shifted our focus from the outside to the inside. That is, we stopped defining ourselves by what others thought of us and became more interested in what we thought of ourselves and the world. This stage could be called “growing up.” It seems that this stage of life is now disappearing for many of us. Now, the question Do I like myself? has been replaced by Am I liked?"

So if you're looking for a read that will make a case for stepping away from social media sometimes and give your brain a break in the name of self-care, this is a good one to pick up.