Behind the Scenes with Fine Print Lit's Assistant and Intern

Today, I'm excited to introduce two of the women behind the scenes at FinePrint Lit--Meredith Barnes (assistant to Janet Reid) and Gemma Cooper (intern).  We really appreciate these two ladies joining us today because they are on the front lines of that infamous slush pile and have great insights to share.  Also, remember that two of the prizes offered in our epic contest this week (see link at the top of the page) are critiques from these ladies, so if you haven't entered yet--get on it!

What storylines/subjects are you so tired of seeing in queries?

Meredith: I think the usual answer here is “paranormal” or “vampires,” but I haven’t gotten fed up with anything—yet. Just write it well. For god’s sake, take your time. Don’t forget that it’s the character and his/her voice, not a particular paranormal ability or plotline that is going to make a good book.

Gemma:  I’ll never say that I’m tired of any storylines, because a good voice will sell me no matter what. However, I would advise people to spend more time researching how to format a query – look at excellent resources like Query Shark (LINK - http://queryshark.blogspot.com/ ) and ensure you research the agents you are querying online (LINK TO FP website http://fineprintlit.com/ and NC website http://www.nancycoffeyliterary.com/submissions.cfm )

What gets you excited about a submission?

Meredith: A great voice in the query letter is what grabs me—and anyone else. I’m not narrowing my genre focus yet, since I’m culling the slush with an eye for several agents and because I haven’t decided where my list is going to focus yet. Plus I just love it all (specific recent focuses: thrillers and YA, literary stuff too). But feeling like I get to know the character that I’m going to potentially spend a lot of time with is key.

Gemma: No matter what the genre, an amazing voice will always excite me. Plus, I’m a total sucker for good YA Boy POV.

I'm assuming no one goes into this industry without a deep/love obsession fro books.  But when you're surrounded by books and submissions all day, do you still have time and desire to read for pleasure?  And if so, what's your go to genre or author?

Meredith: YES! I love reading, no matter what. Even work reading. It feels so sneaky I can’t stand it. When I read for pleasure, it’s as mixed a bag as it is when I read for work. My last three reads: Jeff Somers’ THE ELECTRIC CHURCH (Dystopian SciFi Thriller. With the badest badass evah), Sean Ferrell’s NUMB (Off-beat literary fiction. With a circus and Texas in it. And a deadpan narrator with dead nerves. It comes out next Tuesday!), and Josh Bazell’s BEAT THE REAPER (Thriller. With a hospital and the mob. And some recurring sharks.)

Gemma: I do have an obsession with books and of course still read of pleasure – nothing beats that feeling of cracking open a new book, even more so when you’ve been reading on the computer all week. My favorite genres are edgy/issue, any YA, urban fantasy, and quirky adult fiction. My go to authors are Jasper Fforde (who I met this year and completely fangirled over) and Robert Rankin. And my current obsession is making everyone I know read ‘When You Reach Me’ by Rebecca Stead and ‘Personal Demons’ by Lisa Desrochers.

You can find Gemma and Meredith on Twitter: @gemma_cooper and : @mer_barnes

Meredith also recommends: Suzie and Janet’s blog and also Judith Engracia’s (she’s a former FP intern who’s now an assistant at another agency): http://omnomnom-books.blogspot.com/

Thanks to these ladies for all the information and don't miss the second half of this interview over at Julie's blog--where you can find out what exactly their jobs entail and maybe even a Janet Reid secret revealed.  :)

 And all week, remember if you've ALREADY entered the contest by filling out THIS ENTRY FORM and want a bonus entry, you can get one extra a day by tweeting and filling in the little bonus form below.

*CONTEST CLOSED*

Interview with Author Lisa Desrochers & Contest

Today we have the privilege of talking with Lisa Desrochers, debut author of the upcoming YA novel Personal Demons.  I was able to read an ARC of Personal Demons this past weekend while I was at RWA and let me tell you, whoever wins Lisa's book this week is in for a treat.  Who can resist a love triangle with a kick-butt heroine, a sexy demon, and a drool-worthy angel?  Seriously--good stuff, people.

Here's the blurb:
If you had to choose between Heaven and Hell, which would it be?

Are you sure about that...?

Frannie Cavanaugh is a good Catholic girl with a wicked streak. She's spent years keeping everyone at a distance--even her closest friends--and it seems her senior year will be more of the same...until Luc Cain enrolls in her class. No one knows where he came from, but Frannie can't seem to stay away from him. What she doesn't know is that Luc works in Acquisitions--for Hell--and she possesses a unique skill set that has the king of Hell tingling with anticipation. All Luc has to do is get her to sin, and he's as tempting as they come. Frannie doesn't stand a chance. 

Unfortunately for Luc, Heaven has other plans, and the angel, Gabe, is going to do whatever it takes to make sure that Luc doesn't get what he came for. And it isn't long before they find themselves fighting for more than just her soul. 

But if Luc fails, there will be Hell to pay...for all of them.


Lisa, tell us a little bit about yourself.

I scribe YA novels. Look for my debut, PERSONAL DEMONS, from Tor/Macmillan on September, 14 2010. My omnipotent uberagent is Suzie Townsend at FinePrint Literary Management. When I'm not writing, I'm torturing some poor unsuspecting patient, lecturing in some less-than-exotic city...or blogging...or maybe just sleeping, but that doesn't sound nearly as cool.

Blog: http://lisadesrochers.blogspot.com/
Twitter:http://twitter.com/LisaDez

Was Personal Demons the first novel you wrote or are there manuscripts tucked under your bed?

I started writing in the summer of 2008 on a total whim. I wrote a book for my daughter’s birthday and gave that to her in October that year. She’s the only one who’s seen that manuscript. Thing is, I totally caught the writing bug and wrote another book in November of that year, which I’ve since revised for my truly fabulous agent. Personal Demons was my third novel. I wrote it in February and March 2009.

What was your querying process like?  Do you have any advice to those who are about to embark on the querying journey?

I took a few months to clean up Personal Demons and started querying in June. What I realized almost immediately is that I didn’t clean it up enough. I got full requests from the first four agents I queried and panicked because I was suddenly sure it wasn’t good enough. In the end, I sent out 21 queries, had twelve manuscript requests and singed with Suzie in September.

 My best advice to those getting ready to query is 1) Don’t query too soon. Revise and polish until you can’t stand to look at your reflection in your manuscript another second. If your manuscript is as good as it can possibly be, you’ll have no regrets no matter what happens. 2) Research agents. I don’t just mean check their agency profile. I mean find out what they represent already and what they’ve sold. Read interviews they’ve done. Read their blog if they have one. Make sure they’re a good fit for your manuscript.

What’s been the most surprising part of the whole process since you’ve landed your book deal?  The most challenging?  The most fun?

The most surprising part was definitely when one of my very favorite authors, Melissa Marr, recommended Personal Demons. It never occurred to me that an author that was one of my primary roll models would ever read my book. The fact that she read it and didn’t hate it did wonders for my confidence. I don’t know if it really qualifies as challenging, but learning how the whole publishing process works has been a real eye-opener. The most fun is the foreign translation rights sales. We’ve sold Personal Demons in seven territories so far and are in negotiations in two others. It’s fun to think that there will be something out there in the world that I wrote but can’t read. =)

What’s the best piece of writing advice you have ever received?

Write your story. I think it’s easy for aspiring writers get caught up in thinking they need to write a certain type of book in a certain way. The road to publication is rough. It’s rougher if you’re not loving what you’re doing.

Thanks so much to Lisa for spending some time with us today and be sure to hop on over to Julie's blog to see the rest of the interview to hear about Lisa's writing process, the challenge of planning sequels, and how she found her agent.  Also, don't forget to pick up a copy of her book September 14!

And remember, one of the prizes for our TOTALLY EPIC (I just like typing that) contest is an ARC of Personal Demons.  So don't forget to enter.  And if you've already entered, you can still earn an extra entry each day by tweeting our contest.  Fill out the little form below for your bonus entry!

Thanks to everyone who has entered so far and who has blogged/tweeted/facebooked about it.  We really appreciate everyone spreading the word!

*CONTEST CLOSED*

**Today's Theme Song (Author's Inspiration for this story)**

"You Found Me" - The Fray

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

Author Hannah Moskowitz Interview & the Contest is Open!

The interviews and contest are finally here!!!  Today, we have the pleasure of talking to author Hannah Moskowitz.

Tell us a little bit about you

I'm a YA and MG writer. My first YA, BREAK, came out in 2009, and my first MG, ZOMBIE TAG, is out in Fall 2011. I also have two more YAs, INVINCIBLE SUMMER and THE ANIMALS WERE GONE, coming in Spring 2011 and 2012, and another MG coming probably in 2012.

In a more personal sense, I'm a student at the University of Maryland, and I watch enough TV for it to qualify as a specialty. I blog at http://hannahmosk.blogspot.com and I am literally all over the internet.

What was your journey towards getting an agent and your first book deal like?  How many queries/rejections/etc. did you go through before THE CALL?

Oh my God, millions of rejections. I queried for a year, with four different manuscripts, so that should give you an idea of how many. At the beginning, my journey was very typical. I queried for a long time, and eventually got an offer of representation in February 2008. I ended up getting four offers. I chose one, we went out on submission with Break in April 2008 and sold in July. The following June, I broke up with that agent when we just had different visions of where our relationship needed to be. I started querying again and signed with the fantastic Brendan Deneen, formerly of FinePrint Literary, in July 2009, and we sold Invincible Summer at mini-auction back to my Simon Pulse editor in August 2009 (the same month Break came out). In July 2010, Brendan left FinePrint to pursue editing, and I switched to Suzie Townsend, also at FP, who is my current fabulous agent.

There’s a lot of debate out there about what is “appropriate” for YA—cursing, sex, violence, etc.  We’ve gotten into a number of debates about it here at the blog.  How do you decide what to do in your own stories?

I just write my characters however they would sound if they were real teenagers. I don't sugarcoat, but I also don't do edgy for edgy's sake.

What are some of your favorite books?  Do you continue reading while you’re drafting a project or does that muddle your process?

I don't read during first drafts (I don't have time!) but I try to read as much as I can otherwise, especially while editing. Some of my favorite books are E. Lockhart's The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks and her Ruby Oliver series, everything David Levithan does, particularly Love is the Higher Law and Will Grayson, Will Grayson with John Green, The Year of Secret Assignments by Jaclyn Moriarty, The Deathday Letter by Shaun Hutchinson, and everything by Garret Freymann-Weyr.

What’s your guilty pleasure?

Queer As Folk

What is the single best piece of writing advice you received?

Shut up. Stop talking. Stop bitching. That's not writing your book. Write your damn book.

And for all of us who are still working toward getting an agent and a book deal, what writing advice would you like to share with us?

My tried-and-true piece of advice is: never think you aren't good enough, and never think you can't get better. You need to push your books at agents like it is the best f***ing thing in the world, and you need to simultaneously ruthlessly write (WRITE NEW BOOKS. MORE BOOKS.) and rip your stuff apart like it's the world's worst.

Thanks so much to Hannah for talking with us today!  Now, click over to Julie's blog to read the rest of the interview, including Hannah's writing process (and how freaking fast she writes!), her newest book, and how she juggles writing with college life.

And, now, the contest is officially open!!!  Click here to go to the entry form.  You can enter this form once, but be sure to stop by for the rest of the week's interviews because you'll be able to earn extra entries each day.  :)

RWA Nationals: Help! Which Workshops to Choose?

So I'm hitting the oh-crap-it's-already-here point with regards to RWA Nationals.  I'm not packed.  I haven't made my necessary "don't forget" list, and I haven't decided which of the bazillion workshops I want to attend.  Therefore, I need your help!

I plan on taking back what I learn from the conference and sharing it with you guys, so I'm curious to know what you guys are most interested in.  Craft?  Agent panels?  The business of writing?

When I go to conferences, I tend to stick to craft things, but now that I'm hitting the querying stage again, those business related workshops are also appealing.  So I'm torn.

Here's the list of classes in case you want to peruse and help me out.

So you tell me, what do you want to know more about:  queries, agents, pitching, dialogue, building sexual tension, POV, GMC, characterization, high concept, world-building?  I'm not promising that I'll be able to go to all of those, but maybe if there is some burning topic all you guys are curious about, it will help me decide when  I'm trying to pick between two workshops held at the same time.

Thanks!

So which ones do you think I should go to?  How do you decide which ones to choose at a conference?  Do you tend to go for craft, agent/editor panels, or career-related ones?

**Today's Theme Song**

"Brain Stew" - Green Day

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

WIP Wednesday: Facing Down the Query

Cartoon: inkygirl.com

So I've been productive this past week after a few weeks of banging my head against the wall.  I finished the chapter that was giving me fits.  Then, I realized because of how that chapter worked out, I needed ANOTHER chapter.  It was starting to feel like the neverending draft.  But anyway, I banged out both, added a scene I needed somewhere else and ended up adding 4k words to the manuscript.

That means I can finally say that this sucker is D-O-N-E done at 88k.  Now I'll just be editing and revising as I work through it with my betas.  And I'm facing down the super fun task of writing the query letter and synopsis.  I'm hoping to have a query letter at least drafted before I leave for RWA Nationals next week, so that when I come home (with my head chock full of information and the agents I want to query), I'll have something to work with.

On the flipside, I'm hoping that I don't come home after going to all those workshops and want to change everything about the book, lol.  Sometimes too much information can be dangerous.  :)  But we'll see.

So, hopefully I'll be entering the query wars soon.  It's been a while, so I'm looking forward to it.  I just want to make sure everything is ready to go before I hit send.  I've learned the hard way that you need to have everything all set before querying.  My first novel, I received a full request one week after querying and they wanted a synopsis.  So I don't ever want to be rushing like that again.

How is your WIP going?  Have you ever gone to a workshop that made you want to change everything about your story?  Is anyone else going to RWA Nationals next week?

**Today's Theme Song**

"The Letter" - The Boxtops

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

The Beta Club: Darkness Comes Calling (YA Paranormal) - Agree with my Crit?

It's Beta Club Tuesday!  I apologize for the late posting.  I had the joy of going to the dentist this morning and forgot to set up the post.  I also am not going to post the excerpt uncritted because the document has no paragraph breaks and would be too big of a block of text to read easily.  So for this time only, I'll just include the critting version for you to view.  Please don't let that stop you from providing your own feedback to the author.

Title: Darkness Comes Calling
Author: Monica Q. (she is looking for beta readers, email her HERE if you are interested)

Below is my detailed critique.  Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.

 

 

Alright, so what do you think?  Are you hooked?  What did the author do well?  What things could be improved? Agree or disagree with my crit?

Thanks ahead of time to everyone who comments and to the author for volunteering!

**Today's Theme Song (Author's Choice)**

"How Far We've Come" - Matchbox Twenty

(player in sidebar, take a listen.)

Flipping to the End: Who Does That?

We all know that our first line and paragraph have to rock because it's one of the things readers look at when deciding whether or not to buy the book.  I know I do.  But someone mentioned to me a while back that we need to pay just as much attention to our last line--that many people flip to the end as well.

My reaction: o_O  Who does that?


I had never considered such a thing.  I know that a last line is important for giving your reader a satisfying experience and helping sell your next book, but I never thought someone would look at it first thing.

I am not a flip to the end person.  I know a lot of people will jump ahead and read the end before finishing the middle, which has always baffled my mind.  The only time I've ever peeked ahead was once when a character I loved was at risk of dying, I flipped forward to see if his name was still present in later chapters to make sure he survived.  But reading the end before you've even started the book?  Really?

Who are you people?  I want to know.  :)  Tell me what's the benefit in doing that.

So, as a reader, are you a flip ahead person or would that ruin it for you?  As a writer, do you stress about your last line? 

**Today's Theme Song**

"Famous Last Words" - My Chemical Romance

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

Book Are Not Babies: Should You Post Bad Reviews?

Photo by comedy_nose

Last weekend the first ever RomCon, a convention for romance readers, was held in Colorado.  I didn't have the pleasure of going, but I did follow the hashtag on Twitter of people who were attending and got some play by play of some of the sessions.  (This is why if you're not on Twitter, you need to get on it.  You never know what kind of interesting conversations and helpful information you're going to find.  If you want to follow me, you can click the button in my sidebar.)

One of the hot topics that ended up burning up the tweets was the issue of book reviews.  Apparently, there was a panel at the convention on how readers can help authors.  Authors talked about Amazon and how if you like a book, take the time to review it on there.  But the issue of bad reviews also came up.

Some authors argued that no book should get one star because shouldn't they at least get two stars for the effort of completing a book?  The adage books are our babies came up as well.  Well, many of the people tweeting were book bloggers and got a little annoyed with these statements.  Some said, that no, you don't get stars for effort--they've spent their hard-earned money on the book and expect an enjoyable experience.  They also insisted book are NOT babies, but are a product that you are SELLING.  (They even started a hashtag #booksarenotbabies to point out all the ways they are different--hilarious.  For instance, you can't tuck a baby under the bed if you create a bad one.)

Authors also said that negative reviews should be constructive so that the author can learn what not to do next time.  However, book bloggers responded that this is not their job--they are not the editor, critique partner, beta reader.  They are the consumer.

So, what do you think?  I personally don't do bad reviews on here or post bad reviews on Amazon.  I'm a big believer in karma and if I don't like something, I just move on.  Now, if I loved something, I do review it, tweet it, and tell friends.

However, I do feel that book bloggers and readers should have the right to give their opinion--good, bad, or indifferent.  I read reviews on Amazon before I buy a book and I do put stock in them.  I appreciate when someone reviews honestly (although I tend to ignore 1 star ratings because those people usually are ranting.)  I also don't think anyone has the obligation to be constructive.  Don't be ugly and personally insulting, but it's okay to say how you feel.

Whenever I get published (see, still trying to do positive thinking), I hope that I will be able to take the range of opinions in stride.  We can't please everyone all the time.  All we can do is write the best book we can and go from there.

So what's your opinion?  Should the reader consider how a bad review will affect the author?  Should reviews be constructive?  And just for laughs, how are book different from babies?  (My fave was from an author who said something to the affect of "Call my daughter a tramp, I'm sharpening a shank.  Call my heroine a tramp, I'm making promotional buttons!")

**Today's Theme Song**

"Don't Treat Me Bad" - Firehouse

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

Three Ways To Avoid Pantser Pitfalls

I've talked in the past about my pantsing tendencies.  No matter how hard I try to outline or be a plotter, I always end up sliding back into my deviant ways.  So I've learned to accept it (mostly) at this point and try to work around the weaknesses of this method.

Here are three things that have helped me avoid some of the pitfalls:

Don't hit delete even when you HATE the scene.

Sometimes, the only way for me to move forward is to try a scene a few different ways to see where it goes.  That means I end up with a lot of words I can't use.  I used to just discard the version I didn't end up going with.  But that was NOT bright.  Oftentimes, I realized later that parts of the other version would've worked better or could've been used somewhere else.  And you know how words are, it's almost impossible to recapture them the exact way you had them the first time.

So now, I don't delete anything--even if I'm only going to play around with a scene to see if an element can be shifted, I cut and paste the original in my "cuts" file in case I decide I want to go back to it.  My cut file for this current WIP is 23,000 words.  Ugh.  I know.  But I'm glad I have that file.  This week it helped me out.  I had one scene that I thought I hated and never thought I would use, but then it ended up being just what i need in another part of the book.  I was so happy I had saved it.

Anticipate unscheduled vacation time for your muse.

Goals are great.  500/1000/whatever words a day.  Terrific.  BUT be careful about the goals of, I will have this book finished by said date.  Don't cut it so close that you haven't planned for road blocks.  Everyone hits blocks, but I think pantsers are even more at risk for it because we really don't know what's going to happen next so we lean very heavily on our muse.  And sometimes, that muse goes on a bender to Cabo.  So make sure you give yourself some cushion so that you can take a few days off here and there to let your mind rest and your creativity return.

Make notes (and remember where you put them).

Plotters tend to know their plot threads before they start.  They make these beautiful charts, usually color-coded, with each of the different plot lines and subplots and characters.  They mark where they need to drop in each respective thread within a chapter.  *turns green with envy*  I, on the other hand, come up with terrific ideas for new plot threads fifteen chapters in.  Therefore, I end up having a number of threads, clues, logic details that I need to add into the earlier chapters after I finish drafting the book.

All these little things can add up and are easy to forget.  So have ONE place (a word document, specific notebook, post-it notes to put on a paper manuscript) where you keep all of those reminders, so that when you start revisions, you know what you need to add in and fix.

So those are three simple things that I've learned the hard way.  Do you have any other tips that help you work around your weaknesses?  And if you're a plotter, what are some of the pitfalls of that method?  What are some of your tricks?

**Today's Theme Song**

"Once Bitten, Twice Shy" - Great White

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

WIP Wednesday and Openings

I know last week I told you guys that I wrote "The End" on my WIP.  That is true.  However, what I failed to mention was there was one chapter in the middle that I hadn't finished.  I thought I knew where I wanted to go with it, but then when I tried to write it, it didn't work how I wanted it to.  So I've literally been writing, rewriting, scrapping, and starting over for about two weeks now.  It's driving me crazy.  I WILL get this book done by the time I go to RWA Nationals at the end up the month.  I will.  You hear that muse--wherever your sorry butt has flitted off to?  You put down that martini and get back here.


Alright, now the other thing I'm a bit stressed about it my beginning.  Some betas have said that it could to the first meet (hero and heroine) faster--which happens about five pages in.  Others say that the few pages of seeing my MC on a bad date and getting to know her a bit before the big moment works because then they're invested of knowing what her life is like before the point of change.  Then yesterday, during beta club, a commenter (Amelia) mentioned that she's sick of the must open with immediate action structure because you don't have time to care about the characters before the big action.


I've also referenced an article in the past by Jane at Writer's Digest about the Biggest Bad Advice About Story Openings.  Here's what she had to say:

The action ought to have context—and be as grounded as possible in a character that we're already starting to love.

Michael Hauge also said something similar when I went to his Screenplay workshop.  He said in movies, there is a setup.  The first few minutes of the movie usually let us see the characters in their every day lives before the big turning point/inciting incident.  I never really paid attention to this, but now I can't stop noticing it, lol.  I watched Hot Tub Time Machine with the hubs this weekend and the first five or so minutes of the movie is seeing each of the characters living their lives.  If we just started with them jumping into the time machine--we wouldn't be invested.

I personally loathe an opening where someone is running through the woods from some unknown force or they are in the middle of a car crash or someone has a gun to the MC's head for this very reason.  I don't know the character yet, so I don't care if they die.  Harsh, but true.

So how do we decide if a setup works for our book?  And how fast should the setup be? *shrug*  I'm trying to figure that out.  My plan right now is to trim some of the dialogue on my MC's bad date, but still have it there.  Maybe get her and the hero to meet by page three or four.  But we'll see how it goes.  First, I need to get that troublesome chapter out of the way.

So what's your opinion?  Does your book have a "setup" or glimpse into the MC's every day life before the big change?  How do you feel about books that jump right into it without that?  What are some of your favorite openings in books or movies?

**Today's Theme Song**
"Who Are You?" - The Who

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

The Beta Club: The Phelan Chronicles (Sci-Fi/Paranormal) - Agree with my Crit?

First of all, thanks to everyone for your comments on my one-year blogiversary post yesterday. Today is officially the date, but I didn't want to do it today because it's...

Beta Club Tuesday! Sci-Fi/Paranormal Thriller is on the agenda today. Read on and let the author know what you think! Remember, this will be one of the last Beta Clubs, so give it all you got. ;)

For newbies: If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments. All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive.

Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments. My detailed critique is below.

Author: DA Trevino (He is looking for beta readers, email him if you are interested!)
Title: The Phelan Chronicles
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Paranormal Thriller

Excerpt:
My name is Phelan--Phelan Martin Llewellyn--don't blame me, blame my parents, I know I do. The Order has asked me to chronicle some of my encounters; they seem to think that you can learn something by listening to this stuff. I agreed to chronicle but if you have ever listened to or read any of the chronicles you know they are boring. I am going to tell it my way.
#
Of course she was hot and blond--probably a cheerleader too--and she was looking up at him with doe eyes that said, Oh! Eddie, my tall dark beautiful tortured love and eternal-soul-mate take me in your arms and sweep me off to Barf-ville. Gag! I can't tell you how much that whole romance with the undead thing grosses me out! And yes, before some smart-ass psych major asks; yes, as a guy I take it personal. I work out, a lot, for reasons you will soon see, so if some normal guy were to see this, a blond hottie throwing herself on a walking corpse--like football players aren't bad enough--he would be seriously pissed, disillusioned, and jealous, at the very least. The only difference between him and me is I can do something about it. But back to the chronicle. To make matters worse, her being there at that moment messed up my night. I was going to have to wait to kill him.
Not that you could kill something that was not alive. I mean, killing the undead isn't murder or even killing. I mean, when I kill a cockroach, I'm killing a living, breathing creature--they do breathe, don't they--that serves a useful, if revolting, ecological purpose. This thing was a vampire. A vampire that was leaning over to bite the blond on the neck. Great! This was going to eat up my night. I pulled up my camera, checked that it was still mirror-locked-up and took their picture, really her image was the one that mattered. Unfortunately, I might have to kill her later.
Details keep you alive in this business. Yes, you heard me; it's a business, not a calling, not a yearning, not a whatever, and don't forget it. You think I didn't have better things to do that Friday night then track a master vampire and his latest late-girlfriend? Get it, late-girlfriend? Vampire hunting was--still is actually--how I paid for my car, paid for my killer game systems, and how I intended to pay for my trip to Tokyo. Yes, LANapalooza!
The biggest, baddest, LAN party on the planet was in Tokyo that year and I was going. And that master vampire's head was going to pay my way. Yes, it was a master; the Fraternity doesn't farm out jobs unless they're killer, but they pay well if you live. Remember that, you only get paid if you live!1 And details are what get you paid.
Fact: Vampires have great hearing. But what most people do not know is they are better at picking up sharp noises, like the sound of a twig snapping or the mirror in a camera clicking up and down. So, take your pictures from far away--I was using a 70mm-300mm zoom image stabilizer lens with a 2x teleconverter--and lock the mirror up.
Before I realized it, he was finished snacking. That was too fast, which could mean he was not hungry--NOT likely--or he was saving her for transformation. Back then that was pretty rare. Vampires, despite silly movies to the contrary, did not go around making more vampires. Not like cockroaches. Vampires also got all ritually when they transformed a new vampire. That would have explained why they went walking off into the park, hand-in-hand. Ain't that sweet, gag!
OK, I told you if you want to get paid you have to stay alive and that comes down to details. Vampi and Bambi went walking into Tyler State Park, my home turf. I knew every blade of grass on a first name basis. If I'd been someplace else I wouldn't've been too eager to follow.
That night sucked! It was a heavy overcast new moon night, which in Bucks county Pennsylvania we're talking blacker that a witch's--actually I shouldn't say that, witches ain't that bad, and some are sexy cute. I mean, could this dip vampire get any hokier? I mean, he could turn her in the middle of the day with clear skies. All this drama meant was that I was going to be cold, miserable, and maybe wet before I killed him—the air smelled like rain.

Below is my detailed critique. Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.

Alright, so what did you think? Are you hooked?  What did the author do well?  What could be improved?  Agree or disagree with my crit?


Thanks ahead of time for taking the time to comment and for the author for volunteering!

**Today's Theme Song**

"Attack" - 30 Seconds to Mars

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

Dear 2009 Self: Looking Back on a Year of Blogging and Writing

Tomorrow marks my one-year blogging anniversary!  Woo-hoo!  The journey so far has been such a blast.  I've learned a lot, met a lot of great people, and am so happy I decided to join this community.  I started this because I thought I "had to" but never did I think it would become something that I loved.  So thanks to each of you because all of your comments, support, knowledge-sharing, and humor have made this an amazing experience.

Now in addition to the friendships, I've also gained a lot of helpful tidbits along the way.  Things I wish I would've known when I started.  So today, I thought I would recap what I've learned and send a letter to my 2009 self to give "past" me fair warning.

Dear 2009 Me,

1.  Crit groups or beta readers are vital.  Your mother and husband do not count.

2.  Your first novel is not going be the THE ONE.  Because first novels are practice.  (Yes, I know there are exceptions.  And yes, you will think you are the exception.  You're not.)

3.  You will query your first book too soon.  Querying before you ever have a beta reader, before you ever started reading blogs, and before you read any decent craft book is not wise.

4.  Blogging and social networking will become a time suck.  But it's all worth it because you are going to meet some awesome and talented people and learn more than you can imagine.

5.  You will discover that the following do not make you a clever writer, they just stamp amateur on your forehead:

Creative dialogue tags.  

Excessive --ly adverbs

Exclamation points

Introductory participial phrases every other sentence

Using three adjectives to describe something that could be covered with one

Three pages of backstory to kick off a novel.

Prologues to hide your slow-moving first chapter.

6.  People will actually read your blog!  (Past self just gasped at this prospect.)

7.  Patience will take on a whole new meaning.  You still will not be good at practicing it.

8.  You will learn that staring at the mailbox or your inbox does not manifest agent and publisher responses.

9.  You will meet amazing friends who push you, support you, and make you laugh your butt off.

10.  Despite your previous tendency to not finish things, you will complete two more novels and will blog five days a week for an entire year.  Because you have found your passion.

So that's what I've learned so far.  It's been a great year.  Thank you again to everyone who's been part of this journey so far with me.  I ♥ you guys!

So what are some of the things you've learned since starting your journey?  What has surprised you?  

**Today's Theme Song**

"Somebody Told Me" - The Killers

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

Author Elizabeth Craig on The Elements of Mystery Writing

Today, I am so excited to host mystery author Elizabeth Craig as my guest blogger today.  Elizabeth has a new release, a fabulous blog, and is, by far, the most helpful writing person to follow on Twitter.  If you're not following her, get to it as soon as you finish this post!  Now, I'll turn it over to over to Elizabeth.

Some Basic Elements to Remember When Writing Your Mystery

Thanks so much, Roni, for hosting me today at Fiction Groupie!  I always enjoy reading your blog and all the useful information you provide for writers.

Today I’m going to be genre-specific and talk a little about writing mysteries.  Mysteries aren’t only my favorite genre to read, they’re my favorite to write, too.  I think that’s because you get all the character development and conflict resolution of a novel with the added bonus of a puzzle to solve.

First of all, you need to consider your mystery subgenre. What types of mysteries do you enjoy reading?  If you like a faster-paced book, then consider writing thrillers. Slower-paced and less-gory?  Try writing cozy mysteries.  If you enjoy following along as fictitious detectives crack the case, then try your hand at police procedurals.  Other types of mysteries include noir and hardboiled (private investigator stories.)  Whichever subgenre you focus on, make sure you’re able to identify it in your query or cover letter.

Follow the rules:  Mysteries have to be fair. You’ll want to make sure that you’re letting your reader in on the fun of solving the case alongside your sleuth.  Clues should be in plain sight (no moments where the detective goes “Hmm. Very interesting…” and doesn’t share the information with the reader.)  The murderer should be introduced at the same time as the other suspects—there shouldn’t be any 11^th hour introduction to the culprit.

Setting: Frequently, setting plays a role in a mystery novel. The setting can limit the number of suspects if it’s a remote island, for example. For a thriller, you may want a faster-paced, big-city environment. Check and see  how the setting plays a role in your book. If it doesn’t, you may want to consider tweaking your manuscript.

An Engaging Beginning: Have you started out with messy backstory that no one wants to wade through at the beginning of your book? Make sure you’ve lured your reader in from the very beginning so they’ll want to stick with you.  Think twice before using flashbacks at the beginning of your manuscript.

Have You Got A Murder that Happens in First 50 pages or so? Don’t wait until you’re half-way through the book for a body to be discovered. The sooner the investigation is started, the better (as a general rule.) And most mysteries out on the shelves today are murder mysteries. Yes, you can definitely find examples of cat burglar-type mysteries, etc., but usually mystery publishers are looking for murders in the mystery genre.

Sleuth: Is he or she interesting enough for your readers to want to spend time with? What special talents do they have that make them especially capable of solving the crime? Are they easy to talk to? What sets them apart?

Suspects: Do your suspects all have motive, means, and opportunity?  You’ll want to make sure that the suspects’ motive makes sense and is believable.  Have you given the reader a chance to meet each suspect and learn about them? Have your suspects misdirected your readers and provided some red herrings? Have they lied to the sleuth and the reader? Do they have secrets? Do they have some depth?  


Murderer: The killer will need to be fairly clever so he isn’t caught right away. Is your culprit believable but not obvious?  If the murderer ends up being the least likely candidate, have you made his motivation realistic?
 
Clues:  The clues need to be made available to the reader as well as the detective.  You have to be fair with your reader in providing them the clues, but make sure they don't stand out too obviously in the scene.  If they do, think about pointing the reader's/detective's attention in another direction, quickly.  Providing a distraction is a useful technique. There also needs to be more than one clue.

Red Herrings:  Make sure your red herrings don't last the entire length of the book---that's generally considered unfair.  Red herrings are a good technique to mislead your reader, but  they can be taken too far. If the entire focus of your murder was blackmail and the ensuing investigation is wrapped up with blackmail victims and scurrilous gossip: and then the real motivation ends up being revenge or obtaining life insurance money,  most readers will end up wanting to throw your book in frustration. 

Victims: You know you need at least one. Do you need two? Do you need more? (Remember that some genres, like cozies, generally don’t have a high body count.)

Element of Danger: Does your sleuth or detective know too much? Are they getting too close to the truth? Adding some action or a touch of danger can help with sagging book middles, or can provide an exciting showdown between the killer and the sleuth.

Resolution: Did you catch the bad guys in the end?  Check and see if you’ve tied up all the loose ends that you created.  Did you explain how the sleuth/police followed the clues to deduce the killer?

Need some extra help? Try checking out these sites:
Book Crossroads , which has links to online mystery writing groups, hardboiled slang dictionaries, forensic information, and legal overviews.
A Yahoo Group for writers on firearms : a good place to start your research.
Tripod.com's Classic 12-Chapter Mystery Formula : Reading this can help you see the bare bones of many mystery novels. You don't have to follow it exactly--it's just a guide.
Don't Drop Clues: Plant them Carefully! by Stephen Rogers does a great job covering the types of clues, how to misdirect your reader, and mistakes to avoid.

Bio:  Elizabeth writes the Memphis Barbeque series for Penguin as Riley Adams, the Myrtle Clover series for Midnight Ink (under her own name), and blogs daily at http://mysterywritingismurder.blogspot.com, which was named by Writer’s Digest as one of the 101 Best Websites for Writers for 2010. Delicious and Suspicious released July 6, 2010.

As the mother of two, Elizabeth writes on the run as she juggles duties as Brownie leader, referees play dates, drives carpools, and is dragged along as a hostage/chaperone on field trips.
Elizabeth Spann Craig (Riley Adams)
http://mysterywritingismurder.blogspot.com
http://mysteryloverskitchen.com
Twitter: @elizabethscraig

Elizabeth will be checking in throughout the day, so feel free to ask her your burning questions in the comments!  

**Today's Theme Song**

"Building a Mystery" - Sarah McLachlan

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

My Goodreads List is Staring Me Down

So at the beginning of the year, I made the lofty goal of reading a hundred books in a year.  A hundred?  Sure, I could do that.  Hell, last year, I hit around 80 and I wasn't even trying.  Then....*insert scary music here* the kidlet decided napping was for sissies.  He's two.  Wasn't napping supposed to last until at least 13?  No?

So my writing time had to be moved from that luscious two hours in the afternoon, into post kidlet bedtime, which was reserved for my reading time.  *sigh*  So add in that I've been obsessed with finishing my WIP, I am failing miserably at my goal.  As it sits right now, I've read twenty books this year and it's already July.  I'm thinking 50 is going to be a more realistic goal.

Which is almost exactly the number of To-Be-Read books on my Goodreads list.  (No, this does not mean I won't buy another book before the end of the year.  Let's not talk crazy.)  By the way, if you want to befriend me on goodreads or see my daunting list, click here.

I know I have even more books than that because I haven't entered them all on the website, but I'm not going to think about that.  Hopefully, as I wrap up editing this WIP, I'll be able to take a much needed mental break and read my face off before starting a new project.

You hear that TBR pile?  It's on!  Stop staring at me.  That goes for you, too, Kindle!

So how are your beginning of the year goals going?  Is your TBR pile frightening or manageable?  Which book in that pile can you not wait to read?


**And don't forget to stop by tomorrow, we have author Elizabeth Craig stopping by to talk about writing  mysteries!**

**Today's Theme Song**

This is War - 30 Seconds to Mars

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

WIP Wednesday: Typing THE END

So I'm doing a happy dance because this weekend, I was finally able to type THE END on my current WIP!  Woo-hoo!  I know that there is editing to be done, scenes to add, threads to plant, and holes to fill, but there's nothing like reaching the end of a rough draft.

As I've mentioned before, I live in a harried state when I'm drafting.  My mind is buried in the book, I'm frantic when I hit a wall because I think--is this going to be the one that I can't finish?  It's and exciting and creative time, but also pretty stressful for me.  This is why I wish I was a plotter--the unknown scares the bejeebers out of me, but alas, no matter how hard I try, my brain doesn't work that way.

And I have the unused scene file to prove it.  This book landed at right under 84k (I anticipate it will grow as I revise because there are some scenes I know I need to add), but my cut file--17,000 words.  Ugh.  More than fifty pages of stuff I can't use because they were scenes that led me in the wrong direction or weren't working.  It is what it is.  Apparently, this is my process.

Anyway, I'm now jumping into revisions.  My awesome beta readers are going over the first three chapters now and the feedback I've gotten back so far has been really positive.  So perhaps I haven't totally screwed myself doing the dual timeline structure.  *breathes sigh of relief*  Although, I'm diligently ignoring the fact that I'm going to have to write a synopsis for something with two timelines, two story trajectories, separate character arcs (for the same characters but at different times).  *grabs paper bag, breathes in and out*

What were we talking about again?  Right.  Unicorns and butterflies and rainbows.  Nice, happy positive things.

So, how's your WIP going?  What do you do to celebrate when you write THE END?  Am I the only one who gets panicked every time I hit a wall, convinced that it's going to be THE wall that kills the story?

**Today's Theme Song**

"Maybe It's Just Me" - Butch Walker

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

The Beta Club: The Tooth Fairy's Assistant (Middle Grade) - Agree with my Crit?

 

It's Beta Club Tuesday!  Middle Grade is on the agenda today.  Read on and let the author know what you think!  Remember, this will be one of the last Beta Clubs, so give it all you got.  ;)  

 For newbies:  If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments.  All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive.  

Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments.  My detailed critique is below.

Author: Penny (you know her as Too Cute to Be Very Interesting)  Visit her here.
Title: The Tooth Fairy's Assistant
Genre: Middle Grade

Excerpt:

            “How much further Dad?”

            “Twenty five miles. Please Owen, stop pestering me. I need to concentrate on my driving.”

            Dad always has to concentrate extra hard on everything. Owen, be quiet, I’m thinking. Owen, settle down, I’m trying to focus. Owen, Owen, Owen. He does look a little more white-knuckled than normal though. Probably all the accidents on the road.

            It’s raining pretty hard, about as hard as it ever does in Washington. Usually it just mists here, like you’re all wrapped up in a cloud, but today it’s pouring. That must be the reason for all the problems they keep reporting on the radio. It’s really weird though, because it seems like we’re just barely ahead of the trouble every time.

….Watch for a jackknifed semi northbound on Route 3 at Finn Hill Road …if you can even get there folks, that twelve car pileup still blocks all traffic west of Silverdale…

We were turning onto a floating bridge now. From up here I saw that down in the middle of the water the bridge split in two. It looked like an hourglass, with a single lane for north and another lane for southbound traffic belling out and away from each other. On the right, the water was really choppy. On the left, it was as smooth as glass. Weird.

“Hey Dad, why would they build the bridge like that?”

“Huh?”

My dad was so focused on the road ten feet in front of him that he hadn’t noticed what was coming. He looked up and gasped. “Oh no you don’t! I see exactly what you’re up to and I won’t have it! Do you hear me? I will not have it!”

“What?”

“Not you Owen! Hang on!” We were almost to the split. Dad cranked the wheel and our car veered into the southbound lane, still headed north.

I may have screamed. I hope not, because I’m almost thirteen years old and screaming like a baby isn’t the coolest thing I can think of, but seriously. My dad has clearly just lost his mind. Or maybe not. He gunned the gas and drove like Jeff Gordon. We must’ve been going a hundred miles an hour, trying to beat the traffic that was about to enter the one-way lane and smoosh us head-on.

Out of the corner of my right eye, I saw a tractor-trailer flash past going the opposite direction. Wait…if we were going the wrong direction on the road and he was driving that way…he was going the wrong way in the lane we’d just been in!

I whipped my head around and watched, horrified, as the big rig smashed into one concrete barrier, then the other, then cartwheeled through the air, spilling its load everywhere. He’d been carrying chickens. Thousands of them flopped all over the roadway and into the water, beaks snapping and feathers flying.

Our car was going so fast that when Dad yanked us back into our own lane I swear we went up on two wheels, because the car slammed down and I bit the inside of my cheek.

“Ow!”

“Are you okay Owen?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I watched the accident scene behind us as we sped away. The feathers swirled in the oddest pattern, almost like a woman’s dress. I blinked and the image went away. A curve in the road made the bridge wink out of sight.

I faced forward, and my stomach turned. We’d be dead right now if it weren’t for my Dad’s quick reflexes. I hadn’t even seen that truck go the wrong direction on the bridge. “Nice driving Dad,” I said weakly.

“Thanks Son.” His hands were completely relaxed on the steering wheel. “We’re out of the woods now. It’ll be smooth sailing the rest of the way to Port Townsend.”

“Do you think?”

“I know.”

When my dad drives, he sits ramrod straight, his nose practically touching the windshield. My mom calls it driving Mormon, whatever that means. Now he eased his seat back a couple of inches. Who was this person? What was next? Was he going to crack open a beer and offer me some? Maybe he’d just let me drive.

“Uh, Dad? Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I hate to admit it, but it feels good to be back.”

“Back?”

“Yes Owen, back. I went to school here. I met your mother here. All of us, Uncle Leroy, Aunt Clara, everyone. We all went to Holliday. And I swore that you never would.”

Below is my detailed critique.  Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.

 

 

Alright, so what do you think?  Are you hooked?  What did the author do well?  What things could be improved? Agree or disagree with my crit?

 

Thanks ahead of time to everyone who comments and to the author for volunteering!

**Today's Theme Song**
"Rescue Me" - Buckcherry

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

The Power of Weather in Your Story

Photo by Moyan Brenn

Symbolism--one of the words we heard a lot in high school English class.  We were supposed to decipher the complicated messages of the authors through the symbolism they used in their stories.  Now some of it was a bit of a stretch--the hole in his shoe is supposed to represent the moral failings of the larger society and the emptiness of his soul blah blah blah.  Honestly, a lot of it was lost on me back then (and *cough* now), but some of the more straightforward symbolism devices you can use are seasons and weather.

A lot of times, we can get caught in a rut and just choose the weather and season randomly.  If left to my own devices, when I start writing a WIP it's natural for me to defer to the current season I'm in.  It's hot outside, so my mind doesn't think winter.  And then within the story (because writing setting descriptions is one of  my least favorite), they end up all being clear days because that is the assumed state.

This is a lost opportunity.  Weather and season are great ways to add another layer to your scene.  For instance, this weekend, I added a scene to my current WIP where the couple gets caught in the rain.  This scene is at a climactic moment in the story and is a turning point where each have to let go of past things in  order to move forward.  So, in this case, the drenching rain of the thunderstorm plays off both their anger at what's happened and the need for a deep, cleansing before a fresh start.

Mine was pretty straightforward, but you don't always have to go for the obvious choice.  Yes, a dark and stormy night might be a goto for the scary point of your story, but sometimes the unexpected can be more powerful.  How scary is it if the evil can touch you even under the bright sunshine?

So here are some of the general things you can use with weather and season in your setting.

• Spring: new start, beginnings, renewal, growth after being stuck, birth, hope
• Summer: happiness, relaxation after stressful time, height of life, strength, abundance
• Fall: waning life, transition from one state to another (like the leaves), preparing for something difficult
• Winter: sadness, being stuck/frozen, lacking comfort, death, hiding, or on the flipside because of Christmas--reconnecting with family/past
• Rain: cleansing, renewal, mixed emotions, depression
• Thunderstorm: anger, danger, strong emotion
• Blue Skies/Sunshine: hope, happiness, absence of trouble, purity
• No Wind  or humid: stagnant, unable to  move forward, smothering
• Windy: change, things moving too quickly to grab onto
• Snow: inner coldness, sadness, cleansing, covering the bad, a quiet calm, purity
• Blizzard: overwhelmed, trapped, helpless
• Fog: unknown, fear, confusion, foreboding danger
• Distant Storm/Heat Lightning/Clouds Rolling In: danger on the horizon
• Overcast: change coming, sadness, something is preventing reaching happiness
• Sun breaking through clouds/rainbow: hope, change, victory

These are just some I could think of.  I'd love to hear your thoughts on some other meanings for these.  Also, do you consider the weather/season when writing?  Which have you used in your stories?  Can you think of a scene in a book or movie where weather made the scene shine?

**Today's Theme Song**

"Only Happy When It Rains" - Garbage

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

The Musical Muse

This week has been a little rough.  The kidlet has had a wicked ear infection with high fever and no one has gotten much sleep.  So, I hope you won't mind this tweaked repost from August of last year...

This weekend I had the pleasure of attending Dia de los Toadies, an annual concert event for the popular Dallas band, The Toadies. If you like hard rock and have never checked them out, please do. I go to a lot of concerts and the one this weekend was one of the best I've been to. Nothing like listening to great music in the middle of the Texas wilderness (it was held on the grounds of a ranch) with a couple thousand of your closest strangers. :)

On the way home, I started thinking about how music is tied to so much of my life. Each of us has a soundtrack that matches up with certain parts of our history. The Toadies' music always reminds me of when my husband and I first got together because he was the one who introduced me to their music. No matter what, when I hear one of their songs, I feel that emotion of giddy, new love. 

The same goes for so many other times in my life. The Cranberries and Alanis Morrissette make me think of high school. New Kids remind me of my preteen years. Led Zeppelin reminds me of my stepdad, who introduced me to 70s rock. The 80s song "Rock Steady", I don't even remember who it's by, reminds me of my mom because she used to use this song when she taught aerobics (and I had to sit and watch the class--while eating cheetos and drinking a soft drink, mind you).

So music definitely is linked closely to my emotions and memories. Perhaps this is why I find it so useful when I'm writing. I rarely write in silence. I almost always have something playing while I'm working on a scene. For my YA, I listened to a lot of current music: Fall Out Boy, All-American Rejects, Secondhand Serenade, Green Day, Pink, etc. I didn't even do this on purpose, it's just what I was drawn to while trying to write in a teen voice.

And Wanderlust is about a rockstar, so I definitely was influenced on that one. I pulled out the 80s hair bands (Motley Crue, Whitesnake, Cinderella) along with some newer stuff, like Buckcherry, 30 seconds to Mars, and Hinder. It's no coincidence that my male protagonist has an uncanny resemblance to Buckcherry's lead singer Josh Todd and 30 Seconds to Mars's Jared Leto. In fact, it was a Buckcherry concert that first sparked my idea for the story. You have to admit, he is pretty um, inspiring (if you're into that whole bad boy thing). ;)

So I never underestimate the power of music.  If I get stuck or am having trouble sinking into a scene, a lot of times a little change in the playlist can help.

So how about you? Do you listen to music while writing? Have any songs influenced your stories? What singers/bands/songs do you listen to while writing?  What's your story's soundtrack?

 

**Today's Theme Song**

"Tyler" - The Toadies

(player in sidebar--go ahead, take a listen)

WIP Wednesday & Death of the Beta Club

I'm still working on the final chapter (chapters?) of my book.  *sigh*  This last love scene is giving me fits.  Don't ever let it be said that sex is easy to write--especially when so much emotion needs to be conveyed in a scene as well.  I need this one to be romantic and sweet and now-we-realize-we-were-always-meant-for-each-other.  BUT I also need it to be smoking hot for my not-so-conservative couple.

So, I will continue to work on it and I hope next week I'll be able to report to you guys that I wrote "the end".

Now, one other quick note.  Comments on the Beta Club have continued to drop off.  I'm starting to stress for the authors who volunteer because they are putting themselves out there and then only getting my feedback, which was not the point.  (Thank you, btw, to those of you who have commented.  I really appreciate it.)  So I'm going to close submissions and only continue the feature until I get through the queue of people who have already submitted.

I'm not sure if you guys just don't have time or interest in reading the excerpts and crit (which is fine) or if people are reading it and just reluctant to comment because a) I've covered the things they thought of or b) don't feel comfortable giving feedback to someone.  Either way, it seems the feature has run its course.  Thanks to the authors who have bravely submitted over the last few months. I've enjoyed reading your work. :)

So, how is your WIP going?  Are you struggling with anything in particular like me?

**Today's Theme Song**

"Lips of an Angel" - Hinder

(player in sidebar, take a listen)

The Beta Club: Keepers of the Order (Paranormal) - Agree with my crit?

 

It's Beta Club Tuesday!  Paranormal fiction is on the agenda today.  Read on and let the author know what you think!  Remember, this will be the only Beta Club of the week, so give it all you got.  ;)  

 For newbies:  If you haven't been here on beta club day yet, don't be afraid to jump in with your comments.  All feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive.  And if anyone has an itch to be critiqued, the rules for submitting to the Beta Club are under the "Free Critiques" heading at the top of the page.

 

Alright, please read through the author's excerpt, then provide your feedback in the comments.  My detailed critique is below.

Author: Shain Brown
Title: Keepers of the Order
Genre: Paranormal

Beta Readers:  She would  love extra beta readers, so drop her an email if you're interested: shainer72@gmail.com

Excerpt:
 
 
 

I could hear the waves violently crashing down on the white sand, kind of symbolic I thought. The moonlight illuminated the crushed shells like diamonds spread along the sand.  It was apparent that much of my time was being spent here. And it wasn’t for the view, but it was one of the places they frequented to hunt and to feed.

Turning my face downwind I buried my nose deep into the crook of my arm, and with each step their stench further surrounded me, turning my stomach like rancid meat of a rotting corpse. Their voices growing louder, filling my head with the deathly screams. Every night was this way for me it felt like a curse; a curse which forced me to endure my own personal torture.

No matter how long or how often I was exposed, it never dissipated. It hovered over me. No matter how much I resented the breathers deep down I desired their normalcy more than anything.

“If you are going to patrol with me, you have got to keep up.” I told him.

“I’m trying.” He said in a winded voice. Continuing up the stairs I was greeted at the top by a steel door. It was apparent the alarm was dead by the frayed wires hanging down from inside the door jam.

“Will this work?”

He handed me a steel pipe that he had lifted earlier, most likely for his own protection. With a firm grasp, I wedged it behind the lock bar and using all of my weight I leaned back. With a single jerk, the metal snapped echoing in the tiny corridor, where it fell to the floor.

Apprehensively I pushed the door open, leaning forward I eased my head slowly between the door and the jam, where the warm wind rushed my face. The darkness surrounded me as if it was swallowing me whole. As I looked up there wasn’t a single star to be seen. The eeriness continued as it covered my skin like a thick sweat slowing me down. “Stay low, and follow me.” I whispered in a forceful tone.

I took off across the roof at a blistering speed. Lucas knelt down on all fours where he low crawled along the black tar that covered the roof. All the while he worked to keep up. I headed to the base of a large billboard sign that was mounted at the front of the building. It offered a perfect place to take cover. After several minutes Lucas sat down joining me, still winded.

Lucas was my partner, and his appearance said GQ. In his early twenties, and always sporting some new fashionable hair do, which currently resembled that of an angered porcupine. He seemed to pride himself in wearing the latest style of Martin Dingman’s. Though he had money, well his family did, he never flaunted it or made anyone think he was better than they were. It was just who he was. His position in The Order had been secured long ago by his family’s lineage.

Lucas was a definite pain in my ass, but he was well educated and his multiple degrees from MIT were an asset. We sat patiently on the roof waiting. During which I couldn’t help but think, if only the humans knew what the night held, they might consider how freely and carelessly they scattered about after dark.

“Lucas, you need to get back to the car.” I whispered.

“Are they close?”

“Get going. I’ll meet you there soon.” I pulled both Glocks chambering the first round.

The pain tightened through my sides as I tried to expand my lungs, reaching for a breath. Sitting hunched over seemed to be the least painful as I worked to take in the larger breaths of air.

“Maybe I could stay? I can help.”

“Lucas you’re just not ready.” I winced in pain.

“If you don’t ever give me a chance how will you know when I am ready?”

“Don’t argue or you can stay at headquarters from now on.”

 “Soon though?”

“Soon Lucas, providing you’re ready.”

He scowled as he turned to get up.

“Give it time you are still new, you’ll have your day.”

 

 
 
 

Below is my detailed critique.  Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.

 

Alright, so what do you think?  Are you hooked?  What did the author do well?  What things could be improved? Agree or disagree with my crit?


Thanks ahead of time to every one who comments and to the author for volunteering!

**Today's Theme Song**

"Night of the Hunter"- 30 Seconds to Mars

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